A Faint Cold Fear

FRIDAY

18

Lena sat on the floor in the middle of her dorm room, surrounded by boxes containing everything she owned in the world. Most of her belongings would be stored at Hank’s until she could find a job. Her bed was going to Nan’s, and she would sleep in the spare room until she had enough money to move out on her own. The college had offered her Chuck’s job, but under the circumstances she never wanted to see the security office again. That bastard Kevin Blake had not even given her severance pay. Lena took consolation in the fact that the board had announced this morning that they were going to start looking for a replacement for Blake.

The door creaked as Ethan pushed it open. The lock had not been fixed since Jeffrey broke it days ago.

He smiled when he saw her. “You put your hair up.”

Lena resisted the temptation to take it down. “I thought you were leaving town.”

Ethan shrugged. “It’s always been hard for me to leave where I’m not wanted.”

She gave a thin smile.

“Besides,” he said, “it’s kind of hard to transfer out right now, considering the university’s under investigation for ethics violations.”

“I’m sure it’ll get worked out,” Lena said. She had worked at the college for only a few months, but she knew how scandals operated. There would be fines and a lot of stories in the papers for a few months, but a year later the stories would be gone, the fines would still be unpaid, and some other asshole professor would be stabbing someone in the back—literally or figuratively—to ensure his own fame and fortune.

“So,” Ethan began. “I guess you squared things with the cop.”

Lena shrugged, because she had no idea where things stood with Jeffrey. After interviewing her about Richard Carter, he had told her to show up at the station bright and early Monday morning. There was no telling what he had to say.

Ethan asked, “They ever figure out about the panties?”

“He jumped to the wrong conclusion. It happens.” Again, she shrugged. “Rosen was a freak. He probably stole them from some girl.” She could imagine Andy sniffing more than glue on a lonely Friday night. As for the book, Lena could have read it on one of her own lonely nights, buying some peace in the library before it was time to go back to her hovel and try to sleep.

Ethan leaned against the open door. “I wanted you to know that I’m not leaving,” he said. “In case you see me around.”

“Will I see you around?”

He shrugged, noncommittal. “I don’t know, Lena. I’m trying real hard to change here.”

She looked at her hands, feeling like a monster. “Yeah.”

“I want to have something with you,” he said. “But not like that.”

“Sure.”

“You could move somewhere and start over.” He waited before saying, “Maybe when I find a transfer, we could go together?”

“I can’t leave here,” she told him, knowing he would never understand. Ethan had left his family and his way of life without looking back. Lena could never do that to Sibyl.

He said, “If you change your mind . . .”

“Nan will be back soon,” she told him. “You’d better go.”

“All right,” Ethan nodded, understanding. “I’ll see you around, right?”

Lena did not answer.

He gave her back her own question. “Will I see you around?”

His words hung in the air like fog. She let herself look at him, taking in his baggy jeans and black T-shirt, his chipped tooth and his blue, blue eyes.

“Yeah,” she said. “See you around.”

He pulled the door to, the latch not catching. Lena stood up, dragging a chair over to the door and propping it under the knob to keep it closed. She would never be able to do that again without thinking of Richard Carter.

She walked to the bathroom. Her reflection in the mirror over the sink was a little better now. The bruises around her neck were turning greenish yellow, and the cut under her eye was already scabbing over.

“Lena?” Nan said. She heard the door hit against the chair as Nan tried to open it.

“Just a minute,” Lena said, opening the medicine cabinet. She jiggled the bottom board loose and pulled out her pocketknife. Traces of blood were still on the handle, but the rain had washed most of it away. When she opened the blade, she saw that the tip had broken off. With some regret Lena realized that she would never be able to keep it.

The chair under the door popped against the knob again. Nan’s voice was filled with concern. “Lena?”

“On my way,” Lena called. She closed the blade with a snap, tucking it into her back pocket as she went to let Nan in.