MIRRORS OF THE SOUL

Melinda M. Snodgrass

April in Paris. The chestnut tress resplendent in their pink and white finery. The blossoms drifting like fragrant snow about the feet of the statues in the Tuileries Garden, and floating like colorful foam atop the muddy waters of the Seine.

April in Paris. The song bubbling incongruously through his head as he stood before a simple gravestone in the Cimetiere Montmartre. So hideously inappropriate. He banished it only to have it return with greater intensity.

Irritably Tachyon hunched one shoulder, took a tighter grip -on the simple bouquet of violets and lily of the valley. The crisp green florist's paper crackled loudly in the afternoon air. Away to his left he could hear the urgent bleat of horns as the bumper-to-bumper traffic crawled up the Rue Norvins toward Sacre-Coeur. With its gleaming white walls, cupolas, and dome the cathedral floated like an Arabian nights dream over this city of light and dreams.

The last time I saw Paris.

Earl, his face holding all the expression of an ebony statue. Lena, flushed, impassioned. "You must go!" Looking to Earl for help and comfort. The quiet; "it would probably be best." The path of least resistance. So strange from this of all men.

Tachyon knelt, brushed away the petals that littered the stone slab.

Earl Sanderson Jr. "Noir Aigle" 1919-1974

You lived too long, my friend. Or so it was said. Those busy, noisy activists could have used you better if you'd had the grace to die in 1950. No -even better-while liberating Argentina or freeing Spain or saving Gandhi.

Laid the bouquet on the grave. A sudden breeze set the delicate white bells of the lilies to trembling. Like a young girl's lashes just before she was kissed. Or like Blythe's lashes just before she wept.

The last time I saw Paris.

A cold, bleak December, and a park in Neuilly.

Blythe van Renssaeler, aka Brain Trust, died yesterday… Gracelessly he surged to his feet, dusted the knees of his pants with a handkerchief. Gave his nose a quick, emphatic blow. That was the trouble with the past. It never stayed buried.

Straddling the slab was a large elaborate wreath. Roses and gladiolas and yards of ribbon. A wreath for a dead hero. A travesty. A small foot came up, sent the wreath tumbling. Contemptuously Tachyon walked over it, grinding the fragile petals beneath his heel.

One cannot propitiate the ancestors, Jack. Their ghosts will follow.

His certainly were.

On the Rue Etex he hailed a cab, fished for the note, read off the name of the Left Bank cafe in rusty French. Settled back to watch the unlit neon signs flash past. XXX, Le Filles! "Les Sexy." Strange to think of all this smut at the foot of a hill whose name translated as the Mountain of Martyrs. Saints had died on Montmartre. The Society of Jesus had been founded on the hill in 1534.

They proceeded in noisy and profane lurches. Bursts of heart-stopping speed followed by neck-wrenching stops. A blare of horns, and an exchange of imaginative insults. They shot through the Place Vendome past the Ritz where the delegation was housed. Tachyon hunkered deeper into his seat though it was unlikely he would be spotted. He was so sick of them all. Sara, quiet, sleek, and secretive as a mongoose. She had changed since Syria, but refused to confide. Peregrine flaunting her pregnancy, refusing to accept that she might not beat the odds. Mistral, young and beautiful. She had been tactful and understanding and kept his shameful secret. Fantasy, sly and amused. She had not. Hot blood washed his face. His humiliating condition was now public to be sniggered at and discussed in tones ranging from the sympathetic to the amused. His hand closed tightly on the note. There would be at least one woman he could face without embarrassment. One of his ghosts, but more welcome than the living right now.

She had chosen a cafe on the Boulevard Saint-Michel in the heart of the Latin Quarter. The area had always despised the bourgeoisie. Tachyon wondered if Danelle still did. Or had the years dampened her revolutionary ardor? One could only hope it had not dampened her other ardors. Then he remembered, and shrunk down once more.

Well, if he could no longer taste passion, he could at least remember it.

She had been nineteen when they'd met in August of 1950. A university student majoring in political philosophy, sex, and revolution. Danelle had been eager to comfort the shattered victim of a capitalist witch-hunt: the new darling of the French intellectual left. She took pride in his sufferings. As if the mystique of his martyrdom could rub off with bodily contact.

She had used him. But by the Ideal he had used her. As a shroud, a buffer against pain and memory. Drowned himself in cunt and wine. Nursing a bottle in Lena Goldoni's Champs-Elysees penthouse listening to the impassioned rhetoric of revolution. Caring far less for the rhetoric than the passion. Red-tipped nails meeting a slash of red for a mouth as Dani puffed inexpertly at larynx-stripping Gauloises. Black hair as smooth as an ebony helmet over her small head. Lush bosoms straining at a too tight sweater, and short skirts that occasionally gave him tantalizing glimpses of pale inner thigh.

God, how they had screwed! Had there ever been any emotion past mutual using? Yes, perhaps, for she had been one of the last to condemn and reject him. She had even seen him off on that frigid January day. That was when he'd still had luggage and a semblance of dignity. There on the platform of the Montparnasse railway station, she had pressed money and a bottle of cognac onto him. He hadn't refused. The cognac had been too welcome, and the money meant that another bottle would follow.

In 1953 he had called Dani when another fruitless visa battle with the German authorities had sent him careening back into France. Called her hoping for one more bottle of cognac, one more handout, one more round of desperate fornication. But a man had answered, and in the background he had heard a child crying, and when she had finally come to the phone, the message was clear. Get fucked, Tachyon. Tittering, he had suggested that was why he'd called. The unpleasant buzz of a disconnected phone.

Later in that cold park in Neuilly he'd read of Blythe's death, and nothing had seemed to matter anymore.

And yet when the delegation arrived in Paris, Dani had reached out. A note in his box at the Ritz. A meeting on the Left Bank as the silver-gray Parisian sky was turning to rose, and the Eiffel Tower became a web of diamond light. So maybe she had cared. And maybe, to his shame, he hadn't Dome was a typical working-class Parisian cafe. Tiny tables squeezed onto the sidewalk, gay, blue, and white umbrellas, harried, frowning waiters in none-too-clean white smocks. The smell of coffee and grillade. Tach surveyed the handful of patrons. It was early yet for Paris. He hoped she hadn't chosen to sit inside. All that smoke. His glance kept flicking across a thickset figure in a rusty black coat. There was a watchful intensity about the raddled face, and-

Dear God, could it… NO! "Bon soir, Tachyon."

"Danelle," he managed faintly, and groped for the back of a chair.

She smiled an enigmatic smile, sucked down some coffee, ground out a cigarette in the dirty ashtray, lit another, leaned back in a horrible parody of her old sexy manner, and eyed him through the rising smoke. "You haven't changed." His mouth worked, and she laughed sadly. "The platitude a little hard to force out? Of course I've changed-it's been thirty-six years."

Thirty-six years. Blythe would be seventy-five. Intellectually he had accepted the reality of their pitifully short lifespans. But it had not come home to him before. Blythe had died. Braun remained unchanged. David was lost, so like Blythe remained a memory of youth and charm. And of his new friends, Tommy, Angelface, and Hiram were just entering that uncomfortable stage of middle age. Mark was the merest child. Yet forty-one years ago it had been Mark's father who had impounded Tach's ship. And Mark hadn't even been born yet!

Soon (or at least as his people measured time), he would be forced to watch them pass from youth into inevitable decay and thence into death. The chair was a welcome support as his rump hit the cold wrought-iron.

"Danelle," he said again.

"A kiss, Tachy, for old times' sake?"

Heavy yellowish pouches hung beneath faded eyes. Gray brittle hair thrust into a careless bun, the deep gouges beside her mouth into which the scarlet lipstick had bled like a wound. She leaned in close, hitting him with a wave of foul breath. Strong tobacco, cheap wine, coffee, and rotting teeth combining in a stomach-twisting effluvium.

He recoiled, and this time when the laughter came it seemed forced. As if she hadn't expected this reaction and was covering the hurt. The harsh laugh ended in a long coughing jag that brought him out of his chair and to her side. Irritably she shrugged off his soothing hand. "Emphysema. And don't you start, le petit docteur. I'm too damn old to give up my cigarettes, and too damn poor to get medical attention when the time comes to die. So I smoke faster hoping I'll die faster, and then it won't cost so much at the end."

"Danelle-"

"Bon Dieu, Tachyon! You are dull. No kiss for old times' sake, and apparently no conversation either. Though as I recall, you weren't much of a talker all those years ago."

"I was finding all the communication I needed in the bottom of a cognac bottle."

"It doesn't seem to have inconvenienced you any. Behold! A great man."

She saw the world-renowned figure, a slim figure dressed in brocade and lace, but he, gazing back at the reflections of a thousand memories, saw a cavalcade of lost years. Cheap rooms stinking of sweat, vomit, urine, and despair. Groaning in an alley in Hamburg, beaten almost to death. Accepting a devil's pact with a gently smiling man, and for what? Another bottle. Waking hallucinations in a cell in the Tombs.

"What are you doing, Danelle?"

"I'm a maid at the Hotel Intercontinental." She seemed to sense his thought. "Yes, an unglamorous end to all that revolutionary fervor. The revolution never came, Tachy."

"No."

"Which doesn't leave you brokenhearted."

"No. I never accepted your-all of your-versions of utopia."

"But you stayed with us. Until finally we threw you out."

"Yes, I needed you, and I used you.".

"My God, such a soul-deep confession? At meetings like these it's supposed to be all `bonjour' and `Comment allezvous,' and `My, you haven't changed.' But we've already done that, haven't we?" The bitter mocking tone added a razor's edge to the words.

"What do you want, Danelle? Why did you ask to see me?"

"Because I knew it would bother you." The butt of the Gauloise followed its predecessor into a squashed and ashy death. "No, that's not true. I saw your little motorcade pull in. All flags and limousines. It made me think of other years and other banners. I suppose I wanted to remember, and alas as one grows older, the memories of youth become fainter, less real."

"I unfortunately do not share that kindly blurring. My kind do not forget."

"Poor little prince." She, coughed again, a wet sound. Tachyon reached into his breast pocket, pulled out his wallet, stripped off bills.

"What's that for?"

"The money you gave me and the cognac and thirty-six years interest."

She flinched away, eyes bright with unshed tears. "I didn't call you for charity or pity"

"No, you called to rip at me, hurt me."

She looked away. "No, I called you so I could remember another time."

"They weren't very good times."

"For you maybe. I loved them. I was happy. And don't flatter yourself. You weren't the reason."

"I know. Revolution was your first and final love. I find it hard to accept that you've given it up."

"Who says I have?"

"But you said… I thought…"

"Even the old can pray for change, perhaps even more fervently than the young. By the way"-she drained the last of her coffee with a noisy slurp-"why wouldn't you help us?"

"I couldn't."

"Ah, of course. The little prince, the dedicated royalist. You never cared about the people."

"Not as you use that phrase. You reduce them to slogans."

"I was bred to lead and to protect and to care for them as individuals. Ours is a better way."

"You're a parasite!" And in her face he saw a fleeting shadow of the girl she had been.

An almost rueful smile touched his lips. "No, an aristocrat, which you would probably argue is synonymous." His long forefinger played among the little pile of francs. "Despite what you think, it really wasn't my aristocratic sensibilities that kept me from using my power on your behalf. What you were doing was harmless enough-unlike this new breed who think nothing of killing a man merely for being successful." She hunched a shoulder. "Please, get to the point."

"I'd lost my powers."

"What? You never told us."

" I was afraid of losing my mystique if I had."

" I don't believe you."

"It's true. Because of Jack's cowardice." His face darkened. "The HUAC returned Blythe to the stand. They were demanding the names of all known aces, and because she had my mind, she knew. She was about to betray them, so I used my power to stop her and in so doing broke her mind and left the woman I loved a raving maniac." He raised trembling fingertips to his damp forehead. The retelling in this of all cities infused it with new power, new pain.

"It took years for me to overcome my guilt, and it was the Turtle who showed me how. I destroyed one woman, but saved another. Does that balance the scales?" He was speaking more to himself than to her.

But she was not interested in his ancient pain; her own memories were too intense. "Lena was so angry. She called you a disgusting user, taking and taking and giving nothing in return. Everyone wanted you out because you had so spoiled our beautiful plan."

"Yes, and not one person took my side! Not even Earl." His expression softened, as he looked past the ruin of age, to the beautiful girl he remembered. "No, that's not true. You defended me."

"Yes," she admitted gruffly. "Little good that it did. It took me years to regain the respect of my comrades." She stared blindly down at the tabletop.

Tachyon glanced at the watch in his boot heel, rose. "Dani, I must go. The delegation is due at Versailles by eight, and I must change. It's been…" He tried again. "I'm so glad that you contacted me." The words seemed stilted and insincere even to his own ears.

Her face crumpled, then stiffened into bitter lines. "That's it? Forty minutes and au revoir you wouldn't even drink with me?"

"I'm sorry, Dani. My schedule-"

"Ah, yes, the great man." The pile of bills still lay between them on the table. "Well, I'll take these as an example of your noblesse oblige."

She lifted up a shapeless bag and fished out a billfold. Scooped up the francs and jammed them into the battered wallet. Then paused and stared at one photo. A cruel little smile played about her wrinkled lips.

"No, better yet. I'll give you value for your money." Gnarled, arthritic fingers pulled free the picture and tossed it onto the table.

It was a breathtaking still of a young woman. A river of red hair half masking the narrow, shadowed face. A mischievous, knowing look in the uptilted eyes. A delicate forefinger pressed against a full lower lip as if shushing the onlooker.

"Who is she?" Tach asked, but with a breath-stopping certainty that he knew the answer.

"My daughter." Their eyes locked. Dani's smile broadened. "And yours."

"Mine." The word emerged as a wondering, joyful sigh. Suddenly all the weariness and anguish of the trip sloughed away. He had witnessed horrors. Jokers stoned to death in the slums of Rio. Genocide in Ethiopia. Oppression in South Africa. Starvation and disease everywhere. It had left him feeling hopeless and defeated. But if she walked this planet, then it could be borne. Even the anguish over his impotence faded. With the loss of his virility he had lost a major part of himself. Now it had been returned to him.

"Oh, Dani, Dani!" He reached across and gripped her hand. "Our daughter. What is her name?"

"Gisele."

"I must see her. Where is she?"

"Rotting. She's dead."

The words seemed to shatter in the air, sending ice fragments deep into his soul. A cry of anguish was torn from him, and he wept, tears dropping through his fingers. Danelle walked away.

Versailles, the greatest tribute to the divine right of kings ever constructed. Tachyon, heels tapping on the parquet floor, paused and surveyed the scene through the distorting crystal of his champagne glass. For an instant he might have been home, and the longing that gripped him was almost physical in its intensity._

There is indeed no beauty to this world. I wish I could leave it forever.

No, not true, he amended as his gaze fell upon the faces of his friends. There is much here still to love.

One of Hartmann's polished aides was at his shoulder. Was this the one fortunate enough to have survived the kidnapping in Germany, or had he been flown in specially to serve as cannon fodder for this line-withering tour? Well, perhaps the increased security would keep this young man alive until they could reach home.

"Doctor, Monsieur de Valmy would like to meet you." The young man forced a path for Tachyon while the alien studied France's most popular presidential candidate since de Gaulle. Franchot de Valmy, said by many to be the next president of the Republic. A tall, slim figure moving easily through the crowd. His rich chestnut hair was streaked with a single two-inch bar of white. Very striking. More striking, though far less evident, was the fact he was a wild card. An ace. In a country gone mad for aces.

Hartmann and de Valmy were shaking hands. It was an outstanding display of political soft soap. Two eager hunters using one another's power and popularity to catapult them into the highest offices in their lands.

"Sir, Dr. Tachyon."

De Valmy turned the full force of his compelling greeneyed gaze onto the Takisian. Tachyon, raised in a culture that put a high premium on charm and charisma, found that this man possessed both to an almost Takisian magnitude. He wondered if that was his wild card gift.

"Doctor, I am honored." He spoke in English.

Tach placed a small hand over his breast and replied in French, "The honor is entirely mine."

" I will be interested to hear your comments on our scientists' work on the wild card virus."

"Well, I have only just arrived." He fingered his lapel, raised his eyes, and pinned de Valmy with a sharp glance.

"And will I be reporting to all the candidates in the race? Will they also wish to hear my comments?"

Senator Hartmann took a small step forward, but de Valmy was laughing. "You are very astute. Yes, I am-how do you Americans say-counting my chickens."

"With reason," said Hartmann with a smile. "You've been groomed by the President as his heir apparent."

"Certainly an advantage," said Tachyon. "But your status as an ace hasn't hurt."

"No."

"I would be curious to know your power."

De Valmy covered his eyes. "Oh, Monsieur Tachyon, I'm embarrassed to speak of it. It's such a contemptible little power. Mere parlor tricks."

"You are very modest, sir."

Hartmann's aide glared, and Tach stared blandly back, though he regretted the momentary flash of sarcasm. It was ill bred of him to take out his weariness and unhappiness on others.

"I am not above using the advantage granted to me, Doctor, but I hope that it will be my policies and leadership that will give me the presidency."

Tachyon gave a small laugh and caught Gregg Hartmann's eye. "It is ironic, is it not, that in this country the wild card bestows a cachet to help a man into high office, while in our country that same information would defeat him."

The senator pulled a face. "Leo Barnett."

"I beg you pardon?" asked de Valmy in some confusion. "A fundamentalist preacher who's gathering quite a following. He'd restore all the old wild card laws."

"Oh, worse than that, Senator. I think he would place them in detention camps and force mass sterilizations."

"Well, this is an unpleasant subject. But on another unpleasant subject I'd like a chance to talk to you, Franchot, about your feelings on the phaseout of medium-range missiles in Europe. Not that I have any standing with the current administration, but my colleagues in the Senate…" He linked arms with de Valmy and they drifted away, their various aides trailing several paces behind like hopeful pilot fish.

Tach gulped down champagne. The chandeliers glittered in the long line of mirrors, multiplying them a hundredfold and throwing back bright light like shards of glass into his aching head. He took another swallow of champagne, though he knew the alcohol was partly to blame for his present discomfort. That and the drilling hum of hundreds of voices, the busy scrape of bows on strings, and outside, the watching presence of an adoring public. Sensitive telepath that he was, it beat on him like an urgent, hungry sea.

As the motorcade had driven up the long chestnut-lined boulevard, they had passed hundreds of waving people all eagerly craning for a glimpse of the les ases fantastiques. It was a welcome relief after such hatred and fear in other countries. Still, he was glad that only one country remained, and then he would be home. Not that anything waited for him there but more problems.

In Manhattan, James Spector was on the streets. Death incarnate stalking free. Another monster created by my meddling. Once home I must deal with this. Trace him. Find him. Stop him. I was so stupid to abandon him in favor of pursuing Roulette.

And what of Roulette? Where can she be? Did I do wrong to release her? I am undoubtedly a fool where women are concerned.

"Tachyon." Peregrine's gay call floated on the strains of Mozart and pulled him from his introspective fog. "You've got to see this."

He pinned a smile firmly in place and kept his eyes strictly off the mound of her belly thrust aggressively front and center. Mordecai Jones, the Harlem auto repairman, looking uncomfortable in his tuxedo, nervously eyed a tall gold-and-crystal lamp as if expecting it to attack. The long march of mirrors brought back thoughts of the Funhouse, and Des, the fingers at the end of his elephant's trunk twitching slightly, heightened the memory. The past. It seemed to be hanging like a dead weight from his shoulders.

The knot of friends and fellow travelers parted, and a hunched, twisted figure was revealed. The joker lurched around and smiled up at Tach. The face was a handsome one. Noble, a little tired, lines about the eyes and mouth denoting past suffering, a kindly face his, in fact. There was a shout of laughter from the group as Tach gaped down into his own features.

There was a shifting like clay being mashed or a sponge being squeezed, and the joker faced him with his own features in place. A big square head, humorous brown eyes, a mop of gray hair, set atop that tiny, twisted body.

"Forgive me, the opportunity was too enticing to pass up," chuckled the joker.

"And your expression the best of all, Tachy," put in Chrysalis.

"You can laugh, you're safe. He can't do you," harrumphed Des.

"Tack, this is Claude Bonnell, Le Miroir. He's got this great act at the Lido."

"Poking fun at the politicos," rumbled Mordecai.

"He does this hysterical skit with Ronald and Nancy Reagan," giggled Peregrine.

Jack Braun, drawn by the laughing group, hovered at its outskirts. His eyes met Tachyon's, and the alien looked through him. Jack shifted until they were at opposite sides of the circle.

"Claude's been trying to explain to us this alphabet soup that's French politics," said Digger. "All about how de Valmy has welded an impressive coalition of the RPR, the CDS, the JJSS, the PCF-"

"No, no, Mr. Downs, you must not include my party among the ranks of those who support Franchot de Valmy. We communists have better taste, and our own candidate."

"Who won't win," ejected Braun, frowning down at the tiny joker.

The features blurred, and Earl Sanderson Jr. said softly, "There were some who supported the goals of world revolution." Jack, face gone sickly white, staggered back. There was a sharp crack as his glass shattered in his hands, and a flare of gold as his biological force field came to life to protect him. There was an uncomfortable silence after the big ace had left, then Tachyon said coolly, "Thank you."

"My pleasure."

"You are here as a wild card representative?"

"Partly, but I also have an official capacity. I am a member of the party congress."

"You are a big wheel with the commies," whistled Digger with his usual lack of tact.

"Yes."

"How did you pick up Earl? Or have you just made it a point to study those of us on the tour?" asked Chrysalis.

"I have a very low-level telepathy. I can pick up the faces of those who have deeply affected a person."

Hartmann's aide was once again at his side. "Doctor, Dr. Corvisart has arrived and wants to meet you."

Tachyon made a face. "Duty calls, so pleasure must be forgone. Gentlemen, ladies." He bowed and walked away. An hour later Tach was standing by the small chamber orchestra, allowing the soothing strains of Mendelssohn's Trout quintet to work its magic. His feet were beginning to hurt, and he realized that forty years on Earth had robbed him of his ability to stand for hours. Recalling long-past deportment lessons, he tucked in his hips, pulled back his shoulders, and lifted his chin. The relief was immediate, but he decided that another glass would also help.

Flagging down a waiter, he reached for the champagne. Then staggered, and fell heavily against the man as a blinding, directionless mind assault struck his shields.

Mind control! The source? Outside… somewhere. The focus?

He was dimly aware of crashing glasses as he slumped against his startled support. Forced up lids that seemed infinitely heavy. So distorting was the effect of his own psi-search, and the screaming power of the mind control, that reality took on a strange shifting quality. The reception guests in their bright finery faded to gray. He could "see" the mind probe like a brilliant line of light. Becoming diffuse at its source, impossible to pinpoint. But haloing:

A man. Uniform. One of the security captains. Attache case.

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