The Names

The Island
1

For a long time I stayed away from the Acropolis. It daunted me, that somber rock. I preferred to wander in the modern city, imperfect, blaring. The weight and moment of those worked stones promised to make the business of seeing them a complicated one. So much converges there. It's what we've rescued from the madness. Beauty, dignity, order, proportion. There are obligations attached to such a visit.Then there was the question of its renown. I saw myself climbing the rough streets of the Plaka, past the discos, the handbag shops, the rows of bamboo chairs. Slowly, out of every bending lane, in waves of color and sound, came tourists in striped sneakers, fanning themselves with postcards, the philhellenes, laboring uphill, vastly unhappy, mingling in one unbroken line up to the monumental gateway.What ambiguity there is in exalted things. We despise them a little.I kept putting off a visit. The ruins stood above the hissing traffic like some monument to doomed expectations. I'd turn a corner, adjusting my stride among jostling shoppers, there it was, the tanned marble riding its mass of limestone arid schist. I'd dodge a packed bus, there it was, at the edge of my field of vision.One night (as we enter narrative time) I was driving with friends back to Athens after a loud dinner in Piraeus and we were lost in some featureless zone when I made a sharp turn into a one-way street, the wrong way, and there it was again, directly ahead, the Parthenon, floodlit for an event, some holiday or just the summer sound-and-light, floating in the dark, a white fire of such clarity and precision I was startled into braking too fast, sending people into the dashboard, the backs of seats.We sat there a moment, considering this vision. It was a street in decline, closed shops and demolition, but the buildings at the far end framed the temple perfectly. Someone in the back seat said something, then a car came toward us, horn blowing. The driver stuck an arm out the window to gesture. Then his head appeared, he started shouting. The structure hung above us like a star lamp. I gazed a moment longer and backed out of the street.I asked Ann Maitland, who sat alongside, what the man had called me."Masturbator. It's standard. A Greek will never say anything he hasn't already said a thousand times.”Her husband Charles reprimanded me for not knowing the word. To Charles it was a mark of one's respect for other cultures to know the local terms of abuse and the words for sex acts and natural wastes.We three were in the front seat. Behind were David Keller and his new young wife Lindsay and a man named Stock, a Swiss or Austrian located in Beirut, here to do business with David.There was always someone at dinner who was in town to do business with one of the regulars. They tended to be heavyset men, these guests, northern, raw. Eager faces, strong accents. They drank too much and left in the morning.With Ann's help I worked out our location and headed toward the Caravel, where Stock was staying."Isn't it awful?" Lindsay said. "I haven't been to the Acropolis. Two and a half months, is it, David?”"Shut up. They'll think you're an idiot.”"I'm waiting for my curtains.”I told her she wasn't the only one who hadn't been there and tried to explain why I'd been slow to make the pilgrimage.Charles Maitland said, "The thing is there, isn't it? Climb the hill. Unless it's some sort of perverse celebrity you're angling for. The man who turns his back to the peerless summit.”"Is that a trace of envy I hear? Grudging admiration?”"Climb the hill, James. The thing is right there. It looms. It's close enough to knock you sideways.”He had a way of feigning gruff impatience. It was a role he found himself comfortable in, being the eldest among us."That's just it," I said. "That's the point.”"What do you mean?" Ann said."It looms. It's so powerfully there. It almost forces us to ignore it. Or at least to resist it. We have our self-importance. We also have our inadequacy. The former is a desperate invention of the latter.”"I didn't know you were so deep," she said."I'm not normally.”"You've clearly studied the matter.”"The bloody thing has been there for millennia," Charles said. "Climb the hill, have your look and then descend at an even pace, step by step, placing one foot ahead of the other.”"Is it really that easy?”I was beginning to enjoy myself."I think you ought to grow a beard or shave your head," Ann said. "We need a physical demonstration of your commitment to these deep ideas. I'm not sure you're altogether serious. Give us something to believe in. A shaved head would do wonders for this group.”I drove past a sidewalk full of parked cars."We need a Japanese monk," she said to Charles, as if this were an answer they'd been seeking."Shave your head," Charles told me wearily."This is why your car is too small for six," Ann said. "It's Japanese. Why didn't we take two cars? Or three?”David Keller, a husky blond Nebraskan of forty or so, said to me earnestly, "Jim, I think what our friends are trying to point out to you, boy, is that you're a fool, running a fool's errand, in a fool's world.”"You drive, David. You're too drunk to talk. Lindsay knows what I mean.”"You don't want to climb it because it's there," she said."Lindsay cuts to the heart of things.”"If it weren't there, you'd climb it.”"This woman has a gift," I said."We met on a plane," David said. "Somewhere over the ocean. Middle of the night. Local time." He was drawing everything out. "She looked so great. In her Pan Am flight socks. You just wanted to hug her, you know? Like an elf. Her hair kind of delectably frazzled. You wanted to give her a brownie and a glass of milk.”When I pulled up at the Caravel we realized Stock was asleep. We got him out easily enough. Then I dropped the others and went home.I was living in a residential area that curls around the lower slopes of Lycabettus Hill. Most of the people I knew were here or nearby. The deep terraces spill over with lantana and jasmine, the views are panoramic, the cafes full of talk and smoke into the early hours. Americans used to come to places like this to write and paint and study, to find deeper textures. Now we do business.I poured myself some soda water and sat outside awhile. From the terrace the city stretched to the gulf in smoky vales and rises, a seamless concrete village. Rare nights, for whatever atmospheric reasons, you could hear planes taking off down by the water. The sound was mysterious, full of anxious gatherings, a charged rumble that seemed a long time in defining itself as something besides a derangement of nature, some onrushing nameless event.The phone rang twice, then stopped.I flew a lot, of course. We all did. We were a subculture, business people in transit, growing old in planes and airports. We were versed in percentages, safety records, in the humor of flaming death. We knew which airline's food would double you up, which routes connected well. We knew the various aircraft and their configurations and measured this against the distances we were flying. We could distinguish between bad-weather categories and relate them to the guidance system of the plane we were on. We knew which airports were efficient, which were experiments in timelessness or mob rule; which had radar, which didn't; which might be filled with pilgrims making the hadj. Open seating never caught us by surprise and we were quick to identify our luggage on the runway where that was the practice and we didn't exchange wild looks when the oxygen masks dropped during touchdown. We advised each other on which remote cities were well maintained, which were notable for wild dogs running in packs at night, snipers in the business district at high noon. We told each other where you had to sign a legal document to get a drink, where you couldn't eat meat on Wednesdays and Thursdays, where you had to sidestep a man with a cobra when you left your hotel. We knew where martial law was in force, where body searches were made, where they engaged in systematic torture, or fired assault rifles into the air at weddings, or abducted and ransomed executives. This was the humor of personal humiliation."It is like the Empire," said Charles Maitland more than once. "Opportunity, adventure, sunsets, dusty death.”Along some northern coast at sundown a beaten gold light is waterborne, sweeping across lakes and tracing zigzag rivers to the sea, and we know we're in transit again, half numb to the secluded beauty down there, the slate land we're leaving behind, the peneplain, to cross these rainbands in deep night. This is time totally lost to us. We don't remember it. We take no sense impressions with us, no voices, none of the windy blast of aircraft on the tarmac, or the white noise of flight, or the hours waiting. Nothing sticks to us but smoke in our hair and clothes. It is dead time. It never happened until it happens again. Then it never happened.

I took a boat in two stages to Kouros, an obscure island in the Cycladic group. My wife and son lived there in a small white house with geraniums in olive oil cans on the roof edge and no hot water. It was perfect. Kathryn was writing reports on the excavation at the south end of the island. Our boy, who was nine, was working on a novel. Everyone is writing away. Everyone is scribbling.When I got there the house was empty. Nothing moved in the streets. It was a hundred degrees, four o'clock, relentless light. I crouched on the roof, hands clasped above my eyes. The village was a model of irregular geometry, the huddled uphill arrangement of whitelime boxes, the street mazes and archways, small churches with blue talc domes. Laundry hung in the walled gardens, always this sense of realized space, common objects, domestic life going on in that sculpted hush. Stairways bent around houses, disappearing.It was a sea chamber raised to the day, to the detailing light, a textured pigment on the hills. There was something artless and trusting in the place despite the street meanders, the narrow turns and ravels. Striped flagpoles and aired-out rugs, houses joined by closed wooden balconies, plants in battered cans, a willingness to share the oddments of some gathering-up. Passageways captured the eye with one touch, a sea green door, a handrail varnished to a nautical gloss. A heart barely beating in the summer heat, and always the climb, the small birds in cages, the framed approaches to nowhere. Doorways were paved with pebble mosaics, the terrace stones were outlined in white.The door was open. I went inside to wait. She'd added a rush mat. Tap's writing table was covered with lined sheets. It was my second visit to the house and I realized I was scrutinizing the place, something I'd done the first time as well. Was it possible to find in the simple furniture, in the spaces between the faded walls, something about my wife and son that had been hidden from me during our life together in California, Vermont and Ontario?We make you wonder if you are the outsider in this group.The meltemi started blowing, the nagging summer wind. I stood by the window, waiting for them to appear. White water flashed outside the bay. Cats slipped out of hidden places in the rough walls and moved stretching into alleyways. The first of the air booms came rolling across the afternoon, waves from some distant violence, making the floor tremble slightly, window frames creak, causing plaster dust to trickle between abutting walls with an anxious whispering sound. Men were using dynamite to fish.Shadows of empty chairs in the main square. A motorcycle droning in the hills. The light was surgical, it was binding. It fixed the scene before me as a moment in a dream. All is foreground, wordless and bright.They arrived from the site on a motor scooter. Kathryn had a bandanna around her head and wore a tank top over baggy fatigue pants. It was in its way a kind of gritty high fashion. Tap saw me at the window and ran back to tell his mother, who didn't quite catch herself from looking up. She left the scooter at the edge of a stepped street and they came up toward the house single file."I stole some yogurt," I said."So. Look who's here.”"I'll pay you back a little at a time. What are you up to, Tap? Helping your mom revise the entire history of the ancient world?”I grabbed him under the arms and lifted him to eye level, making a noise that exaggerated the strain involved. I was always making lionlike noises, rough-housing with my kid. He gave me one of his tricky half smiles and then put his hands squarely on my shoulders and said in his small monotone, "We had a bet when you would come. Five drachmas.”"I tried to call the hotel, tried to call the restaurant, couldn't get through.”"I lost," he said.I gave him a sideways toss and put him down. Kathryn went inside to heat pots of water that she would add to their baths."I liked the pages you sent. But your concentration fell off once or twice. Your hero went out in a blizzard wearing his rubbery Ingersoll.”"What's wrong with that? It was the heaviest thing he had.That was the point.”"I think you meant Mackintosh. He went out in a blizzard wearing his rubbery Mackintosh.”"I thought a Mackintosh was a boot. He wouldn't go out with one Mackintosh. He'd wear Mackintoshes.”"He'd wear Wellingtons. A Wellington is a boot.”"Then what's a Mackintosh?”"A raincoat.”"A raincoat. Then what's an Ingersoll?”"A watch.”"A watch," he said, and I could see him store these names and the objects they belonged to, for safekeeping."Your characters are good. I'm learning things I didn't know.”"Can I tell you what Owen says about character?”"Of course you can tell me. You don't have to ask permission, Tap.”"We're not sure you like him.”"Don't be cute.”He bobbed his head like a senile man in the street having a silent argument with himself. In his miscellany of gestures and expressions, this one meant he was feeling a little sheepish."Come on," I said. "Tell me.”"Owen says 'character' comes from a Greek word. It means 'to brand or to sharpen.' Or 'pointed stake' if it's a noun.”"An engraving instrument or branding instrument.”"That's right," he said."This is probably because 'character' in English not only means someone in a story but a mark or symbol.”"Like a letter of the alphabet.”"Owen pointed that out, did he? Thanks a lot, Owen.”Tap laughed at my tone of pre-empted father."You know something?" I said. "You're beginning to look a little Greek.”"No, I'm not.”"Do you smoke yet?”He decided he liked this idea and made smoking gestures and talking gestures. He spoke a few sentences in Ob, a coded jargon he'd learned from Kathryn. She and her sisters spoke Ob as children and now Tap used it as a kind of substitute Greek or counter-Greek.Kathryn came out with two handfuls of pistachio nuts for us. Tap cupped his hands and she let one set slowly run out, raising her fist to lengthen the spill. We watched him smile as the nuts clicked into his hands.Tap and I sat cross-legged on the roof. Narrow streets ran down to the square, where men sat against the walls of buildings, under the Turkish balconies, looking wine-stained in the setting sun.We ate our nuts, putting the shell remnants in my breast pocket. Above the far curve of the village was a ruined windmill. The terrain was rocky, dropping steeply to the sea. A woman stepped laughing from a rowboat, turning to watch it rock. The broad motion made her laugh again. There was a boy eating bread at the oars.We watched a deliveryman, powdered white, carry flour sacks on his head into the bakery. He had an empty sack folded over the top of his head to keep flour out of his hair and eyes and he looked like a hunter of white tigers, wearing the skins. The wind was still blowing.I sat inside with Kathryn while the boy took his bath. She kept the room dark, drinking a beer, still in her tank top, the bandanna loose around her neck now."So. How's the job coming? Where have you been spending time?”"Turkey," I said. "Pakistan now and then.”"I'd like to meet Rowser sometime. No, I wouldn't.”"You'd hate him but in a healthy way. He'd add years to your life. He has a new thing. It's a briefcase. Looks and feels like a briefcase. Except it has a recording device, a device that detects other recording devices, a burglar alarm, a Mace-spraying device and a hidden tracing transmitter, whatever that is.”"Do you hate him in a healthy way?”"I don't hate him at all. Why should I hate him? He gave me the job. The job pays well. And I get to see my family. How would I get to see my little expatriate family if it weren't for Rowser and his job and his risk assessments?”"Is he adding years to your life?”"I enjoy it. It's an interesting part of the world. I feel I'm involved in events. Sure, sometimes I see it from a different perspective. Yours, of course. It's just insurance. It's the world's biggest, richest companies protecting their investments.”"Is that my perspective?”"Don't I know what you hate by this time?”"There ought to be something higher than the corporation. That's all.”"There's the orgasm.”"You've had a long tiring trip." She drank from the bottle. "I think I distrust the idea of investing, somehow, more than corporations themselves. I keep saying 'somehow.' Tap catches me at it. There's something secret and guilty about investing. Is that a foolish thing to believe? It's the wrong use of the future.”"That's why they use small print to list stock prices.”"Secret and guilty. How's your Greek?”"Terrible. I leave the country for three days and forget everything. I know the numbers.”"Numbers are good," she said. "They're the best place to start.”"At dinner the other night I asked for chicken shit instead of grilled chicken. I got the accent wrong so the waiter didn't know what I was saying anyway.”"How did you know you said chicken shit?”"The Maitlands were there. Charles pounced. Are we having dinner?”"We'll go to the quay. Did you get a room?”"There's always a room for me. They fire the cannon when they see my boat rounding the point.”She passed the bottle across to me. She looked tired from her work at the excavation, physically beat, her hands full of marks and cuts, but she was also charged by it, bright with it, giving off static. There must be a type of weariness that seems a blessing of the earth. In Kathryn's case it was literally the earth she was combing so scrupulously for fire marks and artifacts. I saw nothing in it myself.Her hair was trimmed to the nape and she was brown and a little leathery, wind-seared around the eyes. A lean woman, small-hipped, agile and light in her movements. There was a practicality about her body. She was built to a purpose, one of those padders through rooms, barefoot, in swishing corduroys. She liked to sprawl over furniture, arms dangling, legs stretched across a coffee table. She had a slightly elongated face, sinewy legs, quick deft hands. Old photographs of Kathryn with her father and her sisters showed a directness that caught the camera, engaged it fully. You felt this was a girl who took the world seriously. She expected it to be honest and was determined to be equal to its difficulties and testing times. She gave an unbalancing force and candor to the pictures, especially since her father and sisters customarily wore expressions that were studies in Canadian reserve, except when the old man was soused.Greece, I believed, would be her shaping environment, a place where she might carry on the singleminded struggle she'd always thought life was supposed to be. I mean the word "struggle" as an undertaking, a strenuous personal engagement."I'd like to take Tap to the Peloponnese with me," I said. "He'll love the place. It's haunted. All those fortified heights, the mist, the wind.”"He's been to Mycenae.”"He hasn't been to Mistra, has he? Or down to the Mani. Or to Nestor's palace. Honest-hearted Nestor.”"No.”"He hasn't been to sandy Pylos, has he?”"Relax, James, would you.”"Come September, what happens? I think we ought to know where he's going to school. We ought to be making arrangements right now. When do you stop digging? Where do you plan to spend the winter?”"I don't have plans. We'll see.”"What have you found here anyway?”"Some walls. A cistern.”"Were the Minoans as bright and gay as we're led to believe? What have you found besides walls?”"It was a small settlement. Some of it's under water. The sea's risen since then.”"The sea's risen. No frescoes?”"Not a one.”"What pickups? Coins, daggers?”"Storage jars.”"Intact?”"Fragments.”"Big jars? Big as the ones at Knossos?”"Not nearly," she said."No frescoes, no silver-inlaid daggers, tiny broken pots. Are the pots unpainted?”"Painted.”"Dumb luck," I said.She grabbed the bottle and drank, partly to conceal traces of amusement. Tap came in, a little shiny after his bath."We have a brand new kid," she said. "I'd better hurry and take my bath so we can feed him.”"If we don't feed him, he'll blow away in this wind.”"That's right. He needs ballast. Do you think he knows what ballast is?”"He's writing a prairie epic, not a sea epic, but I think he knows anyway. Five drachmas says he knows.”He turned on a light. I'd arrived expecting him to be changed in appearance. He'd always seemed vaguely delicate to me, small-boned. I thought the open life would transform him physically. There might be something of the wild boy about him. The sun and wind would crack his skin a little, mark up the tidy surface. This unpremeditated life of theirs would break him out of his containment, I thought. But he looked about the same. A little darker, that was all.The essential Thomas Axton now stood before me. Arms crossed on his chest, left foot forward, he spoke in his uninflected manner about ballast in ships. He seemed to be speaking through a hollow stalk. It was the perfect voice for Ob.When Kathryn was ready we walked down to the harborfront. This wasn't an island abandoned to tourism. It was hard to get to, had one shabby hotel and a few rocky beaches, the best of them inaccessible except by boat. Even in midsummer there were only a couple of orange backpacks propped against the fountain, no wandering shoppers or places to shop. We would eat in one of the two identical restaurants. The waiter would spread the paper covering and drop utensils and bread onto the table. He would bring out grilled meat or fish and a country salad and some wine and a soft drink. Cats would appear under the chairs. The wind would shake the canopy and we would tuck the paper covering under the elastic band beneath the table top. A plastic ashtray, toothpicks in a glass.She preferred satisfactions that were basic. This was Greece to her, the burning wind, and she was loyal to the place and the idea. At the site she worked with trowels, root clippers, dental picks, tweezers, whatever else they used to move dirt and extract objects. Inches a day. Days the same. Stooped in her five-foot trench. At night she wrote reports, made charts, mapped out the soil changes and heated water for her bath and Tap's.She'd started out washing clothes for the dig director and fieldworkers. She also prepared lunch from time to time and helped clean the house where most of the staff lived. After budget cuts and defections, the director, Owen Brademas, gave her a trench. That's the kind of operation it was. The director wore bathing trunks and played the recorder.This was her first dig. She had no experience and no degree and was paid nothing. After we split up she'd read the details of this excavation in something called a fieldwork opportunities bulletin. Volunteers accepted. Travel and lodging paid by individual. Field gear provided.It was interesting to see, back then, how progressively certain she became that this was the future. Other jobs she'd had, good ones, jobs she liked, never took hold so powerfully, the way this mere prospect took hold. The event gathered force. I began to understand it wasn't just a reaction to our separating and I didn't know how to take this. It's almost comic, the number of ways in which people can find themselves diminished.Against my lassitude she operated at peak levels. Sold things, gave things away, stored things in people's garages. It had struck her with the pure light of a major saint's vision. She would sift dirt on an island in the Aegean.She started learning Greek. She ordered tapes, bought dictionaries, found a teacher. She went through a couple of dozen books on archaeology. Her study and planning were carried on in a fusion of anticipation and controlled rage. The latter had its source in my own living person. Every day made her more certain of my various failings. I compiled a mental list, which I often recited aloud to her, asking how accurate it was in reflecting her grievances. This was my chief weapon of the period. She hated the feeling that someone knew her mind.1. Self-satisfied.2.Uncommitted.3.Willing to settle.4.Willing to sit and stare, conserving yourself for some end-of-life event, like God's face or the squaring of the circle.$. You like to advertise yourself as refreshingly sane and healthy in a world of driven neurotics. You make a major production of being undriven.6.You pretend.7.You pretend not to understand other people 's motives.8.You pretend to be even-tempered. You feel it gives you a moral and intellectual advantage. You are always looking for an advantage.9. You don V see anything beyond your own modest contentment. We all live on the ocean swell of your well-being. Everything else is trivial and distracting, or monumental and distracting, and only an unsporting wife or child would lodge a protest against your teensy-weensy happiness.10. You think being a husband and father is a form of Hitlerism and you shrink from it. Authority makes you uneasy, doesn't it? You draw back from anything that resembles an official capacity.11. You don't allow yourself the full pleasure of things.12. You keep studying your son for clues to your own nature.13. You admire your wife too much and talk about it too much. Admiration is your public stance, a form of self-protection if I read it correctly.14. Gratified by your own feelings of jealousy, 15. Politically neuter.16.Eager to believe the worst.17.You will defer to others, you will be acutely sensitive to the feelings of strangers, but you will contrive to misunderstand your family. We make you wonder if you are the outsider in this group.18.You have trouble sleeping, an attempt to gain my sympathy, 19. You sneeze in books.20.You have an eye for your friends'wives. Your wife's friends. Somewhat speculative, somewhat detached.21.You go to extremes to keep your small mean feelings hidden. Only in arguments do they appear. Completing your revenge. Hiding it even from yourself at times. Not willing to be seen taking your small mean everyday revenge on me, which, granted, I have sometimes abundantly earned. Pretending your revenge is a misinterpretation on my part, a misunderstanding, some kind of accident.22.You contain your love. You feel it but don't like to show it. When you do show it, it's the result of some long drawn-out decision-making process, isn 't it, you bastard.23.Nurser of small hurts.24.Whiskey sipper.25.Under achiever.26.Reluctant adulterer.27.American.

We came to refer to these as the 27 Depravities, like some reckoning of hollow-cheeked church theologians. Since then I've sometimes had to remind myself it was my list, not hers. I think it was a fair analysis of her complaints and I took a self-destructive pleasure in calling out the accusations as if from her own unforgiving heart. Such was my mood those days. I was trying to involve her in my failings, make her see how she exaggerated routine lapses, make her appear shrewish to herself, the bitch of legend.Every day I'd recite a few entries, go into deep meditation, working up new ones, polishing old, and then come back at her with the results. For aggravating effect I'd sometimes use a female voice. It was a week-long operation. Most of the items brought silence. Some made her laugh sarcastically. I had to learn that people who try to be perceptive about themselves are taken for self-hectoring fools, although it's more accurate to say I was trying to be perceptive about her. The oral delivery was a devotional exercise, an attempt to understand through repetition. I wanted to get inside her, see myself through her, learn the things she knew. Thus Kathryn's cutting laughter. "Is this what I'm supposed to think of you? Is this the picture I have in my mind? A masterpiece of evasion. This is what you've compiled.”What a funhouse mirror is love.By the end of the week I was using a vibrant liturgical voice, sending it toward the distant ceiling of our renovated Victorian house in Toronto's east end. I sat on the striped sofa in the living room, watching her separate her books from mine (bound for different garages), and I stopped reciting long enough to ask casually, by the way, "What would happen if I followed?”Now, six thousand miles from that cobblestone street, the family sits down to dinner. Ten octopus carcasses hang over a clothesline near our table. Kathryn goes into the kitchen to exchange greetings with the owner and his wife and to look at the heated trays, the meat and vegetables lurking beneath oil slicks.A man standing near the edge of the quay lifts his cane to waggle a warning at some children playing nearby. Tap would use this detail in his novel.