Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine. Vol. 129, No. 1. Whole No. 785, January 2007

The Royals of San Marco High by Jodi Tamara Harrison

Jodi Harrison has been writing stories, poems, and songs since she was six, but up till now she has shared them only with family and friends. She is a lawyer, and currently lives and works in North Carolina, though she confesses that her heart remains in the lake country of northwest Montana where she was born and raised.

So you’re recording this now? No, I do not want my mom here. She’d be all, Ashley, you snuck out? Ashley, why aren’t you in school? I mean, sure, one of my best friends was just murdered, but that doesn’t mean my mom would be okay with me skipping school. Can’t I just tell you what I know? If I help you figure out who killed Chelsey, then you can help me explain to my mom why I’m at the police station instead of in math class. Okay?

Okay. The four of us all go to San Marco High — Lauren and Chelsey and Madison and me. We are, like, the royalty of San Marco High. You’re probably going, love yourself much? but I’m not saying we call ourselves that. That’s what everybody else calls us — the Royals. Not the teachers but, you know, everybody who counts. People watch us and listen to us. And some of the other girls really, really hate us. They say some really mean stuff behind our backs, but never to our faces, because if we cut you dead you are dead at school. Life can’t suck much worse than being on our shit list. But the list is totally short! Because like our Current Affairs teacher, Mr. Addison, says, if you have power, you have to use it responsibly.

So, anyway, the four of us are totally close. We hang out together and eat lunch together — nobody sits at our table without an invitation. We call each other and decide what we’re going to wear and how we’ll do our hair. Mostly Chelsey does that because she’s so totally into fashion. Was, I mean. And we date the best guys, like the varsity football players and the guys on the water polo team — who are totally built — but we never steal guys from each other because we’re friends and friends don’t do that.

It’s weird, people think we’re all the same and at the same time they think we’re all different, and neither of those is right. What I mean is, everyone thinks we’re all the same just because we wear the same styles and live in the same neighborhood and are all really popular, but we’re not really that much alike. And then people stick us in these different roles, like we’re the Powerpuff Girls or something, and that’s not right either. Like, I’m the Smart One, just because I get good grades and actually take honors classes, but I don’t think I’m that much smarter than the other girls, I just — I like school. I’m totally not supposed to admit that, but it’s the truth. Madison is the Shy One, except she really isn’t, she just doesn’t like to talk to people, except guys, and then she sort of looks up at them through her hair and they’re like, man, she is so cute and shy, but she isn’t, she’s just reeling them in, you know? Same thing with Chelsey — she’s supposed to be the Nice One ’cause she talks to everyone, but it isn’t like it’s that hard to say hi to people in the halls. But if you really piss her off? She will make you pay for it big time. Like I borrowed this Donna Karan sweater of hers one time? I snagged it getting out of Josh Miner’s Miata but it was totally an accident and I was like, I’m really sorry and I’ll buy you a new one, which I did, but she still didn’t speak to me for, like, three weeks. Which kind of pissed me off, you know? So then I was all, I don’t need to talk to her either if she’s going to be such a bitch, but Lauren was like, both of you just get over it. Lauren’s role is the Leader and, yeah, I guess that’s accurate. But I think she’s in charge because the rest of us don’t really care about making the plans and basically driving the bus, and she likes to do it. It’s not like she’s got Stellar Leadership Qualities, though I’m actually kind of impressed she thought of this. Though maybe Tanner thought of it. I know he must be sort of smart since now he’s Mister “Going to West Point,” but he totally cheated on the U.S. Government exam, so it’s not like you can tell how smart he is by the grades he gets. That really pissed me off — because I studied for that test! And I got an A, of course, but on my own, but he got an A because he assists Mrs. Chelmiak in our Government class and has access to her desk, and he totally stole the answer key and photocopied it. And then? After the test? He was totally waving the answer key around and telling people he had it, which is majorly not smart, until Chelsey took it away from him and stuffed it in her backpack and told him not to be an idiot.

So anyway. Where was I? Oh yeah. The other thing you need to know is that the Royals all live in the same neighborhood. Because we live pretty close together, our parents all know each other and so stuff gets kind of connected between us, you know? Like Chelsey’s dad put in a security system with codes and stuff because he heard from Madison’s dad that a house got broken into on their street. And then he totally drilled into Chelsey that you have to set the system every time you leave the house and he must have told her, like, a zillion times, until Chelsey was all, hey, Madison, tell your dad thanks from me. Madison was like, whatever, because that’s just how parents are — overkill, you know? Then Lauren and Chelsey live right next-door to each other, and Chelsey goes over to Lauren’s house to use the pool a lot because Chelsey doesn’t have a pool. And Lauren’s pool? When her parents re-did the backyard and put it in, they threw this humongous pool party and the whole neighborhood came, including all our families. And everyone was like, ooh, it’s so fabulous, even though the pool area is not fabulous, it’s pretty much the most bizarre thing you’ve ever seen — it’s done up like you’re in India or something, with fake torches and big woven fans and loud fabrics on the furniture and even a big freaking cement elephant in the corner of the patio. But the worst part of it is that spaced out along the pool are these four skinny pillars and on top of each is a granite monkey bigger than a football. One has its hands over its eyes, one has its hands over its ears, one has its hands over its mouth, and one’s making this awful frowny face. My mom said that they mean “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, have no fun,” and that people thought those kind of monkeys were really hilarious, like, a zillion years ago. I told her I didn’t get it; I just thought they were ugly. Ashley, she said, those monkeys are proof money doesn’t buy taste. And as much as I hate to agree with my mom, she’s totally right.

Anyway, like I said, our families are pretty connected. Like Chelsey’s mom and my mom do yoga together, and Madison’s parents and Lauren’s parents play bridge together on Saturdays, and our housekeeper, Lupe, is the sister of Chelsey’s housekeeper, Consuelo. They’re both from Guatemala. Lupe and Consuelo, I mean. My mom was telling Chelsey’s mom about what a treasure Lupe is, and Chelsey’s mom was all, I’m looking for a housekeeper, and my mom was all, Lupe has a sister — you get the picture.

Okay. So last weekend? Friday night I snuck out and the girls and I went to this party that Mercedes Pearson was throwing. Mercedes is not really the Royals’ type but her brother is a freshman at the university and a bunch of his friends were supposed to be there, so we went. We were all hoping to meet some college guys, except Chelsey, who claimed she wasn’t interested because she’s dating Tanner. Was dating him, I mean. She’s all, no college boy can compete, and we were all, as if! Because Tanner may be going to West Point next fall, but he’s just high school now and he is not all that compared to a college guy. There’s no denying Tanner was the catch of the school when he moved here last fall — clearly the leader of all the guys who are fit to date. You’d think he’d have dated Lauren, but no — he’s been with Chelsey since almost the day he got here. And I totally think Lauren would have loved to have him instead — she’s the Queen, you know, so she should date the King — but I don’t think any of us thought that was an issue because we don’t steal guys, like I said.

Anyway, this party was totally lame. It ended up that it wasn’t even at Mercedes’ house, it was just some booze-fest out at a quarry west of town. Now, come on — the Royals at a quarry? Sitting around on rocks? Madison and I were totally like, let’s just go, but I guess Lauren and Chelsey were having fun because pretty soon it’s, like, four hours later. And Madison and I were like, let’s go, this party sucks. And then two things happened: First, Lauren got really cold because she didn’t wear anything over her Juicy spaghetti-strap top, and second, Chelsey got really drunk on Jägermeister and really, really had to go home. But Tanner couldn’t take her home because she’d told her mom she was out with me. So Madison took Chelsey and me home but Chelsey left her green leather bomber jacket with Lauren ‘cause Lauren was staying and Lauren was cold. And that green leather? It is totally Chelsey’s favorite jacket. I called her the next day and she was kind of ticked because Lauren said she had left the jacket in Tanner’s Jeep. And Chelsey was all, what was Lauren doing in Tanner’s Jeep, and how come she didn’t take care of my coat? And I was all, relax, he probably gave her a ride home, since she didn’t come home with us. But Chelsey was really more ticked that Lauren had forgotten her stupid jacket. So I go, Tanner has it, it’s not like it’s lost, so just chill, okay? And she said, yeah, Tanner said he’d bring it the next time he comes by. Then I told her about how my mom was making me go with her to visit my grandma in Lorna Vista, which was going to be beyond boring, plus it was way too hot for driving, unless it was to the beach or something. Chelsey said, yeah, her parents were going up to Mendocino to see some gallery a friend of theirs was opening and she was supposed to go with them, but she was pretty hung over so she didn’t think she was going to go. I said I wished I could stay home, but it’s not like you can get out of visiting your grandma. I tried; I asked my mom if I could stay home instead and she said, if I have to go see her then so do you. So I told Chelsey I’d probably talk to her Sunday or for sure see her in school on Monday, and that was it. That was the last time I talked to her.

After that, I remember I went downstairs and Lupe was just coming in with some bags from Wal-Mart, because Saturday is one of her days off and she and Consuelo had been shopping. I love Lupe and we totally get along great, so she was showing me these new shoes she got at Wal-Mart. They were these beige low-heel sandals and she was talking about what a bargain they were and I was thinking thank God I don’t have to shop at Wal-Mart and wear ugly shoes like those. But I totally did not say that because I would never be mean to Lupe and she thought they were great and a total bargain. Consuelo got a pair, too. They were on sale because the sizes were so small — Lupe and Consuelo have little feet because they’re Guatemalan. Not that you have to be Guatemalan to have little feet; Chelsey has little feet, too, and she’s not Guatemalan. But anyway, these shoes were, like, extra small and on clearance so they both got a pair, and Lupe is all, isn’t this great? and I was all, yeah, that’s really great, oh, they’re really nice. Then Lupe went up to her room and my mom made me get in the car and go to Lorna Vista, so that blew the rest of my Saturday and most of Sunday, too.

Then, you know, it was all over the news when we got home on Sunday. I was up in my room doing my nails and my mom goes, Ashley! Ashley! Come down here! Usually I ignore her but she sounded all weird so I went downstairs. She had the news on and this helmet-haired woman reporter was standing in front of Chelsey’s house with a microphone and talking super-seriously about the tragic death of some girl who had been found in this really skeevy neighborhood over on the east side with her head smashed in. At first I didn’t get it. I’m thinking, why is she standing outside Chelsey’s house? But then my mom grabbed my hand and put her other hand over her mouth and I realized — they must be talking about Chelsey. Because she doesn’t have any sisters, you know? Didn’t, I mean.

So then Helmet Head was talking to Chelsey’s mom, who was, like, beside herself, obviously, and then they did that camera shot they do where they show the body from the knees down because they can’t really show the body — I think that is the grossest, why do they do that? Just show the feet, I mean? Do they think we don’t believe that somebody’s dead if they don’t show part of the body? I felt really sick and freaked out, so I ran back upstairs. Then my mom was knocking on my door and saying, Ashley, honey? in a tone of voice she hasn’t used since I was, like, nine, but I told her to go away and she did.

Then of course Madison called and she was all, oh my God, and then Lauren called and she was like, oh my God. She was crying and saying how she wished she had seen Chelsey again after the party, and how weird it was that the last thing she said to Chelsey was something totally dumb like, can I borrow your coat, and she wished she’d said something else instead. After that I called Tanner because I was kind of worried about him, and he said almost the same exact thing, about how he wished he had seen Chelsey after the party and that you just never know when the last time you see someone will be. He got kind of choked up, which I thought was really touching at the time but now really pisses me off, and frankly is one of the reasons I’m here at all.

So Sunday really sucked, as you can imagine. I was laying in bed that night thinking about the report on TV and I got this really anxious feeling, like there was something that my mind was trying to tell me but I didn’t really want to know. I know that doesn’t really make sense, but that was the feeling, just really weird, like part of me was saying, think about this, and another part was saying, don’t think about it, don’t think about it. But I couldn’t sleep so I did think about it, about everything I’d seen on the TV. I got this totally freaked-out feeling because I realized what I’d seen and heard earlier but had been too upset to really understand. It was two things, actually.

First, there was that interview with Chelsey’s mother, who was totally crying and saying, I can’t believe she’s gone, her room looks like she could walk in any moment, her schoolbooks are on her desk, her purse is on her dresser, and her favorite jacket is on her chair. Because I know damn well Chelsey’s favorite jacket is the green jacket that was in Tanner’s Jeep and Tanner said he hadn’t seen her after the party, so how did she get her coat back? But then I was like, chill out, Ashley, maybe her mom thinks a different jacket is her favorite jacket, because you never know if parents have a clue or not, you know? But the second thing was worse. I was thinking about that awful shot of Chelsey’s legs and feet, how they were sort of facing down and one was kind of turned in, and just how creepy that whole thing was, and I realized, she was totally wearing the wrong shoes. She was wearing a pair of beige low-heeled sandals just like the ones Lupe bought at Wal-Mart, and Chelsey would not be caught dead — I mean, would never wear those ugly Wal-Mart shoes.

I couldn’t get the jacket and the shoes out of my head. So Monday morning I went over to Chelsey’s house and rang the bell, and her mom answered and she just looked like absolute shit, and I felt pretty bad myself for bothering her. But I gave her a big hug and told her how sorry I was, and then I said that Chelsey had borrowed my math homework on Friday and I needed it back, which was a total lie. Chelsey’s mom sent me up to her room to get my fake homework and sure enough — there was Chelsey’s green leather jacket hanging off the back of her desk chair. So then I knew that Tanner had totally lied to me, but I couldn’t think why. I can’t tell you why I didn’t just ask him, either, except that I knew that something was way wrong with his story and I guess that made me not trust him. I left Chelsey’s and went to school and Madison was all teary and upset, and so was Lauren, and Tanner looked just awful. And everyone at school was like, oh my God, you guys, we’re so sorry, and I think some of them were but, you know, some of them totally weren’t. So I basically kept to myself all day. But then, on my way to Applied Design after lunch? I came around the corner by the art rooms and there were Lauren and Tanner, hiding in this little alcove and making out big time. And I was like, oh my God. I just turned and walked away real fast, but Lauren chased after me and she was all, Ashley, Ashley, it’s not what you think, we’re just both so sad. And I go, my God, Lauren, Chelsey hasn’t been dead a whole day, and she goes, I’m sorry, Ashley! It’s not what it looks like! And I go, really? Because it looked like you had your tongue down his throat. She didn’t say anything else, so I just left. “Not what it looked like” — it was exactly what it looked like, which was something hot and in progress, not friends comforting each other and not their first kiss.

After school I went home and turned on Oprah but I really wasn’t watching it, I was kind of freaking out about Lauren and Tanner, plus I was trying not to think about the jacket and the shoes, but then Lauren called me and asked me to come over. My mom was totally hovering, which was bugging the shit out of me, so even though I was pretty pissed at Lauren, I went over. We went out by the pool to talk because Consuelo was in the kitchen, and Lauren said she wanted to explain about her and Tanner, about how they’d never done that sort of thing before, which of course was total bullshit but I didn’t feel like getting into it with her so I was like, whatever. I was looking off in the other direction and I said, hey, what happened to the see-no-evil monkey? Because it was missing from the pillar. She said she banged into the pillar on Saturday night and the monkey fell off and broke into a bunch of pieces, and she knew her dad would have been totally ticked with her except that he felt bad for her because of Chelsey. I go, it’s lucky the monkey didn’t break the floor tiles, and she goes, yeah, that was lucky.

Right then I knew. I don’t know how I did, but I did. So then I had to get out of there because I was sure I was looking at Lauren really oddly and I didn’t know if I could act normal, so I just was like, whatever, Lauren, I have to go home. I could hardly sleep last night, which is, like, two nights in a row, but I decided that instead of going to school today I would come down here and ask to speak to whoever was investigating Chelsey’s death. So here we are, sitting in this pea-green little room. And you’ve got to believe me: Even though I can’t explain why I’m so sure, I think I can tell you what happened. But then you guys will have to prove it.

Here’s what I think happened: Tanner stopped by Chelsey’s house to give her back her jacket and one or the other of them said, let’s go over to Lauren’s house to swim because it’s so hot. Lauren’s parents weren’t there, they were playing bridge at Madison’s house. So then Lauren and Chelsey and Tanner were all over at Lauren’s house and something happened and Chelsey caught on that Tanner was totally stepping out on her with Lauren. Maybe those two were off kissing in a corner like they did at school, I don’t know. But that would totally piss Chelsey off, I mean she would have gone postal about it. Then I think she was probably screaming at them both and telling Tanner that when the school found out he cheated on the U.S. Government exam there was no way he would get into West Point. She probably told him that she could prove it, because she probably still had the answer key, which only he could have snagged from Mrs. Chelmiak’s desk. And she totally would have done it, too, because she is vicious when she’s pissed. Nice One, my ass. Then one or the other of them hit her with that stupid monkey. Because you know what? That monkey was made of stone, not cement, and if it fell off its pillar it might chip but it wouldn’t break into pieces, anyone could tell you that. But it sure would have broken the tile floor, which wasn’t broken at all.

I’m guessing that Chelsey came over barefoot in just her swimsuit, because that would explain why she didn’t have shoes. I mean, she couldn’t have had her own shoes with her, because Tanner and Lauren would have put them back on her, right? Tanner and Lauren could dress her in some of Lauren’s clothes; we all dress pretty much alike so maybe no one would notice. But they couldn’t dump her out with no shoes on, because then you guys would totally know she didn’t get way over to the east side under her own power. The thing is, Lauren’s feet are, like, three sizes bigger than Chelsey’s, so none of her shoes would fit. Plus, the way Chelsey’s dad was always ragging on her to set the alarm if she left the house, I bet Lauren and Tanner couldn’t get back into Chelsey’s house to get any shoes to put on her. But if Consuelo was as proud of her Wal-Mart shoes as Lupe was, maybe she showed them to Lauren. Chelsey has little feet like Consuelo does, and so Chelsey ends up wearing Consuelo’s shoes.

So I’m totally not telling you how to do your job or anything, but I do watch CSI, and if I were you, here’s what I’d do. The quarry? The one where the party was at? I’d look back out there for that dumb monkey, because if it’s not broken, they must have ditched it somewhere. Lauren wouldn’t be smart enough to think of a place and Tanner hasn’t lived here long enough to know the area well. And I’d spray some of that blood-finding spray in the trunk of Lauren’s BMW, because they couldn’t have hauled a body around in Tanner’s Jeep. You might spray that stuff around the base of that monkey pillar, too. Then check with Consuelo — I bet you a million dollars her new shoes are gone. And ask Tanner why he lied about Chelsey’s jacket. That part I can’t figure out, unless he just got scared and decided it would be better to act like he didn’t see her that day at all. Really, all you probably have to do is tell one that the other confessed, like they do on Law & Order. They’ll totally spit it all out — I don’t think Lauren would go to prison for Tanner, and I guarantee he wouldn’t go to prison for her, he’s too pretty.

Anyway, I hope this helps you and that you can prove it. It feels like the least I can do for Chelsey, you know? But this isn’t easy for me. Lauren and Tanner may have killed Chelsey, but I’m killing the Royals, which may not be a big deal to you, but it’s a big deal to me. I mean, you don’t know how vicious some girls can be, and now it will be just Madison and me against everyone else. So I really hope it’s worth it, because once this gets out at school, the rest of the year is totally going to suck.

Copyright ©2006 by Jodi Tamara Harrison