The Autumn Republic

Chapter 19

Nila and Olem wound their way through the camp with silence between them, Olem greeting men as he walked, saluting officers, and nodding to infantrymen. Nila was still fuzzy-headed, the smell of an officer’s breakfast – ham and eggs, if she wasn’t mistaken – made her stomach growl. She had not slept well in two days, her dreams haunted by the screams of the dying, the report of artillery fire, and the smell of burned flesh.

“You understand that it’s vital the men think that Tamas was here for the entire battle,” Olem said, his voice low.

These were the first words he’d spoken to her since they left the tent. She felt her emotional defenses pull tight, and quickly said, “Of course. I won’t say a word.” What were they talking about again? Oh yes, Tamas’s absence. What did it matter if Tamas had been gone for the battle, if they had won? The mercenary brigadier seemed angry enough about it.

“Thank you.” Olem stopped them near the edge of the camp, out of earshot of the closest sentries, and looked off into the predawn darkness. “They should be here anytime now.”

“Who?”

“Our expedition. We took two hundred men with us to find the field marshal’s son. We found him, Privileged Borbador, and over a hundred prisoners. Once we had secured the prisoners and made sure Taniel was safe, I and the field marshal rode ahead to sneak into the camp to make it look like we’ve been here the whole time. The rest will be along shortly.”

“Won’t word get out? If two people know a secret, everyone else does too.” Nila remembered a time at the Eldaminse house when one of the maids had been caught sleeping with the head butler – caught by the butler’s wife. They’d tried to avoid a scandal by keeping it quiet, but the maid gossiped and the butler was dismissed.

Olem removed a rolling paper from his jacket and began to roll a cigarette. “Of course. Rumors will spread. But as you said, we won the battle and it doesn’t really matter now. As long as the Wings don’t decide to make an issue of it, it’ll stay nothing more than rumor.”

He finished rolling his cigarette and held it out to her.

“No thank you.”

He nodded and lit it with a match, smoking silently. Nila examined the side of his face and wondered what he had gone through during the last several months. She had thought him dead when she heard about the field marshal being caught behind enemy lines. But here he was, and didn’t seem much the worse for the wear – a new scar above one eye, his beard longer.

It was strange to think he had courted her. Had things gone differently, they might have become lovers.

She clung to that bit of nostalgia to silence the voices in the back of her head – the voices of all those men she’d murdered in a wave of fire.

“You’ve certainly come a long way in life in the last few months,” Olem said suddenly.

Nila ducked her head. “And you. I heard someone call you a colonel. Congratulations.”

“That’s temporary,” Olem said.

“Oh? They can do temporary promotions?”

“It’s not that. The field marshal wants me to remain a colonel. I just…”

“You don’t think you can do it?”

Olem ashed his cigarette and rubbed out the embers with his boot. “It’s not for me. But you? A Privileged! That’s incredible. I always thought you were more than a laundress.” He gave her a smile, and the crack in his façade revealed a deep exhaustion.

“Laundering is a good job,” Nila said, somewhat more defensively than she’d meant to. She cleared her throat. “Is that why you courted me? Because you thought I was something more? A spy, perhaps?” Had his interest been fake? She wanted to feel angry at the thought, but found she didn’t have the energy.

Olem took a drag on his cigarette and looked her in the eye. “Not a spy.” He cleared his throat, then added, “I’m glad you’re a Privileged. We’ll need you before this is all over.”

Need her to do more killing, he meant. The suggestion brought on a wave of nausea. Nila could still see the blackened skeletons, could still smell the smoking human remains.

“Ah. Here they come,” Olem said, saving Nila from having to respond. A train of mounted men came into sight over a rise, holding torches and lanterns. They paused before the sentries and were waved on and ten minutes later they reached Nila and Olem.

Olem called to ask how the mission had fared. A major responded that they had succeeded, and a cheer went up among the group. Nila heard one of the sentries call to another.

“Taniel Two-Shot is alive! He’s come back!”

The word spread like wildfire and Nila couldn’t help but smile at the cheers that erupted a few moments later from the camp behind them. Taniel, it seemed, was well loved.

A man rode up to Olem. His hair was dirty, a black beard concealing his weary, pinched face. His skin was a patchwork of bruises and scars. He wore an Adran jacket over his shoulders, a powder keg insignia pinned to it. Taniel Two-Shot, Nila presumed. In the saddle behind him was the most striking girl Nila had ever seen.

She was a savage, her pale skin splattered with ashen freckles, her cropped hair red enough to match the torchlight – a far brighter shade than Nila’s own auburn curls. While the man gave Nila a curious glance and then looked past her to Olem, the girl caught her gaze and held it for a moment before giving her a wink and a mischievous smile.

The man nodded to Olem, and Olem said, “You better go see your father. You’ll want to know he’s given orders for Bo to go free.”

Taniel gave a relieved sigh and flicked his reins. His companion twisted in her saddle to look back at Nila and Nila watched her in return until they disappeared into the camp.

“So that’s the field marshal’s son?” she asked.

Olem sucked on his cigarette. “It is.”

“And the girl?”

“Ka-poel.”

“She’s a savage sorceress? I’ve heard rumors about her.”

“Yes.” Olem crushed the butt of his cigarette beneath his boot. “She is, as the field marshal put it, something else entirely.”

Nila saw Bo a little way down the line. He was surrounded by soldiers, his suit rumpled and his hair disheveled. She wanted to run to see how he’d gotten on, but the sting of being left behind – in a war zone, no less – rooted her feet to the ground.

“Hello, Nila,” Bo said jovially as he rode up. He gripped the saddle horn with both hands and it became quickly apparent that they were tied tightly. The two big Adran infantrymen closest to him didn’t take their eyes off him. “Hello, Olem.”

“Privileged,” Olem said with a nod.

“Am I allowed out yet?”

Olem nodded to the men watching Bo, and he was soon dismounted and untied, rubbing the feeling back into his wrists. One of the guards handed him back his gloves, which he took without a fuss, and Bo and Nila were soon left alone.

“Well,” Bo said. He put the gloves into his pocket and nodded, as if to himself. “Glad that’s over. Where are we bunking down? And I’m famished, let’s go–”

Nila put her whole arm behind the slap. She felt the impact all the way to her shoulder and into her frame, and it spun Bo half around again. There was an audible gasp from over a dozen soldiers who had seen it.

Bo held his cheek and stared at her. The thought that she’d just slapped a Privileged with every ounce of her strength made her knees a little weak, but she whispered to herself that she was a Privileged too, now. For good and for ill.

“What the pit was that for?” Bo demanded.

“For leaving me in a war zone.”

He rubbed furiously at the side of his face. “I swear I’m going to kill the next person who hits me. You look fine! What the pit are you so mad about?”

“I…” Nila’s voice suddenly caught in her throat. The image of charred bits of bone and flesh floated before her eyes, and her fingertips tingled – and not just from the slap. She could still feel the flow of the sorcery through her, the terror and the ecstasy as she became a conduit for destructive forces. Her vision swam.

Bo caught her as she swayed. He led her away from the dismounting soldiers, holding her by the elbow, and when he spoke, the anger in his voice was replaced by concern.

“What happened?”

She shook her head, knowing she must look the fool. Her cheeks would be red, tears streaking down her face. This wasn’t how a Privileged behaved. She felt Bo put a hand on either side of her face as he forced her to look him in the eyes. “What happened?” he asked again.

“I killed them.” Her voice sounded so pitiful, and she hated herself for it.

“Come on.” Bo took her by the hand. He led them through the camp with his arm around her, shielding her from onlookers as a brother might shield his grieving sister. She remembered him asking questions, and her blubbering out the answers, and soon they were back in her tent. He lit a lantern and hung it from the cross pole. “Tell me,” he said.

Nila had managed to regain her composure, and after a few deep breaths she began. “I was back with the baggage and the Kez managed to make a run at us. There were a lot of men – they outnumbered the men guarding the baggage. I was so angry that I couldn’t do anything. I just kept trying and trying to make the connection.” She mimed snapping her fingers, but was sure not to let them touch. “I thought if I could make fire, I could help, and suddenly I did. The right gesture and it flowed from me so easily. I ran out in front of the defenders and I just let loose.”

“Fire?” Bo asked quietly.

She nodded. “It was like watching a wave roll across the plains. I tried to control it, but it just grew and grew and then I passed out.” Nila felt the tears coming again. “When I woke up, the inspector had dragged me to safety. He tried to hide the truth from me, but I saw the scorched plain from afar. I killed them.”

Bo produced a flask from his pocket and handed it to Nila. She took several swallows gratefully.

“Passing out is common when you draw too much power and don’t properly control it,” Bo said. “It’s the body’s defense against destroying yourself with the Else. How many?”

“How many what?”

“Did you kill.”

Nila looked away. “Thousands.” When she looked up, she expected her own self-loathing to be apparent on Bo’s face. After all, she was a monster, wasn’t she? She had murdered so many with just a few gestures.

Instead, Bo’s eyebrows were raised. “Bloody good show, girl!”

She punched him in the shoulder.

“Ow. No, I mean it. That’s amazing. You saved the entire Wings baggage camp, probably thousands of lives, all by yourself.”

She stared at him, uncomprehending. “Can’t you see how horrid that is? So many lives gone in an instant! They didn’t even get the chance to defend themselves!”

“Nila,” Bo said, his expression sobering, “you did an incredible thing. You can’t blame yourself for that.”

“But I do! Are you so insulated against death? Are you so hard of heart as not to realize what terrible power we hold in our hands?” She held her hands out to him, silently willing him to cut them off. Her cheeks were cold with tears, and suddenly she felt frigid. She began to shiver.

Bo frowned at her for a moment, then sighed. He took the blanket off her cot and pulled it around her shoulders, then moved closer to her. He took her by one hand, stroking her fingers as he spoke softly.

“They made me kill my first when I was fourteen,” he said. “Some slave they’d brought in for the purpose – illegal, I know, but legality means very little in a royal cabal. She was probably around seventeen. The olive skin of a Gurlish, with one droopy eye.” Bo sniffed. “I refused to kill her four times, and they beat me soundly each time I did. Then, the fifth time, they told me that if I didn’t kill her, I would be a dead man myself. I still refused, and they told me that if I didn’t kill her, they would slaughter Taniel and Tamas and Vlora. My only friends. Bloody idiot that I was, I believed them. I couldn’t let that happen and so when they asked again, I killed the slave girl as quickly as I could.”

There was the streak of a tear on Bo’s face. He wiped it away when he noticed Nila was looking at him.

“Why would they make you do that?” she asked. The cruelty of it astonished her. To make a fourteen-year-old boy murder in cold blood?

“To harden me. To show me what life in a royal cabal is really like. I tried to run away seven, maybe eight times. They beat me a lot for that. I was the magus’s own apprentice and he said he wasn’t going to let my talent go to waste just because I was weak-willed. Pit, I hated that man. I did everything I could to make his life miserable: embarrassed him in public, started bedding his own concubines by the time I was sixteen. I even took a shit in his bed once.” Bo chuckled. “And every bruise he gave me, every markless, sorcerous torture they inflicted on me, I used to reinforce my hate. I even swore to kill him, but Tamas took care of that for me.”

Nila felt hollow inside, her energy and emotions sapped. “Is that what I’m to become? Someone driven by hate and self-loathing?”

“Hey now,” Bo said. “I’ve never been driven by my self-loathing. I keep that locked up tight in the back of my head.”

Nila felt the corner of her cheek lift at the joke.

“No,” Bo went on. “I don’t want you to become that. I want you to learn to wield your power and to follow your conscience. But sometimes, your conscience will require you to kill. That is the life of a Privileged. The burden of such power is to protect your friends and countrymen.”

Nila felt herself nodding. She couldn’t find any words.

“It’ll get easier,” Bo said. He gave her a reassuring squeeze. “Don’t become callous, though. Don’t become like me. You must do your best to prevent that.”

She felt his hand move down her side. “Was any of that true?”

“Pardon?”

“Or are you just trying to get in my skirts?”

Bo flinched, and Nila saw immediately she’d said the wrong thing. It had been true. Every word. And she’d just thrown it back in his face – even if it had been in jest.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean…”

He smiled crookedly at her. “Nah. That’s fair enough. I should go find my tent.”

“Don’t leave.”

He frowned at her, then squeezed her one more time.

Nila fell asleep with her head on his chest, listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart. As she drifted off, the screams echoing in her memory seemed quieter.

Something told her there would be more in the future.