After Eden

Chapter 3

I pounded down the empty lanes of Penpol Cove, the cold air ripping into my throat and lungs until my chest felt raw. The first mile was always the worst. My limbs felt weak and rubbery, my breathing was laboured. Experience told me that if I could survive the first mile, I would soon get into the zone, find my stride and lose myself in the rhythm of my run.

My usual route took me through the village and then down the lane to Penpol Cove, past the farmhouse where Ryan Westland now lived. The thought of him seeing me run past his house was just too embarrassing to imagine. I shuddered at the thought and took the other route.

Images of him kept appearing in my head. His leather jacket slung on top of his school uniform. His messy brown hair. The picture he drew of me in art class. And then I could hear the sound of his voice, his unusual accent. I began to run across the cliff top. I turned up the music on my iPod and picked up the pace. I needed to push myself so hard that all I would be able to think about was breathing. I would not be a lemming. I would not, like almost every other girl in Year Eleven, spend my time daydreaming about Ryan Westland. It was pointless. Ryan Westland was gorgeous. He had about a hundred girls throwing themselves at him. And there was nothing especially interesting about me.

I pushed all thoughts from my mind. Breathe in, two three. Breathe out, two three. Just breathe. My thighs ached. My stomach grumbled. As I approached my house, I could feel myself reaching for those hidden reserves of energy, the sudden burst you get when the end is in sight. Breakfast.

By half one, I had tried on hundreds of different outfits. Finally, frustrated and irritable, I decided to wear my favourite jeans with the thin green sweater that Miranda said matched my eyes. I straightened my hair, applied some mascara and lipgloss and went downstairs to wait for Ryan.

A red car pulled up outside at one forty-five exactly. I fetched the cool bag from the kitchen and opened the door. Ryan was standing on the doorstep about to knock. He was dressed in jeans, a white T-shirt with a red flannel shirt on top and his black jacket and boots. He looked older than he did in his school uniform.

‘Hi,’ he said, smiling.

I felt myself blush. Why the hell couldn’t I be cool? ‘Hi.’

Ryan took the bag from me and put it in the boot while I locked the door.

‘Cassie, this is Eden,’ he said as I climbed into the back.

Cassie turned to look at me. She had long blonde ringlets that coiled over her shoulders and chest like a nest of albino snakes. ‘So you’re the girl from astronomy club?’

‘No,’ I said, shaking my head. She had me confused with someone else. Everything suddenly made sense. Ryan had told her that he was going to the beach to see a girl from astronomy club. That was why he had agreed to go with me. I wondered which of the girls he was interested in.

A slight frown formed between her eyebrows and she turned to Ryan. ‘You said . . .’

‘I know,’ Ryan interrupted. ‘Eden is a good friend of Connor.’

‘I see,’ she said. She turned the ignition, flipped on the radio and pulled on to the road to Perran. ‘And how long have you known Connor?’ The question sounded more like an interrogation than polite chit-chat.

‘Since we were both four. He’s one of my best friends.’

This seemed to satisfy her. I saw her check me out in the rear-view mirror and then she gave Ryan a look and turned the music up loud. I got the uncomfortable feeling that I was the object of a bet or a dare.

Cassie and Ryan didn’t speak to each other or to me until the car stopped in the car park at Perran Towans.

‘Behave yourself,’ she said to Ryan, as she switched off the engine.

He laughed. ‘Not a chance.’

She put a hand on his knee. ‘Call me when you want me to pick you up, OK?’

He put his hand on top of hers and removed it firmly. ‘Thanks, Cassie.’

Ryan opened the car door and climbed out. As I reached over to open my door, Cassie turned to look me up and down. I knew what she was thinking. Why is he going to a party with this girl? I was thinking, What kind of girl puts her hand on her brother’s knee?

‘Nice to meet you, Eden,’ she said, without smiling.

I stared back at her. ‘Thanks for the lift.’

Ryan had already got the cool bag out of the boot. We said nothing as Cassie turned the car around and pulled away.

‘I’m really sorry about her,’ Ryan said.

‘She doesn’t like me.’

‘It’s not that. She’s just not good with people.’

I shrugged and reached for my bag. ‘I’ll carry it,’ Ryan said, throwing it over his shoulder.

We looked down over the beach from the cliff-top car park. Although it was only two in the afternoon, the sun had begun its descent, casting a deep bronze glow over the sand. It was easy to spot Amy and her friends at one end of the beach. There were about thirty of them gathered around a huge pile of wood. The rest of the beach was deserted. The sea was flat, so even the hardcore surfers had stayed away today.

As we walked across the sand, I could see them one by one turn and stare.

Amy spoke first. ‘Hi, Eden. You brought Ryan.’

‘Happy birthday. I hope you don’t mind me coming along,’ Ryan said. ‘Eden invited me.’

‘Did she?’ Amy said, the surprise clear in her voice. She glanced at me. ‘The more the merrier.’

I looked around. Connor and Megan were stretched out on a big, red blanket. Matt was bending over a cool box filled with bottles. Amy’s friends from drama were milling around the unlit bonfire, swigging from bottles and laughing. As though watching a slow-motion film sequence, I saw Amy’s girlfriends checking out Ryan. They whispered to each other and I could tell they were trying to work out why Ryan and I had arrived at the same time. Finally, one of them, a girl called Scarlett, made her way over to us.

‘Come and get a drink,’ she said, linking arms with Ryan and steering him towards Matt and the cool box.

I walked over to Connor and Megan and plonked myself on their blanket.

‘What’s going on?’ Megan whispered. ‘How the hell did you end up coming to Amy’s party with Ryan Westland?’

‘I’m not sure myself,’ I said. ‘Ryan gave me a lift home last night and I mentioned Amy’s party. He asked if he could come along.’

‘He gave you a lift home?’ Megan asked. ‘Explain that?’

I shrugged. ‘It would seem those rumours about him driving around town are true. He drove past me last night and he gave me a lift.’

‘Why would you, of all people, get in a car with an under-age driver?’ Connor asked, locking eyes with me.

I met his gaze. ‘Because I was cold and alone and the road was dark.’

‘Why didn’t you get the bus?’

‘Because I had to wait thirty minutes for the bus.’

He turned to Megan. ‘You left her alone at the bus stop?’

Megan looked at me uncomfortably. ‘Eden said she was OK.’

‘I was OK,’ I said. ‘Stop acting like you’re my dad, Connor.’

Connor shrugged. ‘No worries. You want to get in a car with an under-age driver from another country, you go ahead. It’s none of my business.’

I looked at Megan and she rolled her eyes. ‘Connor was just telling me about astronomy club,’ she said, clearly attempting to move the conversation on to safer ground.

‘Was it a good night?’ I asked.

Connor pushed his hair out of his eyes. ‘Different. Usually it’s just five of us and Mr Chinn. Yesterday, Westland showed up and eight Year Eleven girls also decided to join. Quite the coincidence.’

‘So what did you do?’ I asked.

‘We looked at Venus and Jupiter.’

‘That sounds good,’ I said. ‘I’d love to do that.’

Connor smirked. ‘Yeah, right.’

‘I would.’

‘That’s why you’ve always shown such an interest in the past.’ Connor lay back on his elbows. ‘To be fair, Westland was mostly interested in the telescope and talking to Mr Chinn. He more or less ignored his groupies. Chloe Mason was throwing herself at him all evening. He didn’t seem to notice. I think he paid more attention to me than any of the girls.’

‘Maybe he’s gay,’ said Megan.

Connor shook his head. ‘I don’t think he’s interested in boys or girls. He’s a science geek.’

Megan snorted. ‘He doesn’t look like a science geek.’

Connor pulled himself back up into a sitting position. ‘And what exactly does a science geek look like?’

‘It’s just that he’s pretty muscly,’ she said. ‘He looks as though he belongs on the rugby team, not in the astronomy club.’

‘So you can’t be muscular and into science? The two are mutually exclusive?’

‘Of course not,’ Megan sighed, rolling her eyes.

Ryan was making his way across the sand to us, swinging a full bottle of beer in one hand.

‘Hey, Ryan,’ said Connor. ‘Did you enjoy astronomy club last night?’

Ryan sat on the blanket next to me. He pushed the bottle of beer into the sand so that it stood upright. ‘Yeah. It was good.’

I nudged Ryan with my elbow. ‘According to Connor, the membership tripled yesterday.’

Ryan grinned and nudged me back. ‘You haven’t signed up.’

‘I don’t know anything about astronomy. The only object I can identify in the night sky is the moon.’

‘Maybe you should join then. You might learn something.’

Connor scowled. ‘Don’t waste your breath. Eden will never join. She thinks science is for geeks.’

‘I didn’t say that!’

‘It’s true though, isn’t it?’ said Connor.

‘Not at all,’ I said, beginning to get annoyed.

Megan stood up. ‘Come on, Connor. Let’s go and get a drink.’ She grabbed him by the arm and dragged him over to Matt and the cooler full of bottles. Ryan and I watched in silence.

‘So you and Connor have been friends for a long time,’ he said eventually.

I nodded. ‘I sat next to him in reception class. I’ve actually known him longer than anyone. Even longer than I’ve known Megan.’

‘He really likes you.’

It was a statement, not a question.

‘We’re close,’ I said, sifting the cold sand through my fingers. ‘We’re like brother and sister.’

Ryan smiled. ‘I’m not sure Connor thinks of you as a sister.’

‘Oh, he does,’ I said. ‘We know each other much too well for anything else.’

Ryan raised an eyebrow. ‘You’re very unperceptive.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘He has a huge crush on you. It’s so obvious. Just the way he looks at you.’

I shuddered involuntarily. ‘Eugh! Don’t say that. Connor is really great, but he’s like a brother to me. Anything more would be . . .’ I paused, trying to find a word that explained how I felt. ‘It would feel disgusting.’

Ryan laughed a short, strange laugh. ‘Poor guy. No wonder . . .’

‘What?’

Ryan was gazing out to sea, his eyes glazed, as if he were miles away. He spoke softly. ‘You are going to break his heart.’

‘Actually, I think Connor and Megan would be good together.’

He gave me the flicker of a smile. ‘If you say so.’

Matt came running over, kicking up sand in his wake. ‘Frisbee. Girls versus boys. No excuses, Eden.’

Ryan leapt to his feet and offered me a hand up.

‘You go ahead. I’ll just enjoy the view,’ I said.

I lay back on the blanket and shut my eyes. Although it was only the beginning of March, there was enough strength in the sun to warm me through my jeans and sweater. After a few minutes a shadow fell across my face and I heard someone sit down next to me.

‘Well, well,’ said a voice. I didn’t have to open my eyes to tell it was Connor. ‘It’s always the quiet ones.’

‘Get lost,’ I said, shoving him playfully.

He didn’t move. ‘Aren’t you going to sit up and watch your boyfriend showing off?’

‘I don’t have a boyfriend.’

‘You could have fooled me.’ Connor and I teased each other all the time, but this seemed different. He seemed really annoyed by all the attention Ryan was getting.

I sat up. ‘I hardly know him. We couldn’t even be described as friends.’

‘But you like him, don’t you?’

I could feel myself blushing. Even if I hadn’t, Connor knew me well enough that I wouldn’t attempt a lie. I shrugged. ‘Too much competition. I wouldn’t want to have to try that hard to get a boy to notice me. I’ll leave him to the sharks.’

‘Oh, I think he’s noticed you,’ Connor said. ‘He came to this party with you.’

‘That doesn’t mean anything. We live near each other. Anyway, he’s way out of my league. I haven’t even thought about him that way.’

Connor smiled and leant towards me. ‘He’s not out of your league. You’re beautiful.’

I couldn’t speak. I thought back to what Ryan had said just a few minutes earlier.

‘Well, thanks, Connor,’ I said, in the end.

I stood up to put some space between us and Connor stood up too.

‘I’m going to go and start the barbeques,’ he said. ‘You want to help?’

When the frisbee game ended, Ryan walked up to the barbeques and stood next to me. ‘Thanks for the invite,’ he said. ‘I’m having a good time.’

‘I can see,’ I said, pushing veggie burgers around the grill and deliberately not looking at him.

‘What are you cooking?’

I was reminded of the first day I spoke to him, at lunchtime when he had seen the pizza. ‘Veggie kebabs and veggie burgers.’

‘What are veggie burgers?’

I smiled. ‘You don’t know what veggie burgers are? Are they all hunting, shooting, fishing types in New Hampshire then?’

Ryan looked at me as though he didn’t know what to say.

‘They’re made from soya beans,’ I said. ‘You should try one.’

‘OK. Is Connor cooking the same?’

I shook my head. ‘No, he’s grilling beefburgers.’

‘As in cow?’

I laughed. ‘What planet are you from?’ And then I noticed his expression. He looked sickened. ‘Are you a vegetarian?’ I asked.

‘Yes.’

I couldn’t work him out. He seemed so normal and yet at times, so strange. How could he not know what burgers were? He was American. Burgers were like their national dish or something. And Matt had said something about Ryan not knowing who Hitler was. Maybe he was a member of a strict sect like the Amish who didn’t allow any connection with the modern world. But that didn’t make sense. He didn’t look Amish and he drove a car. Or maybe he was part of a religious group that forbade the eating of all animals? Animal rights campaigner? Child of commune-living hippies? Member of a cult? I checked out his shoes, which were on the sand by his backpack. They looked like they were made of tough leather, like his jacket.

‘How long have you been vegetarian?’ I asked.

‘Always.’ He breathed in deeply and looked me straight in the eye. ‘What will you be eating?’

‘The veggie stuff like you – I’m a vegetarian too.’

He breathed out. ‘Good.’

‘Does it matter that much?’ I asked.

He was still looking at me intensely. ‘It matters to me.’

The afternoon passed quickly. We ate and then Matt and Amy lit the bonfire and everyone drank bottled beer or Juiska, little pink or blue bottles of vodka and juice.

As the sun slipped below the horizon and the temperature dropped, everyone gradually drew their blankets closer to the bonfire. Connor and I were alone on our blanket, sitting as close to the fire as we dared. I was ready to go home.

‘There’s Venus,’ Connor said, staring up at an unblinking point of light in the sky.

‘How do you know that?’ I asked. ‘It just looks like a normal star to me.’

‘Do you see any other stars in the sky?’

I looked around. It wasn’t yet dark enough for the usual spread of stars.

‘Venus is the brightest object in the night sky after the moon,’ said Connor. ‘And she doesn’t flicker like the stars do. Her light is steadier.’

‘What does it look like through a telescope?’

‘She, not it,’ said Connor. ‘Venus is named after the goddess of love and beauty. Through a telescope you can see her disc shape. Right now, she’s a crescent shape.’

‘Connor!’ I heard Megan call.

I looked up and watched as Megan slurred her way over to us. She half stumbled on to the blanket and put her arm around Connor. ‘You ready to walk me home?’ Her words tumbled over themselves.

‘Yeah. It looks like you’ve had enough.’

Megan leant against his shoulder.

‘How are you getting home?’ Connor asked me.

‘I’m not sure,’ I said, looking for Ryan.

‘You’re not going to let him drive you home, I hope,’ said Connor. ‘He was drinking beer earlier.’

He didn’t need to say Ryan’s name for me to know that was who he was talking about.

‘He hasn’t been drinking,’ I said.

‘I saw him with a bottle of beer.’

‘He hasn’t taken a single sip.’ I pointed to the full bottle of beer, still standing in the sand.

Connor snorted. ‘How do you know that’s the same bottle?’

‘I just do. Anyway, his sister’s going to drive us home.’

Connor pulled Megan to her feet and put an arm around her. ‘Are we still revising tomorrow or have you made plans with Westland?’

‘Of course we’re still revising tomorrow,’ I said. ‘I wish you’d stop making assumptions just because I happened to get a lift with Ryan. It’s ridiculous. Anyone would think you were jealous!’

‘I’m not jealous of him. I’m just bored with you and Megan – and every other girl within a ten mile radius of Perran – acting as though there’s a total eclipse every time Ryan Westland sits down.’

I rolled my eyes. ‘Next week he’ll be old news. We’ll all go back to worshipping you.’

‘If only that was true. I’d better get Megan home. I’ll see you tomorrow, OK?’

I nodded. ‘Feel better, Megan,’ I said.

‘I feel fine,’ she said, her words thick.

I watched as she stumbled along the sand, leaning hard against Connor. If I didn’t know better, I might have thought they were together. Megan had left her red blanket behind. I shook out the sand and folded it up.

‘You ready to leave?’

I turned. Ryan had crept up on me. I nodded.

‘I’ll call Cassie.’

‘Why don’t we walk home?’ I said. ‘It’s a beautiful evening.’

As soon as the words left my mouth, I realised I’d made a huge assumption. There was no we.

‘I’d really like that,’ he said. ‘Let’s get your bag and say our goodbyes.’

We followed the coastal path above the beach until it was too dark and then headed inland to the road that wound its way along the cliff edge to the village.

‘That’s Venus,’ I said after a while, to break the silence that had grown between us.

Ryan laughed. ‘I know. I thought you said you couldn’t identify anything in the sky except the moon.’

‘I can’t. But Connor pointed it out earlier at the beach.’

‘Venus?’ He laughed again. ‘I wonder why he chose to identify Venus, named for the goddess of love and beauty.’ He stopped and looked up. ‘He could have identified Jupiter or Sirius or Polaris. But he chose Venus.’

‘Oh, stop,’ I said through chattering teeth.

‘You’re cold,’ he said, slipping off his jacket.

‘I’m fine when we’re walking.’

He helped me into his jacket, which was much too big but warm and smelt like lemons and metal.

‘So you don’t mind wearing leather?’ I said, zipping up his jacket.

‘The jacket’s not leather.’

I ran my palms down the front of it. It was supple like leather and felt super-strong. ‘Is it plastic?’

‘It’s a synthetic material similar to Kevlar. It’s strong, but also flexible.’

‘So,’ I said. ‘Connor showed me Venus. What would you have shown me?’

I could see his smirk in the moonlight, but he didn’t make any of the obvious innuendoes, the way the boys at school would have. He looked around. We were passing the golf course that lay halfway between Perran and Penpol Cove.

‘Come here,’ he said, taking my hand. He helped me climb over the low wooden fence and we walked to a sand bunker just a few metres from the road. ‘Lie down.’

Something about the serious look on his face told me that he wasn’t about to suggest we hook up out here in the cold winter night. He lay next to me, close, but far enough away that no part of our bodies touched. Above us, the sky was a hard black, thousands of pinpricks of light shimmering.

‘You can’t really blame Connor for starting with Venus,’ Ryan said. ‘It’s the brightest object after the moon. You can also see Jupiter tonight.’ He pointed to another bright light in the sky. Like Venus, it shone steadier and brighter than the surrounding stars. ‘You need good binoculars or a telescope to see her moons. But I would start there with Orion.’

‘Why Orion?’

‘It’s easy to identify. Give me your hand.’

I held out my hand. He covered it with his and extended my index finger.

‘You’re cold,’ he said. He moved my hand across the sky, using my index finger as a pointer. ‘These three stars in a row make up Orion’s Belt. They’re easy to find and you can use them to locate lots of others stars and constellations.’ He moved my finger down slightly. ‘That’s Orion’s Sword. The hazy star in the middle is the Orion Nebula.’

‘The what?’

‘Orion Nebula. Do you see how fuzzy the middle star is?’

‘Yes.’

‘It’s because it’s not a star, it’s a nebula. Where stars are born.’

‘Stars are born?’

‘They’re born, they shine for a few billion years and eventually they die.’ He moved my hand again and made the shape of a rough square. ‘These four stars also make up the constellation Orion.’ He moved my hand slowly around the square. ‘Betelgeuse, Bellatrix, Rigel and Saiph.’

Suddenly there was a pattern, a shape, among the nameless chaos of stars in the sky.

He took my hand back to Betelgeuse. ‘Betelgeuse is a red supergiant, one of the largest, most luminous stars in the sky. It’s about sixty times bigger than our sun. It’s going to die soon. It will explode into a supernova and, when it does, we’ll be able to see it on Earth. It will be like Earth has two suns.’

‘When you say soon, how soon are we talking?’

‘Soon in astronomical terms. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in a million years.’

‘I won’t hold my breath.’

‘Don’t,’ he said with a laugh. ‘But there’s something else cool about Orion and you’ll only have to wait a few months. If you look towards Orion in late October, you will see the Orionids, one of the most beautiful meteor showers of the year.’

‘Shooting stars.’

‘Yeah. Well, it’s actually dust from Halley’s Comet hitting the upper atmosphere. But it’s spectacular.’

I’d never thought about the stars as being anything more than a bewildering disarray of beauty, like glitter scattered on to black sugar paper by a child. I’d never thought about the patterns they made or their size, or the fact that they were born and they died. ‘Show me another constellation.’

Ryan moved my hand across the sky, stopping at a w-shaped formation. ‘Cassiopeia.’ He traced its shape with my hand. ‘Another constellation that’s easy to find.’

I found the pattern in the stars, drawing imaginary lines between the dots.

‘And that cluster is the Pleiades.’

He pointed my finger to a small fuzzy area of the sky.

‘Just keep looking,’ he said.

I stared at the hazy shape and then it was as though the haziness disappeared and seven separate stars emerged.

‘Also known as the Seven Sisters,’ said Ryan. ‘Through a telescope or binoculars you’ll see loads more. There are more than five hundred stars in that cluster.’

I looked back and found the three stars of Orion’s Belt easily. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Ryan looking at me. I turned towards him. Our faces were so close, his hand still held mine. For a couple of seconds we stayed right there, looking at each other, the stars pulsing and flickering above us.

‘Who needs astronomy club?’ I said.

Ryan laughed softly and I could feel the warmth of his breath on my face. ‘You know, when stars explode, they release their debris into the universe and this stardust forms new stars and planets and all the life forms on those planets. Everything on Earth, even you and me, is made from atoms that were once inside a star. We’re made of stardust.’ He held my gaze for another long second and then pulled me to my feet. ‘That’s enough stargazing for one night. Come on, we better get moving before you freeze to death.’

We clambered back over the fence on to the pavement and continued home. When we got to the bus stop near my house, I tried to say goodnight but Ryan would have none of it.

‘It’s very chivalrous of you to want to walk me home. But it’s fine. I’ve walked home alone from here hundreds of times.’

‘Are you embarrassed?’ he asked. ‘Don’t you want your neighbours to see me?’

‘I’m trying to save you the bother of walking out of your way.’

‘In that case, please humour me. I’d feel much better if I saw you safely home.’

The theories began again. Non-meat-eating, Kevlar-wearing, out-of-date manners. A cult of some sort, probably.

We stopped at the front gate.

‘Are you doing anything tomorrow?’ he asked.

Despite every cell in my brain and body urging me to say no, I told him about my plans to spend Sunday with Connor. ‘You could come too,’ I said. ‘I think he’d like you a lot if he got to know you.’

‘I think he’d like it a lot if I stayed away from you.’

‘You’re wrong about Connor. I’ve known him most of my life. If there was anything like that going on, I’d know.’

‘We’ll have to agree to disagree,’ he said with a laugh. ‘I’ll see you on Monday.’

He closed the gate behind me and waited until I was turning the key in the lock before disappearing into the star-studded night.