Fireblood

NINE

Breakfast is awkward the next morning. Sebastian won’t meet my eyes, and he continually kneads his temples, likely trying to massage away the headache from his hangover.

I attempted to feign a headache of my own this morning, claiming the betrothal and celebration had taxed me. I pleaded with Madity to let me rest in my chamber all day. After tending to the cuts on my hands, she so worried that she threatened to call the castle physician. That was enough to get me out of bed.

Now I question my choice, the idea that facing Sebastian would be better than being probed. As I sit across from him, I remember the fierce glint in his eyes as he forced me to look into them, and I grip my fork. The hard metal cuts into my palm.

I must find a way to move past this. My behavior toward him last night was wretched, true, but it was undeserving of my being treated like a whore. I inhale deeply. I must forgive his actions, if only because he’s given me a new purpose. Something more than just becoming stronger and learning to use my dagger: become self-sufficient.

Sebastian’s hand shakes as he lifts his glass of water. “I will never drink again.”

Looking down at my plate, I lower my fork, forcing my hand to release its death grip.

“Zara,” he says, and I meet his eyes. “Can you forgive…?” He trails off. His eyes fall to the table. “I apologize for my behavior last night.”

I wonder if I should let him simmer in his shame a little longer, but I have more important things for the day. I need to work this to my advantage. “I forgive you, Sebastian. It was not you, but the wine.” I smile, my lips twitching. “Only, do not think I’ll be so agreeable the next time you decide to drink Karm dry of alcohol.”

His lips curl into a small smile. “Then you are not angry with me?”

I force my smile wider. “I—” Damn. I’m still enraged, and I can feel his firm lips forcing a kiss on me. My first one. I close my eyes, take in a cleansing breath, and Devlan’s words come back to me. It doesn’t count.

“I’m not very angry anymore,” I say. “But don’t assume this means you are welcome to whatever you please.” I glare at him. Sebastian’s words from last night hit me like a punch. You’re mine. I shake my head, clearing the disturbing memory. “Now. What are your plans for the day?”

He’s taken back by my sudden change of topic, and his brow shoots up. “I haven’t gotten further than working up my apology to you, to be honest.” He reaches across the table and takes my hand. “Let me make it up to you. I’ll postpone my joust practice until the morrow. We can do anything you’d like today.”

Apologetic Sebastian is very different from Vain and Disturbing Sebastian. Is it an act? Or is his hangover so miserable it’s taken him off his game? I think for a moment, calculating the order in which I need to work my plan.

“All right.” I smile brightly. Let’s see how far I can push this. “I want to learn how to ride a horse.”

His features fall, and I’m sure he’s going to deny my request. But then he smiles and says, “Done.”

“Really?”

“Of course. As a matter of fact, Devlan mentioned this morning you were interested in learning to ride.” He glances at his first knight for affirmation, and Devlan nods once. “I was considering it,” he pauses to laugh, “just not today, since my head feels like it’s been used as a practice target for the joust.” His gaze works over my face. “But I want you happy. If riding will do so, I feel I have no choice but to suffer through the pain.”

I smile, preparing to speak my next words nonchalantly. “Devlan mentioned a stable hand. Jericho, I believe. I’m fine learning from him today if you’re too unwell.”

He eyes me curiously. “I endeavor to make this up to you. And there’s no better rider than me, Zara. You will be well acquainted with riding before the day’s end.”

I nod. Though I’d rather not spend an entire day with him, I believe he’s undoubtedly a good rider. Also, I want to learn quickly. Once I have horseback riding conquered, I can move on to archery, and then to learning important skills I suspect Madity has, and lastly, studying how the knights train. That one will be easily enough obtained while I attend the practice tourneys for the tournament.

“Your aching head shall be your punishment, then,” I say. “Let it be a reminder for the next time you consider drinking yourself into oblivion.”

He laughs and brings my hand to his lips, kissing it softly. “It couldn’t have been all that bad.” His voice drops to a whisper. “Surely, the thought of my lips on yours is not the worst thing you can imagine.”

My stomach sinks, and the memory of his lips trailing over my skin causes my face to heat. “Sebastian.” I say his name as a warning.

He releases my hand. “Right.” He clears his throat. “Call on your maid. You’ll need to change your gown.”

I scrunch my brow. “Into what?”

All I have are dresses. The tunics I brought from the farm have disappeared. It’s not as if I can wear hose or trousers like a man, though I’d gladly trade my embroidered gowns for them any day.

“You’ll need a simple dress. Something you don’t mind being ruined if you should fall.”

“Fall?” The thought hadn’t occurred to me. “Are you so poor a teacher that I’m in danger of falling?”

His eyes darken. I shrink back, regretting my outburst, but his bothered expression is quickly replaced by a bright smile. “I promise, no harm will come to you.” He rises from his seat and looks down at me. “But,” he says, a devious smile creeping onto his face, “plan on getting a bit dirty, my love. I ride hard.”

Madity changes me into a plain brown, full-length tunic. It’s more comfortable than my gowns and reminds me of what I used to wear every day back at my father’s farm. I sigh, thinking that even though I’ve only spent a few days stuck behind these walls, it feels like a lifetime.

I hike up the hem of my dress and hurry toward the stable, determination marching my feet forward. Learning to ride is one step closer to freedom. I still have nearly two months before the wedding in which to learn, but I want to be free from here as soon as possible. Even if that means living in the outskirts of Karm.

The only thing that hinders my plan is the damned wall surrounding Court. There has to be a way past it. It’s not as if I can simply walk through the electrified gate. The rare moments when it’s powered down and open, guards are posted in the gatehouse towers. I’d consider climbing the wall, but it’s as high as a small mountain. Even if I found a useful device to get me over, I’d be spotted. Tunneling under it seems logical. But how long would that take me? I’d be caught surely.

There has to be a way.

But once I make it out, then what? I wish I had a place prepared, but there’s not enough time to gain Sebastian’s trust in order to leave Court and arrange one. Even if I did have more time, where would I go? The best I can hope for is finding an abandoned cottage tucked away in the forest. My father took me to the woods often, and I felt safe playing in them as a girl. It will be like I’m close to him again.

Devlan walks behind me as usual. He’s not said much since breakfast, but I’m getting used to him tagging along. It still irks me that he follows behind like a damned servant, but battling formalities is the least of my worries today.

With each step toward the stable, I’m getting closer to breaking free.

Sebastian is already atop his gorgeous white horse, and he canters her around the fenced-in area surrounding the stable. His blond hair shimmers in the bright noon sun, and his back is set straight, looking like he has ridden every day of his life.

I climb the bottom post and rest my stomach against the top rail, then lean over and stretch my hand out to greet Hawken as she’s strutted over. “Hey there, girl.” I pet the velvety hair between her nostrils, then turn my palm up so she can scent me.

Sebastian dismounts and hops easily over the fence. “Ready?” Without waiting for my reply, he grasps my waist and hoists me up and over the top of the fence, seating me on the rail.

I teeter, gripping the wood for balance, while he climbs over to the other side. “Here.” He takes me by the waist again and slowly lowers me to the ground. His hands linger, keeping me close, and I push against his chest to back him away.

Whatever his mind is entertaining, I won’t allow him to use teaching me to ride for his games. I’ll remind him with every movement that I do not belong to him.

While Sebastian adjusts the saddle, my eyes inadvertently seek Devlan. He leans leisurely against the fence, his forearms draped over the wood beam, and stares at the ground. He doesn’t speak much most of the time, but when Sebastian is near, he’s even quieter. I wonder if that’s what’s expected of his station. Today, he’s downright mute. Maybe he was reprimanded for coming to my aid last night after all.

“Zara,” Sebastian calls, gaining my attention. “Let’s begin your lesson, shall we?”

I nod, but suddenly I’m not as brave when he takes my hand and guides me to the horse. She’s beautiful from a distance, and even when petting her. Standing next to her now, the mere size of the horse makes my stomach queasy.

“Trust me.” With a wink, Sebastian steps into the stirrup and mounts his horse.

I take in a calming breath as he extends his hand. “Jump as I pull,” he instructs. I do. He slings me onto the back of Hawken and I nearly fall off the other side. “Whoa.” He reaches his other arm around and catches me as Hawken shifts her weight beneath us. “Mayhap, less jump next time.”

“Or less pull,” I grumble.

He huffs. “Does everything have to be an argument?” He shakes his head. “How am I to teach you if you combat everything I say?”

Good point. I swallow my pride. “Fine.” Sitting sidesaddle, I look around at my position, and cross my ankles as instructed. Luckily, I planned ahead and strapped my dagger to my inner thigh, so it’s not gouging me during the ride. “Where do I place my hands?”

He chuckles. “Oh, that’s a loaded question.”

“Sebastian,” I say, my warning clear.

“Place them here.” He grabs my wrists and wraps my arms around his waist, resting my hands on his taut stomach. His thumb grazes the back of my hand, but he says nothing about the fading cuts.

He kicks his heels, urging Hawken into a trot. I tighten my hold and scoot closer to him. The bounce under my bottom makes me nervous as I slide around on the saddle, and I’m even more grateful that I situated my dagger beforehand.

I quickly slip a hand in my tunic pocket and discretely feel for the communicator Devlan gave me, before anchoring my arms back around Sebastian.

As we pass Devlan, Sebastian says, “I’m taking Zara out. Tell the kitchen to hold supper until we return.”

I look at Devlan, expecting him to insist we need him with us. His face is still downcast, his eyes trained on the ground. He only nods, then turns and heads toward the castle. Panic trails its finger down my spine. I had assumed Devlan would ride along. I don’t want to be anywhere alone with Sebastian.

Pushing my unease into the pit of my stomach, I focus my attention on staying seated on the horse. I will not allow the prince to intimidate me. “Where are we going?”

“We can’t go into town. Not without our guards accompanying us. But I can take you somewhere just outside Court. Somewhere that might show you what life can be like here if you…” He trails off.

“If I what?” I press.

“If you would just give me—give it—a chance.”

He quickly corrected his statement, but his message was clear. This venture out is not to convince me to enjoy castle life. It’s to sway me to give in to his affections. I curse myself for not making it a point to wait for the stable hand.

This is a mistake.

“You might want to hold me tighter, my love.” I can hear the smile in his voice. I stiffen my back, angered that I allowed myself into this situation, but I do as he says when he kicks her sides and Hawken breaks into a canter.

The wind blows my hair back, and the heavy thud of Hawken’s hooves hitting the ground rings through my chest, a drumming that matches the rhythm of her strides. I latch my hands together, squeezing his waist so firmly I’m probably hurting him, but he says nothing. Not that I could hear him over the whistling in my ears or the pounding of the horse’s hooves.

We ride hard and fast for a short while, and soon I’m lost in the sensation—the feeling of freedom the speed brings. When we slow, the sound of the woods is muffled in my ears, the crickets’ buzz a distant noise. A low trickling echoes against the trees, and a winding brook comes into view. We’re right up on the stone wall, and the treetops of the dense forest beyond peek over its top.

Sebastian leans back, pulling the reins, and Hawken whinnies and comes to a stop. “Whoa,” he says. “Good girl. Good girl.” He unclasps my hands from around his stomach. They’ve been locked together so tightly I can’t feel my fingers.

He reaches behind and offers me his hand. I take it, and he helps me balance and slide sideways off the horse. As my feet hit the ground, I immediately stumble. “Oh, God,” I say. I can’t feel my butt. Or the back of my thighs.

After he dismounts, he laughs and places his arm around my waist, steadying me. “I forgot. The first time you might be a little numb.”

Despite myself, I laugh. “Just a little.” I shake out my legs one at a time. I’m so elated from the experience that I don’t immediately notice his arm still around me. I pull away, wary of why we’ve stopped. A sickness settles in the pit of my stomach. “Am I to learn here? Where are we?”

Sebastian releases me completely and walks Hawken to a tree where he loops the reins loosely over a branch, then motions for me to follow him. Cautiously, I match his steps, though my legs are still unsteady.

He heads toward the wall. “Follow close.”

My limbs shake as I move slowly. I press my hand to my chest and feel the communicator beneath my palm.

How long would it take Devlan to get here?

A tiny, snaking brook runs underneath the wall, and as we get closer, I see where the stone has crumbled into the water, creating a passage. My heart leaps. I glance at Sebastian nervously. He’s revealing a way out. An escape route—my escape route. Is he aware of what he’s doing?

Sebastian pushes the overgrowth aside, revealing the passage fully. It’s larger than it first appeared. We step along the stones jutting from the top of the brook as we pass through the jagged opening. As I clear the hole, I note that it would be only slightly difficult to bring a horse through, but not impossible.

On the other side of the wall, the forest is thick and bathed in light from the high sun, creating an enchanted feel. The brook widens into a stream as it stretches deeper into the forest. Birds tweet in the braches above, adding a hollow, sharp echo that cracks against the thick pines.

“I used to come here as a boy,” Sebastian says, breaking the secluded spell. “It’s my favorite place in all of Karm.”

It is beautiful. The sun splinters through the treetops, scattering sparkles over the tiny stream, and large, dark boulders decorate its bank. As we continue to walk along the edge of the water, a small clearing opens up around us. Two logs are seated near each other, turned up to use as seats.

Why has he shown me the hole in the wall? Is he so confident in himself, so assured in his charms, that he doesn’t even question whether I’d run? Then I remember the Eyes. This place must be monitored. He wouldn’t give away a secret like this.

I stare at the empty seats, my curiosity piqued. “Who comes here with you?”

Sebastian picks up a rock and settles on a log. “No one,” he says. “Not now.” He chucks the rock into the stream.

I widen my eyes, suddenly interested. Smoothing the back of my tunic, I sit next to him on the other log. “All right,” I say. “Who used to come here with you?”

He doesn’t answer right away. Instead, he stares out over the water, his eyes far away. Then he says, “Devlan.”

“Devlan?” My voice rises in surprise. “Your first knight?”

“When we were just kids.” He smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “We used to fish and wander the woods. At least until my father declared it time for me to accept my princely duties and learn how to rule Karm.”

“So how then…” I shake my head. “I’m lost, Sebastian. Did you make Devlan the knight commander because he was your closest childhood friend?” If so, that explains how Devlan reached a high-ranking station at such a young age, and why he seems to be able to do things another knight would be punished for. Like yanking a prince off his betrothed, when no other would think twice about his prince’s actions.

“Not quite.” He blows air through his lips heavily. “Devlan lost—” He breaks off, looking around as if someone might be listening. He lowers his voice. “His parents were taken by the Virus when he was very young, just as my mother was taken from me. He was going to live in an orphanage, and I spotted him while members of the Force were putting him away in the prison carriage. Just a boy, like me, and I pleaded with my father to let him live in the castle.”

He looks back toward the stream. “I didn’t have any siblings and was not permitted to attend public classes, and he had no one else, either.” He shrugs. “We became fast friends. He worked in the stable and slept in the servants’ quarters. I was tutored early in the day and stayed in the opposite wing of the castle. But we were like brothers the rest of the time.” He smiles. “We tended to get into trouble quite often.”

I follow his gaze, wondering if he truly felt bad for Devlan, or simply wanted a playmate, and why he’s chosen to bring me here now. Regardless, I can’t help wanting to know more about the quiet, brooding knight.

After a moment, Sebastian continues. “When we were sixteen, my father professed that I had to start my ascension toward becoming king, and that it was time for Devlan to find employment beyond the castle.” He looks at his hands, runs his finger over the crest of his ring. “My father feels relationships weaken a king.” His eyes find mine. “So, honoring my father’s wishes, I sent Devlan away and treated him like a servant whenever we crossed paths. I have to become King. There’s no other person to take my father’s place. I don’t have another option.” He looks away from me, back to the water. “This is my duty.”

Duty. That word again. I’m starting to wonder if it means the same to men as it does to women. “Then how did he become your first knight?”

He shrugs one shoulder. “After a few years, he came back, training to become a knight.” He laughs. “He was so determined. I remember watching him, wondering how he’d come to the decision. It was never anything he talked about when he was younger.” He stands and walks toward the bank. “We didn’t speak. Our falling out has obviously put a rift between us that’s impossible to mend. But it proved to my father I could make hard decisions. And when I chose Devlan as my commander, my father only questioned me slightly.”

“Why did you choose him?”

He turns and looks at me. “I’d like to say it was because he was the best knight. I mean, he is good, though his age is against him. But, I believe there’s a part of me that’s still weak. Wanting to repair the damage I’d caused between us, and…” He folds his arms over his chest. “Mayhap to have my friend back.”

I stand and join him near the water. The river rushes past the rocks, and the spray bounces off them. The mist chills my skin. “But he’s not your friend, though,” I say quietly, questioningly. “Not anymore.”

“No.” He dips his head quickly, then looks at me again. “Not in the same sense. At the time I advanced Devlan’s rank, my father told me I’d regret my choice. That I was foolish and needed to sever the side of me that makes me weak.” He laughs hollowly. His face darkens, and his brows pull together. “But, do our emotions and our feelings for others truly weaken us? Can’t they make us stronger?”

I look away from him, unable to answer this for him as I don’t have the answer for myself. “I don’t know,” I admit. “I was not raised to be a queen, nor do I know what it takes to rule, Sebastian.”

“I wonder this about myself some days.” He sighs. “Whether I have what it takes.” He steps closer, and my eyes find his again. “When you ran into the arcade and I saw the flame in your eyes—your action roused questions I buried long ago.”

My breath slips past my lips. “What questions?”

“Whether or not I can rule this realm more efficiently than my father without instilling fear. Can I change how it’s governed…and if I don’t, will I lose that which makes me human?” He bows his head, but not before I see his golden eyes darken.

After his admission, we’re both quiet. The trickle of the stream echoes around us, and the crickets have faded into a low hum, distant and haunting. “Why have you revealed all this to me?”

He turns and takes my hands in his. “You asked me why I chose you.” I nod once, hoping I’ll finally learn the answer. He takes a breath. “I’ve known you, Zara. Before I announced I’d chosen you during the transmission, even before it was known that I was to become betrothed, I knew you.” He leans in close to me. His arms touch mine. “I saw you on a monitor for the first time months ago. When I was being taught about Karm, and how I must know all that is going on in my kingdom, I saw you.”

The air in my lungs freezes and I can’t breathe. I fight to gasp air into my windpipe. Finally, I find my voice. “You spied on me?”

His face waxes over in panic. “No.” He shakes his head. “No. God. I only saw you passing through the streets of Town Square whenever you went.”

I release a strained breath. “That wasn’t very often.”

“It was enough.” He smiles. “You were beautiful, but it was more than that. The way you walked, carried yourself. Sure, but unsure. So quiet, yet you spoke volumes with only one look.” His eyes settle on my face. “There’s a silent strength in you. A strength I wish to possess for myself.”

Glancing away, I look at the river, not sure how to respond. What he saw on that monitor was not strength. It was a scared girl keeping to herself—frightened she’d be arrested by the Force. A girl hiding medicines in her basket. A girl only trying to save her sick father.

Sebastian presses on. “And my father knew. He knew.” He chuckles. “But I was too terrified to admit it for fear he’d order me to be with another, so that my feelings wouldn’t make me weak in his eyes.”

“Sebastian.” I whisper his name, unable to say more.

“I know.” He drops his head. “I’m really just a fool. My best friend, who I can’t even talk to, acting as my first knight. And the girl I fell for forced into a betrothal at the last minute. All because I can’t lose face in front of the king.”

My chest aches. I’d thought Sebastian had chosen me on a whim—that he simply wanted to become King quickly. “But if King Hart fears you’re making a rash choice,” I say, “how is it that I’m here now?”

“I refused to accept the throne.” He presses his lips into a firm line and creases his forehead. “I told the king I could not rule without at least having a chance at happiness. He instructed me to take you. To make my choice and be done with it.” His eyes scan my face. “I’d proven to him that I could be strong when I’d ended my friendship with Devlan, but I couldn’t keep myself from you, Zara. So, he caved on this one stipulation for me to take the crown.” He pauses. “I believe he took pity on me.”

Fear envelops my core. Icy fingers worm their way down my spine, and I shiver. Pity? I’ve heard many things about King Hart, pity never being one of them. But as I stare at Sebastian—open and vulnerable—I consider the possibility that a father, even one as frightening as King Hart, could find it within himself to grant his son what he wants of happiness.

Another, chilling thought spikes my blood. What Sebastian wants is me. If King Hart has agreed to Sebastian’s condition to rule the kingdom, my imprisonment is King Hart’s doing. I’m an ultimatum, a token of peace between them. King Hart will keep me here at all costs to ensure his only son takes the throne after him.

More so than Sebastian’s, I’m King Hart’s possession.

And I’m not going anywhere.