The Chemist

CHAPTER 16

Alex woke up the next day feeling both full of anticipation and also very, very stupid.

Honestly, it was like she couldn’t complete a solid paragraph of thought without going back to some piece of Daniel’s face, or the texture of his hands, or the way his breath felt against her throat. And of course, that was where the feeling of anticipation was coming from.

But there were so many practical matters that simply had to be considered. Last night, or rather this morning, by the time he’d kissed her good night for the hundredth time at the top of the stairs, she’d been too exhausted to think through any of it. She’d barely had the energy to arm her defenses and slip on her gas mask before she passed out.

It was probably a good thing; she’d been too addled then to grasp exactly what madness she’d just embarked on. Even now, it was hard to focus on anything but the fact that Daniel was probably awake somewhere. She was impatient to see him again, and yet also a little frightened. What if the crazy swell of emotion that had felt so natural and irresistible last night had evaporated? What if they were suddenly strangers again, with nothing to say?

That might be easier than if the feeling continued.

Today or tomorrow, or perhaps the next day, Kevin was going to call -

Ugh, Kevin. She could just imagine his reaction to recent developments.

She shook her head. That was irrelevant. Because today or tomorrow, Kevin was going to call and then she would send the e-mail that would make the rats scurry. Kevin would compile a list of names. He would go after his rats, and if she didn’t act simultaneously, her rats would go to ground once they realized the danger. So she would have to leave Daniel here and embark on her retaliatory strike, knowing full well that there was a good chance she wouldn’t be coming back. How would she explain that? How long did she have? Two days, at most? What truly hideous timing.

It didn’t feel right to go into the day anticipating all the hours together with Daniel. It was dishonest. He’d heard the plan, but she was positive he hadn’t thought it through enough to realize what it meant. So soon, she’d be leaving him here alone. Their time would be much better spent training him in the art of hiding. Some more shooting-range practice wouldn’t hurt, either.

The feeling of anticipation turned to a sinking dread as her thoughts wound to a conclusion. Her behavior last night had been irresponsible. If she’d had any idea of what Daniel was thinking, she might have been able to work all this through before it had gotten out of hand. She might have been able to keep the appropriate distance between them. But she’d been taken completely by surprise.

Trying to understand a normal person was not her forte. Though, truly, someone who found the real Alex attractive was not a normal person at all.

She heard barking outside – it sounded like the dogs were coming back from the barn. She wondered if it was still morning or already afternoon.

She grabbed a set of clean clothes, disarmed the door, and snuck to the bathroom. She didn’t want to see Daniel until her teeth were brushed. Which was stupid. She couldn’t be allowed to kiss him again. That wouldn’t be kind to either of them.

The hall was dark, the bathroom empty. The door to Daniel’s room was open and the room beyond was empty, too. She ran through her ablutions quickly, trying not to spend too long at the mirror, wishing her face were further along the road to healing. Her lips were worse than yesterday, swollen again, but that was her own fault. The superglue had fallen off in her sleep and the darker welt down the center of her bottom lip showed some promise of changing the shape of her mouth permanently.

She heard the TV on as she came down the stairs. When she walked into the big front room, she saw Daniel bending over the console beneath the flat-screen. The front door was open, a warm breeze blowing in through the screen. It ruffled the curls on the back of his head

He was grumbling to himself. “Why does anyone need five different input options?” He ran a hand through the hair that was falling into his eyes. “It’s a DVD. I’m not trying to launch the space shuttle.”

His Danielness stopped her where she stood, and a wave of cowardice made her want to turn around and sneak back upstairs. How would she tell him the things she needed to say? The thought of making him unhappy was suddenly more repugnant than she had been prepared for.

Lola yelped from outside the front door, looking hopefully through the screen at her. Daniel spun around and when he caught sight of Alex, a huge grin lit his face. He was across the room in four long strides, and then he lifted her up in an exuberant bear hug.

“You’re up,” he said excitedly. “Are you hungry? I’ve got everything for omelets.”

“No,” she said, trying to extricate herself. At the same time, her stomach growled.

He put her down and stared at her with raised eyebrows.

“I mean yes,” she admitted. “But first can we talk for a second, please?”

He sighed. “I thought you might wake in an analytical mood. Just one thing before you start…”

She wanted to duck away. The guilt was very strong. But it wasn’t as strong as her need to kiss him back. She didn’t know if she would get another chance. It was a very gentle kiss, soft and slow. He’d noticed the condition of her lips.

When he broke away – him, not her; it was like she had no self-control at all – it was her turn to sigh.

He let his arms fall but took her hand as he led her to the couch. Little zings of electricity buzzed up her arm, and she silently castigated herself for being such a sucker. So what if this was the first time he’d held her hand? She had to get a grip.

Lola yelped again, hopefully, when she saw Alex nearing the door. Alex shot her one apologetic look. Khan and Einstein were both curled up on the porch behind her, Khan creating a massive boulder of fur.

Daniel grabbed the remote out of his way, muting the TV before dropping it onto the ground. He pulled her down next to him, keeping her hand. He was still smiling.

“Let me guess. You think we are being unwise,” he said.

“Well… yes.”

“Because it’s impossible that we could really be compatible, given the genesis of our relationship. I’ll concede it wasn’t exactly a Hollywood meet-cute.”

“It’s not that.” She looked down at his hand. It entirely engulfed hers.

Maybe she was wrong. Maybe this whole retribution scheme was poorly thought out. There was nothing to stop her from running again. She could make back the money she’d lost. She could go to Chicago, work things out with Joey Giancardi, be a Mob doctor again. Maybe, given what she now knew about the plan to eliminate her, the Family could actually offer her some protection.

Or she could just work a counter at a backwoods diner and live without the extras – like tryptamines and opioids and booby traps. Who knew how long the IDs she already had might last if she kept her head down?

“Alex?” he asked.

“I’m just thinking about the future.”

“Our long-term compatibility?” he guessed.

“No, not long term. I was thinking about what happens tonight. Or tomorrow.” She finally looked up at him. His soft gray-green eyes were just a little confused, not troubled. Yet.

“Your brother will call soon.”

He made a face. “Wow. I hadn’t thought about that.” He shuddered. “I guess it’s better to mention this casually over the phone – by the way, Kev, I’ve fallen in love with Alex – than in person, right?”

She disapproved entirely of the tingles that snapped through her nervous system when he made his facetious practice announcement. That wasn’t a word to bandy around casually. He shouldn’t have used it. But still, the tingles.

“That’s not the part I was worrying about. You remember the plan.”

“Once he’s in position, we send the e-mail. He watches who reacts. Then we meet up with him and…” He trailed off, his brow suddenly furrowing. “Then you both are going to – what’s the phrase? – take them out, right? That’s going to be very dangerous, isn’t it? Couldn’t we just let Kevin handle things alone? It seems like he probably wouldn’t mind. I get the sense he liked his job.”

“That wasn’t our deal. And, Daniel…”

“What?” His voice was harder now, with an edge. He was beginning to understand.

“Neither Kevin nor I will be able to… well, perform at our best if the leverage they have against us is in the same place the bad guys are.”

There was almost a physical weight to the meaning of her words as they dropped, an aftershock in the silence that followed.

He stared at her, unblinking, for a long moment. She waited.

“Are you joking?” he finally asked. His voice wasn’t much more than a whisper. “Do you think I’m really going to let you leave me here to twiddle my thumbs while you risk your life?”

“No. And yes, you are.”

“Alex…”

“I know how to take care of myself.”

“I know that, but… I just can’t wrap my mind around it. How will I stand it? Waiting here, not knowing? Alex, I’m serious!”

His voice turned impatient at the end. She wasn’t looking at him; she was staring straight ahead at the television.

“Alex?”

“Turn up the volume. Now.”

He glanced at the TV, froze for one brief second, then jumped up and fumbled on the floor for the remote. He jammed a few wrong keys before the newscaster’s voice thundered through the surround-sound speakers.

“- missing since last Thursday, when police believe he was abducted from the high school where he teaches. A substantial reward is being offered for information leading to his recovery. If you’ve seen this man, please call the number below.”

On the large screen, Daniel’s face was blown up to four times its actual size. It was a snapshot rather than an official portrait from the yearbook. He was outside somewhere sunny, smiling widely, his hair tousled and damp from sweat. His arms were stretched over the shoulders of two shorter people whose faces were cropped out of the image. It was a very good picture of him, both attractive and engaging; he looked like the kind of person you would want to help. An 800 number was printed in bright red across the bottom of the screen.

The picture disappeared, replaced by a handsomely aging anchorman and a much younger, perky blond anchorwoman.

“That’s a shame, Bryan. Let’s hope they get him back home to his family soon. Now we’ll take a look at the weather with Marceline. How are things looking for the rest of the week, Marcie?”

The picture moved to a sultry brunette standing in front of a digital map of the entire country.

“This is national news,” Alex whispered. Her mind started working through the scenarios.

Daniel muted the sound.

“The school must have called the police,” Daniel said.

She just looked at him.

“What?”

“Daniel, do you know how many people go missing every day?”

“Oh… their pictures don’t all end up on the news, do they?”

“Especially not full-grown men who’ve only been missing a few days.” She got up and started pacing. “They’re trying to flush you out. What does that mean? Where are they going with this? Do they think Kevin killed me? Or do they think I figured out the truth and took off with you? Why would they think I’d take you with me? It has to be about Kevin. It is his face, too. They must think I lost. Right? This news spot would be easier for the CIA to arrange than for my department. Of course, if they’re working together…”

“Will Kevin see this?” Daniel worried. “He’s right there in DC.”

“Kevin’s not showing his face, regardless.”

She paced for another minute, then went to sit with Daniel again. She curled her legs under her and took his hand.

“Daniel, who did you talk to yesterday?”

His color heightened. “I told you. I didn’t speak to anyone but the people at the counter.”

“I know, but who were they? Male, female, old, young?”

“Um, the checker at the grocery store was a guy, older, maybe fifty, Hispanic.”

“Was the store busy?”

“A little. He was the only checker. There were three people in line behind me.”

“That’s good.”

“The dollar store was small. It was just me. But the woman at the counter had a TV on – she was watching a game show. She didn’t look up much.”

“How old was she?”

“Older than the first guy. White hair. Why? Older people watch more news, don’t they?”

She shrugged. “Possibly. The third?”

“Just graduated, I guess. I remember wondering if school was out before I realized she worked there.”

Her stomach felt suddenly heavier. “A young girl? And she was friendly – very friendly.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yes. How did you know?”

She sighed. “Daniel, you’re an attractive man.”

“I’m ordinary, at best. And I’m a decade too old for a girl that age,” he protested.

“Old enough to be intriguing. Look, it doesn’t matter. We’ll do the few things we can. You stop shaving as of now, and we lie not just low, but flat. Aside from that, all we can do is hope the girl’s not a news watcher. And that they don’t run any pieces on whatever social media kids are using right now.”

“Would they?”

“If they think of it. They’re throwing Hail Marys.”

He dropped his head into his free hand. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. We’ve all made mistakes on this little endeavor.”

“You haven’t. You’re trying to make me feel better.”

“I’ve made several major errors in the past few weeks.”

He looked up, disbelieving.

“One, I didn’t just ignore Carston’s e-mail in the first place. Two, I fell for the trap. Three, I missed your tracker. Four, I didn’t arm the ceiling in the barn. And then Kevin made the mistake of taking off his gas mask… I guess that’s the only one I can think of for him, except for not having transport out. Bummer, I guess he wins that round.”

“Well, he also did something wrong in the beginning or the CIA would have bought that he was dead.”

“Good point. Thanks.”

“Arnie, though,” he said sadly. “Arnie’s still batting a thousand.”

“Don’t you just hate those insufferable perfectionists?”

Daniel laughed. “So much.” The humor left his face. “But I don’t think you made so many mistakes. I mean, I guess when it comes to what’s best for you, yes. But for me… Well, I’m glad you fell for it.”

She gave him a sardonic look. “That’s taking romance a little too far, don’t you think?” She wished she could completely excise the memory of their first night together, with a scalpel if necessary. She wished those images weren’t so clear and sharp in her mind – the tendons standing out in his neck, the sound of his muffled screams. She shuddered, wondering how long it would take until they faded.

“I’m serious. If it wasn’t you, they would have sent someone else for me. And if that person had gotten the best of Kevin, whoever it was would have killed me right then, wouldn’t he?”

She looked into his earnest eyes, and then shuddered again. “You’re right.”

He stared back for a long moment, then sighed. “So what do we do now?”

Alex frowned. “Well, our options are limited. My face still isn’t ready for scrutiny. But it’s now better than yours. So we can stay here and keep our heads down, or we could go north. I have a place. It’s not as fancy as this one or as well protected. I don’t have a Batcave.” The jealousy in her voice on the last line was unconcealed.

“So you think it’s safer here?”

“It depends. I’d like to get Arnie’s thoughts about the town before we decide. Kevin’s take wouldn’t hurt, either. Hopefully he’ll call soon. The plans have changed a little. I think he’s going to get his wish. He gets to be the victor after all.”

The day dragged. Alex didn’t want to leave the television. It didn’t change things much, knowing how many times they aired the piece and how many outlets picked it up, but she still had to watch. Arnie took the new situation with the stoicism she expected, only the tightening of his eyes betraying his worry.

Alex wanted to send Arnie to the Batcave with a list of everything she needed. She’d love to have the SIG for herself, plus extra ammo, and for Daniel the sawed-off shotgun that she’d seen in Kevin’s stash. A sniper rifle wasn’t as helpful in close quarters as a shotgun would be. It could incapacitate multiple attackers with one load of buckshot.

She also wanted to hunt for gas masks – she couldn’t wire up the house if she didn’t have a third for Arnie. She doubted Kevin would have overlooked such an obvious safety feature, but then again, maybe it was obvious only to someone like her. In his world, Kevin probably only worried about bullets and bombs.

But though she wanted these things badly, it might already be too late for preparations. If the flirtatious checker had called after the first broadcast – which could have aired earlier in the day than the one they’d seen, or even the day before – it would take a certain amount of time for their enemies to begin the search. Someone had to get here, then ask questions around town, and finally start investigating possible leads. But then, if that someone had good luck, the surveillance would begin. And she had no way of knowing if it already had.

Even though she and Daniel were staying inside with the windows covered, someone could be watching Arnie right now. If Arnie took a field trip to the Batcave, the watcher would follow. At that point, they might as well put up a banner that read CONGRATULATIONS, YOU’VE FOUND THE RIGHT PLACE! HELP YOURSELF TO A FEW ROCKET LAUNCHERS!

They could do nothing that might give away the existence of the Batcave.

Her most essential defenses were in easy reach, everything of importance loaded into her backpack – neatly Ziplocked by category – for a quick retreat. She had Arnie move the truck to the back of the house, close enough to Arnie’s bedroom window that they could be in the front cab with one well-hidden step.

She wished Kevin would call or that he’d trusted them enough to give Daniel the number to his own burner phone, in case of emergency. There might be additional safeties he’d built into the place that Arnie wasn’t aware of.

Daniel made dinner for the three of them, and though it wasn’t as high-spirited an affair as the previous night’s, it was still delicious. She told him to slow down with his stock of ingredients. It might be a while before shopping was on the agenda again, even for Arnie.

It surprised her how unaware Daniel seemed to be of Arnie’s presence – well, not unaware, exactly, just unaffected. Not that he was rude to Arnie or ignored him, but Daniel made no effort to hide his new closeness with Alex in front of him. Twice he took her hand; once he kissed the top of her head as he passed with the dishes. Arnie, unsurprisingly, showed no reaction to Daniel’s exhibition, but she couldn’t help but wonder what he thought of it.

Arnie told them he had the dogs on rotation to run the perimeter fence – all six miles of it – while it was light out, the time when scouts would be watching through binoculars. If anyone was perched close enough to watch the house, the dogs would alert him. After that announcement, he went to bed early, keeping his normal routine. Alex and Daniel stayed up to watch the evening news.

He curled around her on the sofa so naturally that it didn’t feel out of the ordinary at all. She couldn’t remember feeling so physically comfortable with anyone in all her life. Even her mother had been a brittle hugger, someone who rarely expressed affection, in words or actions. Alex’s closeness with Barnaby was verbal, never physical. So she thought that she should feel awkward and embarrassed with her legs draped across another person’s lap, her head cradled against that person’s shoulder while his arms were wrapped around her, but she felt only oddly relaxed. As if his proximity somehow removed a portion of the stress from the situation.

The Daniel piece played again, but it ran later in the program than before, and she could tell the night anchor was bored by the story. The Agency might be able to force this bit into the news for a short time, but they couldn’t keep the networks from reacting to what a nonstory it was. Of course, there was the obvious second act.

“I should probably warn you… if you haven’t thought of it already,” she said.

He tried to sound glib, but she could hear the wariness. “I’m sure I haven’t.”

“Well, if this story doesn’t get results quickly, they’ll have to up the ante to keep the press working for them.”

“What does that mean, up the ante?”

She leaned back so she could see his face, her nose wrinkling in distaste at what she had to say. “They’ll make the story more salacious somehow. Say you’re suspected of a crime. Invent a student who you abducted or abused. Something along those lines, probably. They could be more creative, though.”

His eyes shifted from her face back to the television screen, though the announcer had moved on to early primary predictions. He flushed, then went pale. She let him take his time with the idea. She could imagine how hard it would be for a good man to realize he was about to become a villain.

“There’s nothing I can do about it,” he said quietly. It was not quite a question.

“No.”

“At least my parents aren’t around to see it. Maybe… I don’t think all my friends will believe it.”

“I wouldn’t,” she agreed.

He smiled down at her. “At one point in the not too distant past, you thought I was going to murder a couple million people.”

“I didn’t know you then.”

“True.”

When the late news was done, they engaged in a more subdued good-night, then she began the cleanup. They might have to leave quickly. She dismantled and stowed her lab, then changed into leggings and a black T-shirt – things she would be comfortable in if tonight was the night they had to run.

She knew she was tired, but her brain couldn’t seem to slow down. She didn’t want to miss anything else. Daniel might be right – perhaps her first big mistakes were actually good things in that they might have saved his life. But she couldn’t afford any more errors. It wasn’t just her own life at stake now. She sighed to herself. There were benefits to having a liability, but the load was definitely much heavier.

A quiet knock interrupted her thoughts.

“Don’t open the door,” she cautioned quickly, jerking upright. The cot rocked underneath her.

After a short pause, Daniel asked, “Are you wearing a gas mask?”

“Yes.”

“I thought so. Your voice sounds muffled.”

Another pause.

“Is your security system terribly difficult to disarm?” he wondered.

“Give me a minute.”

It took less than that to secure the live wires. She pushed her mask back onto the top of her head and opened the door. He was leaning against the frame. She couldn’t see him perfectly in the darkness, but she thought he looked tired… and sad.

“You’re very worried,” he inferred, reaching to touch her mask lightly.

“Actually, I always sleep with this. It feels weird if I don’t have it on. Is something wrong?”

“More than everything? No. I was just… lonely. I couldn’t sleep. I wanted to be with you.” He hesitated. “Can I come in?”

“Um, okay.” She took a step back, switching the light on.

He looked around, a new expression taking over. “This is the room Kevin gave you? Why didn’t you say something? You should have my room!”

“I’m fine here,” she assured him. “I’m not much for beds, anyway. It’s safer to sleep light.”

“I don’t know what to say. I can’t sleep in a king-size bed knowing you’re stuck in a storage box.”

“Really, I like it.”

He gave her a doubtful look, which turned suddenly sheepish. “I was going to invite myself in, but there’s barely room for you.”

“We could shift some crates…”

“I have a better idea. Come with me.” He offered his hand.

She took it without considering what she was doing. He pulled her down the dark hall, past the bathroom door, to his own room. The only light came from a small lamp on the bedside table.

It was a very nice room, more in line with Kevin’s usual aesthetic than her own storage space. There was a massive bed in the middle of the room, covered in a white comforter, with a rustic four-poster frame made of artfully unfinished logs. A gold blanket that matched the tone of the wood was draped over the foot of the bed.

“You see?” he said. “There’s no way I could sleep in here again after seeing your sad situation. I’d feel like a horrible excuse for a man.”

“Well, I’m not trading. I already have my room wired.”

They stood awkwardly in the doorway for a moment.

“I didn’t really have anything specific in mind to talk about. I just wanted to be where you were.”

“It’s okay. I wasn’t sleeping, either.”

“Let’s not sleep together,” he said, then he flushed and laughed embarrassedly. “That didn’t sound right at all.” He pulled her hand again, toward the big bed. “Look, I promise to be a perfect gentleman,” he said. “I’ll just feel less anxious if I can see you.”

She climbed up on the thick white comforter next to him, laughing with him at his awkwardness and wondering privately if she wanted him to be a perfect gentleman. She reminded herself sternly that this was not the appropriate time for those kinds of thoughts. Maybe someday in the future when their lives weren’t in danger. If that day ever came.

He took her hand but otherwise gave her space. They both lay back on the stacks of feather pillows. He put his free hand behind his head and looked over at her.

“Yes, see, this is better.”

And it was. It didn’t make sense – she was out of her secured room and farther from her other weapons – but, paradoxically, she felt safer.

“Yes,” she agreed. She slipped the gas mask off her head and laid it beside her.

“Your hand is cold.”

Before she could respond, he sat up and grabbed the blanket from the foot of the bed. He shook it out, then settled it over them. When he lay back, he was closer to her. His shoulder touched hers, and his arm lay over hers as he took her hand again.

Why was she so vividly aware of things that, in the grand scheme of survival, didn’t really matter?

“Thanks,” she said.

“Don’t take this the wrong way – I mean it as the highest compliment and not as a slight to your company – but I think I might actually be able to sleep with you here.”

“I know what you mean. It’s been a long day.”

“Yes,” he agreed fervently. “Are you comfortable?”

“I am. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I might put my mask back on at some point. It’s just a weird sleep habit.”

He smiled. “Like hugging a teddy bear.”

“Exactly like that, only not adorable.”

He rolled toward her and leaned his forehead against her temple. She could feel his eyelashes brush against her cheek as he closed his eyes. His right arm snaked around her waist.

“I think you’re adorable,” he breathed. His voice sounded like he was already half asleep. “And terrifyingly lethal, too, of course.” He yawned.

“Very sweet,” she said, but she wasn’t sure if he heard her. He was breathing so evenly she thought he might already be out.

She waited a few moments and then, carefully, she reached up with her free hand to touch his curls. They were so soft. Her fingers traced his features, totally calm in unconsciousness. It was that same innocent, serene face that had never belonged in her world. She didn’t think she’d ever seen anything quite so beautiful.

She fell asleep like that, with her hand tucked possessively around the nape of his neck, the gas mask forgotten behind her back.