The Malevolent Comedy

Chapter One

Nicholas Bracewell had worked in the theatre for many years but he had never known a silence so complete and reverential. The hush that fell on the audience that Sunday afternoon was extraordinary. Those standing in the pit stopped munching their apples or shuffling their feet, spectators in the galleries ceased fidgeting, and pickpockets who operated in every part of the playhouse abandoned their craft momentarily lest the noise of a purse being lifted should cause a disturbance. Some people did not even dare to breathe.

A searing tragedy had reached its climax with the death of its eponymous hero, Lamberto, an Italian potentate. The silence that followed seemed to reach out beyond the walls of the theatre to embrace the whole of Shoreditch. For a full minute, the world itself stood still. Then the final speech took Lamberto to its poignant conclusion.

Our ruler brought great joy unto the state,

A single fault, enough to seal his fate.

His tragedy so stark, unkind and grim,

To love his people more than they loved him.

Before the rhyming couplets ended the play and released the audience from the unbearable tension of the closing scene, tears were flowing freely on all sides. A profoundly moving drama had touched the hearts of all who watched it. Having devoted himself to the care of his subjects, Lamberto, a benevolent monarch, betrayed by some of the very people he had served so well, sacrificed his life for his country. His nobility had been an example to all. To the sound of solemn music, he was borne away by his stricken subjects.

After such a stirring performance, it was almost sacrilegious to break the mood by resorting to something as banal as clapping and there was a collective reluctance to do so. When the first pair of hands did eventually meet in gratitude, however, others soon followed then the torrent burst forth. Everyone in the galleries rose to acclaim a triumph and Nicholas Bracewell was among them. Nobody clapped harder or with more enthusiasm. He had seen a fine play, cleverly staged and beautifully acted. Book holder for Westfield’s Men, one of London’s leading theatre companies, Nicholas was a keen judge of drama and he acknowledged without hesitation that Lamberto was unquestionably the best thing he had seen on a stage all season. It had one glaring defect.

It did not belong to Westfield’s Men, but to their deadly rivals.

‘You went to see Banbury’s Men?’ said Lawrence Firethorn with disgust. ‘How could you, Nick? Nothing on God’s earth would make me sit through a performance by that crew of mountebanks.’

‘London takes a very different view of their work. What I saw this afternoon was the ninth successive staging of Lamberto. Like today, the other performances filled the Curtain till it was fit to burst.’

‘I care not if it was the hundredth time the piece was aired. I’d sooner be stretched on the rack, and have my eyes pecked out by ravens, than watch Giles Randolph strut upon the boards. He and his company are pigmies beside Westfield’s Men.’

‘They were more than a match for us today.’

Firethorn’s anger flared. ‘What!’ he exclaimed with a voice like a wounded buffalo. ‘You dare to compare those ranting buffoons with us? You have the gall to mention the name of that vile toad, Randolph, alongside my own? Shame on you, Nick!’

‘I speak as I find,’ said Nicholas, firmly. ‘It’s folly to be blinded by naked prejudice. Giles Randolph will never eclipse you as an actor but Banbury’s Men have nevertheless put us in the shade this past week. While our audiences have dwindled, they have unleashed this new tragedy on the capital and won golden opinions from everyone.’

‘Including you, it seems.’

‘I went merely to see if reports of its excellence were true.’

‘Have you no better way of spending the Sabbath?’

‘Yes,’ retorted Nicholas, ‘the best way of all is to be on our stage at the Queen’s Head, competing with our rivals. That’s where I’d love to spend my Sunday afternoons. But we’re kept idle by edicts that prevent us playing on the Lord’s Day because we are within the city limits.’

‘A rank injustice,’ agreed Firethorn. ‘While we sit on our hands, Giles Randolph and his miserable actors can ply their trade out here in Shoreditch, free from city restraints. Both playhouses — the Curtain and the Theatre — flourish at our expense. It’s monstrous, Nick, all the more so for me, living cheek by jowl with our rivals. There’s no more devilish sound for an actor’s ears than that of thunderous applause for others.’

They were in the parlour of Firethorn’s house in Old Street, only minutes away from the theatre where Lamberto had been performed. It was impossible for the actor not to hear the lengthy ovation that it had earned. Each second had been a separate dagger through his heart. He sat down heavily in a chair and turned a melancholy eye on his visitor.

‘Did the play really deserve its plaudits?’ he asked.

‘Every one of them,’ replied Nicholas, honestly.

‘What of Randolph?’

‘Inspired. The best I’ve seen from him.’

‘That’s not saying much,’ growled Firethorn, stung by the praise of the one actor in London who could threaten his primacy. ‘The fellow is a raw beginner, still green and untried. It were an achievement for him simply to stand upright and remember his lines.’

Nicholas Bracewell showed his usual tact. His friend had suffered enough. It would be cruel to point out that Giles Randolph had given a towering performance in a remarkable new play. And the actor-manager of Westfield’s Men needed no reminding that his company had hit a difficult patch. Takings were down, audiences cool, morale among the actors low. Unable to offer a new play for several weeks, the troupe had fallen back on its stock of old dramas, many of which now looked tired and stale. Westfield’s Men were no longer leading the way in the theatre. Their supremacy was fading and Firethorn knew it only too well. His head sank to his chest.

‘Who wrote this tragedy of theirs?’ he muttered.

‘John Vavasor and Cyrus Hame.’

‘Why did they not bring it to us first?’

‘Because of the way you dealt with Master Vavasor,’ explained Nicholas. ‘When he offered you his History of Edmund Ironside, you told him your children had written better things on their slates.’

‘And so they had!’

‘That was untrue and ungenerous. The play had faults, and many of them, but there was great promise locked away inside it. Had you seen fit to encourage that promise, instead of condemning it outright, Master Vavasor’s loyalty would have been bought. Instead,’ said Nicholas, pointedly, ‘he found a co-author in Master Hame, who has lifted his art to new heights. On his own, John Vavasor was lacking but, with Cyrus Hame beside him, he’s transformed.’

Firethorn was dismissive. ‘This success of theirs is like a beam of sunlight,’ he said with contempt. ‘It dazzles for a while then vanishes forever behind the clouds. We’ll not hear of Vavasor and Hame again.’

‘Assuredly, we will.’

‘Why so, Nick?’

‘The rumour is that they have already finished a second play,’ said Nicholas, trying to break the news gently, ‘and it goes into rehearsal soon. It’s a tragedy about Pompey the Great.’

‘Never!’ howled Firethorn, leaping to his feet. ‘I am Pompey the Great. It is one of my finest achievements. I’ll not let that vulture, Giles Randolph, pick the bones of my role. I am a greater Pompey the Great than he could ever be. Send for my lawyers, Nick. This must be stopped.’

‘There’s no law to stop an author writing about Ancient Rome,’ said Nicholas, reasonably. ‘The play in which you shone was masterly, I grant you, but there have been others on the same subject. Master Vavasor and Master Hame clearly believe they can conjure a new shape out of this old material.’

‘Theft! Plagiarism! Iniquity!’

Firethorn stormed around the room as if he were Pompey the Great on receipt of bad news about a battle. He roared, cursed and made violent gestures. Pompey was one of his favourite roles. Too possessive to let anyone else take it on, he was appalled by the notion that Randolph would usurp him. It was insupportable. Stopping beside the wooden table, he thumped it so hard with a fist that the manuscript lying on it was tossed inches in the air. The sight of the fluttering pages took all the rage out of him. It was replaced by cold despair.

‘A pox on it!’ he cried, picking up the manuscript. ‘They have this wondrous Lamberto with a new-minted tragedy to follow it and what can we set against them?’ He flung the sheaf of papers down. ‘This dull and feeble comedy about a lovesick milkmaid. Pah!’

‘How to Choose a Good Wife has its merits,’ said Nicholas, defensively.

‘Enough to put before a paying audience?’

‘Edmund has written better plays, it’s true.’

‘Answer my question, Nick.’

‘Barnaby liked it.’

‘Barnaby Gill likes any play that allows him to pull faces at the audience and dance those tedious jigs of his. And what does he know about choosing a good wife?’ he added, raising a meaningful eyebrow. ‘Unless the wife in question is a pretty boy with sweet lips and a compliant body. Don’t fob me off with Barnaby’s opinion,’ he warned. ‘Give me your own. Is this play fit for performance?’

Nicholas took a deep breath. ‘No,’ he admitted. ‘Not yet, anyway.’

‘Not ever. It’s the worst thing that Edmund has ever penned.’

‘It needs a little work, that’s all.’

‘What it needs is another plot, another set of characters and another title. Most of all, Nick,’ he insisted, ‘it needs what every comedy needs and that is comic substance. There’s not a decent laugh in it from start to finish. Worse still — there’s not an indecent laugh.’

‘That’s too harsh an opinion.’

‘It’s the one that Edmund will hear when he arrives, and he’s due here any moment. I’m in no mood to spare his feelings. He’s contracted to supply us with plays of quality — not with this base, brown paper stuff.’ He gave a snort. ‘Edmund Hoode may know how to choose a wife but he’s forgotten how to write a comedy. I’ll tell him so to his face.’

Right on cue, there was a knock at the front door and they heard Firethorn’s wife, Margery, going to answer it. Nicholas glanced down at the fateful manuscript. Edmund Hoode was a close friend of his and he wanted to protect him from the actor-manager’s scorn. A man who had provided so many good plays for the company over the years deserved due consideration. Nicholas stepped forward.

‘Let me speak to him,’ he volunteered.

‘I commissioned the play,’ said Firethorn. ‘I’ll hurl it back at him.’

‘That’s what you did to Master Vavasor.’

Sobered by the reminder, the actor retreated into a sullen silence. When his wife conducted Edmund Hoode into the room, Firethorn spared him no more than a curt nod. Nicholas, by contrast, gave him a warm greeting. Margery looked on with a hospitable smile. She was a handsome woman in her thirties, still vivacious and blossoming in male company. The tall, pale, moon-faced, ever-anxious Hoode always aroused her maternal instincts. She touched his arm.

‘Can I get you anything, Edmund?’ she enquired.

‘You can get us all something strong to drink,’ said Firethorn. ‘I have a feeling that we’ll need it.’

‘Yes, Lawrence.’

‘Open that bottle of Canary wine.’

‘I will.’

Margery lifted the hem of her dress and tripped out of the room. Hoode’s eye went straight to the play that lay on the table. Before Firethorn could speak, Nicholas interrupted him.

‘Why don’t we all sit down?’ he suggested, lowering himself into a chair. The others sat opposite him. ‘How are you, Edmund?’

‘Keen to hear your opinion of the play,’ replied Hoode. ‘I know that you went to the Curtain today. How did Lamberto fare?’

‘Very well indeed.’

‘Enough of this turgid tragedy!’ protested Firethorn. ‘I’ll not have Banbury’s Men praised under my roof. The only play that concerns me is the one that lies on that table.’

‘That’s what I came to discuss,’ said Hoode. ‘I worked long and hard on How to Choose a Good Wife. When will it go into rehearsal?’

‘Never!’

‘What Lawrence means,’ said Nicholas, trying to soften the blow, ‘is that the play is not yet entirely ready to be put before an audience. It lacks your usual deft touch, Edmund.’

‘It lacks anything that might commend it,’ announced Firethorn.

Hoode was distressed. ‘You thought it that poor?’

‘Poverty itself.’

‘But not without its finer points,’ said Nicholas, keen to offer his friend some solace. ‘Barnaby was delighted with his role and I believe the scene at the fair was a small masterpiece. Taken as a whole, however, the piece does not hang together.’

‘Then it is rejected?’ said Hoode, shaken to the core.

‘For the time being, perhaps.’

‘That’s all eternity in my book,’ declared Firethorn. ‘I’d not dare to feed an audience on such a half-baked matter as that. It would stick in their throats.’ Margery came into the room with a tray. ‘This is the way to choose a good wife,’ he went on, cheerfully. ‘Follow my example. Pick a comely creature who knows when and how to satisfy your appetites.’ He patted Margery on the rump. ‘Thank you, my love.’

‘We’ve company,’ she scolded, gently. ‘Behave yourself, Lawrence.’

‘Why? Nick and Edmund know how much I adore you.’

‘Tell me about your adoration at a more seemly time.’

After handing each man a cup of wine, she went back to the kitchen. Firethorn took a long sip of his drink while Nicholas set his cup down on the table. Hoode stared bleakly into his own wine as if seeing the dregs of his career as a playwright. A pessimist at the best of times, he now sank into complete despondency. Seeing his gloom, Firethorn repented of his bluntness and felt sorry for him. Nicholas, for once, was unable to find words of comfort for his friend. It was Hoode who finally broke the awkward silence.

‘You are both right,’ he conceded, sadly. ‘You tell me nothing that I didn’t know myself when I laboured on it. How to Choose a Good Wife is a case of How to Write a Bad Play. Barnaby was pleased with his role because I gave the Clown several scenes and let him dance in each one. All that he bothered to look at were the parts in which he appeared. You, on the other hand, read the whole play and saw how shapeless it was.’

‘That can be remedied,’ said Nicholas.

‘Not by me, Nick.’

‘You have a gift for construction.’

‘Then it’s left me,’ said Hoode. ‘I’m not the man I was. My wit no longer sparks, my pen no longer flows. The well of creation has dried up.’

‘How oft have we heard you say that?’

‘This time, I mean it.’

‘You meant it when you spoke the very same words about your last play,’ Nicholas reminded him, ‘and with some justice. When you were writing A Way to Content All Women, you were struck down with such a pernicious disease that you never thought to recover. Yet, when you did, you finished the play within a week and it turned out to be the sprightliest comedy of the season. Your well has not gone dry, Edmund. You simply have to lower the bucket a little further in it.’

‘Yes,’ said Firethorn, showing some sympathy at last. ‘We love you and respect your work, Edmund. It would be cruel to offer this new play under your name and undo all your credit. Nick speaks true.’ He inflated his chest. ‘A Way to Content All Women was a triumph for me — and a sparkling comedy to boot. That was the real Edmund Hoode at work.’

‘I am merely his ghost,’ said the playwright with a sigh.

‘We put too much upon you,’ argued Nicholas. ‘You are not only obliged to provide us with a steady flow of new plays, but to keep old ones in repair, and to lend your guidance to novice authors. And if that were not enough, you also hold your own as an actor.’

‘My duties wore me down. I am posthumous.’

‘Drink up, man,’ said Firethorn. ‘Enough of this nonsense about the death of your art. All you need is a good rest. If your pen has molted, give it time to grow its feathers again.’

‘That’s sound advice,’ said Nicholas, sampling his wine.

‘Watch and pray.’

‘But what do we do meanwhile?’ asked Hoode, taking a welcome sip of his own drink. ‘Novelty is ever the life-blood of theatre. While our rivals can assuage the demand for new plays, our offerings are bent with age and covered with dust.’

‘I may have the answer to that,’ said Firethorn, reflectively.

‘Oh?’ Nicholas was very surprised. ‘It’s the first I’ve heard of it. Are you talking about a new play?’

‘A new playwright. Since we were in such straits, I took it upon myself to commission a comedy from him. Yes, yes,’ he went on, quickly, before Hoode could interrupt, ‘I know that I exceeded my powers. Before a new play is accepted, it must be read by you and Barnaby as well.’

‘And by Nick,’ said Hoode. ‘He may not be a sharer but there’s no shrewder judge of a play in the whole company. Why did you not at least take him into your confidence?’

Nicholas was disconcerted. ‘I could ask the same thing,’ he said. ‘You made no mention of this new playwright before Edmund arrived.’

‘I wanted you both to hear the news together,’ claimed Firethorn. ‘And I look to one of you to pass it on to Barnaby because I know he’ll have a tantrum when he realises that he was kept in the dark.’

‘Like the rest of us.’

‘Do not censure me, Nick. Nobody is better placed than you to know what a parlous state our finances are in. To reduce our commitments, we had to part with three hired men last week and manage without them. Desperate situations call for desperate measures.’

‘So what have you done?’ asked Hoode with unaccustomed sarcasm. ‘Written a play yourself?’

‘No,’ returned Firethorn, ‘I relied on my instinct. I met a fellow, lately come to London with an ambition to be a dramatist. Most who entertain that dream will never have it fulfilled but Hibbert is different.’

‘Hibbert?’

‘That’s his name, Edmund. Mark it well. Saul Hibbert.’

‘I’ve never heard of him,’ said Nicholas.

‘You soon will,’ prophesied Firethorn, ‘and so will all of London. He has a rare talent and we must harness it. All that he was able to show me were three acts of his comedy but they were enough to make me offer him a contract. Saul Hibbert is our man.’

‘How did you meet him?’

‘He wrote to me and asked if we would consider his work.’

‘And we would have done so,’ said Hoode, peevishly, ‘had you had the grace to ask us. This is most irregular, Lawrence. We’ve always discussed new work before and not proceeded with a commission until all three of us — Nick, too, of course — were thoroughly satisfied.’

‘I think I can guarantee satisfaction in this case.’

‘Yet you only saw three acts of the play?’ said Nicholas, worried.

‘One was enough to tell me that he is a true dramatist.’

‘And when will his comedy be finished?’

‘By the end of next week,’ said Firethorn. ‘Why these long faces?’ he went on as the others exchanged an apprehensive glance. ‘You should be rejoicing with me. I’ve found a second Edmund Hoode.’

‘The first one has not departed yet!’ yelled Hoode, indignantly.

‘A moment ago, you were talking from the grave.’

‘I’ve climbed out again.’

‘Be still, Edmund,’ said Nicholas with a calming gesture. ‘These tidings may yet lead to our salvation. If this fellow can furnish us with a new play, we should bid him welcome to the company. He’s no threat to your position,’ he emphasised. ‘There’s only one Edmund Hoode.’

‘Lawrence would do well to remember that.’

‘It’s graven on my heart,’ said Firethorn, a hand on his chest.

‘I’ve a play or two left in me yet.’

‘A dozen, at least,’ said Nicholas, delighted to hear the pride in Hoode’s voice. ‘Rest awhile and the words will come teeming out of you. In the meantime,’ he added, turning to Firethorn, ‘it seems that we have to take Saul Hibbert on trust. What is his comedy called?’

Firethorn opened his mouth to reply but, before he could speak, there was a pounding on the front door that made all three of them look in the direction of it. The knocking continued until Margery opened the door. After a brief conversation, she ushered the visitor into the parlour.

‘This is Master Hibbert,’ she said, clearly impressed by the newcomer. ‘He claims that he has urgent business with you, Lawrence.’

Firethorn was on his feet. ‘Why, so he has!’ he confirmed. ‘Come in, Saul. Come in, come in.’

Though he gave a smile of thanks, Saul Hibbert preferred to stay framed in the doorway where he had struck a pose. Tall, slim and flamboyantly attired, he had a natural elegance that would make him stand out in a crowd. He also had an actor’s assurance and charm. Seeing that Margery wished to leave, he stood back and gave her an elaborate bow. With a little giggle, she went past him. Hibbert came into the room to be introduced to the others.

Hoode was slightly unnerved to see that the man who had been compared to him was ten years younger and twenty times more good-looking. Nicholas’s first impression was that Hibbert was too fond of outward show but he reserved his judgement on his character. Beaming at Firethorn, the newcomer thrust a sheaf of papers into his hand.

‘Finished at last!’ he boasted.

‘But your play was not due for another week,’ said Firethorn.

‘I was enjoying the act of creation so much that I could not break off. I’ve worked night and day to complete it.’

‘That’s heartening news!’

‘It is, indeed,’ said Nicholas. ‘Tell me, Master Hibbert, is this the first play you have written?’

‘No, Nick,’ replied the other, familiarly, ‘it’s the third. One was performed at Norwich and the second at Oxford.’

Hoode was suspicious. ‘Oxford. You’re a University man, then?’

‘I am, Edmund. I started my learning in the gutter and took my degree in the university of life. Oxford?’ he said with a sneer. ‘Why waste time in a cap and gown that could be better spent elsewhere?’

‘Quite so,’ said Firethorn, starting to read the first page.

‘I have enough Latin to get by and enough Greek to show that I have a gift for languages. On my travels, I’ve also picked up a tidy amount of German, French and Italian. The necessities of courtship, you might say.’ Firethorn let out a guffaw. ‘Ah, you’re reading the scene in the apothecary’s shop?’

‘Reading it and loving it,’ said Firethorn, turning to a new page.

‘Welcome to the company, Master Hibbert,’ said Nicholas.

‘We’re delighted to have you,’ added Hoode, guardedly.

‘You certainly need me,’ said Hibbert, tossing back his long, wavy black hair. ‘When I saw you perform last week, I could not believe how much Westfield’s Men had declined since my last visit to London. The play was billed as a comedy but it did not raise a smile from me. Whoever thought that such a tame piece could be offered as entertainment?’

‘Which play did you see?’

‘A Way to Content All Women.’

Hoode gurgled as he realised that his own work was being vilified. His discomfort was intensified by another burst of laughter from Firethorn. While Hoode was being ridiculed, Hibbert was being lauded. Nicholas came to his friend’s defence.

‘You may not have smiled, Master Hibbert,’ he said, ‘but the rest of the audience was shaking with mirth for the whole two hours.’

‘It shows how easily pleased the fools were.’

‘Include me in their folly. I admire the play immensely.’

‘Thank you, Nick,’ said Hoode.

Firethorn waved the manuscript. ‘Wait until you read this,’ he said, grinning broadly. ‘It’s the very essence of wit.’

‘I’ll leave you to relish it,’ decided Hibbert, putting his hat on at a rakish angle. ‘When you have read it through, I’ll hold you to your contract. Send my fee to the Queen’s Head. I lodge there at the moment.’ He gave another bow. ‘Gentlemen, it was a pleasure to meet you. Together, I am sure, we can lift Westfield’s Men above the mundane.’

He swept from the room and let himself out of the house.

‘Above the mundane!’ echoed Hoode, puce with anger. ‘Did you hear what he said about A Way to Content All Women? It was insulting.’

‘He’s entitled to his opinion,’ said Firethorn, tolerantly.

‘But not to express it so rudely before the author,’ said Nicholas.

‘Saul meant no harm.’

‘It was felt, nevertheless,’ said Hoode.

‘Read his play and you’ll forgive him everything.’

‘I doubt that, Lawrence. I found him boorish and arrogant.’

‘He has the confidence of his genius, that’s all.’

‘And what has that genius actually produced?’ asked Hoode, waspishly. ‘Does this hilarious new play of his have a name?’

‘Of course. It’s called The Malevolent Comedy.’

‘An apt title for such an author,’ observed Nicholas, drily.