My Soul to Keep

20

“WHAT?” QUESTIONS TUMBLED in my head like shoes in the dryer, clanking painfully as they slammed into one another. Tod was ferrying Demon’s Breath from the Netherworld for Avari? “Have you and Nash both lost your minds? This is really a very simple concept—one that you taught me! Hellion equals evil. Period!”

Tod’s exhale was long, and low, and heavy. “Avari had something I needed, and he doesn’t take cash or checks. Not that I have either one, but I could have come up with some money.” The reaper shrugged. “But he already knew what he wanted from me. And Kaylee, I swear I had no idea what I was carrying.”

The numbness in my brain and body faded, replaced by a scalding anger. “Is that supposed to make it okay? That you didn’t care enough to ask what you were hauling? What did you think he was sending up? Fuzzy kittens and care packages for the children’s ward?” People were staring at us now, but I was so far beyond caring. “Isn’t working for a hellion a conflict of interest?” I demanded through gritted teeth, my open-arm gesture taking in the entire hospital, and the job Tod carried out there.

“It would be, if I were selling him poached souls, or something like that. But my business with him has nothing to do with my job, or with my abilities as a reaper.”

“Are you serious?” I shoved my chair back and my pitch rose so high on the last word that dogs all over the neighborhood were probably howling in sympathy. Or maybe in pain.

“Your reaper skills are what get you to and from the Netherworld. Without them, you wouldn’t have interested Avari except as a snack. Another soul to suck. You’re totally abusing your abilities. And because of what you’ve done, one kid is dead, one’s gone clinically insane, and your own brother is wandering around in the Netherworld like a protein bar with legs!”

People were starting to openly stare, so I looked at the table and counted to ten to get my temper back under control. When I looked up, Tod was wiping both hands over his face, the muscles in his arms bunched with tension.

“I hope it’s worth it, whatever he’s giving you,” I spat as softly as I could. “I hope it’s worth the three lives you’ve ruined.” Four, if you counted Emma’s, and five if you counted mine, because there was no guarantee I’d walk away from the Netherworld alive this time. Or at all.

Tod flinched, but didn’t break eye contact. “It’s Addison,” he said, his voice so low and heavy I wasn’t sure I’d heard it at all. “I traded my service as a courier for an hour a day with Addy.”

Huh?

“Tod, Addison’s dead.”

He nodded slowly. “Her body is. But her soul is alive and not so well in the Netherworld, and the only way I can help her is to give her an hour a day free from torture and humiliation. To keep her sane. It seemed like the least I could do, considering I failed to get her soul back before she died.” Tod’s jaw tightened, and he held my gaze, steadily. Unashamed. Yet I saw the flicker of pain and determination in his eyes.

I felt my heart splinter and thought for a moment that I could actually hear the cracks. How was I supposed to stay mad at him now? Tod had been ruining lives with his own postmodern, interdimensional version of chivalry.

Will all the real men please stand up?

“I swear I didn’t know what I was carrying….”

I wanted to ask if that would have mattered. If he’d known what he was really agreeing to, would he have considered five ruined lives—and potentially countless more—worth an hour of comfort a day for Addison? But I didn’t ask, because I already knew that where Addy was concerned, Tod had no limits. He’d been willing to let me die in the Netherworld to save her soul. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for her. To be with her.

Even beyond the grave.

I sighed and rubbed both hands over my face. “Okay, so how does this work? You blink into the Netherworld and he lets you see Addison for an hour, then hands you a balloon bouquet on your way out?”

Tod’s brows rose in bitter amusement. “Do I look like a party clown? It’s just a canvas duffel bag with a padlock through the zipper. I could have broken it, or cut the bag open, but honestly, considering what Addy and I have to lose, it didn’t seem smart to stick my nose into Netherworld business.”

“I hate to tell you this, Tod, but you’re already up to your eyebrows in it. And thanks to you and Nash, so are Doug, and Scott, and Emma, and me.” Not to mention whoever else Doug might have introduced to frost. I couldn’t help marveling at the irony of both Hudson brothers playing separate, secret parts in whatever Avari was up to.

He leaned back in his chair and exhaled heavily. “Avari’s going to be pissed when he finds out I’m out of the drug-trafficking business, and he’ll probably take it out on Addison. But the more immediate problem is Nash. If we don’t get him out before I refuse the next shipment, we’ll probably never have another shot.”

“Alec says our best chance is tomorrow night. They’re having some kind of big party…” And I couldn’t help wondering what there was to celebrate in the Netherworld.

The reaper nodded, pale curls bobbing. “Yeah, I’ve seen them setting up for it. Creepy.”

“…and he thinks he can get to Nash during the commotion. He’s gonna call me back in about half an hour—” I glanced at my watch “—make that twenty minutes, to make plans.” I stood, and Tod stood with me, and we headed for the hall by unspoken agreement.

“There are no cell phone towers in the Netherworld,” he whispered. “How’s Alec going to call you?”

I swallowed the horror and disgust my answer brought with it as I pushed open the double doors. “Through Emma.”

Confusion narrowed Tod’s eyes, then sudden comprehension flowed in, chased by a wave of obvious repulsion. “He’s using her as an intermediary? That’s what you meant by possession?” he hissed, without bothering to check the cold, sterile hall for humans.

I nodded. “It’s awful. She still looks like herself, but she sounds like someone else, and she doesn’t move, or sit, or laugh like Emma. She’s being worn. It’s creepy.”

“Yeah.” Tod’s scowl deepened as he walked, and I rushed to keep up with him. “I’ve only seen the show once, but it was one of the ugliest things I’ve ever seen.” Which surely meant something coming from a reaper. “And it’s hard on the host, because he subconsciously fights the invasion. It can leave you exhausted for days afterward.”

“Tell me about it.” No wonder I was so tired all the time. In addition to giving up sleep to avoid waking up in the Netherworld, I’d had my body invaded by an uninvited visitor twice in the past week.

Tod stopped abruptly and his gaze narrowed on me. “What does that mean?”

I sighed and cradled my bandaged arm. “Avari’s been using me to communicate with Nash. I didn’t realize it until I saw it happen to Emma, but I’m sure that’s what’s been happening.” I shuddered at the sudden clear understanding that I’d been used, both physically and emotionally. That Avari had been in my body, without my knowledge or permission. Could there be a more horrifying, revolting violation?

I’d never seen a stronger look of disgust—or protective rage—than the one on Tod’s face. His eyes practically blazed with twisting blue flames. “How could Nash let that happen?”

I shrugged, dropping my empty soda bottle in the trash against the wall. “I don’t think he had any choice. I sure didn’t when Alec took over Emma.”

Tod shoved the parking garage door open with both hands, though he could have walked through it. “You didn’t know what was going on, and you had to play nice to get your boyfriend back. Nash had a choice. If he’d wanted to get rid of Avari, he would have found a way. But he just let it happen—let that bastard use you—and he didn’t even tell you.” His mouth snapped shut against the rest of what he wanted to say, but I heard it, anyway.

If I were as important to Nash as his next fix, he would never have let it happen.

“What the hell is wrong with him?”

“He’s not the same, Tod,” I said, race-walking to keep up with him, though he had no idea where I’d parked. “He’s been Influencing me, and he’s lying all the time. He said he gave Scott’s first balloon to you to get rid of, but I’m guessing you never saw it.”

Tod scowled, adjusting his course when I veered toward my rental. “When was that?”

I clicked the button to unlock the car. “Monday, when you were working double shifts with no breaks.” Except that Tod had popped into the cafeteria at lunch that day to ask me if Emma was serious about Doug… “You were never in trouble with Levi, were you? No double shifts?”

Tod shook his head, teeth grinding furiously. “To my never-ending dismay and boredom, we only get a few deaths a day in a hospital this size. I wander off during the lulls all the time, and Levi doesn’t care, so long as I don’t miss an appointment. And Nash damn well knows it.”

“I’m such an idiot!” I kicked the front tire, but that only scuffed my shoe. “Why couldn’t I see what he was doing?”

“I didn’t see it, either.” Tod’s footsteps went silent as he circled the car toward the passenger’s side, and I knew that no one else could see him. Still, I was grateful that he hadn’t simply blinked into Emma’s bedroom, leaving me to drive back alone.

“So, you’re not going to get in trouble for leaving now?” I asked as I settled into the driver’s seat.

He shrugged, unconcerned. “It’s a slow night. No one’s scheduled to tumble into the abyss for another hour and a half, and if I’m not back by then, I’ll get someone else to cover for me.”

“What if you get another…addendum?”

His brows rose, but the corners of his cherubic mouth turned down as he sank onto the leather seat. “Then we have bigger worries than my absence.”

I buckled up and started the engine, then twisted to watch out the rear windshield as I backed out of the parking space. “We need help, but my dad can’t do it. Bringing someone who can’t cross over would just be creating more work for ourselves,” I said, then rushed on before he could interrupt. “I think we should bring your mom in on this.”

“No,” Tod said, and I glanced at him as I shifted into Drive, surprised to find his expression completely unreadable. “Absolutely not.”

“But she’s five times my age, and she can cross over on her own.” I turned left out of the garage and onto the street, trying not to let frustration leak into my voice. “She’s the only option that makes sense.”

“We are not dragging my mother into the Netherworld. And we can’t tell her about Nash, or she’ll go on her own and get killed.” His hand landed on mine on the gearshift, and again I was surprised by its warmth. “I’m serious, Kaylee. If you want to bring your dad or your uncle, that’s your call. But leave my mother out of this. I’ve already lost my dad and Addison, and now possibly Nash. I will not add my mom to the list.”

I could only nod, impressed by his fervor and surprised by the brief glimpse into his heart. Maybe he doesn’t think so differently from the living, after all….

“Fine.” I nodded once more, decisively. “No parents.”

EMMA WAS STILL ASLEEP when I snuck back into her room at ten minutes after three. Fortunately, her mother was snoring from behind her bedroom door, and both of her sisters were still out. Obviously the best part about college was the lack of a curfew.

In the bedroom, I knelt to check on Emma, half convinced she would show some delayed ill effect from the abuse of her body, but she seemed to be sleeping peacefully. And deeply. Probably because, as I’d discovered, possession is exhausting.

“She looks okay,” Tod said, echoing my own thoughts. “Hopefully one more round won’t hurt her. But let’s keep this Alec on a short leash, just in case.”

I nodded, yawning as I pushed myself to my feet with one hand on the mattress. Considering I’d never actually met Alec, his leash would be no longer than my pinkie finger.

“How much time do we have?” Tod leaned over Emma and ran one finger gently over her lower lip.

I glanced at the clock on Emma’s DVD player. “About five minutes. Don’t touch her! You’ll wake her up.”

He huffed softly. “I doubt that. She looks like she could sleep through the end of the world.”

“No thanks to you.” I shooed him away from the bed, then had to force my eyes open wide when they threatened to close. “I need a Coke.” What I really needed was a shot of adrenaline straight to the heart, but caffeine would have to do.

“I think you should fade out,” I said, backing toward the hall.

“Alec doesn’t want me to bring backup….” Which was one of the main reasons I found him hard to trust. Well, that and the fact that he’d contacted me through the unconscious body of my best friend. “So we should probably keep you a secret.”

“No problem.” Tod grinned, and though I could see no difference in him, I had no doubt that he no longer existed physically in the room. If he ever had.

I tiptoed into the kitchen in my socks and grabbed another can of Coke from the fridge. I had drained half of it by the time I made it back to Emma’s room. “Do you—” I began, intending to ask the reaper if he wanted a soda. Though I couldn’t remember ever seeing him consume anything before.

“Shhhh!” Tod hissed the moment I stepped in from the hall. “He’s here.”

My voice faded into a tense silence as I glanced from the reaper to the girl lying curled up on one side on the bed. Emma hadn’t moved since I left the room, but if Tod thought Alec had arrived—a full four minutes early—I wasn’t taking any chances.

Sipping from my can as casually as possible, I strolled across the room toward Emma, and this time when her eyes popped open, I was ready. I didn’t spill a single drop.

“Do I what?” Alec asked through Emma’s mouth as he stared up at me through her deep brown eyes.

“I was going to ask if you wanted a soda.”

Emma frowned, then pushed herself upright on the mattress. “How did you know I was here?”

“You went tense when I walked into the room.” I shrugged, totally ad-libbing. “So, you want a drink or not?” I asked before he had a chance to think about my answer.

Emma’s brows shot up. “Can I do that? Have a drink while I’m in here?” He spread her arms to indicate her entire form.

I shrugged again. “How would I know? I’ve never been in someone else’s body.”

The grin was all Alec. “Me, neither—before tonight.”

“Are you serious?” I shot him a legitimate scowl. “You’re new at this? Here, they don’t let new drivers behind the wheel alone, but I bet there’s no one in there with you to slam on the brakes if this thing goes downhill.”

His grin faded. “Trust me, Kaylee, there’s no one else here you’d trust in your friend’s body.”

“No one here, either…” Tod quipped, and it was all I could do not to acknowledge his joke—or his presence.

“So, how ’bout that drink?” Alec swung Emma’s bare feet onto the floor. “Do you have anything stronger than Coke?”

Yeah. Drano. But even if I knew for a fact that he was drawing me into a trap, I couldn’t poison Emma. “She’s had quite enough to drink tonight, thank you.”

“Well, that explains why she was so easy to push toward sleep.” When I showed no sign of relenting, he sighed and shrugged Emma’s shoulders. “A Coke would be great, thanks. I haven’t had one in years.”

Tod followed me to the kitchen, as I’d hoped he would, and I whirled on him the minute we were out of sight from the hallway. “Just shut up and listen in there, or I swear I’ll tell your boss you’re moonlighting as a Netherworld mule,” I hissed. Then I grabbed another can from the fridge and marched back down the hall before he could reply.

In Emma’s room, Alec stood with Em’s arms crossed beneath her chest, eyeing the collection of pictures on her dresser. “Here. Drink fast and talk faster. This little powwow’s over if anyone wakes up or comes home. Got it?”

Alec nodded, then broke one of Emma’s nails popping open the tab on his can. She was definitely going to notice that. “Mmm,” he said, swallowing his first mouthful of soda. “I’d forgotten how it fizzes on your tongue. It almost hurts. Do you have any idea how long it’s been since I had a soda? I can’t believe I can feel it through her. Maybe I should just stay here…”

“No, you shouldn’t. Don’t you want to feel things in your own body?”

Emma shrugged. “Well, one without breasts would be nice. These things get in the way every time I move my arms.”

I rolled my eyes and sank into the desk chair. “I wouldn’t know. But she should get her period in a couple of days. Unless you want to stick around for that—” and I could tell from the comically horrified look on her face, and from Tod’s less-than-subtle snort, that my dart had hit the bull’s-eye “—I suggest you start talking. What’s the plan?”

“Okay, here goes…” Alec took his can and settled Emma onto the edge of the bed, leaning forward with one elbow on her knee, her legs spread wide. Like a guy would sit. “Tomorrow is the winter solstice, in both worlds, and for the first time in something like sixty years, Avari has the resources to hold a true Liminal Celebration. I’ve truly never seen anything like the effort they’re putting into this.”

“What’s a Liminal Celebration?” I asked, sipping from my own can, wishing that the caffeine would kick in almost as badly as I wished Alec would get to the part that included the actual plan.

“It’s a festival in honor of the liminal times and places. Do you understand liminality?” I shook my head and, to my irritation, he made Emma nod, as if she’d expected as much.

“Liminalities are the spaces and moments between.”

“Between what?” I asked, exhaustion having used up all my patience.

“Between anything. Dusk and dawn, for example, are the liminal times between daylight and dark. Doorways are the liminal spaces between in and out. Make sense?” he asked, and I nodded slowly, though I was far from sure I actually understood.

“So, noon would be a liminal time between morning and afternoon, right?” I said, sinking into the desk chair.

Emma’s head nodded, and her borrowed eyes lit with satisfaction. “Liminalities are very important, because they thin the boundaries between the two worlds and make human energy easier for those in the Netherworld to access. And the summer and winter solstices are the biggest, most important liminalities of all. They represent the points of balance in the year between the shortening of days and the lengthening of days. The winter solstice is like their New Year.”

I drained my can and reached back to set it on the desk behind me. “So, you guys are basically throwing a big New Year’s Eve party, and you want me to crash it?”

“Sort of.” Emma’s eyes narrowed in thought. “I think I can take advantage of the distraction to get your boyfriend alone. Then you should be able to cross over and take us both back with you.”

Sounded reasonable enough to me—assuming he was telling the truth.

“Where is this big festival?”

Alec sighed through Emma’s mouth. “As near as I can figure, not having been on your side of the gray fog in quite a while, it’s across the street from the city park. That’s where they’re setting everything up. And whatever they’ve built where the old county courthouse stood must be heavily populated, because the building bleeds through almost entirely. Long hallways and room after empty room.”

My heart dropped into my stomach. He was talking about the high school. My high school. It had been built five years earlier, after the courthouse burned down and the county seat was moved.

“What time does this party start?” I whispered as chill bumps popped up beneath my sleeves.

“Dusk. The last minutes between sunset and full darkness, when you can still make out things around you, but you can also see stars and planets in the sky. It’s the perfect liminal moment.”

Crap. Of course it started at dusk. Our Winter Carnival opened at 5:30—which was about when the sun went down in mid-winter—the exact time and place as their Liminal Celebration.

There’s no way on earth that was a coincidence. Something bad was going on. Something even worse than the frost invasion and Nash being stuck in the Netherworld, though that hardly seemed possible. And according to the clock on Emma’s DVD player, I only had about fourteen hours before dusk brought my one chance to bring Nash back to our world.

“So, I’ll meet you at five-thirty by the front steps of the—” high school “—new building, and we’ll go from—”

But Alec interrupted before I could finish that thought.

“Shhhh, he’s coming,” he hissed. Then, “Yes. Five-thirty, by the steps, no matter what else happens. I have to—” And just like that, Alec was gone.

Only instead of slumping back into sleep, as she’d done the last time Alec vacated her body, Emma stood suddenly stiff and straight as a bedpost. Her head swiveled slowly on her shoulders, steadily taking in the room and its furnishings before her eyes met mine. Then her mouth curled into a slow, taunting smile.

“Well, isn’t this interesting….”

Though I hadn’t seen him in a month, I’d know that voice anywhere.

Avari.