A Man Apart

Eight

Hannah was home in her apartment in Philadelphia. It was Sunday. She had flown into the airport late the previous Friday and had been home for a week and one day.

She had yet to hear a word from Justin.

Well, what had she expected? Hannah asked herself, making a half-hearted attempt to dust the living room. They had spent five days together. Five wonderful days that had left her so relaxed, her assistant had noted it the moment she had walked into the small suite of offices Monday morning.

“You look positively glowing,” Jocelyn had exclaimed. “Were you in South Dakota, or did you hide away somewhere in some exclusive spa?”

Hannah had to laugh. Actually, she felt terrific. “No spa, I promise I was in South Dakota the whole time.”

Jocelyn leveled a measuring look at her. “Well, something put that sparkle in your eyes. A man?”

Hannah knew her soft sigh and satisfied smile gave her away. The warmth spreading up her throat and over her cheeks was answer enough. Damn her new propensity to blush.

“Aha!” Jocelyn crowed. “Was he handsome? Was it romantic? Was he great in bed?”

“Jocelyn, really.” Now Hannah’s cheeks were burning. “You know I’m never going to answer such personal questions.”

“Sure.” Jocelyn grinned. “But I don’t need a blow-by-blow-” she giggled “-pardon the pun. Your expression says it all.”

Hannah blinked, startled. “It’s that obvious?”

“Yes, boss. I’m sorry, but it is. You needed a break.”

That was Monday. This was Sunday. Hannah was no longer amused, or glowing. She was hurting inside, and she feared the tiny lines of tension were about to make another appearance.

But then, she had known all along that their moment out of time couldn’t last. What had she been secretly hoping for, that Justin would be on the very next flight east, following her back?

No, she hadn’t hoped for that, even secretly.

But one phone call just to find out if she had arrived safely would have been nice, not to mention thoughtful. Had she really believed Justin was thoughtful? Hannah chided herself. Just because he helped her prepare meals, pick up their clothes that were forever flung without care to the floor, smooth the bedding that was inevitably rumpled? Because the last time they had made love there had been a sense of desperation? And because his goodbye kiss had been deep, lingering, as if he couldn’t bear to stop?

Hannah knew better. At any rate she should have. They had played house, she and Justin, like little kids. Okay, not exactly like kids.

Hannah shivered at the memory. It had been fun, playing house together. It had been more than fun, it had been wonderful, an awakening of her senses and sensuality.

Tears misted her eyes. Why the hell had she gone and done something as stupid as fall in love with him? For she had fallen in love with Justin, no strings for me, Justin, philanderer extraordinaire.

Not fair, Hannah, she told herself, swiping her eyes with her fingertips. He had never made any promises. He had been up-front with her, had offered her nothing more than fun and games. She had gone into the affair with her eyes open. She had no one to blame but herself for the empty feelings of pain and longing she was experiencing now.

Life does go on, Hannah assured herself, and so would she. There was no other choice. She had friends, a career, a business to run…a living room to dust.

Justin was on the prowl, roaming the house, unsettled and cranky. Karla would attest to it; she had been witness to his moodiness. She was beginning to eye him warily, as if uncertain what he might do.

It was the weather, he told himself, staring out the window at the nearly foot of snow on the ground that was growing higher in the driving blizzard. He felt trapped, that’s what was bugging him, he thought, turning away from the scene.

Justin knew damn well his restlessness had nothing at all to do with the inclement weather. He had been raised in Wyoming, and had lived in Montana for almost ten years, had taken over the running of the ranch soon after he had graduated college. Snow, ice, winter and spring rains hadn’t bothered him, except in regard to worrying about the horses.

But Justin knew full well that the animals were in their stable stalls; warm, fed and watered by Ben and the rest of his ranch hands.

“Can I get you something, Justin?” Karla asked, as he stalked into the kitchen.

Wondering what in hell he was doing there, Justin said the first thought that jumped to mind. “Is there any coffee in the pot?” It was a dumb question, and he knew it. There was always coffee in the pot. It wasn’t always freshly made, but he had never demanded fresh, although he preferred it that way.

“Yes.” Karla smiled at him as she opened a cabinet and took down a mug. “I just made it.” She shook her head when he reached for the mug. “Sit down, I’ll get it for you.”

Not about to argue with the woman who prepared some of the best meals he had ever tasted, Justin moved to the table, collecting a carton of milk as he went by the fridge.

The coffee was exactly as he liked it, strong, hot and freshly brewed.

“Would you like something to go with that?” she asked, carrying her own mug to the table. “Cookies, a slice of pie or coffee cake?”

Ever since Ben had brought Karla to the ranch as his bride, there were always cookies in the pantry and pie in the fridge. He liked her coffee cake best…although her apple pie was also delicious.

Justin glanced at the wall clock. It was several hours to go until suppertime. “Couple of cookies sound good. Do you have any of those oatmeal, raisin, walnut cookies?”

Karla laughed and headed for the pantry. “As those are both Ben’s and your favorite, I always keep a supply on hand. I baked a double batch yesterday.”

While Karla was inside the large storage room, Ben strolled into the kitchen from the ranch office, where he had been checking stock on the computer. In effect, Ben had virtually taken over the running of the ranch, leaving Justin feeling superfluous and adrift. He didn’t resent Ben…how could he resent a man for doing a great job, especially when the man was next thing to a member of the family?

No, Justin didn’t resent Ben. He simply felt useless.

“Where’s my bride?” Ben asked, going straight to the cabinet to pour a cup of coffee for himself.

“Ran off with the milk man,” Justin drawled, sipping carefully at the hot brew in his mug.

“Neat trick.” Ben grinned as he strolled to the table. “As we don’t even have a milk man.”

Justin waved a hand in dismissal. “Minor point.”

“You rang, Your Lordship?” Karla emerged from the pantry to favor her husband with a smile. “Was there something you wanted from me?”

Ben flashed a wicked grin. “Yeah, but this isn’t the time or place. The boss is watching.” He jerked his head at the plate she was carrying. “I’ll settle for some of those cookies you’ve got there.”

Their affectionate banter created a hollow sensation in Justin’s midsection. Telling himself it had nothing to do with one Hannah Deturk and the bantering, laughter and tender moments they had shared, he attempted to fill the hollow place with cookies. His ploy didn’t work.

Through the long, seemingly endless days that followed, nothing worked. Including Justin. Leaving the majority of the ranch responsibilities to Ben, Justin brooded and prowled the house like a hungry mountain lion.

Hungry was the key word, and it had nothing to do with his stomach. How often had he reached for the phone, to place a long-distance call to Philadelphia? Justin couldn’t remember, but he knew damn well why he had never actually lifted the telephone receiver.

What could he say to Hannah? I miss you, and I’m hard as hell? Yeah, he derided himself. That ought to turn any woman’s mind and will to molten lava. And Hannah wasn’t just any woman. Oh, no. Sweet Hannah was her own woman, a fact she had made abundantly clear to him from the beginning.

Sure, she had agreed to spend a few days of mutual pleasure with him, Justin conceded. And the pleasure had been mutual, of that he had no doubt. For a man who had not so much as stayed a full night with a woman since his marriage ended, the pleasure had been intense, teeth-clenching ecstasy. As for Hannah, well Justin felt certain that not even the most skilled of actresses could have faked the depth of her response.

Still, their shared desire, and compatibility out of bed, had not kept her from leaving when she said she would.

Without saying it aloud, she had made it abundantly clear that she had a life back east and she wasn’t about to change it. Her determination to leave was unshakable. Despite his murmured plea for her to stay a while longer and the implied enticement of his last kiss, she had whispered a farewell, slid behind the wheel of her rental vehicle and driven away without looking back.

Unaware of heaving a heavy sigh, Justin stared out the window. The blizzard had long since blown itself out, but the temperature had not risen above the twenties since then. The snow remained, the unrelenting wind driving it into five-foot and higher snowbanks.

Damn, other than the inconvenience of getting back and forth from the house to the stables, Justin had never minded the snow before. What in hell was wrong with him?

“Why don’t you take a vacation?” Ben’s voice broke through Justin’s thoughts. “Someplace where the sun’s shining and the temp’s in the eighties. Find yourself a woman. You’re workin’ on my nerves, and you’re starting to worry Karla.”

“I’m working on your nerves and making Karla edgy?” Justin said in a soft, tightly controlled voice to keep from snarling at the man. “Maybe you and Karla are the ones needing a sun-filled vacation.”

“Not us,” Ben denied. “Karla and I are happy here, sunshine or not.”

Justin lifted an eyebrow. “And you think I’m not?”

“Oh, gimme a break, Justin. I’ve known you a long time, remember?” Ben shook his head. “In all that time I have never seen you like this, stalking about the house, staring out the window, sighing every couple minutes, not even when Angie took off with that smooth creep.”

“I sigh every couple of minutes?” Justin drawled in feigned amusement, feeling a twinge of alarm and ignoring the reference to his ex, because that wasn’t important. The strange sensation was. “I’ll think about it,” he said, ending the conversation by turning back to the window.

“Okay, I can take a hint,” Ben said with a short laugh of resignation. “I’ll mind my own business.”

“I appreciate it.”

Justin only vaguely heard Ben’s chuckle as he left the room. Staring out, he didn’t see the barren scene of winter white on the other side of the window. An image had formed in his mind, an image Hannah had drawn for him with her description of Pennsylvania. The verbal picture she had given him was of a different landscape, a vision of rolling countryside, lush and green, bathed in sparkling spring sunlight.

Blinking, he frowned, then turned and strode to his bedroom. Going to his desk he opened his personal laptop, and went onto the Net. He had some research to do.

Several hours later Justin shut down the computer and picked up the phone to call the company pilot in charge of the ranch’s helicopter. After asking the pilot to pick him up at the pad a short distance from the house, he pulled a bag from the closet and dumped enough clothes into it to last him a couple of days.

Following the near ennui he had been experiencing since he had returned from Deadwood, the rush of anticipation he was feeling was invigorating.

Justin placed another call before striding briskly from his room. He had what he figured was an interesting and potentially very profitable idea he needed to discuss with his brother, Adam.

His battery recharged, Justin gave a brief explanation to Ben as he drove him to the landing pad. The chopper was already there, blades slicing through the frigid air.

“Not to worry,” Ben assured him. “I’ll take good care of the horses.”

“I know you will.” With a wave goodbye, Justin headed for the helicopter.

“By the way,” Ben yelled over the roar of the spinning blades. “You look and sound like your old self again.”

Near the end of the second week of February, Hannah faced up to the suspicions she had been mentally dodging for close to a week, suspicions induced by the vague feeling of queasiness she had in the morning, the slight tenderness in her breasts. Needing more proof than just symptoms, she stopped by a pharmacy on her way home from work.

The strip from the particular home pregnancy kit she had purchased turned the positive color. Not an altogether complete confirmation, Hannah knew. There had been cases where the strip results had proved wrong, but…it definitely required a visit to her doctor.

How could it have happened? Not even in their most heated, impromptu and wild love play, had Justin forgotten to use protection.

Of course, no one ever claimed the protective sheaths were infallible, Hannah mused as she studied the inside of her freezer, trying to decide what to have for dinner.

Having heated in the microwave the frozen meal she’d chosen Hannah sat in front of it, considering the options available to her should her doctor’s examination prove conclusive.

Sliding the plate aside, Hannah laid her fork on the place mat and picked up the cup of green tea she had brewed for her dinner beverage, instead of her usual coffee.

Coffee. She sighed. She loved coffee, especially in the morning, all morning…several cups of coffee, regular, not decaf.

Hannah knew she would have to forgo her favorite drink if she decided to-

Oh, hell. Hannah took another sip of the tea. It wasn’t bad tasting. It wasn’t coffee, but actually was rather good as far as substitutes went.

That is, unless she chose an alternative. The thought set a wave of nausea roiling in her stomach. She gulped the tea in hopes of quelling the sensation.

She couldn’t do it. Though she supported a woman’s right to choose any of the options, Hannah knew that she really had only one option. Should the doctor confirm her pregnancy, Hannah was going to have a baby.

A baby. Visions of soft blankets and tiny booties danced through Hannah’s mind. A fierce rush of protectiveness shot through her, and she slid a hand down over her flat belly.

Her child.

Justin’s child.

The sudden realization was both thrilling and somewhat frightening. How to tell him?

Justin had been up-front with her from the beginning. He had wanted nothing from her except a brief physical affair. Their affair had been the most wonderful experience Hannah had ever known. Of course, she hadn’t considered the possibility of falling in love with him.

Over the days they had been together, Hannah had learned a lot about Justin. Yet at times she felt she hardly knew him at all.

As a lover, she couldn’t imagine anyone his equal. There were moments when his voice was so tender, his touch so gentle it brought tears to her eyes while at the same time setting her body on fire. And there were other times when his voice was raw and ragged, his touch urgent, his lovemaking fierce and demanding.

And Hannah had reveled in every minute of both approaches.

Then there were the periods when all they did was talk, sometimes teasingly, other times seriously.

Hannah had learned that Justin was honest to a fault. When he shared something of himself with her he was blunt and to the point. Not a bad quality to possess. She knew a woman had betrayed his trust and that he had no intention of walking that route again.

She also knew Justin liked kids. He had confessed to Hannah that he adored his niece, Becky. But Justin had never mentioned a desire for children of his own, other than to say his ex had wanted to wait a while before starting a family.

If the doctor confirmed her pregnancy, Hannah didn’t know whether or not to inform Justin. After all, she reasoned, if Justin had any interest in a child of his own, he wouldn’t have been so scrupulous about protection.

For all the good it had done them.

Still, he had a right to know he had fathered a child. It was her duty, as an honest person, to let him know.

She just didn’t know how to tell him.