A Cold Dark Place

Chapter Six

Tuesday, exact time and place unknown

It didn't add up. Anyone could see it. How could she rebuff him? Deny him? Deny herself? He thought about those things as he tried to fit the tiny pieces of his life together. She had been all he'd ever wanted. She had been the one who made him whole. She was all he dreamed about. When he was eating a meal, it was she he was consuming. Sweet. Tender. Juicy. When he was masturbating, it was her soft hand stroking his penis. Faster, slower, down his hard shaft. Only she knew how to touch him. When the wind blew softly over his ears, it was her voice whispering for him to try harder. She loved him. He alone understood her. As she alone understood him.

The memory faded. His face grew hot. He could feel his disappointment, then anger and rage well up in his throat. It tightened and burned. He wanted to scream at her for ruining everything by choosing the wrong man. And what a stupid choice. She could never be to the other man what she could be to him. He alone could love her. He could cherish every goddamn inch of her body.

Stupid bitch, he thought as he tore up one of the copies of the letters that he'd saved. It had once been so precious. But no more. Shards of paper fell like confetti, all over the floor. He looked down at the mess. It seemed so perfect in its destruction. She'd cost him everything.

He started to weep and it made him hate her more. Even then, after all that he'd done for her, after she'd unceremoniously dumped him when he told her how he felt, his feelings were conflicted. Mixed. A jumble.