Red Winter

49

We maintained the pretence of a unit escorting prisoners until we were well out of the forest, and even then, I was afraid to believe that I had recovered my family and that no one was hurt.

When we were clear of the trees and came to the ruined town, concealed among the damaged buildings, Marianna stopped and looked back at me and I saw what was in her eyes. It was not happiness but immense relief. She had travelled here on foot, seeing the kinds of horrors I had seen. Perhaps she had witnessed Ryzhkov’s brandings and torture, and wondered how long it would be before he did the same to her or to our sons. She had been imprisoned and starved and mistreated. She was awaiting deportation to a labour camp and would have known that meant certain death.

Now that she was free, the relief was overwhelming her.

When the children turned, Pavel called out, ‘Papa!’ and ran to me as I climbed down from Kashtan, the faithful friend who had brought me so far and never let me down.

Misha ran too, keeping up with his brother, and then my sons were putting their arms around me as if to test that I was real.

‘Papa,’ they said over and over, squeezing me tight and staring up at me.

I hugged them back and kissed them, and I put my face to Pavel’s hair. And as I did it, I looked over the top of their heads at Marianna.

She was so much thinner than I remembered, but just as beautiful.

I took off my coat and held my hand out to her.

She began to cry, her face crumpling, her shoulders rising and falling with great sobs as she took my hand.

‘Marianna.’ I put my coat around her. ‘I found you.’

‘Kolya,’ she said, touching her fingers to my face and staring in quiet disbelief. ‘Kolya.’

I drew her closer so that we were all together and we stood as a family, holding one another as if we would never be parted again.

I closed my eyes and held them for a long time.

When I finally opened them again, Anna was standing close, waiting, with Tuzik at her side.

‘This is Anna,’ I said. ‘She’ll be coming with us.’

‘Anna.’ My wife repeated the name as if to test it. She spoke gently and looked at Anna.

‘She’s part of our family now,’ I said, holding a hand out to her.

‘Where will we go?’ Marianna asked. ‘Home?’

I had been so single-minded I hadn’t given much consideration to what we would do when I had found them. Perhaps I had been too afraid that they might not be alive and that we’d have no future together. We couldn’t go home, though, I knew that.

There was nothing for us in Belev anymore but the dead.

Then I remembered the last place I had experienced real warmth and comfort. I remembered Lev’s friendship and how welcome he had made me feel.

‘There’s a place,’ I said, as Anna put her hand in mine and I brought her to be with us. ‘A farm that’s far from the road. I think we’ll be safe there for a while.’

‘And then?’

‘And then we’ll be together,’ I said, ‘all five of us. Whatever happens.’