And Sometimes I Wonder About You

46

Melbourne Westmount Ericson and I talked for eight minutes more. I timed it on a wall clock over Johnny Nightly’s shoulder. It was the most productive eight minutes I had ever spent. When it was over, two-thirds of my work problems had been, tentatively, solved.

On the 3:00 p.m. train back to Manhattan, Johnny and I continued the game. We were averaging fifteen minutes a move so when I placed my knight in a position that might lead to check I went down to the exit area near the toilet and made a call.

“Hey, LT,” Hush said. He almost sounded happy, human.

“How’s it goin’ with the houseguests?”

“The boy said that he went out for cigarettes but I think mainly he wanted to buy some weed in the park.”

“That doesn’t sound good.”

“I told him that I’d kick him and the girl out if he does it again, but it was already too late. Somebody saw him and by the next morning they were walking back and forth in front of my place.”

“I’m on a train right now but I can get there in two hours.”

“No need, brother.” There he was calling me brother again. “I took care of it for the time being.”

“Are you going to move to a different location?” I asked. “I could get Twill to take the kids.”

“No. I got Tam and Thackery out through an underground tunnel I had built. They went to Baltimore but me and the kids gonna stay.”

“You sure you don’t need me to come by?”

“I’ll call you if I do.”

Johnny hadn’t moved yet. He was staring at the board, circling the end of his nose with the tip of the index finger of his right hand. His handsome head was tilting to the side. There was a modicum of joy in this pose.

“You look like you havin’ a good time, Johnny.”

“It feels good playin’ against somebody can play back.”

“I like the game,” I said. “It calms me.”

“It’s not just the game.”

“What do you mean?”

“My father told me that you got to know where every piece is and where they all might go if you just wanna stay in the game. That’s you, LT.”

“Did you ever ask your father what you can do if your opponent was better than you?”

“Yes I did.”

“And what did he say?”

“You be better too.”

I left Johnny at Penn Station at around 6:00. We had made eight moves on the ride back. There was no talk of money because I knew he expected me to wire five thousand dollars into his checking account for “services rendered.” I’d send him a W-9 and alert the government. Even killers had to pay taxes.

Katrina was weeping.

When I had worked all the locks and opened the door she looked up but didn’t have the strength to come to me. She was sitting in a hickory chair from our dining room that she’d dragged down the hall to the foyer. So I knelt down beside her chair, embracing her as best I could.

“Leonid, Leonid,” she cried, “what have I done with my life?”

“Three beautiful children just for starters, babe.”

“You were always there even though I was so angry, even though I had lovers.”

“I wasn’t no rose all that time.”

“But you gave me this apartment and paid all our bills. You didn’t have to stay but you did.”

I had. There was no denying that I had stayed. But whenever she left I didn’t go after her. Our connection was both absolute and static. I wondered how to say that without hurting her.

I didn’t have to try because the doorbell rang.

“Oh,” Katrina said, and I knew the story that had led to our vestibule encounter.

“Don’t worry,” I said, and then I kissed her before standing.

I didn’t look through the peephole nor did I ask who it was. Katrina had called him and dragged the chair to the door to wait for him.

I opened the door and said, “Hey, Clarence.”

“Trot.”

An hour later Katrina was asleep in our bed. I had carried her down and tucked her in. Ten minutes after my father got there her mood had lightened.

“You didn’t call me,” my father said. We were sitting in the little front TV room drinking port and eyeing each other.

“I thought that there was a man in DC who had put out a contract on me. I went down there to face him.”

“Was he really trying to kill you?”

“Probably not.”

“Why were you worried that he was?”

“The same reason you might be.”

“I just came over because she was so sad and you weren’t here.”

“She didn’t call me.”

“You were out of town.”

I couldn’t argue there.

“I don’t want to argue with you, son.”

“But, Clarence, we skipped the whole Oedipal thing. How can I ever be a man if I don’t kill my father? Metaphorically speaking, that is.”

“Even when you were a kid,” my father said, shaking his head, “I found it hard to understand you. It’s not so much the way you think, Trot, but it’s how you treat emotions. It’s like they were, I don’t know, like they were optional. But you’re my son. That means something, in the heart.”

I put down my glass and stood up.

“Where you goin’?” he asked me.

“I got a few more showdowns before the end of the week,” I said. “Why don’t you spend the night? Maybe you can keep Katrina from trying to kill herself again.”

I showed up at Marella’s door a little past 10:00. She was wearing a pink kimono over a short burgundy slip.

She kissed me when I walked in. I wanted that kiss. I wanted to feel it and to stay with it — but something was wrong.

“What is it?” she asked, leaning away.

“Let’s sit.”

We went to the brown sofa, sitting at opposite ends.

“Tell me,” she said.

“I didn’t go down to Philly,” I said. “I mean... I did go through Philly on my way to DC.”

From the look in her eye I hoped that Marella’s holster-purse wasn’t within reach.

“What did he offer you?” she asked.

“Anything.”

“Anything?”

“That’s exactly what I said. He offered me money, access, connections.” I counted out these wages on three blunt fingers.

“And what did you say?”

“At first I said that that would probably be a conflict of interest because I work for you.”

“At first.”

“Yeah. But then when he told me what he wanted I realized that anything I got from him was dependent on you.”

“Did you betray me, Lee?”

“No, no, but I remembered something.”

“What’s that?”

“You said that Melbourne wouldn’t have sent Lett after you or me with a gun. Do you still believe that?”

“Yes,” she said, “as far as it goes. You know people can surprise you.”

“When you say things like that it makes me want to throw you over my shoulder and take you someplace where they’d never find us.”

“I’m ready,” she said.

“But first you have to know your options.”

“Okay. What are they?”

“Melbourne said that he doesn’t want the ring back, that he wants to give you another one. He says that he feels heartbroken that he got so angry and now he wants to marry you with no prenup or stipulations.”

“No prenup?” I don’t think she meant those words to make it to her lips. That might have been the most honest thing she said in my presence.

“He wants to meet with you,” I said, “to make his case.”

“Do you believe him?”

“Obviously.”

“Why obviously?”

“Because if I didn’t he’d be a dead man by now.”

Marella’s nostrils actually flared. Her pupils opened wide.

“You’re never going to throw me over that shoulder and carry me off, are you, Lee?”

“Probably not.”

“You’ll protect me at the meeting?”

“Like a dog with his bone.”

“If I say yes will that dog share his bone with me tonight?”