W Is for Wasted

18

As I looked away from her, I saw a couple standing in the entrance, where they’d paused to scan the room. “Is that Ellen and Hank?”

Since Anna and I were the only customers in the place, Hank had no trouble spotting us, and he was quick to raise a hand in greeting. Anna waved him over to the table like he might inadvertently sit somewhere else.

He was tall, slim, and clean-shaven with a buzz cut of light brown hair. He held out his hand, saying, “Hank Wagner.”

“Kinsey Millhone,” I said.

When I shook hands with him, he knew enough to provide me with a firm grip. He wore jeans and an olive green T-shirt that fit like it was tailored to size. He would have been perfect on a billboard for Marine recruits. Beside him, Ellen was petite. Her hair was blond and thick, layered so it hugged her head. Her bangs were cut straight across and fell below her brows, like a knit hat pulled low against the cold. Despite having three kids, she showed no signs of childbearing. She was small and slender and would probably always carry herself like a sixth-grade girl, shoulders slightly rounded, jeans hanging on her hips. Ballet-style flats, no socks. I turned to her and extended my hand. “Kinsey. You’re Ellen?”

I got the limp hand. I saw her mouth move, but her smile was distracted and she wouldn’t meet my eyes. At first I thought she was pissed off, but I realized she was so shy she could barely raise her voice. Hank headed for the bar to buy drinks while she sat down and fussed with her purse, arranging the long straps over the top chair rail. It must have felt odd not to have to worry about bottles, diapers, and baby wipes, not to mention plastic baggies filled with crackers.

Hank appeared moments later with a beer for himself and a margarita for her. Ten minutes went by, during which we were engaged in idle chat. Anna and Ellen went off to the ladies’ room, leaving me alone with Hank. He was pleasant, though he didn’t volunteer anything, perhaps at a loss about where to begin. All he knew about me was I’d snatched five hundred thousand dollars out of the family coffers. Given that I interview people for a living, I was happy to break the ice. “What sort of work do you do?”

“Electrician. My dad owns the company. I have a brother works for him, too.”

“Nice,” I said, picturing a tool belt and a voltage meter. “How’d you and Ellen meet?”

“She was waiting tables at Wool Growers. Have you been there?”

“I’ve been in town one day so I haven’t seen much.”

“It’s a Basque restaurant on Nineteenth. You ought to try it if you have a chance. Food’s good and there’s lots of it. After my mom died, we’d go in for dinner couple of nights a week, my dad and brother and me.”

“Ellen waited tables? She seems too shy for a job like that.”

“She did fine. Around strangers she gets all tongue-tied and weird. She’ll loosen up in a bit. Took me a while to get to know her myself. We dated two years and been married six.”

“Anna mentioned she lives with you.”

“Yes, ma’am. I actually met Anna first. She used to do my mom’s nails when she worked at the other salon. Before Nails Ahoy!”

“How long has she been staying with you?”

“She said it would be three weeks, but it’s been like a year and a half.”

“That’s a bit of an imposition, isn’t it?”

“Some. House is small. She’s quiet. I’ll say that for her. Stays up late and sleeps late, so we have to keep the kids out from underfoot. She’s supposed to help out with room and board, but that didn’t last long. She paid maybe two months. Since then she hasn’t given us a cent. She buys too many clothes to pitch in, I guess.”

“Well, that’s too bad.”

He shrugged. “I let Ellen handle it. She asks about the money and Anna’s all like, ‘Sure, no problem.’ By the time the subject comes up again, another month’s gone by.”

“Why don’t you kick her out?”

“Not my place. Ellen knows she should ask her to leave, but she can’t bring herself to do it. She says Anna’s family, which I can understand, but still and all.”

“Do the three of them get along? Ethan and his sisters?”

He shrugged. “As long as Ellen does what they want. They yap about how she’s always her dad’s favorite and poor them. It’s bull, but they’ve said it so often she believes it herself. She’s afraid to stand up to them because she doesn’t want anybody mad at her. I believe one reason her dad took her out of the will along with the other two is he knew if he left her anything, Ethan and Anna would talk her into giving it to them.”

“Makes me happy I’m an only child.”

“Too bad she’s not.”

The waitress appeared with a small tray, on which she’d placed two shot glasses of tequila and another margarita that she set in front of Ellen’s empty chair. When Anna and Ellen returned from the ladies’ room, I watched Ellen toss back the first shot without blinking an eye. She sat down, picked up her margarita, and took two swallows of the icy lime slush before she set it down again. I kept an eye on her. Tequila can make a mean drunk. I’ve seen grown men break chairs and punch through walls. I didn’t think she’d turn combative, but it was clear she liked getting right down to it. Watching her drink was like watching roses bloom by way of time-lapse photography. After one drink, her reticence faded and she seemed to open up. After two drinks, she was outgoing, sunny, and willing to talk about anything. My guess was by drink three, she’d wilt, and by the fourth, she’d fall apart.

Hank and Anna went off to play pool, and I shifted my chair so I could talk to Ellen without raising my voice. The bar was still quiet, though a handful of patrons had begun to wander in. As much as I dreaded introducing the subject of Dace, I figured I might as well get it over with. I didn’t think it was necessary to go back over the fact that I’d never met the man. Ethan and Anna would have hammered that point home.

In a situation like this, I don’t like to manipulate unless all else has failed. I don’t mind shaping the conversation, but I prefer to create an atmosphere wherein people can speak their minds instead of saying what they think I want to hear. Small talk has the virtue of being indirect, carving out a space within a space where anything can occur. I did feel I should prime the pump. I caught her eye. “Anna says you had a big family powwow. You have any questions?”

“Not especially. You know . . .” The sentence trailed off. I doubted she was going anywhere with the phrase.

“I wanted to make sure you knew about the hearing in December. This is Santa Teresa probate court, and the purpose is to give you the opportunity to challenge the terms of his will if that’s what you decide to do.”

“I don’t care about that. Ethan and Anna might, but I don’t.” No eye contact, but she’d managed two consecutive sentences, which I took as a good sign.

“I’ve told both of them it would be smart to consult with an attorney before you make a decision.”

She picked up the second shot glass and tossed that down, then flicked me a look. Her eyes were the same blue as Anna’s, but not as large. The net effect was that she seemed sincere where I knew now for a fact Anna was blowing smoke up my skirt.

Daintily, she touched at the corners of her mouth. “You know what bothers me? My dad never got to meet my kids. This last time when he showed up? Hank and I were in Yosemite on a camping trip. We got home Sunday night and Daddy’d come and gone, so I only heard about it after. Ethan spit on him. Did he tell you that?”

I shook my head. “I knew there was a tiff.”

“He spit right in Daddy’s face. He told me about it like he was proud of himself. Anna treated Daddy like shit. She treats all guys like shit, but she got in the habit with him.”

“What’s all the hostility about?”

“Ethan’s protective of Mom and Anna goes along. They both think anything bad in life is Daddy’s fault.”

“How does your mother feel?”

“She hates his guts. She won’t admit it, but it’s true.”

“Anna says she’s remarried. What’s your stepdad like?”

“Gilbert built her this big new house. You’d think she’d be happy, but she’s not.”

“That’s too bad. Wonder what the problem is?”

“It didn’t work out like she expected. Gilbert has money and she thought he was the answer to her prayers.”

“So what went wrong?”

“Nothing in particular. She expected life would be better and it’s still the same.”

“Had she known him long?”

“I guess. They met at church. After Daddy went to prison, she and Gilbert left that church and joined this other one. She said people were talking behind her back.”

“You like him?”

“He’s good with my kids.”

“What’s the rest of it?”

“He’s a pantywaist.”

I laughed because the word was so unexpected. “What about your dad? What was he like?”

“You know what? He was just the sweetest man. Even when he was drunk, he didn’t turn mean or spiteful or anything like that. I know he lost control over his drinking, especially at the end. Maybe I should be mad at him, but I’m not. After he got hurt, he was in a lot of pain. You knew he had a bad fall?”

“Someone mentioned it.”

“He should’ve known better than to drink while he was taking all those pills, but that’s what he did. I miss him.”

“When did you see him last?”

She downed the last of her margarita, set that glass aside, and picked up the second, from which she took a sip. There was nothing in her manner that suggested she was wasted, but I could feel sorrow rising through her bones. “In jail, before they moved him to Soledad. Mom didn’t want us to go. She said he’d be embarrassed. Ethan and Anna didn’t really want to see him anyway, but I did. I knew once he left here he’d be too far away, and how would I get there? I’d just turned fifteen and I didn’t have my driver’s license. I knew I couldn’t count on her. She wouldn’t even discuss taking me.”

“How did you manage it?”

“I looked up his attorney in the yellow pages. I called and asked if he’d get me in. I don’t know how he did it. There must be rules about how old you have to be.”

“Attorneys are good at sweet talk.”

“This one was. Daddy had the shakes. He was on the wagon because he didn’t have much choice. You hear all the time that inmates have access to anything they want . . . alcohol and dope . . . but Daddy kept his distance from the other guys. He was afraid of them. Mom told us at Soledad, he got all the alcohol he wanted. I don’t know how he managed it, but that’s her claim.”

“What’d you talk about?”

“Nothing. Stupid stuff. Whatever you say when you’re fifteen and your dad’s been convicted of murdering a girl the same age as you. I wasn’t allowed to stay long.”

“That must have been hard on you. All of it.”

“You know what? In my own mind, I was sure he was innocent. Even back then when everybody else thought he was guilty as sin.”

“Good you had a chance to see him sober.”

“He felt good about himself. He quit on his own . . . no help from anyone. Okay, so maybe he drank at Soledad, but who wouldn’t? And then once he got out, he probably had a drink to celebrate.”

“If it’s any comfort, his friends said he went into a program and at least made a pass at straightening up his act. Maybe he didn’t do it soon enough. It’s hard to know.”

“Was he alone when he died?”

“He was alone when he was found, so I’d say so, yes.”

For a moment, she was quiet, and I had no idea what was going on in her head.

Finally, she said, “You may not know this, but Daddy was a big guy. Six feet tall and nearly three hundred pounds before the booze got to him. In jail, it was like he shrank. The whole time I was there, I could see his hands shake. I wish I hadn’t seen that. He acted like it was the DTs, but it wasn’t. He was scared to death and his nerves were shot.”

“Jail’s a scary place if you’re not used to it.”

“Hank told me this story once. He said when he was growing up, the family had this big old Great Dane. He said Rupert was really smart, but he had the soul of a little dog and never understood how big he was. When they’d take him to the vet, Rupert would just be shaking from head to toe, convinced the vet was going to put him down. All these routine appointments and Rupert would be cowering. Big old hulking dog, quaking in his boots. Hank said it was comical. They tried not to laugh, but they couldn’t help themselves because the dog was self-conscious. You know what I mean? Like he was ashamed. Like he knew something was ridiculous and he wasn’t sure if it was him. They never could convince him he was safe. Then when he was twelve he got sick and sure enough they took him to the vet and sure enough the vet said he’d have to put him down. Hank said what was so odd was the dog made this crooning sound, like the thing he dreaded all these years was right there and it wasn’t so bad. Because instead of laughing at him, everyone was hugging and kissing him, saying how much they loved him, and that’s when he closed his eyes.” She was silent for a moment. “If I’d been there, I could have held Daddy’s hand.”

• • •

I ended up in the other room watching Anna play pool. With her in her red leather miniskirt and her red sequined tank top, most of the spectators were more interested in her butt than her bank shots. Her opponent might as well have been her twin, a woman roughly the same age and the same build. Her coloring was different. Where Anna was dark, this girl had red hair in a long braid that was wrapped around her head like a crown. She wore a snug black dress, cut midthigh, with a low square neckline. I’d seen her come in, arriving with a guy who looked like a biker: overweight, balding, with a thick handlebar mustache and a tiny gold ring in one ear. The judgment was unfounded and probably inaccurate. I’m sure there are countless slim, handsome bikers rumbling down our highways. For all I knew, this man was a renowned neurosurgeon for whom buxom redheads were a means of relaxation after countless hours in an operating theater. She played with a single-mindedness I admired and eventually Anna went down in defeat. By then, she’d switched from martinis to Champagne, which probably affected her coordination, as she drained each flute like it was apple juice. The beefy guy took her place and she and I ended up on the sidelines, idly looking on while play continued.

“You know that woman?” I asked.

“That’s Markie. She’s in here all the time.”

“What’s she do for a living?”

“Not what you think. She’s an aesthetician.”

“Ah,” I said, though I wasn’t entirely certain what that meant. Hooker seemed like a better fit, but what did I know?

I’m not sure why I stayed. I was tired and the bad wine was making my head ache. The bar had filled to capacity and the noise level was almost unbearable. Cigarette smoke had tinted the air with a milky pallor. Hank and Ellen joined us just long enough to say their good-byes, not wanting to impose on his mother’s generosity. Ellen leaned into Hank like the floor was aslant, and the last I saw of her, one leg gave way as though she’d stepped into a hole. Hank had to steady her while she righted herself. Chances were, I wouldn’t see either one of them again.

It occurred to me that since I’d be hitting the road first thing the next morning, this might be my last chance to pump Anna for information. Mercifully, she’d dropped the subject of her hitching a ride with me. I had no reason to believe she was reconciled to her father’s fiduciary rebuke, but that was another subject she hadn’t mentioned in the last hour.

I watched her empty her Champagne flute. A waitress passed and she held up the glass and waggled it to signal the woman that she needed a refill. If her Champagne was on a par with the low-grade Chardonnay I’d been served, she’d be nursing a world-class hangover come morning—not that it was any business of mine. Of the three Dace kids, Ellen was the only one who seemed to care about her dad. The other two I’d written off as stonyhearted.

At least Anna was speaking to me. I had no chance of getting through to Ethan. He was implacable, unwilling to concede even the smallest point in his father’s favor. I wondered if my cousins saw me as just as stubborn and unreasonable with regard to family matters. Being righteous and opinionated reduces everything to black and white; much easier to deal with than all the shades in between.

With Ethan, only one small issue remained and I figured I might as well tackle it. I turned to Anna. “Can I ask a question?”

“In exchange for what?”

“Knock it off and be nice.”

“Make it quick,” she said.

“Ethan made a remark that puzzled me. I don’t remember now how he phrased it, but I got the impression he wasn’t convinced his father was innocent. Does he think Dace was somehow involved in that young girl’s death?”

“How should I know what he thinks? Why don’t you ask him?”

“Oh, come on. As pissed off as he is, I can hardly go back and quiz him about an offhand comment.”

“I don’t want to talk about this stuff.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s boring.”

“Do you believe your dad had something to do with that girl’s death?”

“What difference does it make?”

“The difference between believing he did or didn’t commit a cold-blooded murder. Seems like that would count for something, but apparently it doesn’t.”

The waitress reappeared with a fresh glass of Champagne on a tray. Anna took it and made an imaginary toast. “Cheers.”

I touched the edge of her glass with mine.

Then she said, “You know what your problem is? You think it’s all cut and dried. Just because he got out doesn’t mean he’s innocent.”

“That’s what Ethan said! Exactly.”

“A consensus of opinion at long last,” she said.

“Weren’t you relieved when he was exonerated? Didn’t that mean anything to you? He came here thinking you’d be happy. Ellen says your brother spit in his face and you treated him like shit.”

“You are really tedious, you know that?”

“We all have our little failings. Stick to the subject.”

“Which is what?”

“Do you think he was guilty?”

“Maybe.” She thought about it and shrugged. “Probably.”

“He was home. Your mother testified in his behalf.”

“She was trying to protect him.”

“From what? He didn’t do anything.”

“Then where was he?”

“Home with her.”

Anna shook her head. “He was there early in the evening but then he went out. He didn’t come home again until after two. How do we know he wasn’t off with Herman Cates?”

“There wasn’t any evidence linking him to the crime.”

“No evidence was found. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t there.”

“Cates recanted. He admitted he lied. Your father had nothing to do with Karen Coffey’s death.”

“Talk is cheap, as I’m sure you know.”

“I don’t understand where this is coming from.”

“He was convicted by a jury of his peers. She did what she could for him, but it wasn’t enough.”

“The newspaper account said a neighbor was there.”

Anna’s gesture was dismissive. “Mrs. Brandle. She’s a busybody. Mom says she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Anyway, I shouldn’t have said anything. Mom did what she had to do. She’d be in trouble if the truth ever came out.”

“Were you home that night?”

She shook her head. “Ellen and I were at our cousin’s house. She had a pajama party for her birthday and we both went.”

“What about Ethan?”

“He was off with the high school marching band at a regional competition. I don’t know where the festival was held. I was twelve and I didn’t pay attention to those things. I remember he left on the bus with the other kids and he was gone until Sunday afternoon.”

“How can you be so convinced your dad was guilty when none of you really know if he was home or not? What’s your opinion based on?”

“What she told us, okay?”

“Are you telling me your mother lied about it?”

“Would you just drop it?”

I stared at her. “Your mother perjured herself?”

She looked away from me, her face shutting down. I didn’t think I could coax anything more out of her if I tackled the subject head on.

“Let’s drop the word ‘perjury,’” I said. “The statute of limitations has probably run out on that in any event, so it’s not an issue. I’m curious how you found out she was covering for him. It must have been after the trial.”

She looked off across the room.

“Giving me the time frame doesn’t threaten your mother at all.”

“Why do you want to know?”

“I’m just curious. Was it two years later? Five?”

“I don’t see why it matters.”

I shut my mouth. I could see her weigh the question, looking for the booby trap.

“Is that true what you said about the statute of limitations?”

“Sure. I don’t know how long it would run, but it’s been, what, fifteen years? Nobody’s going to go after her at this late date.”

“It was after Dad called Ethan to say he was out. He told Ethan he sued the state and got a settlement and that’s what he wanted to come talk to us about.”

I said, “Really. She never said anything before then?”

“I can see you’re trying to make something of it, but it’s all beside the point. The man was a drunk. First, last, and always. We deserved better than we got.”

Her eyes strayed to a point behind me and she said, “Crap. Look what the cat dragged in.”