A Matter for Men

THIRTY-THREE

THERE WAS a box on the bed when I came in. Inside was a uniform, with appropriate insignia. Only one. There were supposed to be two. Typical army efficiency-half the job is always done on time. I took it out and looked at it. Something was giving me a vaguely uneasy feeling-and it wasn't just the aftereffects of last night's booze. I'd thrown up most of that before it had gotten into my bloodstream, and the Sober-Ups had neutralized the rest before it could do any real damage. No, this was something else, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I just knew that I wouldn't feel quite right wearing this uniform. It had come ... too easily.

Still pondering, I hung it up in the closet.

I was in the shower when Ted staggered in. He didn't even take off his clothes; he just stepped into the shower with me and held his head under the spray.

"Good morning," I said.

"Oh," he said. "Is it morning?"

"For a little while longer anyway." I pulled him away from the shower head so I could rinse off. He sagged against the wall. "What day is it?" he asked.

"Sunday."

"Of what year?"

"Same one." I got out of the shower and grabbed a towel. I didn't particularly want to talk to Ted right now.

I was half-dressed when he sloshed out of the bathroom after me. "Hey, Jim-" he began.

"Eh?"

"I'm sorry I wasn't here yesterday. Or last night. Or this morning. Things just got away from me, that's all."

"Oh?"

He must have sensed my coolness. "Look, you've got to understand-I was doing it for us, trying to make some connections! And I did! I didn't even see any of the sessions yesterday."

"Oh?" Then he must have missed the scene in the conference hall. I didn't ask.

"No. I was scouting."

"I'm sure."

"Listen, it paid off! I've been offered a commission in the Telepathy Corps. I go in for my operation on Wednesday. I'll be getting one of the new multiband implants."

"Oh, terrific."

"It is, Jim!" He grabbed my shoulders. "Before the plagues, it would have taken an Act of God-or at least an Act of Congress-to get into the corps. Now they're so desperate, they're even willing to waive the psychological requirements."

"I can see that."

"No, you know what I mean."

Yes, I did. "What else did you do for us?"

"I'm sorry, Jim. I did speak up for you, but you weren't qualified. I've got the electronic-language background. And I can travel."

I pulled away from him and went to the closet.

"But listen to me-that's not all. Remember that Chtorran that we heard about, the live one that they captured?"

"Yeah ... ?"

"Well, I got to see him last night. He's amazing!"

"Oh ... ?"

"Yeah-I met that girl you were talking about, Jillanna! You were right. She's really something! That's why I wasn't here last night. I spent the night with her. She's with the project, and she got me in to see him. Really extraordinary. It was feeding time, and-"

"Ted! Stop!"

"Huh?"

"I don't want to hear about it, okay?"

He looked at me confusedly. "You're sure?"

"I'm sure."

He peered at me. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you upset because I didn't come looking for you so you could see it too?"

"No, I'm not."

"-because if that's what it is, Jimbo, I'm sorry, but this was an invitation only for one. If you know what I mean."

I pulled away from him and started getting dressed.

He said, "Hey-you'll get your chance. They're going to show it to the conference this afternoon! They're trucking it over to the hotel right now."

I ignored him. I opened the closet door.

"Hey!" said Ted. "Terrific! They've already delivered my uniform! Great!" I stepped back and he pulled it off its hanger. "How do I look? Lieutenant Theodore Andrew Nathaniel Jackson?"

"Uh-" I didn't say it. I closed my mouth and went back into the bathroom to get a hairbrush instead.

"Oh, come on, Jim-don't be a spoilsport! Say congratulations!"

"Congratulations."

"Like you mean it!" he wailed.

"Sorry, I can't do that. I am not going to sleep better tonight, knowing that you are helping to defend America."

"Well, then that's your problem."

"Don't slam the door on your way out," I said. He didn't.

"Shit," I said.