Fresh Disasters

14

The next morning, Joan buzzed Stone. “It’s Herbert Fisher,” she said.

“Tell him to get lost.”

“He insists on talking to you. Says it’s urgent; his life is in danger.”

“God, I hope so,” Stone said, punching at the flashing light. “I told you not to call me, Herbie.”

“Stone, you gotta help me,” Herbie panted. “They’re trying to kill me.”

Stone sighed. “Okay, Herbie, who’s trying to kill you?”

“My bookie, I think. Last night when I came home there were two guys in a black Lincoln waiting for me. I had to run like hell for nearly a mile before I lost them in an alley.”

“Where did you spend the night?”

“At my girlfriend’s.”

“You have a girlfriend, Herbie?”

“Sure, doesn’t everybody?”

“Then what were you doing with those two hookers at Elaine’s?”

“Oh, that was a celebration.”

That did not compute. “Are you at your girlfriend’s now, Herbie?”

“No, I’m in a candy store. She made me leave when she left for work.”

“She’s afraid to leave you in her apartment?”

“Well, we had this little problem once, with some money.”

“You stole money from her?”

“I borrowed it, but she noticed before I could pay her back.”

“I’m surprised she let you in the door last night.”

“Well, she won’t tonight, and I need someplace to hide from those guys.”

“Try one of your hookers.”

“Stone, can I stay at your house? You’ve got a lot of room.”

Stone thought fast. If he merely said no, Herbie would be on his doorstep in half an hour. “My house is the first place they’d look for you, Herbie; you wouldn’t be safe.”

“Oh, yeah, I guess you’re right. So where can I go?”

“Call your Uncle Bob.”

“Well, there’s kind of a problem there, too.”

“It seems there’s a problem with everybody who knows you, Herbie. Think of somebody who doesn’t know you well, and go there.”

“There isn’t anybody like that, Stone. You’ve gotta help me; I’m homeless!”

“That’s it, Herbie! Go to a homeless shelter! And don’t call me again.” Stone hung up.

Joan came into his office and laid a newspaper on his desk. “You’d better take a look at Page Six,” she said.

Stone picked up the Post. “Is this the thing you got in the paper?”

“Nope.” She tapped a finger on a boxed part of the page.

TWO LAWYERS IN BROUHAHA AT FOUR SEASONS

Well-known attorneys Bernard Finger and Stone Barrington had a not-too-pleasant lunch in the Grill Room yesterday. According to Finger, Barrington invited him to lunch and proposed some unethical conduct. When Finger refused and walked out in a huff, Barrington then told the management to charge the very expensive meal to Finger.

Barrington says it’s all a lie. (Not really. We were unable to contact him, but that’s what he would have said.)

Stone was speechless for a moment. When he recovered himself he told Joan to take some dictation. “The only true statement in your blurb about Bernie Finger and me is that it’s all a lie. Even if I didn’t say so.”

“That’s it?”

“Fax it to them now.”

“You think they’ll print it?”

“I don’t know; what else can I do?”

“I know somebody who’ll kill Bernie Finger for five thousand dollars.”

“No you don’t.”

“I would kill him for five thousand dollars.”

“I can’t afford it. Just fax the statement to Page Six, will you?”

Joan left, and Stone called Bob Cantor. Cantor was an ex-cop who was expert in all things technical, especially surveillance, and who often did work for Stone.

“Cantor.”

“Bob, it’s Stone.”

“Hey, Stone, what’s up?”

“First of all, your insane nephew says people are trying to kill him, and he wants to come and stay at my house.”

“I wouldn’t advise that. Last time I put him up I had to get my 500 mm Hasselblad lens out of hock.”

“Don’t worry.”

“The kid is kind of rich, you know.”

“What?”

“Kind of. His mother died and left him the house in Brooklyn, free and clear. He rents four apartments, which gives him a nice income, and he lives in the super’s apartment.”

“That little shit. He owes a bookie twenty-four grand and won’t pay. He could have borrowed from a bank on the house.”

“No, he couldn’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m his trustee, and I won’t let him do that, and he knows it. Did you want to talk about something besides Herbie? I’m getting nauseous.”

“Yeah, I’ve got a job for you.”

“Shoot.”

“There’s a building on Park Avenue in the sixties, new, very skinny, one apartment to a floor.”

“I know the one.”

“Good. Here’s what I want you to do.” He gave Cantor full instructions, then hung up.

Joan came into his office, grinning. “That’s wonderful!” she said. “I love it.”

“You were listening to my phone conversation?”

“You betcha.”

“Didn’t you ever hear of the Constitution of the United States?”

“Vaguely.”

“It says you can’t do that; I have a right to privacy.”

“Not from me, you don’t; I know everything about you.”

“Not everything.”

“What I don’t know isn’t worth knowing,” she said, and sauntered back to her office.

Stone dug out Celia’s number and called her.

“Hello?”

“Hi, it’s Stone.”

“Thank you for last evening,” she said. “I enjoyed myself.”

“So did I. Let’s do it again.”

“When?”

“Tonight?”

“Tomorrow night.”

“Great. Where do you want to meet?”

“Does your house have a kitchen?”

“Of course, a very nice one.”

“Let’s meet there; I’ll cook dinner for you.”

“You talked me into it.”

“Seven?”

“Perfect. Can I shop for anything for you?”

“I’ll bring everything but the wine.”

“I’ve already got that.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.” Stone hung up feeling better.