On the left hand is a demon, and on the right hand is an angel. Слева – бес, а справа – ангел.

On the left hand is a demon, and on the right hand is an angel.

Love yourself, ignore the rest.

And put your ego to the test!

Cartoon «Little Devil No. 13»

Did you know that every person is born with a guardian angel on the right side and a demon on the left? The former helps them on their path to light and goodness, while the latter whispers in their ear, pushing them to commit unseemly acts. In fact, the angel is not always around. Angels are few, and each has more than one charge, the number of which depends on the guardian’s rank. There are countless numbers of demons. How the former emerges is a mystery, so I won’t reveal it to you, and the conveyor belt production of the latter is merely the result of disordered relationships not cemented by love.

And so, somewhere in the depths of Hell, a little demon was born. They say his mother was a common imp who accidentally fell under the 'jade joystick' of his father, a high-level incubus. Imps and demons are by nature individualists, as the Anti-Bible says: «Love yourself more than those who begot you and those begotten by you.»

As soon as the imp could stand on its hind legs and no longer flopped so often, kicking the base of its long, fluffy tail, its mother handed over its burdensome child to a special children’s institution at the First Circle of Hell and promptly forgot about its existence. There, the imp received the name LHD-6-13-6-13-6-13-999999999, which would determine its future fate. The acronym stood for «little half-incubus demon,» a series of numbers sacred to the inhabitants of the Underworld, indicating his father’s high status, easily read in the child’s aura. The imp’s serial number was simply a stroke of luck.

That was where his luck ended. No one was going to make any concessions to him.

The educational institution for the upbringing and training of future enemies of humanity was more like a hybrid of a prison and a military academy. Nine-Nines, or NiNi, as we’ll call him for short, learned from his first moments there the cardinal laws: «Obey those of higher rank and oppress those of lower rank» and «Among equals, the one who is stronger is higher.»

His father’s blood sealed his fate. NiNi followed the path of a sexual seducer, but, like the others, he started from scratch, that is, with «Sabotage.» The older he got, the more subjects he had to study, not to mention physical training. A demon must be strong, fast, agile, unscrupulous, cunning, smart, have a good command of his dark power, and also know the anatomy, psychology, and energy structure of humans and similar races—the «crowns of creation» of the Creator.

Among his peers, our little demon was in the golden mean, having adopted a personalized adaptation of one of the tenets of the teachings of a certain Buddha, revered in one of the human worlds. He tried to avoid confrontation, measuring his strength against that of his opponent. And only when he felt certain he could win would he take a risk.

More often than not, this risk paid off and bore fruit, but if not, the little demon remained undaunted and conceded victory to his opponent. For a time. All this time, he studied and sought out his opponent’s weaknesses. Having found them, he challenged them and subdued them.

Puberty was marked by the emergence of more than just a constant attraction to the opposite sex. He was also constantly tormented by hunger, which persisted even after eating the usual fare of physical pain and the moral torment of sinners.

And so, when his training was complete, and the young demon passed his exam with a fairly high score, the time came to receive his first assignment and his first charge.

***

«Just a little more! Push! The head’s already emerged,» the elderly midwife encouraged the young woman, exhausted by the long labor.

Finally, the infant’s triumphant cry rang out, announcing its arrival to the entire world.

«A boy!» the midwife exclaimed, looking at the bloody little body with its wrinkled, reddish skin. «How cute!»

«Cute—that’s good. Cute is just what I need.» The demon scanned the baby’s soul. «Hmm… blank slate.» «Too pure.» Only a few dark karmic knots from the past pleased the young demon with their slimy inclusions in the serene whiteness of this soul. But he couldn’t blame anyone for his failure. The graduate’s first ward was determined by lottery, that is, by the child’s birth order. And here he was. All that remained was to meet his guardian angel. For some reason, he was delayed.

«Are you here yet?» NiNi heard a ringing voice, having felt the unpleasant burning sensation of angelic light a moment before, and he squinted to avoid going blind from the unfamiliarity.

A blond, blue-eyed creature appeared next to the baby and began to watch with curiosity as he was washed, dried, weighed, and a tag with his mother’s name was attached to his little hand. The angel touched the child’s forehead with his fingertips, leaving a bright beacon mark, glanced at the antagonist, and vanished, as if he had never existed.

The demon’s lips stretched into a crooked, careless smile. Before the Light One could, he managed to touch his charge with a dark finger with a strong, well-groomed claw where a little appendage—the future pride of any man.

«Don’t be late! We’ll see who wins,» the Underworld agent thought with glee, even though the guardian angel was level two, while he was only level one…