Domme By Default

Chapter 5 Her

I had to back up a few steps. I was in virgin territory—

forgive the pun—and had no clue how to proceed. I wouldn't beat my husband. I would look like a nightmare in latex, not that I wanted to wear it in the first place.

I didn't want to be one of "those" people you could download off the torrent sites and watch writhing in agony and ecstasy.

Oh, gods, please don't let him want to be wrapped in a diaper or dressed like a girl!

There were limits to what I could do for him. Limits that even if I tried to cross I knew would send me over the edge. I desperately wanted to give this man any and everything he asked of me. That was the depths of my love for him. There were some things, however, I knew I could not do.

Not if I wanted to hold onto my sanity and self-respect.

I remembered that one of the writers I knew was a Dom. A real life, wield a whip Dom.

The next evening, I saw Tony on IM. I sent him a message.

I have a question.

Shoot.

I knew he'd keep his mouth shut, but it was still hard to type the words.

My dh wants to be my sub.

A moment of panic as his reply was delayed.

What do you want?

I'd always joked that in our house, I was queen of all she surveyed. The Alpha bitch. The final voice.

Joked.

Yes, in many things that was true, but I tried when I could to get my husband to make the call.

I want to make him happy.

That was a cop-out answer and I knew it. Tony either gave me a pass or missed it entirely.

So what do you want to know?

He wants to try anal.

So get him a butt plug...

And so the conversation went. That's how I found myself standing outside the adult toy store, alone, fighting my tears, trying to suck it up and be a Domme.

Domme by default.

The opportunist in me mentally filed away details for future use in a story. Hah! I admit it, everything's fair game in my life. It's how I make my living.

I never realized anal toys came in such a wide variety of sizes, shapes, and colors. They ranged from why bother? to is it in yet? to holy fucking shit there's no way in hell that'll fit.

I stared at the display and the chipper sales girl helped me make a decision. I picked two that didn't scare the living daylights out of me. The girl suggested a bottle of silicone lubricant to go with them, offered me some surreally helpful advice for my husband for his first time using them, and twenty minutes later I was back in my car with my purchase.

That was a long drive home, even though it only lasted twenty minutes.

I'd had no idea what to do. I'd worried I'd hurt my husband, had no clue how to introduce these to him and had admitted this to Tony.

I recalled Tony's advice. Give him the butt plugs and the lube and tell him to go play for a set amount of time. He'll come out blushing and grinning.

Well, I had to start somewhere.

I'd done a little research ahead of time, before leaving on my unusual shopping trip. My husband was sitting at his desk, naked, reading email on his laptop.

His eyes lit up when I handed him the bag. He started to stand and I said, "Wait." I reached over him and typed in a website, navigated to the page I had already scoped out, and pointed. "Reading assignment. After you read, you can go into the bedroom and play for thirty minutes."

He eagerly nodded, apparently no longer capable of coherent speech.

I took a deep breath. "Remember, you're not allowed to come."

He smiled, nodding.

"Don't open the bag until after you're in the bedroom."

He nodded again. As I moved out of the way he saw the page was a user-friendly instructional guide for newbies to anal plugs and how to properly use them.

Yes, there are such pages.

I know, surprised the crap out of me, too. I guess you really can find anything on the internet.

I returned to the living room and tried to write. I wasn't sitting in a direct line of sight of our bedroom, but I heard him get up a few minutes later and walk into our bedroom and close the door.

I swallowed hard.

I tried to read email. I tried to web surf. I tried reading news and ten minutes later I was tiptoeing down the hall and standing outside our bedroom door, listening.

I couldn't hear much. I heard the bed move, meaning he was in it. I thought I heard him moan, I wasn't sure.

It was tempting to join him but I needed to do this.

He needed to do this.

He wanted me to be his Domme. That meant I needed to learn to hold my ground when I gave him a command. That was part of it, right?

I forced myself back to the couch and thirty minutes after I'd heard the door shut, our bedroom door opened.

He was blushing, grinning from ear to ear, and his hair looked like he'd been through a wind tunnel.

I'll be damned. Tony was right.

"Well?" I asked.

He nodded and leaned over the back of the couch and kissed me. "Wow!"

I tried for cool but knew I veered hard into curious. "So you know how to use them?"

He eagerly nodded.

I mean, how do you hold a conversation like this with the man you love? Do you say, "Hey, honey, how's it feel to have a butt plug up your ass?"

What's the etiquette for a situation like that?