A Long Walk Up the Waterslide

27

Musashi Watanabe could see everything from the top of the water slide.

He could see the entirety of Candyland, from the vast parking lot to the condominiums. He could see the Circle of Life Ferris Wheel, The History of the American Family Tunnel of Love, The Richard Milhous Nixon Roller-Coaster Ride, the petting-zoo pens, the concession stands, and even the Journey Through the Holy Land Putt-Putt Golf Course, for which he had personally designed the Parting of the Red Sea Water Hazard.

If he looked past Candyland to the south, he could see the downtown San Antonio skyline with its distinctive Space Tower. Just to the east, in the rolling hills, he could see the long procession of cars snaking out to Jack Landis’s funeral.

None of these sights interested Musashi Watanabe. What interested him was his pride and joy, the work of his life, his masterpiece-the tallest, longest, fastest water slide in the world, which, thanks to that stupid contest, had yet to be named. Musashi didn’t care what they named it. To him, the designer, it would always have one name and one name only: Banzai!

Because this was a water slide for samurai. Starting one hundred feet in the air, it flumed at an eighty-degree angle straight down to build up speed, then wrapped into a double corkscrew turn before plunging down another steep straightaway, which curved into a high-banked right turn, then bent back to the left into an even higher bank to give the rider the illusion he was about to be launched over the top of the rim into space. But then the rider would plunge down to the right into another corkscrew and then into a fifty-foot shallow straightaway and then splash into a pool.

This is where things got interesting.

The truly ingenious Watanabe touch went into action here, as the rider would be sucked sideways across the pool by a powerful current and into a tube that ran virtually straight down for thirty feet to a twenty-foot open-air drop into a deeper pool, where lifeguards, flotation devices, and emergency medical personnel would be standing by if needed.

This was not a game for children, Watanabe thought with satisfaction. This was the device with which he hoped to realize a lifelong dream of seeing aqua gliding take its rightful place as an Olympic event. After all, the luge was merely a frozen water slide.

Of course, it would require a spectacular televised fatality to truly popularize the sport…

He dismissed this pleasant thought and concentrated on the task at hand, lugging a 150-pound sandbag into the starting chamber for the safety test. Mrs. Landis had vetoed his idea-which Jack had heartily approved-of using volunteer convicts, which would have given them a much more aquadynamically accurate test. It wasn’t that Watanabe had any doubts about his engineering-it was meticulous-but he did have some concerns about the cheaper materials that Mr. Foglio had insisted on using.

Watanabe flipped the starter switch and water gushed up into the chamber. He waited two minutes for the slide to get nicely wet, then gave the sandbag a kick.

“Banzai!” he yelled as the bag plunged down the long drop, swept around the double corkscrew, swooshed down the next straightaway, negotiated the first high turn, zoomed along the edge of the second big bank, double corkscrewed again, then drifted down the last straightaway and into the first pool.

The suction dragged the bag across the pool and into the tube. Four seconds later, the bag dropped out of the tube, dropped twenty feet, and exploded on the bottom of the empty receiving pool.

Goddamn cheap American sandbags, Watanabe thought. Now he’d have to vacuum the sand out again.

But Banzai worked like a Swiss watch.

Then the world went black.

Overtime finished duct-taping the Japanese guy’s mouth shut and made sure he was firmly lashed to the ladder.

Quite a view, Overtime thought. You can see everything from here, the Ferris wheel, the roller-coaster, the putt-putt golf course with the statue of Moses on the sand trap. When he looked through the scope, he could even see Joey Beans and his idiot Sancho la Bonza a good three hundred yards away on the vast Jack and Candy Plaza.

And coming from the other side… Candy Landis in the company of a tall silver-haired guy and… is that Peter? He’s put on the odd pound.

And… could it be? Yes! Walking behind them is none other than America’s Sweetheart, the girl with the nation’s most precious little bun in the oven… Ladies and gentlemen… let’s hear it for… Miss Polly Paget!

I have to hand it to you, Joey. When you set up a shot, you set up a shot. Mr. Magoo couldn’t miss from here.

Problem: A target-rich environment demands prioritization.

Analysis: Targets are standing in a big open square.

Solution: One shot at a time.

Neal and Karen watched through binoculars from the terrace. Foglio has that cocky wise guy rolling gait, Neal thought, although his bodyguard looks nervous as hell. Candy’s walking with her no-nonsense stride, stopping here and there to point something out to Hathaway, who seems to have a special interest in the water slide. And Polly has her head down. Probably terrified to face Joey Beans.

“What do you think?” Karen said.

“I think I wish you hadn’t come,” Neal answered.

“I think it’s going to be fun.”

“What if Joey Beans goes berserk?” Neal asked.

“Then I think it’s going to be more fun.”

But what the hell does Hathaway find so interesting on top of the damn water slide? His eyes are flicking up there like he’s expecting…

“He’s up there,” Neal murmured.

“Who’s up where?” Karen asked.

“Overtime,” Neal answered.

All right, think for a change and think fast. Even if you can run down from the terrace, you’d never make it across the plaza. He’d see you, make his shot, and then gun you down. He’s waiting for a better shot or he’d have already done it. So see if you can get behind him.

Behind him, you dickhead? He’s on top of a tower. How can you get behind him?

“Stay here,” he said to Karen. “Please, for once just do what I ask without a discussion and stay here. Please.”

“Where are you going?”

“Just for a walk up the water slide. Now promise.”

“You think the killer’s up there?” Karen asked.

“Karen, we don’t have time.”

“We can shout and warn them!”

“They wouldn’t understand and he’d start shooting,” Neal said. “Think on the bright side: It’s probably just my paranoia.”

Neal started running for the base of the water slide. Then he heard the voice-that voice-booming across the PA system.

“Joey! Joey Beans! It’s Stumpy the Clown!”

Overtime peeked up from his hiding place.

This is different, he thought as he watched Joey freeze in place. Harold pulled his pistol. But that damn Candy Landis just kept walking. She didn’t look surprised at all.

“We have some unfinished business, Joey!”

“Where are you, you rat bastard?” Joey yelled.

Overtime saw Candy Landis walk to within about five feet of Joey. He should have shot then, but it was just so damn interesting.

“Hey, Joey! Carmine Bascaglia heard this tape last night. It goes something like…”

This is a nightmare, Joey thought. I’m going to wake up any second beside some luscious broad and laugh and-

“You didn’t leave us with any choice,” Candy Landis was saying. “We tried to tell you nicely, but you just wouldn’t listen.”

The PA system played a scratchy leader for a few seconds and then boomed: “BLESS ME, FATHER, FOR I HAVE SINNED, IT HAS BEEN ONE DAY