Need You Dead

53 Sunday 24 April

Roy Grace loved this time of year, as the evenings became progressively lighter, regardless of what the weather was doing.

Shortly before after 7 p.m. as he headed along Henfield High Street, which was becoming more and more familiar to him, he felt a new mood of optimism. Finally he was truly free of the shadow Sandy had cast across his life. He felt no bitterness or anger — just sadness for how she had ended up. That beautiful, intelligent and fun woman he had married, whose life had spiralled out of control; ending up a total wreck, both physically and mentally, in a Munich hospital, unable to see any kind of future.

But he could not help wondering. Perhaps Sandy would still be alive now if he had...

If he had what?

Not been married to his job more than to her?

If a few weeks ago he had walked out on everything he had and promised Sandy to start a new life with her?

Never.

He was in a good place, a happy place. He loved his wife deeply, he loved his baby son and he felt an overwhelming responsibility towards his newly found son, Bruno, who in time he hoped to love too. The more he thought about Sandy’s strange message, the less concerned he was. Like all human beings, Sandy had always had her dark side — and perhaps it was that coming through in her final message to him? Just wanting to plant a little seed, so that she would go to her grave knowing she had denied her former husband the chance to be totally free of concerns. Her Parthian shot?

Whatever. So far Bruno seemed nice, if understandably a little withdrawn. Hopefully by taking a lot of interest in him and including him in everything, as well as him making friends when he started at school tomorrow, that would change. Grace lowered the window of Cleo’s Audi TT and felt surprisingly warm air on his face. Summer was definitely coming, a welcome relief from a winter that had seemed almost unremittingly dark in so many ways. The car clock at the bottom of the RPM dial was still showing an hour back, but he did not know how to change it.

He turned left at the bakery, then halted, waiting for the lights to change at temporary roadworks that seemed to have been there forever. He had a quick fiddle with the controls to see if he could advance the clock, then gave up as the lights changed to green.

He drove along the lane, passing a modern housing estate, crossed a mini roundabout, then the Cat and Canary pub to his right, followed by open farmland. A short distance on he turned right and wound along a narrow rural lane, passing several substantial properties. Then he turned right onto their long, rutted driveway, driving slowly, mindful of the car’s low ground clearance.

His heart skipped a beat as he crested a slight ridge and the house came into view. Although they had been here for a few months it still gave him a thrill to see the small, rectangular cottage that was now their home. A former farm cottage, the building itself wasn’t pretty in any conventional sense, a mishmash of different shaped and sized windows, a porch that looked like it had been stuck on as an afterthought and a steeply pitched tiled roof. But the walls were clad with wisteria which was starting to come to life, masking some of the bland red brick, and some of the shrubs and flowers in the front — and the young cherry tree — were beginning to come into early bloom.

He pulled up behind his beloved Alfa, which Cleo had commandeered today because it had a rear seat where she had fixed Noah’s car seat, in case she had wanted to take both boys for a drive. Neither of them had wanted to get rid of the cars they both liked so much in favour of something more practical, although with the arrival of Bruno, he wondered how long they would be able to cope with the Alfa’s cramped rear seats and the even more cramped ones in the Audi. Also, they’d been lucky there had been no snow this winter — neither car would have made it up or down the drive easily. It was a problem they would have to address before the onset of next winter.

But right now he had more important things on his mind.

He opened the front door and Humphrey greeted him by rolling onto his back. He gave him a few moments of attention, kneeling and stroking his belly. ‘Hey, boy! Hey, boy!’ he said.

Cleo appeared in the hallway behind the dog, in jeans, trainers and a black pullover, with a big smile on her face. But he noted her slightly stooped posture.

‘Darling, you’re home much earlier than you thought, that’s brilliant.’

‘Managed to get away,’ he said, hugging her gently. ‘How’s your back?’

‘A bit rubbish.’

Cleo had suffered back pain since Noah had been born, but it had got a lot worse recently after she and a colleague at the mortuary had had to manhandle a thirty-eight-stone female corpse.

‘When are you seeing the chiropractor again?’

‘Well, I’ve got a firm she recommended, called Posturite, coming to the office tomorrow — they’re going to do some kind of workplace assessment, to see whether an orthopaedic chair might help.’

‘Good.’

Humphrey barked again, ran off and came back with a squeaky toy, a rubber duck, in his mouth.

‘Brought me a present? Thank you, Humphrey.’ He leaned down to take it, but as he gripped the duck, Humphrey held on tightly, pulling back.

‘Tug of war?’ He shook it, and Humphrey shook his head, determinedly, making playful growling sounds.

‘OK, boy, you win!’ He let go and the dog, comically, shot back, stumbling, and almost fell over backwards. Turning to Cleo, he asked, ‘So, how’s everything else?’

‘Well,’ she said, smiling, ‘it’s been interesting.’

‘Oh? What have you been up to?’

‘Bruno and I went for a walk this morning — I took Noah in his pushchair. We went quite a way down the lane, and Bruno insisted on pushing Noah much of the way — he’s quite the gentleman, you know.’

‘Must have got that from his father!’ Grace grinned.

‘Then we passed a house — a very pretty place — and there was a guy outside who was cleaning his Porsche. Bruno went straight up to him and they had a ten-minute conversation — mostly about Porsche brakes, can you believe? The guy was charming — his wife came out and chatted to us, too. Nice people, they’d love us to come over for a drink sometime. Great to meet some neighbours.’

‘Yes — do they have any kids — anyone Bruno’s age?’

‘Three kids but they’re all much older. But the guy offered to take Bruno for a drive in his Porsche sometime, and Bruno’s eyes really lit up.’

‘Wow, great! So was Bruno chatty with you?’

‘Not really. I tried to talk to him, but he wasn’t that responsive today — he seemed subdued. Only really seemed to come alive when he saw that Porsche. Then we came home and had some lunch.’

‘What did you have?’

‘I cooked him some chicken, which he seemed to like — there’s a bit left for supper. I’ve got some German recipes off the internet. I’m going to ask him if he fancies cooking any with me, like it says we should on the step-parenting forums.’

‘Good thinking. Did you get up to anything else?’

‘I thought he might like to get to know the area a bit and we could take a drive around, but he told me he’d agreed to play an online game with Erik. Then — this is interesting — when I was working on my uni stuff, Bruno was up in his room and Noah started crying. I left it for a few minutes, then, when I went up to calm him down, he’d stopped by the time I got to the top of the stairs. When I went into his room Bruno was standing by his cot, spinning his mobile and blowing raspberries — and Noah was giggling. Isn’t that amazing?’

‘It is. That’s really good.’

‘Maybe he’s never really had a proper family life before. But it was lovely to see him with his little half-brother. He really looked quite besotted with him.’

‘It’s a good sign. Terrific.’

‘One thing that I do know, Roy, is that we’re going to have to do something about the bathroom now we’re a bigger family — or if we can afford it, build the extension we’ve been thinking about with an additional one. It’s been a bit of a nightmare this weekend with everyone trying to get ready at the same time.’ She lowered her voice. ‘Bruno seems to spend an awfully long time in the bathroom — especially for a boy. He’s obviously meticulous but it’s not great when I’m trying to get ready and sort Noah out as well.’

‘Perhaps we could have an en suite fitted and leave the existing one for the kids and guests?’ he suggested. ‘Or one upstairs for Bruno — there is space up in the loft.’

‘I’ve already been in contact with a bathroom company called Starling Row — the Porsche guy down the lane recommended them earlier — they’re a small Sussex firm apparently — I’ve arranged for them to come and do a site visit next week, to give us some options.’

‘Good thinking,’ he said.

‘So how was your day?’

‘Interesting — to put it mildly. But the positive is that Guy Batchelor is handling his new role well, which is giving me a bit more time to get on with all the pre-trial paperwork I have to deal with.’

‘Good, darling. I didn’t think you’d be home until much later so I told Bruno I’d take him to Wickwoods for a swim. Do you want to come with us? Maybe you could try the sauna and see if it helps your leg.’

‘Sure, good idea. I’m sure Noah would love it too.’

She nodded. ‘Oh, there’s one other thing — that American band you like — Blitzen Trapper?’

‘Yes?’

‘I read in the Argus they’re doing a gig in a pub on Queens Road, Brighton, next Sunday evening. Do you think you might be able to avoid working then?’

They were his current favourite band. ‘Is the Pope Catholic?’ he retorted.

‘Is Luxembourg small?’

He hugged her again. ‘Yes! How do we get tickets?’

‘I’ve already booked them — online. And I’ve booked Kaitlynn.’

Kaitlynn Defelice was their nanny — a Californian currently living over here, who they both liked a lot, and even more importantly, trusted. The only issue, for Roy Grace, was a silver ring through her right nostril. But she had such a warm, engaging personality that he dismissed any problem he had over that, putting it down to a youth culture he was too old to understand.

‘I knew there was a reason why I loved you,’ he said.

‘Only one?’