A Fistful of Knuckles

CHAPTER TWELVE: CHEZ PATSY

Lavender. The inside of the caravan smelt of lavender. Sam glanced around at immaculate net curtains bunched with white ribbons at the windows, a row of dusted and precisely arrayed china ornaments, a coloured vase of fresh flowers on a spotless Formica table. Patsy’s caravan was a masterpiece of hygiene and domestic order.

‘Very nice,’ Sam said. ‘If only my colleagues at CID were half as housetrained as you.’

‘I don’t like mess and I don’t like filth,’ Patsy grunted. ‘Gets me in a temper. I like all me stuff to be just so.’

Sam had a glimpse of Patsy industriously pottering about the place in his pinny, flicking a feather duster over the black-and-white portable TV with its circular indoor aerial, neatly arranging the rows of C-45 music cassettes, beavering away with the dustpan and brush on the wood-effect floor.

No — not Patsy. Tracy Porter, she’s the domestic drudge round here.

Sam recalled Tracy’s battered, brutalized face, her refusal to speak up and name Patsy as that bastard who assaulted her.

Glancing around the caravan, Sam thought: So — these are the high standards of housework she must maintain. What did she do to earn herself a beating? Forget to dust the back of the TV? Miss a speck of dirt on the floor?

Where was Tracy now? She didn’t seem to be at home — the caravan was hardly big enough to give her a room to hide herself in. Perhaps she was manning one of the concessions at the fair, selling candyfloss or taking the money for the ghost train.

And what happens if she suddenly turns up? Will she react when she sees me? Will she warn Patsy I’m after him? Will she betray me?

Patsy took down something box-like and stashed it under the table in the middle of the caravan. Then he fitted his massive, muscle-bound body into a plastic armchair, produced a bottle of scotch and poured a couple of shot glasses.

‘Before we talk, I need to know what’s happened to my guv’nor,’ said Sam. ‘What have you done with him?’

‘He’ll live,’ intoned Patsy.

‘That’s not what I asked.’

‘It’s the only answer you’re gonna get, son.’ Patsy passed Sam a shot glass of whisky. ‘You wanted to talk to me. So start talking.’

Act tough. This bastard won’t respect weakness. Put up a front that’ll impress him.

In the way he imagined bent coppers would do it, Sam knocked his scotch back in a single go. It was a rough brew, like drinking paint stripper, and the burn of the stuff brought tears to his eyes.

‘You killed Denzil Obi,’ Sam said. ‘Didn’t you.’

‘Never touched him.’

‘Fine by me,’ shrugged Sam. ‘I couldn’t care less, and neither could my department. But we’re getting squeezed by the Home Office to finger somebody for the Obi case, so we’ve set our sights on Spider. We’re going to fit him up. That should please you, Patsy.’

Patsy shrugged, said: ‘Why Spider?’

‘He’s an easy target. The man’s an idiot, and now Denzil’s dead he doesn’t have a friend in the world. He’s just the sort of loser who’s perfect for fitting up like this. We’ll pin Obi’s murder on him, plus a whole backlog of cases that need clearing. The Home Office will give us all gold stars and everyone in CID will be very happy.’

Patsy refilled their glasses but said nothing.

Sam went on, thinking fast: ‘The trouble is, Spider’s disappeared. Gone to ground. He’s frightened of you, Patsy. He thinks he’s in line for the same treatment Denzil got.’

‘Which was nuffing to do with me, like I said.’

‘Whatever. The point is, he’s vanished. So, we need to draw him out. You can do that for us.’

‘How? I don’t know where Spider is. I haven’t seen him for ten years — since him and Denzil tried to murder me.’

He patted his belly and lifted the hem of his tee-shirt, revealing the tattooed bullet-holes that bore witness to those violent events from the past. Grotesquely, he insinuated a finger into one of the holes and picked out a tufty ball of lint.

‘Spider used to train at the same gym as Denzil,’ said Sam. ‘There’s boxers there who know where he is, but they’re not talking. They won’t tell us where he’s hiding, but what they will do is take messages to him.’

Patsy waited for Sam to keep talking. Sam paused for a moment, hoped that whatever came out of his mouth next would sound convincing, and said:

‘Offer to fight him. Just you and Spider. We’ll see that word reaches him. And I tell you now, he’ll accept the offer. He’ll break cover to face you — and when he does, we’ll nick him.’

‘He won’t face me,’ said Patsy. ‘He’s not man enough.’

‘We’ll tell him it’s a trap, that it’s a police set-up to lure you out of hiding. We’ll tell him it’s you we’re going to nick, Patsy — and instead, we’ll nick him.’

Sam accepted another refill and knocked it back. Had his convoluted plan sounded remotely convincing? Did Patsy even understand it? And if he did, would he swallow it?

It’s vital that he starts to trust me. The more he trusts me, the more likely he is to let something slip — something important — something that betrays his guilt beyond question. But he’s got to trust me first. He’s got to let his guard down.

‘So …’ said Patsy in a slow, thoughtful voice. ‘You want to use me as bait to lure him out of hiding.’

‘Yes.’

‘But he’ll think you’re using him as bait to lure out me.’

‘That’s right.’

‘And then — although you reckon, for some reason, that it’s me what killed Obi, you’re gonna nick Spider and fit him up for it.’

‘You got it.’

Silence fell between them, broken only by the muffled racket of the fair outside. Patsy said nothing.

Has he smelt a rat? Have I over-reached myself here? Have I failed to win his confidence?

‘Come on, Patsy, it’ll be a cakewalk,’ Sam said. ‘All you have to do is stand there, let him see you. He won’t be able to resist. And the moment he shows his face — blam! Me and my boys swoop in.’

‘I understand all that, son. I’m pretty smart for a pikey.’

Patsy knocked back his drink, and Sam did likewise, forcing himself not to grimace at the hard bite of the scotch as it went down.

‘Let’s say I go along with this,’ he said, fixing Sam with a piercing look. ‘What’s in it for me?’

‘I thought that was obvious.’

‘Spell it out.’

‘Well, for starters, you’ll be clear of Denzil Obi’s murder.’

‘Which was nothing to do with me anyway, son.’

‘Patsy, we don’t care if it was you, Cassius Clay or Ken bloody Dodd who killed Denzil Obi. We can’t prove it was you, but we’ve got what we need to pin it on Spider, and that’s all we give a damn about.’

‘Speak up, old son,’ said Patsy, and he indicated the tattered remains of his ear. ‘I’m a bit mutton on this side.’

‘I said we don’t care who killed Denzil Obi,’ said Sam, raising his voice. ‘It’s not in our interests for you to go down for this. It’s Spider we want. He’s nothing. Worthless. But you, Patsy — you’ve got connections.’

‘Wiv what?’

‘Come on, Patsy, don’t play Snow White with me. There’s a lot of villains you can get access to … and help us get access to.’

‘I don’t have no criminal contacts,’ said Patsy. ‘I’m clean.’

Sam laughed, hopefully in a macho way, and said: ‘Clean as a whistle, I’m sure. But just think about this, Patsy: we can make it worth your while to play along with us. Very worth your while. You can settle a few old scores, get rid of a few old enemies, and make your new buddies in CID a bunch of very happy bunnies.’

Sam held out his glass for another refill, downed it in one, forced himself not to choke on the vile acid, and said: ‘So there you go, Patsy. You’re more use to us on the outside than banged up. And Spider’s more use to us as a fall guy than anything else. The whole situation’s perfect.’

Patsy looked thoughtfully into his whisky glass, and still he did not speak.

‘Well, Patsy? What do you say?’

‘I say you’re asking a lot,’ Patsy growled in a low voice. ‘I say you’re asking me to be a nark.’

‘Yes. That’s exactly what we’re asking. Or would you rather I went back to the Home Office, got them to lay off the pressure, and continued compiling a case against you, Patsy? Would you rather we set about putting you away for life for the murder of Denzil Obi?’

‘But I didn’t kill Obi.’

‘For God’s sake, Patsy, I haven’t got all night. Make up your mind. This could be a sweet little deal for both of us … the start of a very productive working relationship … perhaps even a beautiful friendship.’

‘I didn’t do Denzil Obi,’ Patsy said.

‘No. Spider did.’

‘I mean it, son.’

‘So do I, Patsy. All you have to do is help us make that a reality.’

Sam thought of Spider, depressed and forlorn, sitting in one of the holding cells back at the station. Was it right to use him as a pawn in this violent and high-risk game? Sam was playing all sides off against each other, using both Spider and Patsy as a bait for one another. Was he overplaying his hand? Could he really control the outcome of the situation he was creating?

After a few moments of silent thought, Patsy turned and looked at a little clock on one of the immaculately dusted shelves. The second hand ticked round, counting away the last few seconds until it was seven-thirty.

‘Five,’ said Patsy. ‘Four. Three. Two.’

He pointed a tattooed finger at the door of the caravan, and bang on cue it opened.

‘One. Hiya, Trace.’

A nervous, mouse-like voice replied: ‘Hiya, babes.’

Dressed in nylon tracksuit bottoms and a faded Steve McQueen tee-shirt, Tracy stepped gingerly into the caravan, laden down with carrier bags from the Co-op. Her face was still bruised and swollen, even worse than Gene’s.

Sam’s heart leapt into his mouth. He forced himself not to betray any outer reaction, but inwardly his nerve endings were jangling. What would Tracy say when she saw him? How would she react?

‘Nice to see you bang on time,’ Patsy said.

‘Yes, babes,’ said Tracy. She looked across at Sam, and her battered face registered not so much as a flicker of response. Then she turned back to Patsy: ‘I got a move on. Didn’t want to muck you about or nuffing.’

‘Got everyfing?’

‘Yes, babes, I got everyfing.’ She carried the bags through to the tiny kitchen area and began putting things away — cornflakes, gold top milk, lime cordial, a plastic tub of Wall’s ice cream. As she opened cupboards, Sam glimpsed perfectly arrayed tins and jars inside.

She’s not going to give me away, he thought. She’s been smacked too many times for speaking out of line to say anything now. She knows how to keep quiet.

‘It’s only right for a fella to know where his bird is,’ Patsy said to Sam. ‘Can’t let ‘em go wandering off at all hours, can you.’ Then to Tracy: ‘Ain’t you gonna ask me how I got on?’

‘Sure. How’d you get on, babes?’

‘How’d you think, you dopey mare? His brains were ‘anging out his arsehole by the time I walked away.’

‘Nice one, babes.’

Tracy folded the Co-op bags and tucked them neatly in a drawer, then picked her way over to Patsy to kiss him. It struck Sam that barely half an hour before, Patsy had been in the thick of the nastiest, filthiest, most ferocious hand-to-hand fighting he had ever witnessed. And now here he was, taking his ease in his favourite chair, knocking back the whisky, and casually cutting a deal with what he took to be a thoroughly bent copper. The amount of physical punishment this monstrous man had absorbed this evening was staggering. And somewhere out there lay Gene Hunt, unconscious, downed by a single shattering blow to the skull, while Patsy snogged and slobbered over Tracy after taking enough of a pounding to sink a battleship. Where did such an appetite for violence come from? Were creatures like Patsy O’Riordan born that way? Did he emerge from a hard-as-nails gene pool, inheriting this staggering capacity for physical punishment from his father and grandfather and so and so on, all the way back to the primeval caves? Perhaps he wasn’t so far removed from the Neanderthals as all that.

Maybe not. And I thought Gene was a bloody caveman! Compared to Patsy, he’s Quentin Crisp!

Settling Tracy on his knee, Patsy ran his small, bruised hands roughly over her breasts. Fixing Sam with an intense look, he said: ‘You know what I reckon?’

‘No, what do you reckon, babes?’ asked Tracy — and then yelped when he pinched her.

‘Not you, soppy tits. I’m talking to the gentleman,’ said Patsy. ‘I repeat — you know what I reckon?’

‘No, Patsy, what do you reckon?’ said Sam.

‘I reckon that what we need’s a push-me-pull-you.’

‘What’s that?’

‘It’s a thing that makes blokes like you and me trust each other,’ said Patsy. He gripped Tracy in a bear hug.

‘You mean an insurance policy? Okay. What would put your mind at rest?’

‘Sumfing …’ growled Patsy, ‘… Sumfing that makes sure that if you try and push me, I can pull you …’

‘Name it,’ said Sam. ‘What security can I give you?’

‘Oh, I’ve got my security already,’ he said.

‘What are you talking about? Do you mean my DCI? Patsy, you can’t keep him as a hostage!’

Patsy laughed, then bit Tracy’s earlobe in a way that was more cannibalistic than amorous.

‘I don’t need no ‘ostage,’ he said. And then: ‘Get a shower on the go, Trace. Get in and get yourself ready.’

‘Sure, babes.’

As Tracy slid from his knee, Patsy whacked her on the backside. She flinched. It was a pathetic, grovelling gesture. Sam’s heart broke for her. As she squirmed past, her eyes did not even flicker in Sam’s direction.

Too scared. Too scared to so much as risk looking at me.

Tracy disappeared into the tiny shower cubicle.

Patsy got slowly to his feet and said: ‘I want to make this very clear, son — I did not kill Denzil Obi.’

‘We’ve been through all that.’

But Patsy drew closer, his face very intense, and said: ‘Now I want you to say it.’

From next door came the sound of the shower starting up.

‘Patsy, I don’t know what you’re-’

‘I said I want you to say it. So say it.’

Sam frowned. What was going on here? Why was he asking for him to say this? It was like he wanted somebody to overhear. But who? Tracy?

In the next moment, the penny dropped.

‘You put something under that table just as I was coming in here,’ said Sam. ‘It was a tape recorder, wasn’t it.’

‘Say it. Say I didn’t kill Denzil.’

‘This is your security, is it? This is your push-me-pull-you? Well, if it keeps you happy.’ Sam cleared his throat and projected his voice clearly: ‘I — DI Sam Tyler, am officially telling you, Patsy O’Riordan, that you are most definitely not a suspect in the murder of Denzil Obi. And what’s more, both myself and DCI Gene Hunt are recruiting you to pin the blame for that murder on a man we both know is completely innocent.’

There! That implicates Gene, whether he likes it or not! We’re both in this plan together.

Patsy swilled down his scotch, and then heaved himself to his feet. Crouching, he leant under the table and produced the tape recorder he had hidden there, a huge black model with clunky buttons. He clicked it off and removed the C-90 tape.

‘Push-me-pull-you,’ he said, holding it up.

Determined to win his trust to the maximum, Sam said: ‘You’ve got more than enough on that tape to get me into some serious hot water with the Home Office. If that tape ever got out, I’d be for the high jump. Discredited. Indicted. But it won’t get out. Will it.’

Patsy said nothing, but poured himself another scotch — a huge one. He didn’t offer any to Sam.

‘Now we’ve made our contract,’ said Patsy, ‘let’s sign it.’

‘I thought we already had.’

‘No, no. Like gentlemen.’

Sam frowned, unsure and all at once unsettled. What was Patsy expecting him to do? Were they supposed to draw knives across their wrists and mingle their blood? Did he want them to fight? To wrestle? God almighty, he wasn’t about to get all Women in Love on him, was he?!

‘She’s yours for ten minutes,’ Patsy said, and he nodded his foul, bullet-shaped head in the direction of the shower.

‘Patsy, I’m more interested in what’s happened to my DCI.’

‘Don’t talk like that, son. I’m offering to lend you my most treasured possession. A refusal often offends.’

Holding the incriminating C-90 in his hard, boxer’s hand, Patsy lumbered past Sam, filling the doorway that led outside and pausing there. Without turning, he said: ‘Say fank you.’

From outside came the blaring music of the fairground; from within, the hissing of the shower in the cubicle.

Sam said nothing.

‘I’ll be with Princess when you’re done,’ Patsy said, and carefully shut the caravan door behind him.