A Perfect Crime

11

“Got some pornos,” said Rey, Whitey Truax’s roommate at the New Horizons halfway house. He popped one into the VCR. They watched.

“Turn up the sound,” said Whitey.

“The sound? Who gives a fuck about the sound?”

Whitey gave Rey a look. He didn’t like Rey. He didn’t much like Hispanics anyway, not the ones he’d met inside, and on top of that, what was Rey? A nobody: drunk driver, deadbeat dad, some punk thing like that. Inside, he wouldn’t even have dared talk to Whitey. Here he had opinions.

But Rey turned up the sound without another word. They watched some more. “You think those women are real?” Whitey said.

“Real as it gets, Whitey,” Rey said. “They’re amateurs.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Says so right on the box-‘ Amateur Housewives, volume fifty-four. ’” He flipped Whitey the box.

Real housewives having real sex, Whitey read. You might see your neighbor. He watched two amateur housewives entertaining some men by a swimming pool. “They’ve got tattoos on their tits,” he said.

“So?”

“So since when do real housewives have tattoos on their tits?”

“Jesus, Whitey, where have you been?”

Of course that pissed Whitey off. He threw the first thing that came to hand-a Pepsi can, full-at Rey. Not playfully, like some frat boy: Whitey didn’t have that gear. The Pepsi hit Rey in the face, bounced on the floor, sprayed all over. The door opened and the social worker looked in.

“Boys, what’s going on?”

“Little spill,” said Rey, dabbing blood on his sleeve. “I’ll clean it up.”

The social worker’s gaze went to the TV. “Adult videos? ’Fraid not, boys-against regulations.”

“Innocent mistake,” said Whitey. “But seeing as you’re here, maybe you could settle something for us.”

“What’s that?” said the social worker, his eyes on the screen.

“Rey claims those women are real. I say they’re not.”

“Real, Whitey?”

“He don’t believe they’re amateurs,” said Rey, “even though it says right on the fucking box.”

“Is it anything to be angry about, Rey? But I agree with you, there’s no reason they couldn’t be amateurs-think of how many home video cameras there are in this country.”

Whitey was impressed. “Hadn’t thought of that,” he said. “Where would you run into one of these amateur housewives?”

“At home, of course,” said the social worker with a laugh. Rey laughed, too, and finally Whitey as well.

But because of the memories the joke stirred up in Whitey, there was nothing funny about it. They kept him awake that night, those memories of cottage country.

Whitey and his ma lived in a trailer close to Little Joe Lake, although not close enough for a water view. Little Joe wasn’t a big lake-Whitey first swam across at the age of nine-but there were about two hundred cottages, most of them owned by city people who didn’t seem to care that it was too small for speedboats and contained no fish worth the trouble. It was a good place to grow up: that’s what the locals said. In summer Ma was busy cleaning the cottages. In winter they had the welfare checks. Ma watched TV and drank; Whitey went to school, played on the hockey team, but mostly skated by himself on the frozen lake, sometimes long into the night.

Despite a personal visit by his coach-Whitey had made third team, all-state as a sophomore-he dropped out of school the next autumn. Algebra, history, biology: he was almost nineteen and he’d had enough. That winter he skated on the lake, shot a few birds, got bored. One day, he broke into a cottage, not to take anything but just to see how the city people lived. He liked the way they lived; even more, he liked being inside their cottage-quiet, secret, powerful. He got the feeling that the cottage somehow knew he was there but of course couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

Whitey broke into another cottage the next week. This time he took an electric guitar. He tried to teach himself how to play, but that didn’t work, so he hocked it for forty bucks in a pawnshop across the Massachusetts line, where no one knew him. He bought a jug of wine, borrowed Ma’s heap, took one of the cheerleaders to a spot he knew. But she had signed some nondrinking pledge at her church and wanted to do nothing but talk about the high school kids and the teams and all that shit he’d left behind. Just to snap her out of it, he almost brought her to one of the cottages with the idea of breaking in together, like Bonnie and Clyde. But he didn’t-that would have destroyed the secret part; he tried to feel her up instead. She pushed him away; he pushed back, pushing her right out of the car, and drove off.

Whitey broke into cottages, two, three times a week. He was tidy: used a glass cutter to take out a windowpane, puttied it back in place when he was through. No one passing by-a state trooper patrolled once a month or so-would have suspected a thing. You had to go inside to see what was missing: TVs, microwaves, toasters, fireplace screens, golf clubs, cutlery, sleeping bags, tents, record players, scuba gear, crystal glasses, china figurines, rugs, paintings, barbecue grills, canoes, stone carvings, stuffed animals, chess sets, booze. No one knew. The city people didn’t come to open up until Memorial Day weekend, at the earliest. With the profits, Whitey bought himself a used pickup, a gold chain, a leather jacket.

Long before Memorial Day-he still had plenty of time to make plans for when the city people did return-Whitey broke into a cottage he had previously ignored. A little cabin, old and run-down, alone on a tiny island at the far end of the lake, connected to the shore by a footbridge.

Snow was falling as Whitey walked across the foot-bridge, cold, hard flakes blown sideways by the wind; they stung his face in a way he didn’t mind at all. Whitey circled the cabin, found a rickety door at the back, took out his glass cutter. But when he pressed it to the pane, the door swung open on its own-not the first unlocked cottage he’d found.

Whitey went inside. He still got that rush, right away, of being inside a living thing that knew but couldn’t do shit about it. Besides, it was nice and warm in the cabin, and even quieter than usual, probably because of all the muffling snow.

Whitey moved into the kitchen. Not much there: toaster oven, coffeemaker, china bowl on the table, unopened bottle of gin on the counter. He checked the fridge, as he always did. Usually they were shut off and empty except for baking soda or moldy lemons, but sitting on the top shelf of this one was a cake. A chocolate cake with pink icing flowers, Happy Anniversary Sue, and a big pink One. He plucked a pink flower, popped it in his mouth, washed it down with a hit of gin. He liked gin.

Whitey went into the living room. Not much there either: brass fireplace set, framed Sacred Heart of Jesus on the mantel, cases full of books, useless to him. He mounted worn stairs to the floor above, looked in on a bedroom: a bed, unmade, more books. Nothing. Not even a TV. He was about to turn and go back down when a door opened inside the bedroom, a cloud of steam floated out, and then a woman-naked, except for the towel wrapped around her head. Her eyes opened wide, her hands went to her mouth, then her breasts. How satisfying was that? And there he was, in the leather jacket, with the gold chain around his neck and the glass cutter in his hand. Whitey knew right then that this was what the rush was all about; this was what he’d been waiting for.

“Hi, Sue,” Whitey said. Christ, he was quick, putting it all together like that. He heard a sound like buzzing in his head.

“Truax,” called a voice. “Phone.”

Whitey sat up in bed. Sunlight in the room, Rey already gone. Morning, but he hadn’t slept at all, and nothing but a doctor’s note could get him off work-one of the parole conditions. He rose, went to the front hall, picked up the phone.

“Donald?”

“Ma.”

“You’re in the new place?”

“Yeah.”

“How is it?”

“How is it?”

“Nice?”

“Yeah, Ma, nice.”

“Well, it has to be a sight better than that other…”

In the pause that followed, Whitey heard a clicking sound that might have been her dentures. “Got to get to work, Ma.”

“You got yourself a job?”

“Yeah.”

“What kind of job?”

“For the municipality.”

“My God, Donald. For the municipality?”

“Got to go, Ma.”

“But, Donald-when are you coming home?”

“Home?”

“Course, I’m in a different place now. Had to, ’cause of… all the fuss.”

“I know that.”

“But there’s plenty of room, for a visit, I’m talking about. And they say there’s ice on the river already-I’m on the river, did I tell you? Knowing how much you like the skating-and besides, you haven’t met Harry.”

“Who’s he?”

“My cat. He’s the funniest little cat, Donald. Why, the other day-”

“Bye, Ma.”

“Good to talk to-”

Whitey speared trash on the median, speared it angrily when he bothered to spear it at all. He was exhausted, robbed of a night’s sleep by that dickhead Rey and that asshole social worker. And the fucking sun was hotter than ever. He’d been in Florida for three years now-cheaper for New Hampshire to farm him out for the last part of his sentence-but he hadn’t got used to the heat. He saw another bullfrog and didn’t even bother; he might have if it had tried something or even looked up at him, but the frog sat there doing nothing. Then a scrap of newspaper drifted by and came to rest against the steel tip of his pole. Glancing down, Whitey saw a baldness ad and above it a short article headlined HOTEL CLERK REMAINS IN COMA. Next to the article was one of those police artist sketches of a man: an ugly son of a bitch who didn’t look like him at all, except for the hair. He stabbed the paper and buried it deep in his bright orange trash bag.