Ten for Dying

Chapter Fifty-nine

“So, my great bear, you will have your command.” Anastasia gave Felix a kiss he did not return with his customary ardor.

He had asked her to walk in the garden, away from the prying eyes and ears of the servants. They stopped in front of a huge rose bush. The roses, nodding as bees came and went, and the buds fallen to the path, enveloped them in sweet perfume. Sunlight slanting through the flowers lent a blush to Anastasia’s features. She glowed with the impossible beauty of things forbidden.

“Yes, I will be leading troops in Italy when Germanus takes over the campaign, which is sure to happen. He grinned like a wolf when he read John’s letter. I could practically see blood dripping from his jaws.”

Anastasia made a face. “What an image!” She regarded him through narrowed eyes. “What is troubling you, Felix? Shouldn’t we be celebrating?”

Felix found himself gazing over her shoulder into the roses and forced himself to look into her perfect, aristocratic face. “We can’t continue, Anastasia. It won’t work.”

She looked at him as if she hadn’t heard correctly. What was going on behind the mask she seemed to draw suddenly over her emotions? Felix couldn’t guess. Then she laughed lightly, as a lady might laugh at an inept and slightly inappropriate joke from the lips of a callow young courtier. “What can you possibly mean by ‘it won’t work’? The events of the past days have upset your humors. I can understand that. We can soon put that right.”

She laid a hand on his arm. He did not react. It took all his willpower.

“I am only a soldier, Anastasia, and you are the sister of an empress.”

“Only a soldier? A general, you mean! What more fitting partner for a general than a member of the imperial family?”

“As a general under the command of Germanus I will occupy a lesser position than I do now as excubitor captain. For myself, I do not care. I would return to battle as a common foot soldier if necessary.”

“And how long would a man of your ability remain a foot soldier or a common general?”

“You are ambitious, Anastasia. I am not for the kind of rank you envisage. You see me in charge of the Army of the East when Germanus succeeds Justinian and perhaps later my succeeding Germanus. You see yourself as empress, like your sister.”

“Have I given you that impression? You’re being unfair.”

“I’m a simple man. I’ve always felt out of place at the palace. That is your world.”

“You know I spend as little time at the palace as possible. I will travel to Italy with you.”

“And we will be like Belisarius and Antonina. I don’t want that.”

“You think she rules him. Is that what you mean?” Her face was redder than could be accounted for by the reflection of the roses.

“Since you insist of putting it into words, yes.”

Felix saw her stiffen.

“You think I’ve been using you?” she said. “You think I’m nothing but a whore?”

“I didn’t say that. I don’t think it. I don’t regret our time together.”

“A fine way you have of showing it!”

“Besides, you are much younger than me.”

“Not that much younger.”

“Enough so that I will be an old man before you are ready to settle for an old man.”

Her eyes glistened. “People who are in love don’t fear the future, Felix.”

“Are you in love with me?”

“You doubt it? What have I done to make you doubt it? Why do you think I agreed to share your bed?”

Felix’s hand went to his beard. “I wish I knew, Anastasia. I think you like exciting tales but I am not a very exciting man, however much you want to make me one.”

Anastasia blinked until she had squeezed out a few teardrops, which ran down her flaming red cheeks. “You have thought out your whole case against me, haven’t you? Now that you have what you want, I have no use to use. Why didn’t you send your lawyer friend over to prosecute me?”

“I…I’m sorry…”

Her hand tightened on his arm and she leaned toward him. “You’re out of sorts. We’ll talk again tomorrow. You can’t make a decision like this so quickly. You took me by surprise.”

“No, Anastasia, I have thought about-”

She put her lips against his cheek. “Come with me to our bed, my big naughty bear.”

He pried her hand off his arm and stepped away.

It made him ache to look at her. To never touch her again…He felt a breathless emptiness rise up inside him, as if he were about to step off a precipice.

“No,” he said. “It is over.”

Her eyes flashed. Before he could react she raked his face with her fingernails. He could feel the hot blood blossoming and running down his cheek as she spun around and walked away.