Dead at First Sight

36 Tuesday 2 October

‘Hello?’ Johnny Fordwater answered cautiously, his hands reeking of oil.

‘Hey, buddy, how you doing?’

It was Gerry. Sounding irrepressibly cheerful.

‘Not that great, actually, but thanks for asking.’ Johnny glanced at his watch and did a quick calculation. Gerry was in the Midwest. Six or was it seven hours behind the UK? Mid-morning for him. He looked down at his gun. It lay there, taunting him.

Try again, Major Failure!

‘Look, buddy, I’m feeling pretty gutted myself, for suggesting online dating.’

‘Well, you were only trying to be helpful, Gerry — and you had a great experience — you found a beautiful lady in Katrina.’

‘Karen,’ Gerry corrected him.

‘Karen, yes, sorry. You’re a lucky guy.’

He fell silent, fixated on his gun. Tempted. So tempted to pick it up and end it all whilst still talking to Gerry.

Interrupting his chain of thought, Gerry said, ‘Thought you might want to know the same’s happened to another buddy of mine, a former NYPD detective who went through one shitstorm of a divorce and then thought he’d met his soulmate. Instead, she rinsed him. I feel terrible, buddy — like, I’m the idiot who made all this happen.’

‘Gerry, I don’t blame you in any way. I know you meant well, and it’s not your fault, I was just incredibly stupid. I just... I... I should have seen it. Blinded by love, I guess.’

‘These internet scammers are smart. They know how to yank someone’s chain every which way.’

‘Very neatly put.’

‘OK, here’s the thing. My ex-NYPD buddy, Matthew Sorokin, isn’t gonna take this lying down. I hope you don’t mind, but I told him about your situation and he’d like to talk to you — can I hook you guys up?’

Well, I’d like to but I’m just about to blow my brains out, as soon as you get off the line, if that’s all right with you, Gerry? Johnny was tempted to say. Instead he found himself saying, ‘Sure, Gerry, I’d be really interested to talk to him.’