Acceptable Risk

13

Late September 1994

Edward’s recognition of Kim’s efforts at putting together the dinner on such short notice encouraged Kim to think that things would improve between herself and Edward. But it was not to be. During the week immediately after the Monday-night dinner, things seemed to get worse. In fact Kim did not see Edward at all. He’d come in late at night long after she’d gone to bed and would be up and out before she awoke. He made no effort to communicate with her at all even though she left numerous Post-It messages for him.

Even Buffer seemed to be nastier than usual. He appeared unexpectedly around dinnertime Wednesday night while Kim was preparing her food. He acted hungry, so Kim filled a dish with his food and extended it toward him, intending to put it on the floor. Buffer reacted by baring his teeth and snapping at her viciously. Kim put the food down the disposal.

With no contact whatsoever with anyone in the lab, Kim began to feel more estranged from what was happening in the compound than she had earlier in the month. She even began to feel lonely. To her surprise she started to look forward to returning to work the following week, a feeling she never expected to have. In fact, when she’d left work at the end of August, she’d thought returning to work would be difficult.

By Thursday, September 22, Kim was aware that she was feeling mildly depressed and the resulting anxiety scared her. She’d had a brush with depression in her sophomore year of college and the experience had left an enduring scar. Fearing that her symptoms might get worse, Kim called Alice McMurray, a therapist at MGH whom she’d seen a number of years previously. Alice graciously agreed to give up half her lunch hour the following day.

Friday morning Kim got up feeling a little better than she had on previous mornings. She guessed it was the excitement of having made plans to go into the city. Without her parking privileges at the MGH, she decided to take the train.

Kim arrived in Boston a little after eleven. With plenty of time to spare, she walked from North Station to the hospital. It was a pleasant fall day of intermittent clouds and sunshine. In contrast to Salem, the leaves on the city trees had yet to begin changing.

It felt good for Kim to be in the familiar hospital environment, especially when she ran into several colleagues who teased her about her tan. Alice’s office was in a professional building owned by the hospital corporation. Kim entered from the hall and found the reception desk deserted.

Almost immediately the inner door opened, and Alice appeared.

“Hi,” she said. “Come on in.” She motioned with her head toward the secretary’s desk. “Everyone is at lunch in case you were wondering.”

Alice’s office was simple but comfortable. There were four chairs and a coffee table grouped in the center of the room on an oriental rug. A small desk was against the wall. By the window stood a potted palm. On the walls were Impressionist prints and a few framed diplomas and licenses.

Alice was an ample-bodied woman whose compassionate manner radiated from her like a magnetic field. As Kim knew from Alice’s own admission, she had been fighting a weight problem all her life. Yet the struggle had added to Alice’s effectiveness by giving her extra sensitivity to other people’s problems.

“Well, what can I do for you?” Alice asked once they were seated.

Kim launched into an explanation of her current living situation. She tried to be honest and fully admitted her disappointment that things had not gone as she’d anticipated. As she spoke she began to hear herself assuming most of the blame. Alice heard it too.

“This is sounding like an old story,” Alice said in a nonjudgmental way. Alice then inquired about Edward’s personality and social skills.

Kim described Edward, and with the help of Alice’s presence, she immediately heard herself defending him.

“Do you think there is any resemblance between the relationship you had with your father and the relationship you have with Edward?” Alice asked.

Kim thought for a moment and then admitted her behavior in regard to the recent dinner party had suggested some analogy.

“It sounds to me that they are superficially quite similar,” Alice said. “I can remember your describing similar frustration about trying to please your father. Both of these men appear to have an overriding interest in their business agendas that supersedes their personal lives.”

“It’s temporary with Edward,” Kim said.

“Are you sure about that?” Alice questioned.

Kim thought for a moment before answering:’ ‘I guess you can never be sure about what another person is thinking.”

“Precisely,” Alice said. “Who knows, Edward could be changing. Nevertheless, it sounds like Edward needs your social support and you are giving it. There’s nothing wrong with that except I sense that your needs aren’t currently being met.”

“That’s an understatement,” Kim admitted.

“You should be thinking about what is good for you and act accordingly,” Alice said. “I know that is easy to say and difficult to do. Your self-esteem is terrified to lose his love. At any rate at least give it serious thought.”

“Are you saying I shouldn’t be living with Edward?” Kim asked.

“Absolutely not,” Alice said. “That’s not for me to say. Only you can say that. But as we discussed in the past, I think you should give thought to issues of codependency.”

“Do think there are codependent issues here?” Kim asked.

“I just would like it to enter into your thinking,” Alice said. “You know there is a tendency for people who were abused as children to re-create the circumstances of the abuse in their own domestic situations.”

“But you know I wasn’t abused,” Kim said.

“I know you weren’t abused in the general sense of the term,” Alice said. “But you didn’t have a good relationship with your father. Abuse can come in many different forms because of the vast difference in power between the parent and the child.”

“I see what you mean,” Kim said.

Alice leaned forward and put her hands on her knees. She smiled warmly. “It sounds to me like we have some things that we should talk about. Unfortunately our half hour is up. I wish I could give you more time, but on such short notice this is the best I can do. I hope I’ve at least got you thinking about your own needs.”

Kim got to her feet. Glancing at her watch, she was amazed at how quickly the time had gone. She thanked Alice profusely.

“How is your anxiety?” Alice asked. “I could give you a few Xanax if you think you might need it.”

Kim shook her head. “Thanks, but I’m okay,” she said. “Besides, I still have a couple of those you gave me years ago.”

“Call if you’d like to make a real appointment,” Alice said.

Kim assured her that she’d give her more notice in the future and then left. As she walked back to the train station, Kim thought about the short session she’d had. It had seemed she was just getting started when it was over. Yet Alice had given her a lot to think about, and that was precisely why Kim had wanted to see her.

As she rode back to Salem, Kim stared out the window and decided that she had to talk to Edward. She knew it would not be an easy task because such confrontations were extremely difficult for her. Besides, with the pressure Edward was under he was hardly in the mood for such emotionally laden issues like whether they should currently be living together. Yet she knew she had to have a conversation with him before things got worse.

Driving onto the compound, Kim glanced at the lab building and wished she had the assertiveness to go over there directly and demand to talk to Edward immediately. But she knew she couldn’t. In fact, she knew she couldn’t even talk to him even if he showed up at the cottage that afternoon unless he also did something to make her feel he was ready to talk. With a degree of resignation, Kim knew she’d have to wait for Edward.

But Kim did not see Edward Friday evening, nor all day Saturday. All she’d find was scant evidence that he came in sometime after midnight and left prior to sunrise. With the knowledge she had to talk to him hanging over her like a dark cloud, Kim’s anxiety gradually increased.

Kim spent Sunday morning keeping herself busy in the castle’s attic, sorting documents. The mindless task provided a bit of solace and for a few hours took her mind away from her unfulfilling living situation. At quarter to one her stomach told her it had been a long time since her morning coffee and bowl of cold cereal.

Emerging from the musty interior of the castle, Kim paused on the faux drawbridge and let her eyes feast on the fall scene spread out around her. Some of the tree colors were beautiful, but they were hardly of the intensity they would assume in several more weeks. High above in the sky several sea gulls lazily rode the air currents.

Kim’s eyes roamed the periphery of the property and stopped at the point of entry of the road. Just within the shadow of the trees she could see the front of an automobile.

Curious as to why the car was parked there, Kim struck out across the field. As she neared, she approached the car warily from the side, trying to get a glimpse of the driver. She was surprised to see it was Kinnard Monihan.

When Kinnard caught sight of Kim, he leaped from the car and did something Kim could not remember his ever having done. He blushed.

“Sorry,” he said self-consciously. “I don’t want you to think I’m just lurking here like some Peeping Tom. The fact is I was trying to build up my courage to drive all the way in.”

“Why didn’t you?” Kim asked.

“I suppose because I was such an ass the last couple of times we saw each other,” Kinnard said.

“That seems a long time ago,” Kim said.

“I suppose in some ways,” Kinnard said. “Anyway I hope I’m not disturbing you.”

“You’re not disturbing me in the slightest.”

“My rotation here at Salem Hospital is over this coming week,” Kinnard said. “These two months have flown by. I’ll be back working at MGH a week from tomorrow.”

“I’ll be doing the same,” Kim said. She explained that she’d taken the month of September off from work.

“I’ve driven out here to the compound on a few occasions,” Kinnard admitted. “I just never thought it appropriate to stop by and your phone’s unlisted.”

“I’d wondered how your rotation was going every time I drove near the hospital,” Kim said.

“How did the renovations turn out?” Kinnard asked.

“You can decide for yourself,” Kim said. “Provided you’d like to see.”

“I’d like to see very much,” Kinnard said. “Come on, get in. I’ll give you a lift.”

They drove to the cottage and parked. Kim gave Kinnard a tour. He was interested and complimentary.

“What I like is the way you’ve been able to make the house comfortable yet maintain its colonial character,” Kinnard said.

They were upstairs, where Kim was showing Kinnard how they had managed to put in a half-bath without disturbing the historical aspect of the house. Glancing out the window, Kim did a double take. Looking again, she was shocked to see Edward and Buffer walking across the field on their way to the cottage.

Kim was immediately gripped with a sense of panic. She had no idea what Edward’s reaction to Kinnard’s presence would be, especially with Edward’s cantankerous mood of late and especially since she’d not seen him since Monday night.

“I think we’d better go downstairs,” Kim said nervously.

“Is something wrong?” Kinnard asked.

Kim didn’t answer. She was too busy castigating herself for not considering the possibility of Edward’s appearing. She marveled how she managed to get herself into such situations.

“Edward is coming,” Kim finally said to Kinnard as she motioned for him to step into the parlor.

“Is that a problem?” Kinnard asked. He was confused.

Kim tried to smile. “Of course not,” she said. But her voice was not convincing and her stomach was in a knot.

The front door opened and Edward entered. Buffer headed for the kitchen to check for food that might have inadvertently been dropped on the floor.

“Ah, there you are,” Edward said to Kim when he caught sight of her.

“We have company,” Kim said. She had her hands clasped in front of her.

“Oh?” Edward questioned. He stepped into the parlor.

Kim introduced them. Kinnard moved forward and extended his hand, but Edward didn’t move. He was thinking.

“Of course,” Edward said while clicking his fingers. He then reached out and pumped Kinnard’s hand with great enthusiasm. “I remember you. You worked in my lab. You’re the fellow who went on to the MGH for a surgical residency.”

“Good memory,” Kinnard said.

“Hell, I even remember your research topic,” Edward said. He then tersely summarized Kinnard’s year-long project.

“It’s humbling to hear you remember it better than I do,” Kinnard said.

“How about a beer?” Edward asked. “We’ve got Sam Adams on ice.”

Kinnard nervously glanced between Kim and Edward. “Maybe I’d better leave,” he said.

“Nonsense,” Edward said. “Stay if you can. I’m sure Kim could use some company. I have to get back to work. I’ve only come over here to ask her a question.”

Kim was as bewildered as Kinnard. Edward was not behaving as she’d feared. Instead of being irritable and possibly throwing a temper tantrum, he was in a delightful mood.

“I don’t know how best to word this,” Edward said to Kim, “but I want the researchers to bunk in the castle. It will be infinitely more convenient for them to sleep on the property since many of their experiments require round-the-clock data collection. Besides, the castle is empty and has so many furnished rooms that it’s ridiculous for them to stay in their respective bed-and-breakfasts. And Omni will pay.”

“Well, I don’t know…” Kim stammered.

“Come on, Kim,” Edward said. “It will only be temporary. In no time their families will be coming and they’ll be buying homes.”

“But there are so many family heirlooms in the building,” Kim said.

“That’s not a problem,” Edward said. “You’ve met these people. They are not going to touch anything. Listen, I’ll personally guarantee that there won’t be any difficulties whatsoever. If there are, out they go.”

“Let me think about it,” Kim said.

“What is there to think about?” Edward persisted. “These people are like family to me. Besides, they only sleep from about one to five, just like me. You won’t even know they are there. You won’t hear them and you won’t see them. They can stay in the guest wing and the servants’ wing.”

Edward winked at Kinnard and added: “It’s best to keep the women and the men apart because I don’t want to be responsible for any domestic strife.”

“Would they be content to use the servants’ and the guest wing?” Kim asked. She was finding it hard to resist Edward’s outgoing, friendly assertiveness.

“They will be thrilled,” Edward said. “I can’t tell you how much they will appreciate this. Thank you, my sweet! You are an angel.” Edward gave Kim a kiss on the middle of her forehead and a hug.

“Kinnard!” Edward said, breaking away from Kim. “Don’t be a stranger now that you know where we are. Kim needs some company. Unfortunately I’m a bit preoccupied for the immediate future.”

Edward gave a high-pitched whistle which made Kim cringe. Buffer trotted out from the kitchen.

“See you guys later,” Edward said with a wave. A second later the front door banged shut.

For a moment Kim and Kinnard merely looked at each other.

“Did I agree or what?” Kim questioned.

“It happened kind of fast,” Kinnard admitted.

Kim stepped to the window and watched Edward and Buffer crossing the field. Edward threw a stick for the dog.

“He’s a lot more friendly than when I worked in his lab,” Kinnard said. “You’ve had a big effect on him. He was always so stiff and serious. In fact he was downright nerdy.”

“He’s been under a lot of pressure,” Kim said. She was still watching from the window. Edward and Buffer seemed to be having a marvelous time with the fetching game.

“You’d never guess, the way he’s acting,” Kinnard said.

Kim turned to Kinnard. She shook her head and rubbed her forehead nervously. “Now what have I gotten myself into?” she asked. “I’m not completely comfortable with Edward’s people staying in the castle.”

“How many are there?” Kinnard questioned.

“Five,” Kim said.

“Is the castle empty?” Kinnard asked.

“No one is living there if that’s what you mean,” Kim said. “But it surely isn’t empty. You want to see?”

“Sure,” Kinnard said.

Five minutes later Kinnard was standing in the center of the two-storied great room. A look of disbelief dominated his face.

“I understand your concern,” he said. “This place is like a museum. The furniture is incredible, and I’ve never seen so much fabric for drapes.”

“They were made in the twenties,” Kim said. “I was told it took a thousand yards.”

“Jeez, that’s over a half mile,” Kinnard said with awe.

“My brother and I inherited this from our grandfather,” Kim explained. “We haven’t the slightest idea what to do with it all. Still, I don’t know what my father or brother will say about five strangers living in here.”

“Let’s look at where they would stay,” Kinnard said.

They inspected the wings. There were four bedrooms in each, and each had its own stairway and door to the exterior.

“With separate entrances and stairs they won’t have to traverse the main part of the house,” Kinnard pointed out.

“Good point,” Kim said. They were standing in one of the servants’ bedrooms. “Maybe it won’t be so bad. The three men can stay in this wing and the two women over in the guest wing.”

Kinnard poked his head into the connecting bath. “Uh oh,” he said. “Kim, come in here!”

Kim joined him. “What’s the problem?”

Kinnard pointed to the toilet. “No water in the bowl,” he said. He leaned over the sink and turned on the faucet. Nothing came out. “Some kind of plumbing problem.”

They checked the other bathrooms in the servants’ wing. None of them had water. Crossing to the guest wing, they found that the problem, whatever it was, was confined to the servants’ wing.

“I’ll have to call the plumber,” Kim said.

“It could be something simple like the water has just been turned off,” Kinnard said.

Leaving the guest wing, they walked through the main part of the house again.

“The Peabody-Essex Institute would love this place,” Kinnard said.

“They’d love to get their hands on the contents of the attic and the wine cellar,” Kim said. “Both are filled with old papers, letters, and documents that go back three hundred years.”

“This I gotta see,” Kinnard said. “Do you mind?”

“Not at all,” Kim said. They reversed directions and climbed the stairs to the attic.

Kim opened the door and gestured for Kinnard to enter. “Welcome to the Stewart archives,” she said.

Kinnard walked down the central aisle looking at all the files. He shook his head. He was floored. “I used to collect stamps when I was a boy,” he said. “Many a day I dreamed of finding a place like this. Who knows what you could find?”

“There’s an equal amount in the basement,” Kim said. Kinnard’s delight gave her pleasure.

“I could spend a month in here,” Kinnard said.

“I practically have,” Kim said. “I’ve been searching for references to one of my ancestors named Elizabeth Stewart who’d been caught up in the witchcraft frenzy in 1692.”

“No kidding,” Kinnard said. “I find all that stuff fascinating. Remember, my undergraduate major was American History.”

“I’d forgotten,” Kim said.

“I visited most of the Salem witchcraft sites while I’ve been out here on rotation,” Kinnard said. “My mom came for a visit and we went together.”

“Why didn’t you take the blonde from the ER?” Kim asked before she had a chance to think about what she was saying.

“I couldn’t,” Kinnard said. “She got homesick and went back to Columbus, Ohio. How are things going for you? It looks like your relationship with Dr. Armstrong is alive and well.”

“It’s had its ups and downs,” Kim said vaguely.

“How was your ancestor involved in the witchcraft episode?” Kinnard asked.

“She was accused as a witch,” Kim said. “And she was executed.”

“How come you never told me that before?” Kinnard said.

“I was involved in a cover-up,” Kim said with a laugh. “Seriously, I had been conditioned by my mother not to talk about it. But that’s changed. Now getting to the bottom of her case has become a mini-crusade with me.”

“Have you had any luck?” Kinnard said.

“Some,” Kim said. “But there is a lot of material here and it has been taking me longer than I’d anticipated.”

Kinnard put his hand on the handle of a file drawer and glanced at Kim. “May I?” he asked.

“Be my guest,” Kim said.

Like most of the drawers in the attic it was filled with an assortment of papers, envelopes, and notebooks. Kinnard rummaged through but didn’t find any stamps. Finally he picked up one of the envelopes and slipped out the letter. “No wonder there’s no stamps in here,” he said. “Stamps weren’t invented until the end of the nineteenth century. This letter is from 1698!”

Kim took the envelope. It was addressed to Ronald.

“You lucky son of a gun,” Kim said. “This is the kind of letter I’ve been breaking my back to find, and you just walk in here and pluck it out like there was nothing to it.”

“Glad to be of assistance,” Kinnard said. He handed the letter to Kim.

Kim read the letter aloud:

12th October 1698

Cambridge Dearest Father,

I am deeply grateful for the ten shillings as I have been in dire need during these troublesome days of acclimation to colledge life. Ever so humbly I should like to relate that I have had complete success in the endeavor about which we had much discours prior to my matriculation. After lengthy and arduous inquiry I located the evidence used against my Dearly Departed Mother in the chambers of one of our esteemed tutors who had taken a fancy to its gruesome nature. Its prominent display caused me some disquietude but Tuesday last during the afternoon bever when all were retired to the buttery I chanced a visit to the aforesaid chambers and changed the name as you instructed to the fictitious Rachel Bingham. To a like purpose I entered the same in the catalogue in the library of Harvard Hall. I hope Dear Father that now you find solace that the surname Stewart has been freed from its most grievous molestation. In consideration of my studies I can with some felicity relate that my recitations have been well received. My chamber-mates are hale and of a most agreeable nature. Apart from the fagging about which you aptly forewarned me, I am well and content and

I remain your loving Son, Jonathan.

“Damn it all,” Kim said when she’d finished the letter.

“What’s the matter?” Kinnard asked.

“It’s this evidence,” Kim said, pointing it out in the letter. “It refers to the evidence used to convict Elizabeth. In a document I found at the Essex County Courthouse it was described as conclusive evidence, meaning it incontrovertibly convicted her. I’ve found several other references to it but it is never described. Figuring out what it was has become the chief object of my crusade.”

“Do you have any idea what it could be?” Kinnard asked.

“I believe it has something to do with the occult,” Kim said. “Probably it was a book or a doll.”

“I’d say this letter favors its being a doll,” Kinnard said. “I don’t know what kind of book would have been considered ‘gruesome.’ The gothic novel wasn’t invented until the nineteenth century.”

“Maybe it was a book describing some witch’s potion that used body parts as ingredients,” Kim suggested.

“I hadn’t thought of that,” Kinnard said.

“Doll-making was mentioned in Elizabeth’s diary,” Kim said. “And dolls helped convict Bridget Bishop. I suppose a doll could be ‘gruesome’ either by being mutilated or perhaps sexually explicit. I imagine with the Puritan morality many things associated with sex would have been considered gruesome.”

“It’s a misconception of sorts that the Puritans were all hung up on sex,” Kinnard said. “I remember from my history courses that they generally considered sins associated with premarital sex and lust as lesser sins than lying or the promotion of self-interest, since the latter had to do with breaking the sacred covenant.”

“That means things have certainly turned around since Elizabeth’s day,” Kim said with a cynical chuckle. “What the Puritans thought were terrible sins are accepted and often lauded activities in present-day society. All you have to do is watch a government hearing.”

“So you hope to solve the mystery of the evidence by going through all these papers?” Kinnard said, making a sweeping motion with his hand around the attic.

“Here and in the wine cellar,” Kim said. “I did take a letter from Increase Mather to Harvard since in the letter he said that the evidence had become part of the Harvard collections. But I didn’t have any luck. The librarians couldn’t find any reference to Elizabeth Stewart in the seventeenth century.”

“According to Jonathan’s letter you should have been looking for ‘Rachel Bingham,’” Kinnard said.

“I realize that now,” Kim said. “But it wouldn’t have made any difference. There was a fire in the winter of 1764 that consumed Harvard Hall and its library. Not only did all the books burn, but also what was called a ‘repository of curiosities,’ plus all the catalogues and indexes. Unfortunately no one even knows what was lost. I’m afraid Harvard can’t be any help to me.”

“I’m sorry,” Kinnard said.

“Thanks,” Kim said.

“At least you still have a chance with all these papers,” Kinnard said.

“It’s my only hope,” Kim said. She showed him how she was organizing all the material in terms of chronology and subject matter. She even took him to the area where she’d been working that morning.

“Quite a task,” Kinnard said. Then he looked at his watch. “I’m afraid I have to go. I’ve got to round on my patients this afternoon.”

Kim accompanied him down to his car. He offered to give her a ride back to the cottage, but she declined. She said she intended to put in a few more hours in the attic. She said she particularly wanted to search the drawer where he’d so easily found Jonathan’s letter.

“Maybe I shouldn’t ask this,” Kinnard said. He had the door to his car open. “But what is Edward and his team of researchers doing up here?”

“You’re right,” Kim said. “You shouldn’t ask. I can’t tell you the details because I’ve been sworn to secrecy. But what is common knowledge is that they are doing drug development. Edward built a lab in the old stables.”

“He’s no fool,” Kinnard said. “What a fabulous place for a research lab.”

Kinnard started to climb into his car when Kim stopped him. “I have a question for you,” she said. “Is it against the law for researchers to take an experimental drug that has yet to reach clinical testing?”

“It’s against FDA rules for volunteers to be given the drug,” Kinnard said. “But if the researchers take it, I don’t think the FDA has any jurisdiction. I can’t imagine that they would sanction it, and it might cause trouble when they attempt to get an Investigational New Drug application.”

“Too bad,” Kim said. “I was hoping it might be against the law.”

“I suppose I don’t have to be a rocket scientist to guess why you are asking,” Kinnard said.

“I’m not saying anything,” Kim said. “And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t either.”

“Who am I going to tell?” Kinnard questioned rhetorically. He hesitated a moment and then asked: “Are they all taking the drug?”

“I really don’t want to say,” Kim said.

“If they are, it would raise a significant ethical issue,” Kinnard said. “There would be the question of coercion with the more junior members.”

“I don’t think there is any coercion involved,” Kim said. “Maybe some group hysteria, but no one is forcing anyone to do anything.”

“Well, regardless, taking an uninvestigated drug is not a smart idea,” Kinnard said. “There is too much risk of unexpected side effects. That’s the reason the rules were promulgated in the first place.”

“It was nice seeing you again,” Kim said, changing the subject. “I’m glad to feel that we are still friends.”

Kinnard smiled. “I couldn’t have said it better myself.” Kim waved as he drove away. She waved again just before his car disappeared in the trees. She was sorry to see him go. His unexpected visit had been a welcome relief.

Returning inside the castle, Kim climbed the stairs on her way to the attic. She was still enjoying the warmth generated by Kinnard’s visit when she found herself marveling over the episode with Edward. She could distinctly remember back to when she had first started dating Edward that he had reacted jealously to the mere mention of Kinnard’s name. That made his response that afternoon even more surprising. It also made Kim wonder if the next time she saw Edward alone he would react with a belated temper tantrum.

By late in the day Kim was ready to give up the search. She stood up and stretched her achy muscles. To her chagrin she’d not found any other related material in the drawer, file cabinet, or even in the immediate vicinity where Kinnard had found Jonathan’s letter. It made Kinnard’s feat that much more impressive.

Leaving the castle behind, she started out across the field toward the cottage. The sun was low in the western sky. It was already fall and winter wouldn’t be far behind. As she walked she vaguely thought about what to make for dinner.

Kim was almost to the cottage when she heard the distant sound of excited voices. Turning around, she saw that Edward and his research team had emerged from their isolation in the lab.

Kim was immediately intrigued: she stood and watched the group approach. Even from a distance she could tell that they were acting frolicsome and exuberant like a group of schoolchildren let out for recess. She could hear laughter and yelling. The men, except for Edward, were throwing a football back and forth.

The first thought that went through Kim’s mind was that they had made some monumental discovery. The closer they got the more sure she became. She’d never seen them in such good spirits. But when they were within shouting distance, Edward proved her wrong.

“Look what you’ve done to my team!” he called out to Kim. “I just told them about your offer to let them stay in the castle and they’ve gone berserk.”

When the group got near to Kim they let out a cheer: “Hip hip, hurray!” they repeated three times and then collapsed in laughter.

Kim found herself smiling in return. Their exuberance was contagious. They were like collegians at a pep rally.

“They really are touched by your hospitality,” Edward explained. “They recognize that it is a real favor you are doing for them. Curt had even been sleeping on the floor of the lab a few nights.”

“I like your outfit,” Curt said to Kim.

Kim looked down at her leather vest and jeans. It certainly wasn’t special. “Thank you,” she said.

“We’d like to reassure you about the furnishings in the castle,” François said. “We understand that they are family heirlooms, and we will treat them with the utmost respect.”

Eleanor stepped forward and gave Kim an unexpected hug. “I’m touched by your selfless contribution to the cause,” she said. She squeezed Kim’s hand and looked her in the eye. “Thank you so much.”

Kim nodded. She didn’t know what to say. She was embarrassed she’d been against the idea.

“By the way,” Curt said, angling himself is. front of Eleanor. “I’ve been meaning to ask you if the noise from my motorcycle ever bothers you. If it does, I’ll be happy to park it outside the compound.”

“I’ve not been aware of any noise,” Kim said.

“Kim!” Edward called out as he came around to her other side. “If it’s convenient the group would like you to take them to the castle so that you can show them which rooms you want them to sleep in.”

“I guess it’s as good a time as any,” Kim said.

“Perfect,” Edward said.

Retracing her steps, Kim led the animated group in the direction of the castle. David and Gloria made it a point to catch up with her and walk alongside. They were full of questions about the castle such as when it had been built and whether Kim had ever lived in it.

When they entered the mansion there were a lot of ohs and ahs, especially in the massive great room and the formal dining room, with its heraldic flags.

Kim showed them the guest wing first, suggesting the women stay there. Eleanor and Gloria were pleased and chose connecting bedrooms on the second floor.

“We can wake each other up if we oversleep,” Eleanor said.

Kim showed everyone how each wing had a separate entrance and stair.

“This is perfect,” François said. “We won’t have to go into the main part of the house at all.”

Moving across to the servants’ wing, Kim explained about the plumbing problem but assured them that she would call a plumber in the morning. She then showed them a bathroom in the main part of the house they could use in the interim.

The men chose rooms without any disagreement although some of the rooms were obviously more desirable than others. Kim was impressed with their amicability.

“I can have the phone turned on as well,” Kim said.

“Don’t bother,” David said. “We appreciate you offering, but it’s not necessary. We’ll only be here to sleep, and we’re not sleeping that much. We can use the phone in the lab.”

After the tour was over they all left the castle by the exit in the servants’ wing and then walked around to the front. They discussed the issue of keys, and it was decided to leave the doors to the wings unlocked for the time being. Kim would have keys made as soon as she had an opportunity.

After a round of fervent handshakes and hugs and thank you’s, the researchers headed off to their respective bed-and-breakfasts to gather their belongings. Kim and Edward walked to the cottage.

Edward was in a great mood and thanked Kim over and over for her generosity.

“You’ve really contributed to changing the whole atmosphere of the lab,” Edward said. “As you could see for yourself, they are ecstatic. And, as important as mental state is, I’m certain their work will reflect their mood. So you’ve positively impacted the whole project.”

“I’m glad I could contribute,” Kim said, making her feel even more guilty that she’d been against the idea from the start.

They arrived at the cottage. Kim was surprised when Edward accompanied her inside. She’d thought he’d head directly back to the lab.

“It was nice of that Monihan fellow to drop by,” Edward said.

Kim’s mouth dropped open. She had to make a conscious effort to close it.

“You know, I could use a beer,” Edward said. “How about you?”

Kim shook her head. For the moment she’d lost her voice. As she followed Edward into the kitchen, she struggled to summon the courage to talk to him about their relationship. He was in a better mood than he’d been in for ages.

Edward went to the refrigerator. Kim sat on a stool. Just when she was about to broach the subject, Edward popped the top from the beer and shocked her again.

“I want to apologize to you for having been such a bear for the last month or so,” he said. He took a drink from his beer, burped, and excused himself. “I’ve been giving it some thought over the last couple of days, and I know I’ve been difficult, inconsiderate, and unappreciative. I don’t mean this as an excuse or to absolve myself of responsibility, but I have been under enormous pressure from Stanton, Harvard, the researchers, and even myself. Yet I never should have let such issues come between us. Once again, I want to ask you to forgive me.”

Kim was taken aback by Edward’s admission. It was a totally unexpected development.

“I can tell you are upset,” Edward said. “And you don’t have to say anything immediately if you don’t want to. I can well imagine you could be harboring some ill will toward me.”

“But I do want to talk,” Kim said. “I’ve been wanting to talk, particularly since Friday when I went into Boston to see a therapist I’d seen years ago.”

“I applaud your initiative,” Edward said.

“It made me think a lot about how we’ve been relating to one another,” Kim said. She looked down at her hands. “It made me wonder if perhaps living together right at the moment is not the best thing for either of us.”

Edward put down his beer and took her hands. “I understand how you must feel,” he said. “And your feelings are appropriate in light of my most recent behavior. But I can see my mistakes, and I think I can make it up to you.”

Kim started to say something, but Edward interrupted her.

“All I ask is to allow the status quo to remain for a few weeks with me staying here in my room and you in yours,” he said. “If you feel we shouldn’t be staying together at the end of this trial period, I’ll move up to the castle with the others.”

Kim contemplated what Edward had said. He had impressed her with his remorse and his insight. His offer seemed reasonable.

“All right,” she said finally.

“Wonderful!” Edward said. He reached out and gave her a long hug.

Kim held herself back a little. It was hard for her to change emotional directions so quickly.

“Let’s celebrate,” Edward said. “Let’s go out to dinner-just you and me.”

“I know you can’t take the time,” Kim said. “But I appreciate the offer.”

“Nonsense!” Edward said. “I’m taking the time! Let’s go back to that dive we went to on one of our first trips up here. Remember the scrod?”

Kim nodded. Edward drained his beer.

As they drove from the compound and Kim glanced at the castle, she thought about the researchers and commented about how exuberant they had seemed.

“They couldn’t be any happier,” Edward said. “Things are going well at the lab, and now they won’t have to commute.”

“Did you start taking Ultra?” Kim asked.

“We sure did,” Edward said. “We all started Tuesday.”

Kim contemplated telling Edward about Kinnard’s thoughts on the subject but hesitated because she knew that Edward would be upset that she’d spoken to anybody about their project.

“We’ve already learned something interesting,” Edward said. “The tissue level of Ultra can’t be critical because all of us are experiencing equally positive results even though we’re on widely different dosages.”

“Could the euphoria you and the others are enjoying have anything to do with the drug?” Kim asked.

“I’m sure it does,” Edward said. “Indirectly if not directly. Within twenty-four hours of our first dose all of us felt relaxed, focused, confident, and even-”

Edward struggled for a word. Finally he said: “Content. All of which is a far cry from the anxiety, fatigue, and contentiousness we’d been experiencing before Ultra.”“What about side effects?”

“The only side effect that we’ve all had was some initial dryness of the mouth,” Edward said. “Two of the others reported some mild constipation. I was the only one who had some difficulty with near vision, but it only lasted for twenty-four hours and I’d been experiencing the problem prior to taking Ultra, particularly when I got tired.”

“Maybe you should stop taking the drug now that you’ve learned as much as you have,” Kim suggested.

“I don’t think so,” Edward said. “Not when we are getting such positive results. In fact, I brought some for you in case you want to try it.”

Edward reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a vial of capsules. He extended it toward Kim. She shrank back.

“No, thank you,” she said.

“For God’s sake, at least take the container.”

Reluctantly Kim allowed Edward to drop the vial into her hands.

“Just think about it,” Edward said. “Remember that discussion we had a long time ago about not feeling socially connected? Well, you won’t feel that way with Ultra. I’ve been on it less than a week, and it’s allowed the real me to emerge; the person that I’ve wanted to be. I think you should try it. What do you have to lose?”

“The idea of taking a drug for a personality trait bothers me,” Kim said. “Personality is supposed to come from experience not chemistry.”

“This is sounding like a conversation we’ve already had,” Edward said with a laugh. “I guess as a chemist I’m bound to feel differently. Suit yourself, but I guarantee you’d feel more assertive if you try it. And that’s not all. We also think it enhances long-term memory and alleviates fatigue and anxiety. I had a good demonstration of this latter effect just this morning. I got a call from Harvard announcing they’ve instituted suit against me. It infuriated me, but the outrage only lasted a few minutes. Ultra smoothed my anger out, so instead of pounding the walls I was able to think about the situation rationally and make appropriate decisions.”

“I’m glad you are finding it so helpful,” Kim said. “But I still don’t want to take it.” She tried to give the container back to Edward. He pushed her hand away.

“Keep it,” he said. “All I ask is that you give it some serious thought. Just take one capsule a day and you’ll be amazed at who you are.”

Understanding that Edward was adamant, Kim dropped the vial into her bag.

Later at the restaurant, while Kim was in the ladies’ room standing in front of the mirror, she caught sight of the vial in her bag. Removing it, she undid the cap. With her thumb and index finger she lifted out one of the blue capsules and examined it. It seemed incredible it could do all the things Edward claimed.

Glancing in the mirror, she admitted to herself how much she’d like to be more assertive and less fearful. She also admitted how tempting it would be to deal so easily with her low-level but nagging anxiety. She looked back down at the capsule. Then she shook her head. For a moment she’d wavered, but as she put the capsule back into the container, she reaffirmed that drugs were not her answer.

As Kim returned to the restaurant proper she reminded herself that she’d always been suspicious of quick and easy solutions. Over the years she’d developed the opinion that the best way to deal with her problems was the old-fashioned way with introspection, a little pain, and effort.

Later that night, while Kim was comfortably reading in bed, she heard the front door slam shut. It made her jump. Glancing at the clock, she saw it was before eleven.

“Edward?” she called out nervously.

“It’s just me,” Edward called back as he came up the stairs two at a time. He poked his head into Kim’s bedroom. “I hope I didn’t scare you,” he said.

“It’s so early,” Kim said. “Are you okay?”

“Couldn’t be better,” Edward said. “I even feel energetic, which is amazing since I’ve been up since five this morning.”

He went into the half-bath and began brushing his teeth. While he did so he managed to maintain a lively chatter about humorous incidents that occurred in the lab that evening. It seemed that the researchers were playing harmless practical jokes on each other. ‘

As Edward spoke, Kim reflected on how different her own mood was from everyone else’s at the compound. Despite Edward’s apparent turnaround, she still was uptight, vaguely anxious, and even still a bit depressed.

After Edward was finished in the bathroom he returned to Kim’s room and sat on the edge of her bed. Buffer followed him in and, to Sheba’s chagrin, tried to jump up as well.

“No, you don’t, you rascal,” Edward said as he scooped the dog up and held him in his lap.

“Are you going to bed already?” Kim asked.

“I am indeed,” Edward said. “I’ve got to be up at three-thirty instead of the usual five to deal with an experiment I’m running. Out here in Salem I don’t have any postdocs to do my dirty work.”

“That’s not much sleep,” Kim said.

“It’s been adequate,” Edward said. Then he changed the subject abruptly. “How much money did you inherit along with the compound?”

Kim blinked. Edward seemed to be surprising her every time he opened his mouth. The inappropriateness of this new question was completely out of character for him.

“You don’t have to tell me if you feel uncomfortable,” Edward said when he saw Kim’s hesitancy. “The reason I’m asking is because I’d be willing to let you have some equity in Omni. I haven’t wanted to sell any more of the stock, but you’re different. You’ll get a monumental return on your investment if you are interested.”

“My portfolio is fully invested,” Kim managed to say.

Edward put Buffer down and held up his hands. “Don’t misinterpret me,” he said. “I’m not playing salesman. I’m just trying to do you a favor for what you’ve done for Omni by allowing the lab to be built here.”

“I appreciate the offer,” Kim said.

“Even if you choose not to invest I’m still going to give you some stock as a gift,” Edward said. He gave her leg a pat through the covers and stood up. “Now I’ve got to get to bed. I’m looking forward to four solid hours of sleep. I tell you, ever since I started taking Ultra I’ve been sleeping so soundly that four hours is plenty. I never knew sleep could be so enjoyable.”

With a spring in his step, Edward went back into the bathroom and began brushing his teeth again.

“Aren’t you overdoing that?” Kim called out.

Edward stuck his head back into Kim’s bedroom. “What are you talking about?” he said while keeping his lower lip over his lower teeth.

“You already brushed your teeth,” Kim said.

Edward looked at his toothbrush as if it were to blame. Then he shook his head and laughed. “I’m becoming the absentminded professor,” he said. He went back into the bathroom to rinse his mouth.

Kim looked down at Buffer, who’d stayed behind, positioning himself in front of her night table. He was vigorously begging for some biscotti she’d brought up earlier from the kitchen.

“This dog of yours is acting awfully hungry,” Kim yelled to Edward, who was now in his bedroom. “Did he get fed tonight?”

Edward appeared at the door. “I honestly can’t remember,” he said. Then he disappeared again.

With resignation Kim got up, slipped on her robe, and descended to the kitchen. Buffer followed close at her heels as if he understood what had been said. Kim got out the dog food and scooped a portion onto a plate. Buffer was beside himself with excitement and was both growling and barking. It was obvious that he’d not been fed, maybe even for more than one day.

To avoid being bitten, Kim closed the dog in the bathroom while she put his food on the floor. When she reopened the door, Buffer went past her like a white blur and began wolfing the food down so quickly he sounded as if he were gagging.

When Kim climbed back up the stairs, she saw that Edward’s light was still on. Wanting to tell him about Buffer, she stuck her head into his room only to find he was already fast asleep. He’d seemingly lain down and fallen asleep before he’d even had a chance to turn out the light.

Kim walked over to his bedside and marveled at his stertorous breathing. Knowing the schedule he’d been keeping, she wasn’t surprised at the depth of his sleep. He had to be exhausted. Kim turned out his light then went back to her own room.