January Window

44

‘When I came out of prison one of the first things I did was to go on holiday to Nîmes in France — and while I was there I went to see a bullfight in the Roman amphitheatre they have in the city. I loved every bloody minute of it. And not just me. I’ve never seen a stadium so packed, the people so overwhelmed, so blinded with sunny tears and emotion. I told someone here about it — some twat from the BBC — and they were very disapproving, the way people are about bullfighting; they said, “That’s not a sport.” And I said, “You’re right, it’s not a sport, it’s not something you watch or enjoy, like a game of fucking tennis; no, it’s something you feel in every fibre of your body because you know that at any moment, the matador could easily slip or make a mistake and then there would be a black Miura fighting bull putting all its half-ton weight into the stiletto tip of one lethal horn as it bears down on that man’s thigh. Of course that’s not a fucking sport,” I said, “it’s so much more than just a sport. It’s life in the moment, because the future is promised to no one.”

‘It’s the same with football, guys. We only pretend that it’s a fucking sport, in order not to frighten women with this, our passion for the game. The truth is that sports are for children on a summer’s day, or idiots with stupid hats who go to flirt with chinless wonders wearing tailcoats and maybe look at all the pretty horses. Because if you were to walk out there now and ask any one of our supporters if they are here to be entertained or to see anything pretty, I promise they’d look at you like you were fucking crazy. And they’d be right to do so. They’d tell you that they haven’t paid seventy-five quid for a seat to be amused. Some of you people are on a hundred thousand pounds a week. But football is worth so much more than that to those people outside. A hell of a lot more. To most of those men and women this team is their whole fucking life and the result of any match means everything to them; everything.

‘So let me enlighten you, gentlemen: nobody at this club is playing for a hundred grand a week. You’re playing so that our supporters can go to work tomorrow morning and feel a sense of pride that their team won in grand style last night. And any man who thinks differently ought to put in for a transfer right now because we don’t want you at Silvertown Dock. It doesn’t matter who they are — players or supporters — it’s believers we want here. The believers, gentlemen: that’s who we play for. That’s what we are. We’re men who believe.

‘If this sounds a little religious, that’s because it is; football is a religion. I am not exaggerating. The official religion of this country is not Christianity, or Islam, it’s football. Because nobody goes to church any more. Certainly not on a Sunday. They go to football. Take a walk around this building some time, guys, and listen to the prayers from our believers. That’s right; this is their cathedral. This is their place of worship. This team is their creed. If that sounds blasphemous I apologise, but it’s a fact. This is where the believers come to commune with their gods. Every week I look up from the dugout and I see signs hanging from the stands that read Have Faith in Zarco. But right now, their faith is being tested, gentlemen. That faith has been severely challenged. Right now, they’re feeling a tremendous sense of grief and loss. As I am and as I hope you are, too. Look, I’m not going to give you any Coach Carter bullshit and tell you that this is the most important match in our club’s history. I wouldn’t insult you. What I will say is this: it’s up to just eleven of you to restore that faith. And that’s more important than anything.’

I pointed to Zarco’s picture on the wall.

‘Take a good look at that man before you walk out there. Ask yourself what it would mean to him if you won this game tonight. Really look him in the eye and listen to his voice in your head because I promise you that you’ll hear it, as clear as a bell. I think he will tell you this: you’re not going to win this game for me, or for Scott Manson, or for Mr Sokolnikov. You’re going to win this game for all those believers out there.

‘Some of you will struggle tonight. Some of you will not perform to the best of your ability. You know something? I don’t care. What I do care about is that you try your utmost and that you do not give up. Not until you’ve heard that final whistle. In case you never noticed, that’s why supporters stay right until the end of the game, because they don’t give up. And nor should you. So all of you who are playing tonight will be out there for the full ninety minutes, together as a team, and unless you’ve got a broken leg don’t even think of coming off. I mean it, gentlemen. There will be no substitutions at half time or any time. You are the best that this club can field tonight. So, forget whatever you’ve read in the newspapers or heard on the radio; I’ve picked you because I think you’re eleven men with something to prove to the fans, to Zarco, to me, and to yourselves. But mostly I picked you because I think you will beat these guys tonight. I sincerely believe that, which is why no one is coming to help you out. Not the spirit of Zarco, or God, or me. Just them. The believers.’