Constant Fire

16 In which Doctor Volospion receives the congratulations of his peers and celebrates the acquisition of his new Treasure

My Lady Charlotina rose from Doctor Volospion's bed and swiftly demolished her double (Doctor Volospion would only make love to pairs of women) before touching a power ring to adorn herself in white and cerise poppies. In the shadows of the four-poster Doctor Volospion lay relishing his several victories, a beautiful cup held in his hands. He turned the cup round and round, running his fingers over an inscription which he could not read, for it was in ancient English.

"You doubt none of my powers now, I hope, My Lady Charlotina," he said.

Her smile was slow. She knew he would have her speak of Jagged, perhaps make a comparison, but she did not have it in her to satisfy Volospion's curiosity. Lord Jagged was Lord Jagged, she thought.

"I was privileged," she said, "to know your plan from the start and to see it work so smoothly. I am most impressed. First you incarcerated Miss Ming, then you lured Mr Bloom to your castle, then you pretended that his power was great enough to destroy your force-field, then you captured him, knowing that he would give anything to escape. You originally meant to hold him, of course, as one of your collection, but then you learned of the Grail…"

"So I offered Miss Ming in exchange for the Grail. Thus he thought he took her from me without force and that she went willingly to him — for I did not, of course, explain to Mr Bloom that I had deceived Miss Ming."

"So much deception! It is quite hard for me to follow!" She laughed. "What a match! The greatest cynic of our world (with the exception of Lord Shark who does not really count) pitted against the greatest idealist in the universe!"

"And the cynic won," said Doctor Volospion. "As they always do."

"Well, a cynic would draw that conclusion," she pointed out. "I had a liking for that Mr Bloom, though he was a bore."

"As was Miss Ming."

"Great bores, both."

"And by one stroke I rid the world of its two most awful bores," said Doctor Volospion, in case she had not considered this achievement with the rest.

"Exactly."

Yawning, My Lady Charlotina drifted towards a dark window. "You have your cup. He has his queen."

"Exactly."

My Lady Charlotina looked up at the featureless heavens. No stars gleamed here. Perhaps they were all extinguished. She sighed.

"My only regret," said Doctor Volospion as he carefully laid the cup upon his pillow and straightened his body, "is that I was not able to ask Mr Bloom the meaning of this inscription."

"Doubtless a warning to the curious," she said "or an offer of eternal salvation. You know more about these things, Doctor Volospion."

A cap appeared on his head. Robes formed. Black velvet and mink. "Oh, yes, they are always very similar. And often disappointingly ordinary."

"It does seem a very ordinary cup."

"The faithful would see that as a sign of its true holiness," he told her knowledgeably.

From outside they detected a halloo.

"It is Abu Thaleb," she said in some animation. "And Argonheart Po and some others. Li Pao, I think, is with them. Shall you admit them?"

"Of course. They will want to see my cup."

My Lady Charlotina and Doctor Volospion left his bedroom and went down to the hall to greet their guests.

Doctor Volospion placed the cup upon the table. The ill-functioning neon played across its bright silver.

"Beautiful!" said Abu Thaleb, without as much enthusiasm as perhaps Doctor Volospion would have wished. The Commissar of Bengal brushed feathers from his eyes. "A fitting reward for your services to us all, Doctor Volospion."

Argonheart Po bore a tray in his great hands. He set this, now, beside the cup. "I am always thorough in my research," he said, "and hope you find this small offering appropriate." He removed the cloth to reveal his savouries. "That is a pemmican spear. This cross is primarily the flavour of sole a la creme. The taste of the wafers and the blood is rather more difficult to describe."

"What an elegant notion!" Doctor Volospion took one of the savouries between finger and thumb and nibbled politely.

Li Pao asked: "May I inspect the cup?"

"Of course." Doctor Volospion waved a generous hand. "You do not, by any chance, read, do you, Li Pao? Specifically, Dawn Age English."

"Once," said Li Pao. He studied the inscription. He shook his head. "I am baffled."

"A great shame."

"Does it do anything," wondered Sweet Orb Mace, moving from the shadows where he had been studying Doctor Volospion's portrait.

"I think not," said My Lady Charlotina. "It has done nothing yet, at any rate."

Doctor Volospion stared at his cup somewhat wistfully. "Ah, well," he said, "I fear I shall grow tired of it soon enough."

My Lady Charlotina came to stand beside him. "Perhaps it will fill the room with light or something," she said encouragingly.

"We can always hope," he said.