The Golden Goose

Cast of characters

PRINCESS — Her unusual pride indicated that she was sired on the wrong side of the royal bedsheet, but her bar sinister faded quickly

UNCLE SLATER — He didn’t come and go as easily as the money he inherited from his wife — the only luck he’d had since he first struck it poor—

AUNT LALLIE — Vague and ill-meaning, she tried to hatch the golden goose eggs prematurely

BROTHER BRADY — The weakest of sisters despite his physique and libido — no one knew what held his body up since the Creator had evidently omitted his backbone

COUSIN PEET — An enchanting exhibitionist who is full of beans, but manages never to spill them

COUSIN TWIG — A warped mind in a warped body, he proves that a tomcat can look at a princess

MRS. DOLAN — Due to foul play, her dinner and employer turned cold while she watched warmed-over TV

DR. HORACE APPLETON — An elderly curmudgeon who keeps his own eyes open and prefers the eyes of a peaceful corpse closed

COLEY COLLINS — A charming rapscallion who can shake up the Princess quicker than a cocktail

SHERM GRUNDY — A plainclothesman under the sway of the Princess’ sceptre and her uncle’s spectre, he considers the murder a lese majesty

BOATNER — Grundy’s partner, saying nothing and doing nothing, almost, as it were, being nothing

SELWYN FISH — A shyster lawyer who has swum beyond his depth; as far as Aunt Lallie is concerned, it is Fish or cut bait

ORVILLE FREE — A pharmacist whose facial and vocal expressions are measured as meticulously as his prescriptions

WINSTON WHITFIELD — This old-young man-boy charms snakes and snakes-in-the-grass, and that’s about all