A Dedicated Man

FIVE

Penny was at the stove roasting spices for a curry when Barker made his way down the narrow stairs.

‘So, the sleeper awakes,’ she greeted him.

‘What time is it?’

‘Seven o’clock.’

‘At night?’

‘Yes. It’s still the same day. Hungry? I shouldn’t think so, with a hangover like you must have. Anyway, I’m making a curry. Take it or leave it.’

‘Your generosity and grace overwhelm me,’ Barker said. ‘As a matter of fact, I don’t feel too bad. I’ve just got a hell of a headache.’

‘Aspirin’s in the bathroom cabinet.’

‘What happened?’ Barker asked.

‘You mean you don’t remember?’

‘Not after the third drink. Or was it the fourth?’ He rubbed his eyes with his knuckles.

‘You really don’t remember?’ Penny repeated, sounding shocked. ‘Well, that’s a fine compliment, isn’t it?’

‘You mean…?’

Penny laughed. ‘Don’t be a fool, Jack. I’m only kidding. You got tired and I helped you upstairs to sleep it off. That’s all.’

‘All?’

‘Yes. You don’t think I’d fall into bed with you the way you were earlier, do you?’

‘I’ll get some aspirin,’ Jack said, and made his painful way back upstairs to the bathroom.

‘We’ll let that simmer for a while,’ Penny said when he came back, ‘and have a sit-down. Drink?’

‘My God, no!’ Barker groaned. ‘But on the other hand, hair of the dog and all that. Not whisky, though.’

‘Beer do?’

‘Yes.’

‘Sam Smith’s?’

‘Fine.’

‘Good. It’s all I’ve got. Chilled too.’

Penny got the beer and Barker sat on the sofa drinking out of the bottle.

‘What you said, Penny,’ he began, ‘about not, you know, sleeping with me in a state like that…’

‘I doubt you’d have been able to get it up, would you?’ she mocked, a mischievous smile crinkling the corners of her mouth.

‘I might be a bit slow,’ Barker replied, ‘but are you implying that if I’d been sober… I mean, you might actually… you know?’

Penny put her finger to his lips and stopped him. ‘That’s for me to know and you to find out,’ she said.

‘Dammit, Penny,’ he said, ‘you can’t just ignore me half the time and then tease me the rest. It’s not fair. I’m upset enough as it is about the girl floating down and all that.’

‘I’m sorry, Jack. It just doesn’t come out right. I stop one game and start another, don’t I?’

‘That’s how it seems. Why don’t you give me a straight answer?’

‘What’s the question?’

‘I’ve already asked you.’

‘Oh, that. I’m glad you were drunk, Jack, because no, I don’t think I would have. Is that straight enough?’

‘It seems to be,’ Barker said, disappointment clear in his tone.

Penny went on quickly, ‘It’s not as simple as you think. What I mean is, I’m glad I wasn’t forced into making a decision there and then. I’m weak, I might have said yes and regretted it. It would have been so easy then, so natural to make love after being confronted with death. But I wouldn’t have been able to get Sally out of my mind, that awful torn body…’

‘I understand that. But why would you regret it?’

Penny shrugged. ‘Lots of reasons. So much has happened. It’s too quick, too soon. It would be easy to jump into bed with you. You’re an attractive man. But I want more than that, Jack. I don’t just want to be like one of the bimbos you sleep with when you’re down in London publicizing your books.’

‘I don’t, and you never could be.’

‘Whatever. I’ve had enough disappointments in my life. I want some stability. I know it sounds conventional and corny, but I want to settle down, and I think I might be better off doing it by myself. I’m not one of these women who depends on a man.’

‘It’s just as well; I’m hardly dependable.’ Barker lit a cigarette and coughed. ‘Look,’ he said. ‘I don’t care whether this is the right place and time or what it is, but I love you, Penny. That’s what I’m trying to get at. Not whether you’ll sleep with me or not. There, I’ve said it. Maybe I’ve made a fool of myself.’

Penny looked at him carefully for a long time, then she said, ‘I don’t know if I can handle being in love.’

‘Try it,’ Barker said, leaning forward and stroking her hair. ‘You never know, you might like it.’

Penny looked away. Barker moved closer and took her in his arms. She tensed, but didn’t break the embrace.

Finally, she disengaged herself and looked at him seriously. ‘Don’t expect too much of me,’ she said. ‘I’m used to fending for myself and I like it.’

‘You and I,’ Jack said, ‘we’ve been living alone so long it’s frightening to think about change. So let’s just take it easy, slowly.’

A bell rang in the kitchen.

‘That’s telling me the curry’s ready.’ Penny got up.

Barker followed her into the kitchen and leaned in the narrow doorway as she stirred the pungent sauce. ‘Do you know,’ he said, ‘it took that bloody policeman, as you call him, to make me realize that I was jealous of you and Harry. I wondered, why the hell should you give so much of yourself to him and so little to me?’

‘That’s not fair, Jack.’ Penny’s face darkened as she turned to him. ‘Don’t talk like that. You sound just like Banks.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Barker apologized. ‘I didn’t mean anything by it.’

‘Forget it.’

‘The past won’t go away, Penny,’ Barker said. ‘There’s a lot of things need explaining.’

‘Like what?’ Penny asked suspiciously, taking the pot off the ring.

‘You know more about it than I do.’

‘More about what?’

‘Everything that’s happened. Come on, Penny, don’t tell me you haven’t got any ideas. You know more about this business than you’re letting on.’

‘Why should you think that?’

‘I don’t really know,’ Barker answered. ‘It’s just that you’ve been awfully mysterious and touchy about it these past few days.’

Penny turned back to the curry in silence.

‘Well?’ Barker asked.

‘Well what?’

‘Do you?’

‘Do I what?’

‘Oh come on. You know what I mean. Do you know something I don’t?’

‘How do I know what you know?’

‘I don’t know anything. Do you?’

‘Of course not,’ Penny said, putting the curry into dishes. ‘It’s your imagination, Jack. You writers! Don’t you think if I knew something I’d tell you?’

‘As a matter of fact, I don’t. Sally Lumb didn’t tell anyone either. Or she told the wrong person.’

‘And you think it was me?’

‘Don’t be ridiculous.’

‘Go on, you might as well say it,’ Penny shouted, brandishing the spoon like a club. ‘Just like Banks. Go on!’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘Friday evening, when she disappeared.’

‘But we were in the Dog and Gun.’

‘Not all the time.’

‘So? You came home for a rest and I went for a walk. So what?’

‘You don’t know?’

‘Know what?’

‘Banks hasn’t been to pester you?’

‘About what?’

‘That’s when Sally was last seen. While we were away. Somebody saw her in High Street about nine o’clock.’

‘So Banks thinks…?’

Penny shrugged. ‘He asked me. You?’

‘No. I’ve not seen him for a few days.’

‘You will. He’s getting very pushy.’

‘I suppose he must be desperate. Surely you don’t think I was implying you had anything to do with it?’

‘Well, weren’t you?’

‘I’d hardly declare my undying love to someone I thought was a murderess, would I?’

Penny smiled.

‘And what about you?’ he went on. ‘Do you believe me?’

‘About what?’

‘That I just went for a walk.’

‘Well, yes. Of course I do. I don’t even remember how all this started.’

‘I was simply asking you if you knew anything you hadn’t told me. That’s all.’

‘And I thought I’d answered that,’ Penny said, her dark eyes narrowing. ‘I’ve been no more mysterious about it than you have.’

‘Oh come off it, Penny. You can’t get out of it that easily. You’ve been around here much longer than I have. You’re bound to know more about what goes on than I do.’

‘You seem to be treating me like a criminal, Jack. Is this your idea of love? If this is what it comes down to, just how bloody jealous were you?’

‘Forget it.’ Barker sighed. ‘Just forget I opened my mouth.’

‘I’d like to, Jack. I really would.’

They eyed each other warily, then Penny broke off to carry the bowls through to the dining table. She pushed one towards Barker, who sat down to eat.

‘You’ve put me in a right mood for a romantic candlelight dinner, you have,’ she complained. ‘I’m not even hungry now.’

‘Try some,’ Barker said, offering her a spoonful. ‘It’s very good.’

‘I’ve lost my appetite.’ Penny reached for a cigarette, then changed her mind and picked up her jacket. ‘I’m going out.’

‘But you can’t,’ Barker protested. ‘We’ve got a lot to talk about. What about the candles? You’ve made dinner.’

‘Eat it yourself,’ Penny told him, opening the door. ‘Eat the bloody candles too, for all I care.’

Barker half rose from the table. ‘But where are you going?’

‘To see a man about a dog,’ she said, and slammed the door behind her.