Mary Had a Little...

Microscopic, they’re hard to tell one from another. Labels on tiny containers have a way of coming loose when stored at low temperature, and hand-scrawled notations can be difficult to read under the best of circumstances. Neither do color codes guarantee absence of error; not everyone who’s color-blind knows it. And, when you know what you’re looking at—or think you do—you don’t always see what’s there.

In short, it was the sort of mistake anyone could have made.

As the head was smaller than the usual human infant’s, it was an easy delivery, the only complication being what to say on the birth certificate.

Mary and her live-in partner are suing the fertility clinic.

Sensing possible theological implications—Lamb of God, plus the fortuitous name of the mother (if indeed she can thus be described)—various religious bodies weighed in with opinions, some of which conflicted with others. However, the fact of immaculate conception was not in dispute, sterilized glassware and rubber gloves having been used throughout that part of the process.

As befits, the Vatican has maintained a dignified silence.

To the impatience of some other community leaders, and the apprehension of still others, the rumor that it may be of a blackface breed have been neither confirmed nor entirely discredited. Militant feminists, however, bubbled with delight at news that this unusual birth, which they assert must be miraculous, was female.

Several local restaurants have quietly removed roast lamb from their menu, at least until the excitement dies down.

National Enquirer offered $50,000 for exclusive photographs.

Meanwhile, the sheep farmer, who is not amused, is also seeking legal representation. “Them gentlemen down at the feed store been givin’ out the hooraw,” he complains. Vehemendy he denies paternity of either newborn.

Skeptical, his wife is seeking a divorce.

The county clerk, in charge of vital records, has asked for a clarification of rules from the attorney general’s office. The county agricultural agent has similarly requested guidance from his superiors.

Bills to outlaw this and that have been introduced in both houses of the state legislature as well as in the House of Representatives in Washington. In addition, a number of senators announced that they will carefully study the matter and all its ramifications.

Citing historical precedent however, one pundit suggested politicians might prefer to have sheep among the registered voters in their districts. That is, he says, if they don’t already have them.

And while all this fussbudgetry proceeds, in the Caribeean (perhaps elsewhere, also—ask around) establishments of a more entrepreneurial nature discreetly offer their services. No questions asked. Any combination desired up, down, or sideways on the species ladder, though it’s suggested that those such as elephants, whales, and hippopotami might present interesting challenges.

Ostrich eggs? Technical aspects need work, but soon now. Real soon.