Abandoned

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

“Sit down,” AD Jones tells me.

He’s already seated. It’s the same battered leather chair he’s had since I’ve known him. It matches the man. If forced to come up with a single word to describe my boss, it would be workhorse. He lives to do what he does, to plow the fields. He doesn’t do it for the glory. He does it for the pleasure of a well-placed furrow.

“I thought I had forty-eight hours, sir,” I say, once seated.

He waves his hand. “I wanted to talk to you myself. Without the director here. Sorry to blindside you like that, by the way.”

“I figured you were probably as surprised as I was, sir.”

He bobs his head. “I was. The director showed up, serious-faced and sans entourage, aside from that grim reaper he calls an assistant.” He hesitates. “I put the screws to him on this, Smoky. I wanted to make sure it was on the up and up and not just a political power play on his part.”

“And?”

“At his position, everything is political to some degree. But I’m convinced his motives are what he said they were. He wants to preserve what we can of the NCAVC network. You can take it relatively at face value.”

“Okay.”

“The reason I wanted to see you, though, is to give you a little primer. Some schooling. If you decide to take him up on his offer, and I think you probably should, he’ll be running you personally. There will be things about that that are good, and there will be things that are bad. Then there’ll be things that you’ll need to watch out for.”

“Let’s start with the good, sir.”

He grins. The AD has always had a great smile; it takes at least ten years off his face. “Well, no one’s going to want to fuck with you. The resources of the FBI will be open to you. The director is going to have a vested interest in the success of the team, and I can guarantee you that everyone will know that ahead of time. Expect red-carpet treatment and a better budget than you’re used to.”

“Sounds pretty good so far.”

“You’ll have a lot more altitude in general. That pays dividends in many ways. Power is power. Which leads us into the bad.”

“I was really enjoying the good, but okay.”

“Power and position bring envy. There will be people who resent you and your team being given what they’ll view as a plum assignment. They’ll be rooting for your failure and watching you very closely. Misstep, and I can guarantee you that someone will be there to report it. On the darker side, you should watch out for actual sabotage of your efforts. I’m not talking about big, destructive stuff. Think death by a thousand cuts. Little fuckups or bumps in the road of coordination that are designed to make you look bad.”

“Seriously?”

“You’ve been lucky enough to work in a good environment, with a good team and a good boss. You haven’t had to deal with enemies on the job. That’s going to change, and if you don’t accept it and watch out for it, you’ll get eaten up.”

I sit back and consider this. It’s a lot to take in, but I know better than to doubt the AD. He’s rarely, if ever, given me bad advice.

“What else?” I ask.

“The director might be the most ruthless man I’ve ever met. He’s a political animal, but I can tolerate him because he’s a cop too. He knows the reality of what we do, and I admire what he’s trying to put together here. But you need to remember one thing, Smoky. If it ever comes down to a him-or-you proposition, he’ll give you up in a heart beat. Gunshots at dawn and no cigarette.” He leans back. “Which is why you need to keep an eye on him and put aside a little leverage if you can find it.”

“Leverage? You mean blackmail.”

“No, I mean leverage. This is the FBI, Smoky. We don’t blackmail anyone.” He winks at me. “Let’s just say, if you’re lucky enough to witness the director bending the rules or cutting corners, however frivolously, it’s my opinion you should document it and stick it in a floor safe somewhere.”

I stare at him. “Jesus, sir. What kind of world do you live in?”

He sighs, rubs his face with both hands. “Not all sociopaths are serial killers. Some of them are politicians and administrators. Granted, the director doesn’t fall into that category, but there are plenty at that level who do.”

From a purely psychological standpoint, it makes sense. Narcissists are drawn to positions of power and prestige.

I venture a smile. “Appreciate the reassurance, sir.”

The youth-creating grin returns. “You’ll be fine. You’re tough enough, smart enough. I never expected you’d work under me forever. You’re overdue to move on up.”

“Well, I haven’t decided yet, sir.”

He squints at me. “Save the bullshit for those who don’t know better.” He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his wallet. He extracts a hundred-dollar bill. “I’ll bet you a hundred bucks you take the position. If you don’t, I pay up.”

I glance down at the bill held out in offering. I look away. “No thanks,” I mumble.

He cups a hand to his ear. “Sorry? What’s that?”

“Give me a break, sir.”

He puts the bill away and returns the wallet to his back pocket.

“Last thing, and then on to current business.” There’s a change in his demeanor, a slight softening that’s rare to see in this man. AD Jones is an old-school guy, strong and silent, share your feelings with the mirror, hide them from everyone else. “If you ever need anything—advice, someone to talk to—come and find me.”

“Thank you, sir. That means a lot.”

“Of course, when the time comes, you’ll have to stop calling me ‘sir’ and start using my first name.”

“That’s a tough one.”

“Start practicing. Now, bring me up to speed on the woman who crashed Callie’s wedding.”

I tell him everything. He’s silent throughout, as he usually is, listening to the whole story before asking questions of his own.

“You haven’t told anyone yet who she is?”

“No, sir. Alan and I are planning to go and drop the bomb on the husband this afternoon.”

“Negative. You go and brief this detective—what’s his name?”

“Burns.”

“See him first. He has personal connections to both your victim and your suspect. He might be able to help you get both of them talking.”

It’s good advice. “Yes, sir.”

“Keep me in the loop. And let me know when you’re ready to give the director your decision.”

Back in the office, Callie and James are buried in the files. James is on the computer while Callie dictates a timeline to him.

“Ready to go?” Alan asks me.

“Change of plans.” I explain.

He nods his approval. “The AD’s right. It makes sense.”

“Yes. But I’d prefer to meet him outside the precinct. I want to keep this under the radar. Heather’s ordeal is going to be a huge story, and the last thing she needs right now is a pack of media wolves baying at her hospital-room door.”

“True. I’ll get him on the phone. Maybe we can meet him for waffles.”

Alan’s love of waffles is as pure and constant as Callie’s love of miniature chocolate donuts.

As he makes the call, I walk over to the whiteboard and ponder the facts we know. Heather Hollister has lost everything. Eight years have passed. Her husband is remarried; her sons are three years away from being teenagers. The world has changed. When she was abducted, September 11 had not yet happened. We were not at war in Iraq. There were no hybrid vehicles on the road. Most people still accessed the Internet via dial-up.

Which would I prefer, I wonder? Eight years trapped in darkness and coming out to find Matt remarried and Alexa in college? Or what I have now?

I shift from one foot to the other, uncomfortable that my answer is not immediate. If I am a selfless mother, shouldn’t I wish Alexa alive under any circumstances?

Her face comes to me, the morning of the day she died. It was at breakfast. She was eating her cornflakes. Matt had woken up late and was still in the shower.

“Daddy’s lazy this morning,” she said.

“Late’s not the same as lazy, honey. And don’t talk with your mouth full.”

A mischievous look passed over her face, and she suddenly grinned, so that streams of milk and bits of cornflakes ran from the corners of her mouth. “Garrrr!” she cried.

“Gross!” I said, laughing in spite of myself.

She got the giggles, resulting in milk coming out of her nose, resulting in howls of laughter. We were still snorting by the time Matt got downstairs.

“What’s going on?” he asked, bemused.

“Nothing,” I said. “We were just talking about how lazy you are.”

“Laaaaaaaaaazy Daddy,” Alexa said, giggling some more.

Pragmatism had taken over not long after that. Matt and I needed to get to work; Alexa needed to get to school. A day like any other. But I like to think I would have remembered that morning, whether it was the last one we all shared or not. It was a good memory, whatever the context of time.

Alan puts down the phone. “He’s going to meet us at the IHOP in Hollywood in an hour. Best waffles so far, there.”

I follow him out, glancing one final time at the whiteboard.

Yes, I think, happy to find certainty in my answer. I’d take eight years of isolation if it meant Alexa was still alive. I really would.

I can only hope that Heather Hollister will find a similar comfort.