The Two Kinds of Decay

Causation

Was the CIDP a physical manifestation of a spiritual illness?

Did the medication trigger the depression, or did the depression trigger the CIDP?

What about those yogis who can lie down on a bed of nails, then arise, streaming blood, then stop the flow of blood from each wound individually with the power of their minds? Isn’t frailty often a choice?

And if frailty is a choice, then isn’t an autoimmune disease a semi-intentional suicide?

What came first, the suicidal depression or the suicidal autoimmune disease?

Did they happen independently of each other, or not?

Sometimes I think that in the real universe, I am born already in possession of my CIDP, my depression, my whole life and death, and the text of this book. That I’m incapable of making the events of my life happen — either because they’ve already happened, or because they’re always happening, at every possible point in spacetime.

And then sometimes I think I’ve made everything happen, starting with making myself be born.