Love at First Bight

Chapter Ten

Emi spent over an hour in hydro and decided to do a little digging into their past. The thought had crossed her mind before, but usually she didn’t have time or the boys were working with her and she didn’t have privacy.

She went to sick bay, and, using her secure med officer terminal, she pulled up their full personnel and medical records. Nothing jumped out at her at first, until she realized there was a time gap in all three service records, starting approximately two years after they started with the Merchant Marines, lasting about eighteen months.

She dug further and found an interesting message.

Records locked by joint order of Merchant Marine and ISNC

Tribunal.

The medical records showed the same gap. The only thing listed was that Aaron had received a Silver Service Star, and the twins both received Bronze Service Stars.

All three had graduated training at the same time. Before the gap, Aaron had been appointed as second officer on a ship named the Wayfarer Margo. At the end of the service gap, Aaron was promoted to the rank of captain, with the odd standing order that he and the twins were “bonded crew,” by declaration of the joint tribunal.

She looked it up and found the term listed in the confidential officer manual, accessible only by ranking fleet medical officers such as herself, captains, and higher ups.

Bonded crew members are those that, for whatever reason deemed, may not be separated despite wishes to the contrary of ranking superior officers. This designation is applied by the Joint Tribunal and is irrevocable except by request of the crewmen involved. Bonded crew might or might not be married to each other or others, and be any number from two members or more, and can be any combination of genders. If a crewman ever wishes to unbond from the others, they may do so without it affecting the status of the other bound crew unless it’s only two members bound. This designation is used when valuable crew members with specialized training or experience wish to stay in the service but might suffer irreparable psychological damage by being separated…

Hmm. What happened to her poor boys?

She researched further and found fewer than one hundred current designations of bonded crew, most involving in-laws or blood relatives, and no others involving unrelated men in the way Aaron and the twins were together.

More digging, and she discovered the captain of the Wayfarer Margo when Aaron and the twins had been assigned to it was executed about four months after the time gap started, the details, again, locked.

Executed?

She searched out information on the crew manifest for the Wayfarer Margo and tracked down the other five crew members, except one. Kelsey D’ambroise.

She was listed as deceased, killed in the line of duty at the time the service gap started, and she had been posthumously awarded a Silver Service Star. Details of her death were locked.

Was this Kelsey D’ambroise the source of the “crew story” and their shared grief? She couldn’t confront them about it, because she shouldn’t have been snooping. They had promised to tell her.

Now with more questions than answers, Emi closed out the files and went to cook dinner for the boys.

Aaron joined them for dinner. He was quiet, frequently glancing at Emi. The twins nervously made small talk, and when dinner was over they jumped to volunteer for clean-up. Emi excused herself and returned to the cabin. Aaron wasn’t as upset as he had been, but he was still not back to his normal self, and neither was she. She meant to stay awake, but when she felt the twins crawl in next to her later, she closed her eyes and went back to sleep.

She awoke before the twins. Aaron was already out of bed, most likely at an early meeting. She cooked them breakfast, and in a few minutes the smell of coffee and bacon drew them out. They hugged and kissed her.

“How you feel, sweetie?” Ford asked, concerned.

“I’m okay. I’m sorry I left you hanging yesterday.” He brushed the hair out of her face and smiled. “That’s okay. You can make it up to me.”

Caph stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, nuzzling her neck. “What can we do to make you feel better?” She patted his hands. “I’ll be okay. I just need to get through it.

That’s all.”

“I love you,” they parroted, glaring at each other.

That made her laugh, which in turn made the twins smile. “I love you too, guys,” she assured them.

They ate breakfast, and Emi left for her morning training class.

She ate lunch there instead of returning to the ship, and her short afternoon class was over before she knew it. She’d felt better being away from the ship. As she returned to the Tamora Bight, Emi’s funk returned.

The twins must have ratted her out to Aaron. He found her staring out at the dry dock facility through a port in the observation bay.

He laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. “What’s wrong?” She stood up and quickly wiped her eyes, hoping he didn’t notice.

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

His worry shadowed him even more than his pain. “You’re not still upset, are you?”

“Not at you guys.”

He hesitated, and she spoke again. “No, I’m not reconsidering my decision.” She forced a smile. “You’re stuck with me for five years.” Aaron pulled her to him. “Then what’s wrong, Em? I thought we’d settled this.”

She closed her eyes and relaxed against him. He was her rock, grounding her, his strength flowing through her. “What happens after?” she whispered.

“What do you mean?”

“What am I going to do with my life after this is over?” His body tensed. She suspected he didn’t even realize he’d done it. “After?”

She looked up at him. “I don’t want to leave you guys after five years.”

He relaxed, every ounce of tension draining from him. His broad smile lightened his face. “Em, you don’t have to leave.”

“You guys said you’ll be doing short hops and stuff.”

“So?”

Realization dawned. “I can still go with you?”

“Damn straight, sweetie. You’re my crew. I don’t split up my crew.”

The bitter word was out of her mouth before she could stop it.

“Crew.”

“Em, babe, I didn’t mean it like that¯” She pulled free and ran down the corridor away from him, blindly turning and twisting, trying to lose herself in the bowels of the ship.

He couldn’t say it. The other two could, freely and without reservation. Yes, Aaron cared for her, she sensed that. Maybe he did love her. But the three little words¯how clichéd¯she desperately wanted and needed from him, no matter what his actions, were the ones he couldn’t bring himself to say.

She shouldn’t take it personally.

An hour later, Ford found her in the corner of the hydroponic lab, curled in a ball and staring at her tomato plants. He sat next to her and pulled her into his lap, not speaking, letting her sob against his shoulder and cry it out.

“Why can’t he say it?” she whispered in a tortured voice.

He nuzzled the top of her head. “He’s a hard nut, honey. He’s the Cap. He has to be. It’s how he survived, how we’ve all survived.”

“If he’s so tough, why can’t he say it?”

“That’s not my story to tell. We might be friends and lovers and soul mates, all of us, but never forget he’s our captain first and foremost, especially when we’re on this crate. It’s kept all of us alive together a lot of years when other crews with ‘skills’ beyond ours are space debris. He takes care of his crew.”

“He’s not taking care of me.”

Ford gently shifted her in his lap so he could meet her puffy eyes.

“Sweetie,” he said gently, “what’s more important? That he shows you how he loves you without telling you, or that he tells you how he feels without showing you? Personally, I prefer showing to telling.

Are three little words really that important?” She couldn’t answer that.

“I just wish he’d say it.”

“Don’t ever doubt how much he loves you. He’d die for you in a second, for any of us. Crew first, before himself. I’ve been with him a lot of years.”

“Why didn’t you ever become a captain?”

“I didn’t want the responsibility. Caph and I switch off first officer duties between runs. It’s just a title. He’s like me, he’d rather have Aar taking care of the big picture. We trust him. He’s saved our asses more times than we care to count.” Something shifted in Ford’s face, a deep sadness she didn’t want to explore right then. “Times lesser captains would have backed down and been willing to sacrifice something, or someone. Aaron will die before he loses crew.” Ford’s gentle presence always calmed her. He was a multi-faceted man. Brainy, quick-witted, and steady. Fiercely loyal. A different kind of settling strength than Aaron. Just as Caph’s huge presence pushed away her stress.

After another half-hour, he patted her shoulder. “Chow time. Why don’t you come with me? Help me in the galley.” She nodded, rubbing her still-sniffling nose on her arm.

He stood and gently pulled her to her feet, not releasing her hand, knowing she drew comfort from him. He took the long way back to the galley, most likely avoiding Aaron’s brooding presence on the bridge. They were far enough away he wouldn’t come seeking them out.

Caph joined them a few minutes later. By his forced, almost manic attempts at playfulness, she knew he’d heard what happened and was trying to help cheer her up.

It didn’t work.

She slipped out of the galley while they were distracted and returned to their quarters. Not that she could escape them on the ship, and as much as it would almost physically hurt to be away from the men for a night the way she felt about them, she grabbed a couple of things and her pillow and quilt and went to sick bay, closing the door behind her. Hopefully they would take the hint.

Physician, heal thyself, she thought miserably. This was stupid.

She’d better get over this childish need, and fast. Ford was right that Aaron was a damn good captain, and obviously what he’d done for years worked for him and the twins. After a few months in space, she would most likely feel the same way as Ford and be able to let go.

For now, it hurt.

An hour later, the door chime sounded. She was curled on the bunk, the quilt wrapped around her, staring at an aquarium vid screen while trying to zone out. She sensed it was Caph.

“Come.”

The door slid open. He walked over to her, the plate practically dwarfed in his hands. “We didn’t want you to go hungry, sweetie.”

She nodded, sitting up and letting him set the food on the tray, sliding it into place in front of her. He’d also brought her a mug of hot tea, made perfectly.

The goddamn grunts would never have done this for her.

Then again, she never would have fallen in love with the grunts either. Hearts as hard as their bodies, no doubt.

“Thanks, Caph.” She picked at the food more for his sake than hers. She wasn’t hungry but knew if she didn’t eat he’d sic Ford on her, who would most likely worry and call Aaron into the mix.

And Aaron was the reason she was here.

He watched her eat without speaking for several minutes. “You gonna sleep in here tonight?” he softly asked.

She nodded, trying not to cry, afraid it would set him off. She couldn’t pit the twins against Aaron, it wasn’t fair to him. This was her problem and she knew it. She just had to figure out how to deal with it.

He tenderly tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “It’s gonna be lonely without you cuddled up next to me.” She took a long, hitching breath. “I just need to get my head on straight, that’s all. No reason to torture you guys with it.” Emi forced a smile she didn’t feel, hoping it would fool him.

It didn’t.

“Ford and I are gonna hit the town tonight. Why don’t you come with us?” She started to shake her head, and he added, “Aar’s already said he’s staying home, so someone needs to come keep us out of trouble.”

The last thing she wanted to do was go out. She wanted to curl up under her quilt and mope and get it out of her system so she could start fresh tomorrow and face Aaron. But tonight…

Tonight the lesser of two evils was going out with the twins and not spending it dodging her captain. Besides, he did say he wanted her to keep them out of trouble.

“When do we leave?” she asked.

His smile lit his face, lifting her mood a little. “In an hour.” He hesitated. “Aaron’s in the engine room. Why don’t you finish eating and then go get ready?”

“How fancy?”

“Aw, crew outing, babe. We’ll all match.” His green eyes twinkled.