Dangerous Days of Daniel X

Chapter 34

THE CAVALIER’S BACK WINDSHIELD got blown away as I gunned it through the chain-link fence of the football field. No, I don’t have a license in any state. Yes, I’m a pretty good driver anyway.

My fiendish opponent wised up when I was at the ten-yard line and closing on him. Talk about a touchdown dance! I flattened the uprights before I hit the corrugated steel equipment shed at about fifty.

It sounded like a bomb had gone off on the athletic field. The air was filled with shoulder pads and tackling dummies and helmets sporting big blue G’s for Glendale.

I threw the Cavalier into park and jumped out just as the sniper landed loudly on the car’s hood.

The first thing I noticed was his gun. It was definitely an off-world weapon, a notorious Opus 24/24. The kind of gun that killed my mom and dad. I really didn’t like them, so I snapped it in half over my knee.

The gunman was moaning as I picked him up over my head.

“You. Are. Toast. Unless you tell me where Seth -” I started to say as a steel chain swung around my throat. Alien-hunting lesson number thirty-seven, I thought. Save the wisecracks until you’re sure your opponent is working alone.

This really muscular walking tattoo parlor was trying to strangle me. I gave the gunman a heave and rammed myself and, more important, Mr. Muscles back against the remaining equipment shed wall. Once! Twice! But the third time was the charm. Now he was out for the count too.

I dragged the two of them together and placed my hands on their heads. What to do, what to do? I took a deep, centering breath, and all my power was there.

There was nothing, nothing like the feeling. Think of the best you’ve ever felt physically, lying down after a long run, dropping yourself into a favorite chair after a long day at school, plunging into a pool on a hot day.

Now, times it by a million or so.

My power was everything good and bright and alive absorbed and condensed into pure energy. I was its portal. I felt it bubble up like molten metal from my chest, through my arms, into my hands.

“I now pronounce you… elephant turds,” I told my attackers. “And yes, I’m serious about that.”

Both morons curled into fetal positions. They lay on the grass with their eyes open, limp and motionless. Like, well, elephant turds.

How do you like that? My mighty mastodon obsession had finally paid off big-time. Maybe my friends wouldn’t be teasing me about it anymore.

By the way, I’m not crazy for thinking elephants are completely amazing. You will too when you know this true story: Elephants were brought to Earth about three million years ago. From my planet. It was my people’s gift to Terra Firma.

How’s that for an FYI?

Elephants are aliens too!