Kisser

33

STONE ARRIVED AT ELAINE’S shortly after Dino, and they both ordered drinks.

“What was all that about on the phone earlier today?” Dino asked.

“It’s too embarrassing to tell you about.”

“Oh, good. Tell me about it.”

“Well, first of all, I’m back on the force.”

“What?”

“No kidding. The commissioner has reactivated me and assigned me to Brian Doyle. I’ve been drafted.”

Dino began to laugh.

“You think this is funny?”

Dino tried to answer but couldn’t. He was laughing too hard.

Elaine came over and sat down. “So, what’s funny?”

Dino couldn’t stop laughing but pointed at Stone.

“Yeah?” Elaine asked. “What about him?”

Stone produced his new badge and ID and showed them to her.

“You gotta be kidding,” she said.

“It’s only temporary.”

“I’m amazed they’d have you back,” she said.

“They insisted,” Stone replied.

Dino continued to laugh.

“All right,” Stone said, “you can shut up now.”

Dino gradually got control of himself.

Stone stuck a finger in his right ear. “And they bugged me, too.”

“You mean you’re wearing a wire?” Dino asked, wiping tears away with his napkin.

“Right this minute.”

“Where is it, in your crotch? And why do you have your finger in your ear?”

“It’s not in my crotch-it’s deep down in my ear, and I’ve got my finger in it so they can’t hear us downtown.”

“Why don’t you just remove the thing?” Elaine asked.

“Because you need this little wire with a hook on it to get it out, and I lost the wire.”

Dino began to laugh again.

“You look kind of silly with your finger in your ear,” Elaine said.

“Do you want to be recorded downtown?” Stone asked.

“Not particularly.”

“Well, if I take out my finger, they can hear everything you say.”

“Okay,” she said, “keep your finger in your ear. It’s starting to look attractive that way.”

Stone took a big slug of his drink. “God, I needed that.”

“You know,” Dino said, “this is the funniest evening I’ve ever spent in this joint. I’ve never laughed so much.”

“It’s good for you,” Elaine said.

Stone looked up to see Mitzi Reynolds walk into the restaurant, and she headed for his table.

She gave him a kiss. “Don’t tell me, you’ve lost the little wire, and you’ve got your finger in your ear so they can’t hear you downtown.”

“Drop it,” Stone said.

She leaned over and whispered in his left ear. “Rita Gammage is outside in a limo; why don’t you and I join her, and we’ll go down to your house and have some fun.”

“What, with this thing in my ear?”

“I’ll show you how to get it out without the wire,” she said.

“You’re on,” Stone replied. “Will you excuse us?” he said to Elaine and Dino before tossing back his drink.

“What, you’re not eating?” Elaine said, looking shocked. “You took up a whole table, and you’re not eating?”

“Dino’s the one taking up the table,” Stone said, “and he’s eating. Maybe I’ll eat later.”

“What’s going on?” Dino asked.

“Something’s come up,” Stone replied.

Mitzi leaned over and whispered, “Something’s going to come up.”

They left the restaurant and got into the rear seat of the limo. Rita was there, and she kissed Stone and continued to kiss him as they rode downtown, while Mitzi unzipped his fly and got a hand inside.

“This is working,” she said.

Stone still had a finger in his ear. They got to his house and upstairs. “How do I get this thing out?” he asked. Rita was working on his buttons.

“Stand over the bedside table,” she said, “with the right side of your head down. Stick your finger in your left ear, hold your nose with your right hand, take a deep breath and blow, but hold your breath in.”

Stone followed the instructions and the bug popped out onto the table. “Thank God,” he said.

Rita had his shirt off, and Mitzi was getting his trousers down. After another few seconds of the frantic shedding of clothes, the lights were turned off, and they were all naked in bed.

Stone lay on his back while somebody kissed him and somebody else had his penis in her mouth. He couldn’t tell which was which in the dark, but it hardly mattered. He did what he could with his hands, then somebody mounted him and somebody else sat on his face. He could not remember such a medley of sensations.

AFTER A WHILE, they all lay in a heap, panting and sweating.

“So, Stone,” somebody asked, “how was that?”

Stone was panting too hard to reply.

“Again?” the other voice said.

“You’d better start without me,” Stone said, and they did, while he explored their bodies with his fingers, entering here and there. The two girls were talking to each other and to him, issuing instructions while they played, then they both seemed to come again, nearly simultaneously.

“Let’s order a pizza,” someone, perhaps Mitzi, said.

“What kind?” Rita asked.

“Domino’s-Extravaganza, hold the green peppers,” Stone said.

But nobody could move, and they dozed off.

STONE WAS JERKED awake by the noise the front door bell was making on the telephone. He picked it up. “Yes?”

“Pizza delivery,” a voice said.

“Hang on,” Stone replied. He found a robe and some money, then went down to the front door and brought the pizza upstairs. The girls were sitting up in bed, and the light was on.

He handed them the box and got some beer out of the little bar fridge.

Mitzi was looking at him oddly. “I remember talking about pizza,” she said, “but I don’t remember anybody actually ordering it.”

Rita opened the box and held up a slip of paper. “What is this?”

Stone took it and read it aloud. “ ‘From the guys at the First Precinct. Bravo!’ ”

“Uh-oh,” Mitzi said, pointing at the bedside table.

The little bug sat there where Stone had dropped it, pointing toward the bed.

This time they rested and dozed a little.