Forsaken Soul

Chapter Thirty-Two

Had the sea turned the color of Prioress Eleanor’s eyes, sailors would be howling prayers for deliverance. Brother Thomas found himself wishing for some safe haven as well.

“I care not that Sister Juliana is an anchoress with a line of pilgrims at her window, no monk should spend time there. It is unseemly,” the prioress said. “After witnessing that matter in Amesbury last year, you, of all people, should know how quickly any priory may garner accusations of lewdness.”

“I beg forgiveness, my lady. Never would I deliberately bring shame to you or this priory. If I have done so out of foolishness, no penance you demand of me could be more severe or painful than my own remorse.”

“What was your purpose in visiting her?”

Faced with his prioress’ wrath, Thomas began to wonder if it was truly God that had drawn him there. In any case, he was sure of one thing, even if it was his only certainty: “My intent was innocent,” he replied weakly.

“Indeed.”

The monk opened his mouth but no words came forth. He cleared his throat. “Without question, I have erred, but I swear to you that I was drawn to the window for the same reasons others have had. I wanted…” He hesitated. “I sought understanding.” How else could he explain it?

Eleanor folded her arms. Her look did not soften. “When I questioned our anchoress, she succeeded in providing more detail, declaring you came to debate questions of faith. That is an admirable activity in principle, Brother, but your wish for disputations of that nature are best satisfied with another monk or with your prior. Sister Juliana may pose what queries she has with her confessor.”

Lacking any response, he bowed.

“She might even properly seek my counsel.”

Thomas winced at her sharp rebuke and kept his eyes lowered. He could not quarrel with a thing his prioress was saying, yet something urged him to resist in this matter. Was it Satan? What of his vow to obey this woman without question?

The meeting between him and the anchoress had been chaste. Even if his wicked nature had wanted it otherwise, his manhood would have shriveled in Sister Juliana’s terrifying presence. And hadn’t her advice already brought him more peace than he had previously known? Where was the sin if she taught him how to pray? Were there not holy women who were blessed with God’s speech? Hadn’t abbots and bishops begged advice from many?

“That said, I have not forgotten that you have served both Tyndal and my family well in the past.”

Thomas blinked at the abrupt change of subject. Her comment might have pleased another, but uneasiness pricked him with an icy sting. Was she listing factors that would modify the severity of his penance, or was she about to pursue some new direction for reproach? His heart longed for the former. His mind feared the last. Opting to remain silent, he raised his eyes and hoped his demeanor revealed only a suitable meekness.

“For this reason, I should have no reason to doubt either your commitment to your vows or your fealty to me as head of this priory. Am I correct?”

“I may have been a most sinful man in years past, but I swear to you that I have not broken my vows since I took them.”

“Vows of both chastity and obedience? While you have been here?”

Had Death’s finger just caressed his heart or had that organ simply frozen with indefinable dread? Her questions were often deceptively simple, and he suspected this was one such occasion. Most monks wrestled with lust, but he had remained as chaste as most-and more than some, if truth be told. Other than in dreams, when he swyved imps dressed in mortal flesh, he had not broken any vow, even at Amesbury. “Aye, my lady,” he said with caution and hoped his simple reply had been adequate.

The prioress studied him in silence, her head tilted to one side and her eyes showing determined patience.

She is waiting for something more, he thought and knew he had not satisfied her. Who had accused him of lewdness? Or, he suddenly thought, who had questioned his obedience and why? Thomas met her eyes, allowing his bewilderment to show.

Eleanor turned away from him and walked toward the window. For a long time, she stared out at the priory grounds as if they might give her answers she was not getting from her monk. “What reason did you really have for visiting our anchoress, Brother?”

Although her voice had softened a bit, Thomas wondered why she would not be plainer in her concern. Had she mentioned obedience only because he had not sought permission to visit the anchoress? He considered his response.

“I do not wish some fine speech, but rather blunt honesty.” She turned around to face him. “Some time ago you confided a secret to me, a troubling admission I honored with silence. Did that not teach you that I respect frankness and do not abuse a confidence?”

“I hesitate only because I am not sure myself why or by what power I was drawn to Sister Juliana’s window, although my purpose was not lewd. In that, I am most certain. Have I been so accused?”

Eleanor’s sigh was heavy with weariness. “Nay, Brother, but as you well know, some might condemn if they witnessed you there. I must ask if our anchoress said or did anything that might be construed as sinful, whether or not you think it justified.” She raised a finger. “Be as forthright as your vows require. I will decide the meaning of what you tell me, praying that I do so with the fairness God demands.”

“A few may blame her for welcoming the sleepless at her window. I have seen an increasing number of those troubled ones during the weeks I have been assigned to the sick of our village, as well as on nights I have sought the chapel.”

Eleanor nodded more thoughtfully and with less anger evident in her expression.

“Rarely have I seen men waiting in the shadows, and, if my experience is common, she is most likely to strike fear into their hearts. That is a most powerful antidote to lust, my lady.”

Her eyes widened in surprise, and then the prioress smiled.

She is amused, Thomas thought with relief. “Although there are those who will most certainly condemn her for allowing any man to approach her window at night, I doubt Sister Juliana has longed for anything but the anchorage. Did she not fight against a marriage to one who would have been a most devoted husband? Were I required to swear an oath on this, I would say our anchoress seeks only God’s arms about her.”

“Although you and I might argue over whether she found the proposed husband distasteful for reasons other known only to herself, I do agree that your conclusion holds no other significant fault, Brother.” Once again, the prioress turned away from him. “Do you swear without reservation that you felt no lust for her?”

“I swear that without hesitation.” If she is so concerned about my chastity, he asked himself, why allow me to travel to the village at night to deliver medicines? Were I inclined to those sins of the flesh, would I not find opportunity there to find some woman to swyve? If not, why should I be tempted by Sister Juliana? “Was our anchoress offended by anything I said or did?”

“Nay, Brother, but I must answer all complaints with persuasive truth, especially those based on misconceptions.”

Although he thought the prioress was going to continue in that vein, she fell into a distracted silence. As her brow furrowed, he began to tremble. He could not read her thoughts, but he was suddenly filled with a cold but ill-defined dismay.

Instinctively, he fell to his knees.

Eleanor caught her breath.

“My lady, I have vowed to protect and obey you as the earthly representation of Our Lord’s mother and to do so with the devotion sworn by the beloved disciple at the foot of the cross. That oath is more sacred to me than any other; therefore, if I have committed any sinful act, seeming or real, involuntarily or simply ill-considered, give me what penance you will and I shall embrace it, no matter how onerous.”

Eleanor shakily reached backward, seeking the security of her chair, then fell into it as if she had lost all strength.

Thomas gasped with apprehension.

She shook off his concern and gestured for him to rise, then continued. “I have taken your oath as a loving and dutiful son to my heart, Brother, and shall not forget your words.” She took a deep breath, and her color returned. “In the meantime, I would hear more of what you have seen at night when you have passed by our anchoress’ window. There may be much of use to me as I counter criticism. As you would surely agree, her behavior invites that even if evil has no part in it.”

“From what I have heard in the village, she is known for giving solace to those who seek that.”

“What comfort did she offer you?”

Hearing the bite in these words, Thomas again felt perplexed. Hadn’t he just sworn he felt no lust for the woman, an oath his prioress seemed to accept? What was disquieting her? “The night I felt drawn to her window,” he continued, “I admitted that I was troubled in spirit. She advised prayer.”

“Has she taken on a priest’s role?”

Thomas hesitated. “She said nothing inimical to her sex, my lady. She quickly asked if I had spoken with my confessor, then called herself a foul creature.” Was her advice against spoken prayer wrong, an admonition that was contrary to Church practice? Although the prioress had ordered him to tell her everything, he balked. Was he not a priest, able to decide these matters himself? Or was Sister Juliana speaking with Satan’s tongue, when she told him he had the right to hear God’s truth directly, and had he been seduced into sin?

“You said you felt drawn to her window, as if you were driven there and not of your own volition. Could the Prince of Darkness have pushed you there? I ask, not to accuse, but to gather information.”

“To my imperfect knowledge, the Devil brings joy only to our lesser nature. My soul found ease. That was all.” At least he was able to speak the truth there.

“Did she claim to speak with God’s tongue?”

“She does, but, as we all know, He has spoken through many holy women. Perhaps He has chosen her? Yet she did not proclaim this with pride. I found her humble, quite terrified that she might be His chosen vessel, and filled with longing that He pick someone else.”

“I had best leave that decision to Brother John, whom I have sent to question her. Although you say the village proclaims her holiness, I know other voices hiss of sin. Our sub-prioress is amongst those.” She fell silent as if troubled, then continued. “Tell me what seekers come at night when Evil prevails, frail creatures of either sex who should be asleep in chaste beds and not walking about freely at such a time.”

Thomas closed his eyes, trying to remember those he had recognized. “Some, I did not know, but they may have been pilgrims…”

“I am not concerned with those.” Eleanor smiled gently. “Nor will I ask you to list all you could identify, or else I fear I shall hear the names of the entire village. Tell me if Martin, Will, or Hob ever visited our anchoress. Did Signy or Ivetta?”

Ah, it was murder that troubled his prioress, not his secrets or his sins! Thomas brightened with relief. “In the darkness, it is hard to see with clarity, but I do not think either the cooper or the two brothers ever came. Although I did see the shadows of a few other men, I can name only Tostig with certainty. Most of the men seemed to be strangers, pilgrims on the way to or from Norwich, or so the rumor from the village declares.”

“Do you know why any of the men came to her?”

“I do not listen where I should not, my lady.” Hearing his own aggrieved tone, Thomas forced himself to moderate his speech with a smile. “Unless, of course, you order me to do so in the name of justice.”

Eleanor acknowledged his attempt with a short laugh. “What about Signy?” she then asked.

“Aye. I have seen her there more than once.”

“Ivetta?”

“As often as the baker’s wife.”

“A woman who found our anchoress most well-informed about bread, if the tales passed on are true,” Eleanor replied dryly. “From what you have already said, I will not ask if you overheard what troubled either Ivetta or Signy, but were you aware of any rumors from the village?”

“Nay.”

The prioress shook her head in frustration, her expression suggesting she was about to end the discussion.

“I might question old Tibia,” Thomas said. “Although Crowner Ralf asked me to question her about anything she might have seen at the inn the night of Martin’s murder, I have not done so yet. Her pain has remained severe, yet she did tell me that she has also visited the anchoress and swears by her counsel. Perhaps she knows what brought Ivetta or Signy to our anchoress’ window.”

Eleanor nodded approval. “I thank you for what you have told me. As for your visit to Sister Juliana, I must order you not to repeat it. Surely you understand why.”

Thomas bowed his concurrence.

With that she dismissed him.

Thomas left. Outside the chambers, he stopped briefly to wipe sweat from his eyes, then went down the stairs and back to the hospital.

The moment the door had closed, Prioress Eleanor began to weep.