Cold as Ice

Chapter 22

Tracy was taking a shower as Jeanie flicked through the TV channels to find something for Jackson to watch. They were watching In the Night Garden and Jackson was very intent on his programme. He got down from the sofa and sat in front of the television with Scruffy. Jeanie put a cushion on the floor for him. She was sure Tracy would have had a problem with it but pretended to be unaware. There was nothing in the house that seemed designed for use; it was all for show. Jackson’s solid little frame sat hunched over as he curled his fingers in his toy penguin’s fur and watched In the Night Garden in silence.

When it was over Jeanie flicked through the channels again and found Peppa Pig.

‘Here is Peppa and her brother George.’ George grunted and waved. ‘Here is Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig.’ They came onto the screen, Mummy Pig smiling serenely, Daddy Pig waving at the viewers.

Jackson sat up and began pointing and talking to the television. He turned to look at Jeanie and then looked past her, as if he were looking for someone.

‘What is it, Jackson?’

He pointed to the screen. He was agitated. He got to his feet and went over to Jeanie. His face was crumpling. He was still pointing at the screen.

‘What is it, Jackson?’

He came over to Jeanie and held on to her as he kept turning back to the television and pointing.

‘Is it Peppa Pig?’ Jeanie watched him. He seemed slightly calmer until Daddy Pig came back onto the screen. He twisted away and buried his face in Jeanie.

‘No. No, Daddy Pig. NO.’

‘What is it, Jackson?’ Jeanie lifted him onto her lap. He clung onto her so hard that he was pinching her arms. He shouted at the telly.

‘No… no! Leave Mummy alone!’

‘What is it, Jackson?’ He looked at Jeanie and his eyes filled. ‘It’s okay, Jackson.’ She switched off the telly. She cuddled him and led him across to the table. She sat him on the cushion on the chair again and she sat next to him. She picked up the crayons and hastily drew Daddy Pig’s head on a piece of paper: his head flat like a hairdryer shape, a few hairs around his chin, round black glasses. She drew a picture of Daddy Pig’s face and cut out the drawing and then picked up the bag containing the puppets and took some out.

Jeanie held two adult puppets near one another and placed them in front of Jackson on the table. He picked up the Mummy puppet and held it tightly in his left hand. With his right hand he pushed away roughly the male puppet onto which Jeanie had pinned Daddy Pig’s face.

‘No,’ he repeated.

‘What is Mummy puppet saying, Jackson?’

‘Mummy said, “No no no. Get out. Get out.”’

‘Did Mummy say this man’s name?’ She picked up the Daddy Pig puppet and held it at arm’s length for him to look at it. Jackson nodded. ‘What did she call him, Jackson? What’s this man’s name?’

He pointed to the puppet. ‘Daddy Pig.’

Tracy came out of the shower. Jeanie stood outside the bedroom door as Tracy got dressed.

‘I want to try another session with Jackson when you’re ready?’

‘Coming.’

‘We are definitely getting somewhere with him now, Tracy. I added another puppet; from the Peppa Pig cartoon. The puppet has Daddy Pig’s face pinned on.’

‘He loves Peppa Pig. He had a Peppa Pig toy when I first met them at the Christmas Fayre,’ said Tracy from behind the closed door.

‘Not any more. He just got very distressed when it came on the telly. He started shouting when the character Daddy Pig came on the screen. I think something about Daddy Pig reminds him of this man.’

‘I’m ready.’ Tracy came into the lounge and called to Jackson as she pulled out the chair at the table ready for him to climb into. Jeanie waited for Jackson to get settled. One by one she took three puppets: Scruffy, Jackson and Danielle. She asked the same question each time:

‘Who’s this, Jackson?’

‘Scruffy.’

‘Yes, it’s Scruffy, isn’t it?’ Jackson nodded. ‘Jackson, what colour is your front door?’

‘Pink.’

‘Did you see Mummy when you were standing at the front door?’ Jackson didn’t understand. ‘Jackson, who’s this?’ Jeanie showed him the Mummy puppet and the Daddy Pig puppet.

‘Where did you see Mummy talking to this man, Jackson?’ Jackson shook his head.

‘Where is Mummy now, Jackson? Do you know?’

Jackson looked around him, his eyes drifted skyward as he thought. A sad expression crept over his face. He shook his head again.

‘Mummy’s gone.’

‘Where was Mummy standing when you saw her last time, Jackson?’

‘Mummy’s in Jackson’s house.’ He frowned. He was thinking hard.

‘And what was Mummy doing?’

‘Mummy shouting. Mummy was very very cross.’ Jackson’s movements became agitated as he wriggled on the chair and flapped his arms in the air.

‘What was she shouting, Jackson?’

Jackson sat up straight in the chair and his face flushed crimson. ‘Get out. Leave me alone.’

‘Where were you, Jackson? Where were you when Mummy said that?’ Jackson looked out into space as he thought. Tracy watched in silence. Hardly daring to make a sound as she breathed in case it stopped Jackson.

‘Mummy said: “Go back to bed, Jackson. Stay in bed with Scruffy.”’ His eyes flashed to Tracy. ‘“Nanny coming.”’

‘Is that what Mummy said, Jackson? She said, “Nanny’s coming?”’ Jackson nodded. ‘What happened to Mummy then, Jackson?’ He tilted his head one way and the other but didn’t answer. He picked up the Scruffy puppet and kissed it. ‘Was Mummy on her own then, Jackson?’ Jeanie asked. He shook his head. His eyes went to the puppets. He reached out deliberately and picked up the one with the Daddy Pig face. He held it near his own face.

‘Leave Mummy alone. Leave her alone.’

Tracy screamed as her phone rang on the shelf. She wasn’t expecting a call. She sensed who it was and looked at Jeanie.

‘Quickly, Tracy. Remember, if it’s him – keep him talking. Ask to speak to her.’ Jeanie got up from the table. ‘Come on, Jackson, let’s see what Nanny’s got in her bedroom.’ Jeanie led Jackson quickly away.

Tracy stood up and walked over to the phone. She dreaded every step.

‘Hello, Tracy.’

‘Hello.’ The sound of his voice made her want to drop the phone. The closeness to him was unbearable.

‘Are you scared, Tracy?’

‘Yes.’

Tracy could hear classical music playing in the background.

‘I want to speak to Danielle.’

There was another noise in the background that she couldn’t make out. It was like someone had the phone in their pocket or their bag and had rung her number by mistake. Tracy walked silently through the lounge with the phone in her hand.

She heard a shuffling. The music grew faint as she heard feet walking; then there was the sound of a door opening and the click of a switch. Somewhere at the edge of the room a woman was crying. The sounds of her cries echoed, grew louder. She heard his feet walk across a hard floor and the sound of his breathing as it rasped down the phone. Then she heard the woman crying again. Her crying was mixed with shallow breaths.

‘Please please… I’m begging you… I’ll do anything… please… don’t hurt me again.’

Hands muffling the sound around the phone.

‘Did you hear that, Tracy?’

She could hardly breathe.

He laughed. His voice was distorted like last time; it was liquid and deep and one sound rolled into another.

‘Danielle? Danielle?’ Tracy screeched down the phone.

He laughed again. Tracy heard muffled squeals of pain.

‘You think this is your daughter, Tracy? You gave your daughter away. You went off and left her. You didn’t really love her, did you?’

‘No. No. It wasn’t like that. Please. I don’t understand what you want from me. Tell me what I can do. Where is my daughter? Danielle? Danielle?’

‘Shusssssh,’ he said, his voice vibrating in Tracy’s ears. Then Tracy heard someone try to speak, but the words came out as spluttering sounds. ‘She doesn’t want to speak to you, Tracy.’ Tracy heard the sound of squealing as if someone couldn’t breathe. She could hear him working hard at something; his breath rasping down the phone line. ‘I’ll ring you again tomorrow – maybe she’ll feel like talking then. You make sure you’re by the phone, Tracy. Don’t you go anywhere. Your time is coming, Tracy. Look after the boy. I saved his life. I am his saviour. Make sure he doesn’t betray me.’ A piercing wail drilled through Tracy’s ear. ‘Shhhh… Bye, Baby Bunting. Daddy’s gone a-hunting. Remember that rhyme, Tracy?’ She didn’t answer. Her hand was clasped across her mouth to stop herself from screaming. ‘Of course you do. You know it well. Now I found a rabbit that needs skinning. Have you ever skinned an animal, Tracy? The first cut is important to get right, then you slide the knife between the skin and the muscle and, hey presto, rip it back…’ He laughed and the phone went dead.

Tracy was shaking so much that she dropped the phone as she sank to her knees, clutching her hands together and rocking. She crawled to her bedroom and sat outside, leaning with her back against the wall.

Jeanie came out and knelt beside her.

‘You’re okay, Tracy.’

‘I can’t do it. I can’t do it.’

‘Yes you can, Tracy. Look at me.’ She looked into Tracy’s eyes – her mascara was running. ‘If it means going through this to get Danielle back – then I know because I’ve seen your strength that you can do this, Tracy.’