The Crime Trade

17

The first time Stegs Jenner ever clapped eyes on Tino ‘Ten Inch’ Movali was on the porn film Ass Lovers in London. Stegs hadn’t wanted to admit it to Murk when they’d spoken, but nowadays he was something of a porn aficionado, particularly since the missus had concluded, some five years into their relationship, that sex (at least with Stegs) was only really satisfactory if the end result was pregnancy, thereby relegating it to a couple of times a month, with him on top doing all the work, whenever the moon or whatever was in the right position, and rendering it completely redundant when she’d finally got up the duff. As a result, porn films had become an integral part of Stegs’s solo sex life, to be watched whenever those rare moments occurred when the missus and Luke decamped from the house.

One such occasion had been a couple of months earlier when she’d gone off to see her parents in Colchester for the weekend, taking Luke with her. On the Saturday night Stegs had settled down to watch Ass Lovers, a purchase from a porn shop on the Charing Cross Road, with a takeaway ruby and a hefty supply of canned Stella. What passed for the plot was as follows. An individual, known only as ‘Ass Lover’, appeared to be walking round London with a video camera, filming passers-by, especially attractive women, and their arses in particular, with Tino in tow. Tino, Stegs had to grudgingly admit, was a good-looking, if slightly vacant, young bloke but his dress sense wasn’t up to much. He was wearing a checked sports jacket with brown leather patches on the elbows which would have fitted in perfectly in an early 1980s Essex golf club, but which wasn’t exactly going to pull the punters in turn-of-the-century supposedly swinging London. He also had a rather unpleasant blue jeans and sandy-coloured cowboy boots combo a la Bon Jovi, which at least provided Stegs with a few laughs, as did Tino’s English — fluent enough, but delivered in a comedy Continental accent that veered between French, German, Italian and back again, complete with hackneyed medallion-man chat-up lines such as ‘You’re looking good, baby’ and ‘Man, nice tits.’ Still, this didn’t appear to put off the two local girls Tino and ‘Ass Lover’ got talking to in Hyde Park by the Serpentine. Both were young and pretty, and none too bright either, and when Ass Lover asked them to come back to his hotel room with him and Tino to do some modelling, both accepted eagerly, giving Tino admiring glances that looked worryingly genuine.

All laughs stopped, however, when, back in the hotel room, Tino produced his startlingly impressive ten-inch appendage and began to service the girls in a variety of positions and in places where, to put it bluntly, the sun don’t shine. In fact, Stegs was masturbating furiously and having a particularly enjoyable time of it, all thoughts of Tino’s clothes sense forgotten as the Dutch dickmaster got to work doing what he obviously did best, when on the screen there was a loud knock on the hotel-room door. It then opened to reveal the hotel’s manager — a smartly clad Trevor Murk, dressed in a suit for possibly the first time in his life outside of a crematorium, who strolled in to complain about the noise. Stegs had had to do an alarmed double-take, penis already wilting in hand, but it was Murk all right. One of the girls immediately knelt down in front of him, unzipped his fly and popped his dick out. Though less impressive than Tino’s, it still wasn’t a bad size and was standing to attention in double-quick time as the girl proceeded to administer a very professional-looking blowjob while Murk stood there looking very unmanagerial, smirking at the camera and making the odd grunt of encouragement.

Stegs had lost all interest at this point, unable to watch a spawny git like the Murky one have it away with an attractive young filly and get paid for it while he, Stegs, was reduced to wanking at home on a Saturday night. The contrast was simply too great and too tragic, and he’d switched off.

The second time he clapped eyes on Tino Movali was in the Cherry Tree Inn on the Saturday evening following his suspension. He was sitting at a corner table alongside Trevor Murk. The two of them were talking and laughing like old friends, oblivious to the fact that more than one woman in the place was looking their way. Stegs bought a pint and made his way over. The room was busy, with most of the tables taken, but thankfully it didn’t feel oppressively crowded.

As Stegs approached, Murk saw him and stood up with a welcoming smile. ‘Hello, Mark,’ he said, using the name they’d agreed. He put out his hand and Stegs shook it reluctantly, affecting a deliberate air of indifference. Tonight, Matthew, I’m a shifty dope dealer with little in the way of patience or morality.

‘All right, Trevor,’ he grunted.

‘This is Tino,’ said Murk, and the youthful Tino stood up with a big grin.

They shook hands and Tino said that he was very pleased to meet him. ‘I have heard from my friend Trevor here that you are the sort of man that is, how you say, good to know.’

‘That depends,’ said Stegs enigmatically, giving Tino a careful once-over. Tonight, the Dutchman was dressed in a paisley shirt and black jeans. There was a suspect-looking bulge in the groin area that Stegs would have thought was a deli-style salami sausage if he hadn’t known better. ‘You look familiar,’ he added, sitting down with his pint. The others followed suit. ‘Do I know you from somewhere?’

‘Do you enjoy erotica?’

‘None of your fucking business,’ replied Stegs, lighting a fag.

‘I’m sorry, man, I didn’t mean it like that. What I’m saying is, I’ve made appearances in porno films. If you watch them regularly, you may have seen me.’

‘I normally only look at the girls.’

‘Well, in the films that I am in, they are usually on the end of my cock.’ He gave a nervous laugh.

‘Anyway,’ said Murk, butting in, ‘Tino’s here with a business proposition. We thought you might be interested in what he had to sell. We’ve already talked about quantities, now we need to sort out a price. That’s if you still want to go ahead.’

‘I may want to,’ said Stegs, thinking that Murk really was a treacherous back-stabbing dog, so impatient to betray his friend that he didn’t even allow for a bit of small-talk. ‘But first I’ve got to satisfy myself about a number of things.’

‘And what are they, my friend?’ asked Tino, leaning forward.

Strangely enough, he had a very innocent-looking, cherubic face that didn’t really fit with the jaded expressions so many in the porn industry wore, that hound Murk included. Stegs put him at early twenties tops, and reckoned he’d probably make quite a good salesman. He had the sort of face you can’t imagine ever having the gumption to deceive you. It seemed a pity that he’d been wasting his life in skinflicks, and was now about to waste it still more in the short-term, fast-burn-out world of small-time dope dealing.

‘First of all, I want to make sure of the quality. I need to acquire a sample of what you’ve got in order to check how pure it is. If it’s satisfactory, then we’ll take things further. Also, I want to make sure that you’re kosher. That is, who you say you are. I don’t like dealing with people I don’t know, even if Trevor here does speak highly of you.’

‘He’s hardly likely to be dodgy, is he?’ said Murk, keen to get things moving. ‘He’s a porn star, for fuck’s sake. He wouldn’t exactly make good undercover.’

‘Not so loud, Trevor. I don’t much want the whole pub to know of our business dealings.’

‘He’s right, though, my friend. I’ve never spoken to a policeman in my life. I’m not, how you say, dodgy. And me and Trevor have known each other a long time. Is that not right, Trevor?’

‘Too right, Tino.’ Murk gave him a comradely pat on the back, then turned to Stegs, flashing him a quick wink. Bastard. ‘I can vouch for this man, Mark. He’s straight. I’ve told you that already. Now, if you’re not interested, we can always go somewhere else.’

Stegs ignored him. ‘Have you got a sample of the goods?’ he asked Tino.

Tino nodded. ‘Sure, man.’

‘All right, give it to me outside when we leave. But in principle, I’m interested. Trevor says you’ve got five thousand to sell, and you could be able to get as much as five thousand a week. Is that right?’

Tino sipped his drink. It looked like a scotch and soda. ‘Yes, that’s right.’

‘And it’s E, yeah? Ecstasy?’

‘That’s also right.’

‘I usually deal with bigger quantities than that. Do you think you’ll be able to get more?’

‘I don’t know, man,’ he answered. ‘I might be able to, but I cannot say for sure.’

‘Fair enough. Well, five’ll do for now. We’ll have to play it by ear.’

‘Excuse me?’

‘See how it goes.’

‘Sure.’

‘I can pay you five cash for the first consignment, as long as it’s you who gets it into the country.’

‘It’s already here.’

‘Fine. That’s my price. Take it or leave it.’

‘I was hoping for six, man. You know, I’ve got expenses.’

‘We’ve all got expenses, Tino.’

‘How about five five, Mark?’ said Murk. ‘A nice clean compromise.’

Stegs sat back and took a drink of his pint. Murk was breaking the cardinal rule of informants everywhere — the rule being, never get too involved in the sting. A grass should sell his information, make an introduction if he has to, then slip into the background and try to put as much distance as possible between himself and the arresting officers. That way he tended to stay alive and healthy a lot longer. But Murk was playing it different. He was acting as Tino’s partner, even though he knew the porn star was going down, involving himself in the whole thing for no obvious benefit. After all, he’d done his bit so, in essence, there was absolutely no point in him hanging around, which made the fact that he was very suspicious. Perhaps he simply thought Tino was too stupid to make the connection. Either way, Stegs decided to cut him out.

‘Five on the first. As I’ve said, that’s my final offer. If the stuff’s good, and I sell it on easy enough, I’ll go up to five five for any subsequent purchase. Trevor’ll tell you I’m a reliable bloke. Isn’t that right, Trevor?’

‘I’ve known Mark years, Tino,’ bullshitted Murk. ‘He’s kosher.’

Tino nodded. ‘All right, man,’ he said. ‘Five it is.’

‘If, of course, I’m satisfied with the quality of the sample.’

‘Sure.’ Tino didn’t seem too happy, his face slipping into a boyish hangdog look, but that wasn’t Stegs’s problem. He was going to be even less happy in a few minutes.

‘I only like to deal with one person when I’m setting something up, Trevor, as you well know.’ Murk opened his mouth to say something, but Stegs continued without pause. ‘So, if you’ll excuse us, I’ll go through the details alone with Tino. You can catch up with him later.’

‘I was hoping to advise him. He’s a bit new to all this, Mark.’

‘I’m sure he’ll learn.’

Tino looked at Murk, not a hundred per cent sure whether he wanted to be left alone with Stegs. Murk shrugged in return. ‘If that’s how you want to play it,’ he said to Stegs.

‘It is. Thanks, Trevor, I’ll see you later.’

Murk finished his drink and said his goodbyes.

‘I’ll catch up with you later, man,’ said Tino.

Stegs didn’t say anything. He waited until Murk was out of earshot, then turned back to the Dutchman with a hawkish smile. Tino returned the smile, but it lacked confidence. He was wary of Stegs, and Stegs knew it, enjoying the fact that he was intimidating the other man.

‘You know, Tino, you seem like a nice guy. Amiable. I like that. You don’t often get it in this industry.’

‘That’s kind of you to say so, man. Thanks.’

‘But you’ve got a slight problem.’

Tino’s forehead creased into barely visible worry-lines. ‘What’s that?’

‘I’m an undercover copper and your mate Trevor — and I use the term most fucking loosely — is a police informer, or grass as we sometimes prefer to call them here in the UK.’

‘Oh no,’ said Tino, looking like he was about to burst into tears. ‘No way, man. Did Trevor — did he, how you say — set me up?’

Stegs’s smile grew wider. ‘He did, I’m afraid. That’s the thing you ought to know about Trevor. He’s a Class A cunt. He always does this.’

Tino put his head in his hands, slumping in the seat. ‘Stupid, stupid, stupid,’ he said to himself angrily, sounding not unlike one of those mental people you sometimes get on the Tube.

‘Well, whatever. The point is, I have you, how you say, bang to rights. That’s my warrant card, just in case you’re in any doubt.’ Stegs placed it, open, on the table in front of Tino, who slowly removed his hands from his eyes and gave it a cursory glance before groaning loudly. ‘But luckily for you,’ Stegs continued, replacing it in his pocket, ‘I’m not a heartless man. There may be a way out of this.’

‘What?’

‘Well, for a start, I’m not necessarily going to turn you in. I mean, you’re an idiot, and a criminal too, obviously, but I’m thinking that I may give you a second chance.’

‘Oh man, please, please. I’m not a criminal, I promise. If it hadn’t been for the way the industry treated me, I would never have got involved in this drug dealing, I promise you.’

‘All right, Tino, not quite so loud. I get the picture.’

‘I can’t go to prison, man. Sorry, what is your name again?’

‘Mark.’

‘I can’t go to prison, Mark. It would tear me into pieces. Please. I would die.’ He tried desperately to get his eyes to well up, but failed miserably. He was, Stegs thought, a fucking terrible actor. Thank God he’d got a big cock. ‘And I know you would not want that, Mark,’ he went on, ‘because I can see that underneath the steel you are a good and decent man who would not want my death on your mind. Which is what would happen. It would be the end of me, the end. Do you understand what I’m saying, my friend?’

‘Well, it’s a bit mangled, but I think I get the gist of it. And you’re right, I am a decent man. So maybe we can help each other here.’

‘I’ll do anything, man. Anything at all.’

‘I understand that, Tino, and it’s a good thing too, because I can tell you this: English prisons are roughly on a par with English traffic, English weather and English hospitals. In other words, fucking terrible. And on this little tape recorder in here’ — he opened his jacket slightly to show the edge of the portable tape recorder he’d strapped to his chest — ‘I have evidence that will indict you on charges of conspiracy to sell Class A substances, a most heinous crime in this neck of the woods, and one which will result in you spending several years in exactly such an establishment, and for once being on the receiving end of a rampant penis, like so many of your unfortunate female co-stars, rather than dishing out the punishment. Then maybe you’ll appreciate why some of them scream so loudly when you shove your dick up their arses.’

‘I thought you didn’t watch my films, Mark.’

‘Trevor told me. Apparently, it’s your speciality.’

Tino shrugged. ‘They seem to like it. And they get paid well.’

‘I’m glad to hear it.’

‘Excuse me.’ Stegs and Tino both looked up. A young man in his early twenties with glasses and the last remnants of a powerful attack of teenage acne was standing by their table. ‘Are you Tino “Ten Inch” Movali?’

‘I am, my man,’ Tino said with a smile, suddenly perking up.

‘Would you mind signing this?’ asked the young man, handing Tino a beermat and a pen.

‘Sure, of course.’

‘Can you make it out to Pete?’

‘Pete. Sure, no problemo.’

‘I’m a big fan of yours, Tino. I’ve seen loads of your stuff.’

‘Be careful, sonny,’ said Stegs belligerently, annoyed at this unwelcome interruption, ‘it’ll make you go blind.’

The young man turned to Stegs. ‘Who are you? One of the money men?’

‘Don’t be cheeky. I’m his co-star, Charlie “The Chopper” Flanagan. I’m new to the scene. You’ll be seeing a lot more of me.’

‘Can I have your autograph as well, then?’

‘Sure. Have you got another beermat?’

The young man picked up one from another table and handed it to Stegs. Tino finished his signature with a flourish and passed the pen over to Stegs, who wrote the name Charlie Flanagan and drew an erect penis complete with hairy testicles alongside it.

‘So, are you in anything at the moment, Charlie?’

‘We’ve just completed my first film, Urban FuckFest,’ replied Stegs. ‘It’s due for release later this year.’

‘That’s fantastic. Look, I’ve always wanted to be in porn films. Do you mind if I join you?’

Stegs gave him a rueful smile. ‘I’m afraid not, son, we’re discussing something very important. However, I appreciate your desire to get into the industry, and we’re always on the look-out for new blood, so I’m going to give you the number of an agent I know.’ Underneath the signature, he wrote down his brother-in-law’s name and number. ‘When you ring, you’ll get either him or his secretary. Just tell them Charlie the Chopper said for you to call, and make sure you say too that you’ve heard there’s a vacancy in one of Ben Dover’s new productions, and that you’re interested. And don’t forget to give them your cock size — that’s always at the top of their list of questions. And make sure you add an extra inch.’

‘Are you sure that’s a good idea?’

‘Don’t worry. Everyone does it.’

He smiled. ‘Thanks, Charlie. Thanks a lot. I really appreciate it.’

‘Good luck, son.’

The young man called Pete thanked them both, deposited the beermats in the pocket of his anorak, then did the honourable thing and left them alone.

‘What number did you give him?’ asked Tino. Stegs told him, and a smile cracked the Dutchman’s features. ‘Man, you are one hell of a good actor, Mark. Just like that dolt Trevor.’ He shook his head, the smile disappearing as he remembered the position he was in. ‘I cannot believe that he did this to me. Did you put pressure on him to make him betray me?’

Stegs shook his head. ‘He rang me up and volunteered the information. He makes money out of betraying people. We pay him when his information secures us a conviction.’

‘The bastard! I show him kindness and this is how he pays me. By being a, what is it you call it?’

‘A grass.’

‘A grass, yes. It doesn’t seem right.’

‘And it isn’t right. And I think you might get the opportunity to pay him back in kind.’

For the first time, Tino eyed Stegs with something akin to suspicion. ‘What do you get out of all this, Mark? You are a policeman, no? So why help me?’

‘Because you’re going to do something for me, Tino.’

‘What am I going to do?’

Stegs pulled a photograph of a girl of about twenty from the pocket of his jacket. In the photo, she was standing in what looked like a central London street with high buildings on either side, dressed in winter clothing and smiling at the camera. Judy Flanagan wasn’t particularly pretty, but there was something natural in her expression that gave her a certain attractiveness. Her cheeks were rosy, her smile genuine, and her whole demeanour that of a young, well-educated, middle-class girl who was almost certainly kind to animals and fellow human beings in equal measure, and who probably bought the Big Issue from one of the homeless with a smile and a thank you. Her hooter was a bit of a let-down, though. Wide and flattened, with splayed nostrils, just like her old man’s.

‘Who is this chick?’ asked Tino, inspecting the photo carefully like he was searching for the hidden prize. ‘She has a strange nose.’

‘She’s someone I want you to get to know. And when you get to know her, which is going to happen very quickly, I want you to take her away for a couple of days.’

Tino gave him a confused look. ‘Why, my man?’

There was silence for a few moments as Stegs finished his pint. Then, taking his time, he lit a cigarette and explained.