The Mad and the Bad

9

After breakfast Julie decided to take Peter to the Jardin du Luxembourg.

“I don’t want to go,” said the boy.

“Do as I say! Get dressed.”

Julie stamped her foot. Peter shrugged.

“Is it true, what Marcelle says, that you were in the nuthouse?”

Julie’s white face got even whiter. Her violet eyes flashed. She took a step toward Peter. The little boy jumped back. He looked at her in alarm. Julie turned on her heel and left the room. A bright flush crept up her throat. In the elevator she pounded the sides with her fist. She went down the hallway and into her room. She crossed it, zigzagging and stumbling and beginning to cry. She was seeing red. She had a photograph in her hand. She tossed it onto the table. She punched the table. She tore off her yellow blouse and her pants. In panties and bra, she circled the room, staying close to the wall and rubbing her head against it. Her tears fell onto her toes. She flung open cabinets. Getting dressed again did nothing to calm her.

She slipped into smoky-gray tights, pistachio-green shorts, and a sort of T-shirt, long and orange. She strode up and down the room, the muscles of her legs rippling superbly. She went to look at herself in the bathroom mirror for consolation.

“Fuck the whole lot of you!” she declared.

Mockingly, the bathroom tiles resounded with hate. Julie took four Tofranils and washed them down with fifteen centiliters of scotch. She shivered.

“Brrr!”

She went for her yellow suede handbag, which she had thrown onto the table. Beneath it was the photograph. Julie looked at it. What a beautiful place! A labyrinth. A house to get away from oneself in. Julie turned the photo over. On the back, written with a nylon-tip marker: “Moorish Tower. Canton of Olliergues. Massif Central, 1967.” The girl stuffed the photo into her bag. Her teeth were chattering. The inevitable adjustment crisis. Relax. Drop a line to Doctor Rosenfeld. Julie looked around for her Hermes Baby. Nowhere to be seen. Impossible to find it. Impossible to remember where the hell she stuck it. Damn it then! Julie went to the door. Go for a walk.