The Return of Cord Navarro

Chapter 4

Shannon had gone inside ahead of him. By the time he’d placed his backpack on the office floor, she’d left the room. Forcing himself to concentrate on what was automatic and essential about his job, he inventoried his food supply, satisfying himself that he had enough of what could be eaten on the move. He gave the rest of his equipment a quick check. It wasn’t full daylight yet, but he should already be under way. He would be if he had only himself to consider.

Standing, he cocked his head to one side and listened, but couldn’t determine where Shannon had gone. Maybe she was deliberately keeping quiet so she wouldn’t disturb him from what he needed to concentrate on. Or maybe she’d decided to distance herself as much as possible from him.

He wouldn’t blame her. After all, she couldn’t have wanted that embrace any more than he had. Except, he admitted with customary frankness, he had wanted to feel her against him. Had needed to touch and be touched. If he’d taken anything from the years he’d spent married to Shannon, it was the knowledge that he wasn’t an island, a solitary human being, after all. He needed to belong to someone. Except for Matt, he hadn’t found anyone.

There, a sound. Following it, he found himself standing at the entrance to Matt’s bedroom. Shannon was in there, her back to him as she stared into the jammed and jumbled closet. Some emotion had wrenched the moaning sound from her a few moments ago; he knew that instinctively.

It was a boy’s room, complete with sports posters, cowboy boots, a mound of clothes on the floor at the foot of the bed, a stack of nature magazines on a small desk under the window. Matt had told him that his mother had bought him the desk to do his schoolwork on but he preferred to work at the kitchen table closer to his mom. Now the desk held two footballs and a helmet, comic books, a hammer, screwdriver, and pliers. Cord saw something else-the compass he’d given him two years ago. Now Shannon was staring at it, too.

“I’m trying to determine what he took with him,” she said, not looking at him. “The backpack frame you gave him is gone. So is his sleeping bag and ground cover.”

He’d given Matt all of those things.

“But not the compass,” she continued. “He didn’t understand why you’d sent it to him. After all, he said, you never use one.”

“No. I don’t.”

She spun toward him. In the shadowed room, he could barely make out her features and nothing of her thoughts. “He wants to be exactly like you, to find his way with the stars and sun. But he doesn’t have your…your instinct.”

It wasn’t instinct. At Gray Cloud’s side he’d learned to be at home in the wilderness, something he hadn’t been able to teach his son yet because they weren’t together enough. Besides, maybe Matt would never need the skills that were vital to his career. Keeping his voice level, he told her that Matt might not need a compass depending on where he’d decided to go. He didn’t say that father’s instinct was telling him Matt wouldn’t stay on the beaten path.

“What else did he take?” he asked. “Can you tell?”

“Food, a lot of it. When he was getting ready to leave yesterday, I teased him about how much he was packing.” She blinked and he thought he detected a hint of moisture in her eyes. “Cord, he had more than enough food for two boys for a couple of days. Alone…”

Alone he might be able to survive without hardship for the better part of a week, but Matt had told Kevin to let Shannon know he’d be gone only two nights. He reminded her of that now.

Shannon stood next to Matt’s bed, her fingers resting lightly on the pillow. Now that he’d gotten used to the lamplight, he was able to make out much more of her, her practical jeans and boots, the loose cotton shirt that clung damply to her generous breasts and accented her slender waist.

“I can feel him in here,” she said. “I know it shouldn’t make any difference, but it makes me feel better. He’s such a mix, part of him still my little boy, the rest trying to be a teenager.”

“That’s what growing up is about.”

“I know,” she said with something that wasn’t quite a laugh. “But if he was still a toddler, he wouldn’t be in this predicament.”

And we wouldn’t be standing here talking. I’d be out of your hair, your life. “You like challenges yourself,” he observed.

“Yes, I do. But I’m also disgustingly practical. A taxpaying member of the middle class. I’m not a rock-headed ten-year-old with more energy and dumb determination than sense.”

“Rock-headed?”

“Stubborn. Strong-willed. Whatever you want to call it. Anyway-” She looked around, as if trying to reorient herself. “That backpack frame is his most prized possession. I can’t remember how many times he’s had me watch him walk around with it on. He says the fit and balance is just right, that he…that he could hike all day with it on his back and not get tired.”

He wanted to comfort her and again reassure her that everything was going to turn out all right, but he couldn’t concentrate on that with what she’d just told him making its impact. Something he’d sent Matt was his prize possession.

“Cord, look.”

She had gone back to the closet and was pulling out a tightly wrapped tent-the domed model he and Matt had picked out together the Christmas before last.

“And he didn’t take his propane stove, either,” she continued. “No tent. No stove. What was he thinking?”

Cord leaned against the doorjamb, easily imagining Matt sleeping in this room. “I bought him the tent and stove so he could go camping with his friends, but he knows I don’t use either of those things.”

She seemed to sway a little. “In other words, he wants to do everything you do the way you do. Walk around without a compass. Sleep under the stars-or in the rain. Eat nothing but cold food. Damn you, Cord.”

There was no anger behind Shannon’s words, and he didn’t take offense. Instead, he was glad she’d been able to discharge a little of the tension she must be feeling.

“Shannon-”

“Don’t tell me he’s going to be all right. I don’t want to hear that when neither of us has any idea what he’s doing. Or where he is.”

He’d been about to ask if Matt had been wearing riding or hiking boots, but didn’t. Instead he studied her standing in their son’s room and knew he would never forget the sight. Then he turned and walked back down the dark hall. He didn’t want to leave her in there alone, but she’d lived without him for the past seven years and didn’t need him for anything anymore-except to return her son to her.

When she came out of Matt’s room, Shannon was again struck by how silent Cord could be. She’d long known he wasn’t a man for words, but it seemed that he could walk around in hiking boots without making a sound. For all she knew, he’d left the house.

A bolt of fear tore through her and she hurried outside, not taking time to close the door behind her. If Cord had left without her-

He hadn’t; hadn’t she all but tripped over the pack he’d left on her office floor? Even Cord had enough social grace and compassion and understanding not to disappear without telling her where he was going.

But he wasn’t going anywhere by himself!

A new fear, laced through with heavy determination, settled inside her. They hadn’t discussed today’s agenda. Certainly he planned to resume last night’s search; what she hadn’t told him was that she was committed to going with him. She didn’t care how much resistance he might throw at her. She was not going to endure any more of this doing nothing.

“Shannon.”

Although Cord’s voice came to her from some distance away, she still jumped. He was out in the corral, and she started toward him. The rain showed no sign of slackening, and if anything, the wind was stronger than it had been a few minutes ago. Soon she was soaked to the skin. For some unexplainable reason, she embraced the pure, lilting sound and the wind. “What?” she asked when she was close enough that she didn’t have to raise her voice.

“What horses do you want to take?”

Horses. As soon as she pointed out the two geldings she had in mind, Cord went after them. She now felt chilled in her dripping, oversize shirt and berated herself for not grabbing a jacket. Cord, however, seemed impervious to the weather.

“You knew, didn’t you?” she said as she led one of the horses into the barn to be saddled and bridled while Cord brought the other. “That I was going with you.”

“Yeah, I knew.”

Did he want her to come? It didn’t matter. “What are we going to do? I don’t know how you can possibly track him with these conditions.”

“It’ll make it harder-I won’t deny that. But I’ve done it before.” Picking up a large old towel she kept for such purposes, he started wiping off one of the gelding’s backs prior to saddling him. His movements were so practiced that she had to remind herself that he hadn’t been part of her business. He didn’t belong in this shadowed, hay-smelling barn; he wouldn’t be content spending hours in it the way she did. Still, maybe he now understood a little more of her world.

“I’ve been thinking,” he continued. His voice echoed in the high-ceilinged space. “I want to run this past you and get your reaction. Matt told Kevin that he wants to prove himself to me, right?”

“Yes.”

“If that’s his intention, then he wants to give himself as much of a challenge as possible.”

“I…guess.”

“Guess?”

“All right!” When her horse shied, she forced herself to lower her voice. “Yes, I think you’re right. But where-”

“You said he’s fascinated by Arapaho. Last night I didn’t have the chance to really explore it. I want to go back there, look at it through his eyes.”

If it had been anyone else speaking, she would have laughed at the possibility of seeing a demanding ski area through the eyes of a ten-year-old boy, but this was a man who made his living getting into other people’s heads before the terrain, elements, or their own limitations and stupidity killed them. He was also that ten-year-old boy’s father.

“How long do you think it’s going to take?” she made herself ask.

“I can’t tell you that. No one can.”

“But you’ve done this before. You must have some kind of idea.”

He did. The way his eyes darkened told her that. But instead of telling her what she probably didn’t want to hear anyway, he shrugged his competent shoulders and asked if she’d told her parents yet.

“No,” she admitted. “Last night, well, I kept hoping you’d come back with him and there wouldn’t be any need. It’s so early. They might still be asleep.”

“They have a right. And they’d want to be part of this, to help.”

“I know. It’s just-they love him so, Cord. I don’t want to scare them.”

“They’re strong people.”

Yes, they were. Although Cord had been somewhat distant around her parents, probably a combination of his natural reserve and the belief that they held him responsible for their daughter becoming a mother at eighteen, he understood them better than she thought possible.

In the end, he was the one who made the phone call.

“Elizabeth,” Cord said while she stood a few feet away, “it’s Cord. I’m at Shannon’s house. Matt didn’t come home last night. We’re going after him.”

He stopped talking and she could hear the murmur of her mother’s voice. A few moments later he basically repeated what he’d already said and then asked if they could come over and handle her business while they were gone. Closing her eyes, Shannon marveled at his ability to think of that when she should have been the one to plan for her absence. She opened her eyes again when he spoke her name. Taking the phone from him, she managed to mouth the lie that she wasn’t worried, just determined to get Matt home and dry. After some brief reassurances, she finally hung up.

“You’re sure you don’t want anyone else out there with you-with us?” Shannon asked Cord. “Every time I hear about searches, especially when children are missing, half the people in the county are involved.”

He’d been standing off to one side with his arms folded across his chest while she spoke to her parents. Now he fastened his fingers around her elbows and pulled her close. She looked up at him, seeing what the past seven years had done to his once boyish features. “This is different.”

“How? Because it’s your son? If you’re worried that your reputation will be damaged if people learn that your son is the one they’re-”

“It’s not that.”

Of course it wasn’t. She had no business saying that. “Then, what is it? Cord, I don’t know how you run your business any more than you know how I handle mine. But I’m all too aware of how vast, how isolated this area is. I’d think you’d want as many eyes and ears out there as possible. Is it-you don’t want to waste time getting people together?”

“Half the people in the county can’t do any more than I can alone.”

“You’re that sure of yourself?” She couldn’t keep the disbelief out of her voice.

“I know what I’m doing, Shannon. The question is, do you trust me?”

His question was impossible; surely he understood that. Hadn’t she once trusted-expected-him to support her and Matt? But instead of keeping his factory job with its steady paycheck, he’d gone to the county sheriff, the state police, the forest service, anyone who might have a use for his skills. She’d been so afraid of the uncertainty facing them that she’d taken a part-time job in addition to her college courses. But he wasn’t asking her to step into the past. He needed to know whether she believed he would find their son.

“If anyone can find Matt, it’s you.”

He nodded at that and released her. Although she was now free to back away from him, she remained where she was and breathed in the smell of wet cotton and denim. She wanted him to tell her that her trust was well placed and he wouldn’t fail her. But he didn’t. Instead he told her what she needed to bring in the way of clothes, and because they couldn’t leave until she’d done that, she turned and started toward her room. Her back between her shoulder blades felt warm, as if they’d been touched by him. But then, maybe it was only because she needed the contact-a contact he couldn’t give her.

Cord waited until he heard Shannon’s dresser drawer open and then dialed the country sheriff at his home. Although it was barely 6:00 a.m., Dale Vollrath answered before the second ring. “Cord? What the hell are you doing? Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” he told the man who’d already been on the police force when he was still in high school. He quickly explained what he and Shannon were up to. Unlike Shannon, Dale didn’t ask whether he wanted local search and rescue volunteers called out.

“This is your call, Cord,” Dale said. “Just tell me what you need from me.”

“Nothing right now. I’ll be getting in touch with you from time to time to give you updates. I’d like the same thing from you”

“You got it. I’ll contact anyone and everyone I can think of around Arapaho or the other wilderness areas. A nephew of mine is doing fire watch for the forest service this summer. He’s still wet behind the ears, but he can see a hell of a long way from his tower. Who knows. He might be more reliable than I give him credit for.”

“I’d appreciate it.”

“No problem. The more eyes you’ve got working for you, the better.”

The sheriff had given him his first break. Although Cord hadn’t gone through the formal training most search and rescue personnel received, Dale had called him to lead an expedition to find skiers buried by an avalanche on Copper. The mission had attracted widespread media attention and when Cord refused to quit until he’d found the last survivor two days after the avalanche, the wire services had picked up the story. As a result, he’d started getting calls from all over the country.

“We’ll have to get together for a beer,” he told Dale. “Just as soon as I get Matt back where he belongs. What does the activity on the mountains look like?”

“Unauthorized activity. That’s what you’re talking about, isn’t it?”

He said yes, alert for sounds of Shannon’s return.

“Yeah,” Dale said after a brief pause. “Yeah. Maybe. The only thing I’ve got is a report from a couple of forest service employees who were working on Breckenridge a few days ago. They heard shots, and when they checked it out, they spotted four, maybe five men with rifles. The men were pretty far away and on the move. By the time the rangers got there, the poachers were gone. My guess, they realized they’d been made and took off.”

“You’re sure they were poachers?” Cord asked, not because he questioned Dale’s conclusion but because this was the last thing he wanted to hear.

“There’s nothing I can take to court, but I’ve been a cop too long not to know the signs. Several men with rifles in the wilderness when it isn’t hunting season. They wouldn’t go all that way for a little target practice. Come on, Cord. You know how that adds up as well as I do.”

“Yeah. I do.”

“Look, don’t go getting uptight over this. Like you said, your son could be anywhere. There’s a hell of a lot of territory around here. Chances are, even if those characters haven’t hightailed it, your son won’t get anywhere near them.”

“Dale? I’ve seen what poachers can do.”

The sheriff let out a long, hissing breath. “That killing in Utah last fall. That’s what you’re thinking about, isn’t it? I forgot.”

Cord hadn’t. Although he’d seen a lot of things in his career he wished he hadn’t, the accidental killing of an elderly man and the wounding of his wife by a couple of drunken hunters stood out in his mind.

“I’ll tell you what.” Dale broke through his thoughts. “I’ll get in touch with forest service employees all over the county as soon as we’re done talking. I know a couple of local pilots who’ll probably check out Breckenridge for me, Anything I hear, I’ll pass on to you.”

“Thanks. I’d appreciate that. And, Dale? I’d like to keep this between you and me. Shannon has enough on her mind without adding anything to it.”

“You got it. Look, Matt can be anywhere. He might have no interest in Breckenridge.”

Maybe. Maybe not, Cord thought after hanging up. What made this so hard was having to face the simple fact that he didn’t honestly know what was going on inside his son’s head. That, and vivid memories of what a bullet was capable of.

At the sound of Shannon’s boots on the floor, he shoved thoughts of Matt’s possible agenda and whether that might bring him in contact with poachers to the back of his mind. His ex-wife. No matter how many times he’d told himself that that was what she was, he’d been unable to exorcise the memories of when she’d been his wife.

Other people, even men aware of how attractive she was, would look at her today and see a competent businesswoman, a strong and mature woman capable of facing everything life dished out, even this.

But deep in her hazel eyes, fear lurked. She wouldn’t talk to him about it, and he wouldn’t bring it up. Avoiding anything of an emotional nature was one of the few rules that defined their relationship these days. They could talk about their respective jobs and lives, their son, her family, the price of gasoline, politics, anything casual friends might discuss. But as for what went on deep inside them-oh, yes, he knew how to avoid that.

“You were talking to someone?” she asked.

“Dale Vollrath.”

“The sheriff? What did he have to say?”

“Not much. Just that he’s going to do what he can here on the ground.”

She gave him a sideways look but didn’t say anything. When she dropped to her knees beside her backpack, he joined her. Still silent, she handed him her spare clothes and watched as he secured her belongings. Her hair hung wetly around her cheeks. He wanted to brush back the strands, wanted to flatten his palms against the side of her neck and hold her there while he kissed her.

Most of all, he wanted to tell her that their son was in no danger, and believe his own words.

Although her parents had said they’d be over right away, Cord wasn’t waiting for them to arrive. Following his lead, Shannon stepped outside. She stood in the cool drizzle and tried to be grateful because both the wind and rain had slackened.

He hadn’t said a word to her since telling her that he’d been talking to the sheriff, but he didn’t need to for her to understand that he was in a hurry to be on his way.

Shoving aside her insane wish to be anywhere but here and doing this, she mounted and checked the pack she’d secured behind her saddle. She briefly wondered why Cord hadn’t helped her, then realized he hadn’t because he needed to know how she was going to handle the physical demands.

Fine, she told him silently. Whatever you do, wherever you go, I’ll match you.

Cord, sitting tall and nearly motionless, rode ahead of her. She’d never seen him look more like his Ute grandfather, more in tune with his wet, green, brown, and gray world. He hadn’t said anything about their needing to be quiet so he could listen to his surroundings or whatever it was he did at a time like this. She hoped he would be honest with her about what she needed to do to be the most help but until they’d picked up Matt’s trail-please, she prayed, let that be soon-there really wasn’t anything to talk about.

The sound of squeaking leather and shod hoofs plopping on wet earth kept her aware of where they were. After wiping moisture off her forehead and then deciding it was a useless gesture, she prodded her horse.

She wished she was on Pawnee, taking courage from his strength and energy, but the young, strong, and excitable gelding was with her son-taking him too far from her. There was nothing wrong with the horses she’d chosen, nothing except that they wouldn’t go as fast as she needed them to. But it wasn’t the horses’ fault. Cord set the pace and he seemed to be in no hurry.

She wanted to yell at him and remind him that they had to get out of this high, wide meadow where she’d established her business and reach Arapaho as quickly as possible. But when she took note of the way Cord kept his eyes locked on his surroundings, his alert stance, how he cocked his head sometimes as if listening to something no other human could possibly hear, she understood that he’d thrown his entire being into this task.

What did he see, hear, sense?

Was it good? Bad?

And if bad, how, as Matt’s father, did he deal with it? Maybe, if she told him how horribly hard this was for her, he’d be just as honest and they could draw strength from each other.

Maybe.

“Why couldn’t he have at least picked a sunny day?” she asked, because she was going crazy listening to the thoughts clanging around in her head. “There’s probably a law somewhere that says kids are required to do the most illogical things in the most illogical ways so they can give their parents the maximum number of gray hairs.”

Cord said nothing. Only slightly aware of the sound the rain made as it sluiced through pine needles on the way to the earth, she blinked water out of her eyes. She probably should have worn her slicker instead of sticking it in her backpack, but it wasn’t that cold and too much clothing restricted her movement. She fastened her attention on her hands wrapped around the reins.

Finally they reached the first of the trees that marked the boundary of her property. Feeling slightly claustrophobic, she concentrated, or tried to concentrate, on the sounds the horses were making, the taste and feel of mountain air.

She couldn’t keep her eyes off Cord.

Her son’s father was painted in earth tones. Even his jeans seemed more brown than blue, a gentle fading of color until he’d become one with his environment. There were times when life took him out of the wilderness, but even then, she suspected, he carried his beloved world inside him. She’d never seen him in a suit; she doubted that he owned one.

Good.

He should always remain part of the elements.

But emotionally apart from her when what they were doing was taking every bit of self-control and courage she had?

The past seven years hadn’t changed anything. It was no different from when…

She refused to let herself finish the thought.