Agatha Raisin and the Witch of Wyckhadden

THREE

AGATHA rubbed some more lotion into her bald patches before winding a chiffon scarf around her head and then went downstairs for dinner. After calling out "Good evening" to the others, she picked up a paperback and began to read to ward them off. She would see enough of them over the Scrabble game.

The meal was roast pork, roast potatoes, apple sauce, and various vegetables. It had been preceded by Scotch broth and rolls and butter and was followed by meringues and ice cream. I shouldn't even be eating half of this, thought Agatha, but what the hell, it's been a bad time and I need some comfort.

But the heavy meal had the effect of making her feel sleepy again. Only ambition to find out something about these other residents forced her into joining their Scrabble game.

She refused the offer of a drink from the colonel. Mary Dulsey shook out the Scrabble tiles and old Harry put on a pair of gold-rimmed glasses and laid out pen and notebook to log the scores.

"It's nice the weather has cleared up," said Daisy brightly. "Oh, thank you, Colonel," to that gentleman, who had returned with a tray of drinks.

"Aren't we going to discuss the murder?" asked Agatha.

"But it's our Scrabble game," said Jennifer.

The others were carefully sorting their tiles in rows. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this lot," grumbled Mary.

"They found out who vandalized my coat," said Agatha.

"We know," said the colonel. "Mr. Martin told us. Agatha, you have the highest tile. You start."

Agatha looked at her letters. She leaned over the board and put down HOG. "You have a T there and a U and another H," reproved Daisy. You could have put THOUGH."

"No helping," barked the colonel, and Daisy blushed and whispered, "Sorry."

Agatha looked round the bent old heads in amazement. Why weren't they talking about the murder? But they had all been interviewed all morning, had probably discussed it among themselves, and now all they wanted was their usual game of Scrabble. Perhaps the best thing would be to try to tackle them one by one on the following day.

When the first game finished, she excused herself, saying she was tired and went up to her room.

Again she slept with the light on.

In the morning, she went down for breakfast and approached Daisy Jones. "Mind if I join you?"

Daisy cast a longing look at the colonel but he was barricaded behind the Daily Telegraph. "Yes, do," she said with obvious reluctance.

"Do you know I was the one who found poor Francie Juddle?" started Agatha.

"Yes, it was in the newspapers this morning."

"What did you go to her for?"

Daisy looked uncomfortable. Then she said, "Francie gave seances. She said she could get me in touch with my dead husband."

"And did she?"

"Yes. I mean it was scary to hear Hugh's voice."

"No trickery?"

"I suppose there must have been. I don't want to talk about it."

"But--"

"No, I really don't want to talk about it. There are things one shouldn't dabble in."

"I just wonder," said Agatha slowly, "if she knew your late husband. I mean did he come to Wyckhadden with you when he was alive?"

"Yes, we came every summer." Daisy sighed. "I suppose that's why I decided to retire here. So many happy memories. But Francie never met my Hugh. Let's talk about something else. What about you and the inspector?"

"I met him for the first time this week," said Agatha. "He took me to a dance on the pier."

"What was that like?" asked Daisy wistfully. "Is it still the same?"

"I suppose it is."

"Hugh and I used to go to the dances there. I tried to get the colonel to take me, but he said he had no time for such nonsense."

She looked so sad that Agatha said impulsively, "We can always go together one evening. I mean you and me."

"Oh, you are good."

"It seems as if I'm stuck here for a bit. May as well."

Daisy gave a surprisingly youthful giggle. "I wonder what they'll do without me at their Scrabble game?"

They ate a companionable breakfast.

"I think I'll go for a walk," said Agatha.

"When should we go to the dance?" asked Daisy eagerly. "There's one on tonight."

"May as well go then," said Agatha, but already regretting her impulse.

Agatha went upstairs to get her coat. She decided to wash and blow-dry her hair before she went out and then apply some more of that lotion. She shampooed her hair and then examined her scalp. On the bald patches was now growing a faint fuzz of new hair. It's a miracle, thought Agatha. When I get back to Carsely, I'll get this hair lotion analysed and I might be able to make a fortune if it really works.

Feeling quite elated, she wound a pretty chiffon scarf around her head in a sort of Turkish turban, put on her coat and headed out of the hotel. It was very cold and windy, but Agatha was determined to exercise and return to Carsely a new, thin Agatha. She set out in the opposite direction she had gone before, to the east rather than the west. She kept away from the sea-wall, for the tide was high and occasionally a great wave would break over the wall. The air was full of the sounds of screaming sea-gulls and crashing sea. Reaching the end of the promenade in that direction, she turned back and headed west, past the hotel. She turned up into the centre of the town where she found an elegant little boutique. In the window was a short black silk chiffon dress, cut low and with thin straps. Bit chilly for Wyckhadden in winter, thought Agatha. But she knew she still had smooth shoulders and a good bust. Wouldn't do any harm to try it on.

She emerged twenty minutes later with the dress in a bag. It was too good for the pier dance, but for a candle-lit dinner with James Lacey ...

Agatha found her steps leading her to that pub where she had first met Jimmy. It was just about lunch-time and he might be there.

She pushed opened the door of the pub and went in. It smelt like all dingy pubs, of stale beer and Bisto gravy.

No Jimmy. A couple of business men at one table, the adulterous couple at an other, three youths propping up the bar.

She went over to the bar and ordered a gin and tonic. She took out her wallet to pay for it when a voice behind her said to the bartender, "I'll get that, Charlie. And half a pint of lager for me." She turned quickly and saw Jimmy smiling down at her.

"Thank you," said Agatha. "How are things going?"

He paid for the drinks and then they sat down at a table. "The motive seems to have been robbery," said Jimmy.

"Oh." Agatha was disappointed. She had been nursing a dream where it would turn out one of the residents at the Garden had committed the murder and she would solve it.

"Her daughter, Janine, says she kept a large amount of cash in a padlocked metal box. The box was found this morning on the beach where it had been thrown. It was empty."

"Forced?"

"No. Her keys were missing as well. Janine said she kept a key to the box with her car keys."

"So it was not just some ordinary burglary. I mean, it wasn't some lout off the street. Someone knew where she kept the money."

"Looks that way."

"Any sign of what struck her?"

"Some sort of poker or cosh or bottle. Forensic are still working on that. Been shopping?"

"I found a pretty dress in a boutique in the town. I think it's too good to wear tonight, however."

"What's happening tonight?"

"I'm going with Daisy Jones from the hotel to the pier dance."

"Good for you."

"I wish I'd never agreed to it," said Agatha gloomily.

"We haven't ruled out that it might be one of them at the hotel, although it seems far-fetched."

"The colonel's very fit," said Agatha. "Come to think of it, apart from old Mr. Berry, they're all pretty fit."

"Find out anything about them and Francie Juddle?"

"Only from Daisy Jones so far. She says she went to Francie to get in touch with her dead husband." Agatha leaned forward, her eyes gleaming with excitement. "Here's a strange thing. She said that the voice she heard at the seance sounded like that of her dead husband, Hugh, but she said Francie never knew Hugh."

"She did, you know. She logged everything in her yearly appointments books and kept them all. We've got police going through them. Hugh Jones did go to her."

"What for?"

"A cure for impotence."

"So she would know what he sounded like!" said Agatha.

"By all accounts, our Francie was a great mimic."

"But a man's voice!"

"She could have had an accomplice. We're going on 'Crime Watch' tonight to appeal to people who consulted her to come forward."

"What did old Mr. Berry go to her for? Oh, you said it was rheumatism."

"He also wanted to get in touch with his dead wife."

"It's a cruel business, that," said Agatha, "conning people that way."

"Oh, there are a lot of believers. They can't let go of the dead."

"Did you ever feel that way ... about your wife?"

"No, you see much as I missed her dreadfully, I didn't and I don't believe in seances. From my experience, people have to mourn and get it over with or they can go crazy. There's a lot to be said for a good old Irish wake."

"No hope of you being at the dance tonight, Jimmy?"

He rubbed a weary hand over his face. "I'm working flat-out. I only nipped in here"--he flushed slightly--"well, just for a break. I've got to be going."

That love potion must really work, thought Agatha. She knew he had meant that he had come to the pub in the hope of seeing her.

"I'll walk with you," said Agatha.

"I don't think that's wise," said Jimmy awkwardly. "You're still a suspect and I got a bit of a rocket from the force crime officer over at Hadderton when he saw us both on television. They're digging up a lot of colourful stuff out of your past, Agatha. I mean your husband being murdered, and all."

"Oh, God."

"Who's this chap, Lacey, you were thinking of marrying?"

"Just someone. I mean, it didn't work out."

"Not still carrying a torch for him?"

Agatha stared at the table. "No."

"Good." He patted her hand.

Agatha sat smiling to herself after he had left. She liked his thick white skin and his sleepy eyelids and his tall figure. What would it be like being married to a police inspector? She began to imagine their wedding, but when she got to the bit where James Lacey asked for a dance with the bride and told her he had always loved her that Agatha snapped out of it. It would be typical of such as James Lacey to tell her he loved her when there was no chance of doing anything about it.

She left the pub and bought the newspapers and then went to the cafe she had gone to with Jimmy for lunch, not wanting to return to the hotel for one of their mammoth meals.

She sat and read the newspapers. On the front of two of them was a photograph of Janine Juddle. In an interview, she said she would be moving to Wyckhadden to carry on her mother's business of helping people. She said she would ask the spirits of the dead to rise up and find the murderer of her poor mother. Janine was a hard-faced blonde. Beside her in the photograph was a surly-looking man with close-cropped hair. The husband. Now he could have done it, thought Agatha. Janine might hold the purse-strings, but ready money had been stolen and who better to know that it had been there than the son-in-law.

Agatha wondered how long it would be before Janine started her business in Wyckhadden.

She went for another long walk and then back to the hotel. She felt she ought to go into the lounge and see if she could grill any of the residents, but she was suddenly very tired. She would see enough of them later.

Agatha went down for dinner wearing a red satin blouse and a long evening skirt. She had tried on the little black dress but decided again that such glamour was definitely wasted on Wyckhadden.

Daisy Jones was resplendent in an evening gown of pink net covered with sequins. When had she last seen a gown like that? wondered Agatha. The fifties. But it was the sight of the others that made Agatha blink. Old Mr. Berry was wearing a greenish-black evening suit and the colonel was also in evening dress and black tie. Jennifer Stobbs was wearing a black velvet trouser suit and Mary Dulsey was exposing a lot of wrinkled skin in a strapless green silk gown.

"We're all going," Daisy shouted over. "Isn't this fun?"

Just what I need, thought Agatha bitterly. A night out with a bunch of wrinklies. That was the awful thing about socializing with the old. You could no longer keep up the pretence that you were young and dashing anymore. Let me see, though Agatha gloomily. I'm in my fifties; Daisy, about mid-sixties; Mary and Jennifer the same; the colonel, oh, about seventy-odd; and Mr. Berry, definitely in the seventies. And the way time rushes by these days, it won't be long before I'm one of them and the tragedy is that I'll still feel about twenty-five.

But after dinner, as they all set out together into a calm frosty night, Agatha felt her spirits rising. They were all like excited teenagers. But their spirits were dampened as they walked along the pier past the closed shops and amusement arcades to come up against a poster advertising that it was disco night. Young people were already walking along the pier in the direction of the dance hall.

"Dear me," said Daisy in a little voice. "I suppose we may as well all have a drink and just watch. But I did so want to dance."

They left their coats and, crowding together, they walked into the ballroom and gathered round a table at the dance floor. The colonel took their orders for drinks and went off to the bar.

"They look like a lot of savages," growled Jennifer. She really should shave that moustache, thought Agatha impatiently. No reason to let herself go like that. She did not feel exactly glamorous herself with her hair tucked up under a red scarf to match her blouse. She had arranged it in the Turkish-turban style but she still felt like an old frump. The colonel returned bearing a tray with their drinks. "This isn't a good idea," whimpered Mary. "I can hardly hear myself think."

A group of youths were sniggering and staring at them from the other side of the floor. Then one, a tall youth in a leather jacket and jeans, detached himself from the group. He walked over to their table and then, turning, winked at his friends, and said to Agatha, "Want to dance, sweetheart?"

Dammit, I will not be old before my time, thought Agatha rebelliously.

"Sure," she said, getting up on the floor.

Agatha was a good disco dancer. Her long black skirt had a long slit up the side which opened as she danced, showing the world that Agatha Raisin had a smashing pair of legs. She gave herself up to the jungle beat of the music, forgetting that this young punk had only asked her for a joke, although he was a superb dancer. She was dimly aware that people were cheering, that people were clearing a space around them.

When the dance finished, Agatha returned to the table, flushed and happy.

"I don't know how you do it," marvelled the colonel.

"Come on and I'll show you," teased Agatha, not for a minute expecting him to take her up on her offer.

"I would be honoured," said the colonel formally.

As the colonel started to throw himself about, hands waving, legs kicking with abandon, Agatha was reminded of James. James danced like that. At one point, she looked over the colonel's shoulder and saw with glad amazement that Daisy and Harry Berry had joined the dancers, as had Mary and Jennifer.

After that, various young people asked them to dance. They were no longer oddities. They were regarded as fun, and Agatha thought it was amazing that young people with noserings and spiky hair and terrifying clothes, when you got to know them, mostly always turned out to be nice and ordinary.

They stuck it out gamely to the last dance. "Well, I'm blessed," said the colonel as they walked along the pier. "I can't remember when I've enjoyed myself so much in ages."

Highly elated, old Harry was performing dance steps along the pier. Daisy caught Agatha's arm. "Could I have a quiet word with you when we get back?"

"Sure," said Agatha, stifling a yawn. "But not too long. I'm beat. Come up to my room."

In Agatha's room, Daisy looked at her pleadingly. "I was jealous of you tonight, Agatha."

"Oh, why?" Agatha unwound her turban and peered at her scalp. By all that was holy, her hair was growing.

"Well, the colonel paid you a lot of attention."

"You're keen on the colonel?"

"Yes, very."

"But what can I do?" asked Agatha. "He's not keen on me, I can tell you that. He just wanted a bit of fun."

"My clothes are very old-fashioned. I realized that tonight. And my hair. I wondered if you could go shopping with me tomorrow and sort of make me over."

"Gladly," said Agatha. "We'll set out after breakfast. It'll be fun."

And so it will, she thought in surprise. Agatha had run her own successful public relations firm but had taken early retirement. But taking someone in hand and improving their image had been part of her job. Life had suddenly taken on colour and meaning again. And what was more, she hadn't had a cigarette. She took a packet of cigarettes out of her handbag, opened it, broke up all the cigarettes and threw them in the trash bin.

In the morning, after breakfast, Agatha found that Mary and Jennifer wanted to join the shopping expedition. She led them through to the lounge. "We'd better prepare a plan of action first," she said. "Are you game?"

They all nodded. "Well, for a start, you've all got old-fashioned hair-styles," said Agatha, "but fortunately you all seem to have strong, healthy hair that will take tinting. I think I need to start off with taking you all to a good hairdresser and getting you all styled. Then a beautician. Face and skin are important."

"You can't do anything about wrinkles," said Jennifer.

"Oh, yes, you can," said Agatha, "and I'm not talking face-lift. Do you know of a good hairdresser? I mean, one you haven't gone to?"

"We all just go to Sally's in the High Street."

"I'll ask the manager." Agatha went through to the office. Mr. Martin listened to her request and said, "There's a retired couple in Wyckhadden. He was a hairdresser and she was a beautician. They still do some work privately."

"I don't know ..." began Agatha doubtfully.

"He used to be Jerome of Bond Street."

"Good heavens," said Agatha faintly. "I forget how old I am myself. I used to go to Jerome. He was very good. Can you give me his number?"

Supplied with the number, Agatha phoned up. Jerome was delighted to hear from her. She could bring her ladies along and he and his wife would get to work.

In all her crusading zeal, Agatha had quite forgotten about the murder. By the end of the morning, Daisy's hair was a shining honey-blonde and her wrinkles had been smoothed out with a collagen treatment. Jennifer had a short smart bob and her moustache had been removed and her eyebrows shaped. Mary had a pretty arrangement of soft curls and a smoother face.

Chattering happily, they all had lunch in a restaurant on the promenade and then Agatha led them round the shops. "I hope you all can afford this," she said guiltily.

They all said yes, they could. Agatha's mind returned to murder. Jennifer had paid for all her purchases from a wallet bulging with cash while the rest used credit cards, and Jennifer was a powerful woman. And as her mind returned to thoughts of murder, so did the craving for a cigarette return with force. "No, not pink, Daisy," she said as Daisy held up a blouse for her inspection. "Blue, maybe. And you need a different size of bra."

"What's up with the one I've got on?"

"It's too tight. It's giving you bulges where you shouldn't have bulges."

I mean it's not as if I gave up smoking, Agatha argued with herself. It gave me up, so to speak. I didn't sign the pledge. Just one puff would be heaven. Well, maybe later.

"Somehow the idea of Scrabble seems a bit flat," said Jennifer in her deep voice. "But I suppose that's all we've got on the cards tonight."

But when they returned to the hotel, it was to find that the colonel had taken the liberty of booking seats for them all at a local production of Gilbert and Sullivan's Mikado and had arranged an early dinner.

This is like a girl's dormitory, thought Agatha amused as Daisy and Mary and Jennifer called in at her room to ask her to vet what they were wearing.

They all went downstairs together. "By George, ladies, you've youthed," said old Harry, his eyes twinkling.

"That blue suits you, Daisy," said the colonel, "and your hair's pretty." Daisy's eyes shone and she squeezed Agatha's arm.

The theatre was an old-fashioned one bedecked with plaster gilt cherubs and a large chandelier.

The colonel, who had been carrying a large box of chocolates, passed it along, and there was much fumbling for spectacles as they tried to read the chart of flavours.

Agatha had never seen a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta and feared it would all prove to be a bit arty-farty, but from the overture on, she was riveted. In that evening, for a brief time, she became the child she had never really been. It was a novelty to her to have the capacity of sheer enjoyment. Pleasure for Agatha had always been bitter-sweet, always had a this-won't-last feeling. But that evening, the glory of escapism and warmth and security seemed to go on forever.

As they filed out after the performance, the colonel could be heard saying to Daisy, "The Lord High Executioner could have been better," but Agatha could find no fault with the performance.

They went to a nearby pub for drinks. The colonel told an amusing story about a Gilbert and Sullivan performance in the army. Jennifer made them laugh by saying she had once played Buttercup in Pirates of Penzance and had forgotten all the words and so had tried to make them up.

It was only when Agatha was undressing for bed that she suddenly thought it curious that not one of them had mentioned the murder, or was curious about the murder. Maybe they considered it bad form. Maybe their elderly brains had already forgotten about the whole thing.

But in the following week, as she went places with her new-found friends, she, too, discovered that, for the first time, she wasn't much interested in finding out who had murdered Francie, largely because she was convinced the culprit was the son-in-law and the police with the aid of forensic would soon arrest him. And Jimmy had not called, not once.

James Lacey was shopping in Mircester when he ran into Detective Sergeant Bill Wong. Bill was looking round and chubby, a sure sign he had no love in his life. When Bill was smitten by some girl, he always slimmed down,

"I see Agatha's got herself involved in another murder," said Bill. "Heard from her?"

"No," said James. "Have you?"

"Not a word. I thought she would have been on the phone asking me to help. Why don't you go down there and see her?"

"I can't manage. I'm thinking of going abroad again. Friends of mine have a villa in Greece and they've invited me over."

Poor Agatha, thought Bill. James was hardly the impassioned lover.

When he got back to police headquarters, he got a telephone call from Baronet, Sir Charles Fraith. "What's our Aggie been up to?" demanded Charles.

"I only know what I've read in the papers," said Bill. "Then I gather Wyckhadden police have been checking up on her background."

"If you're speaking to her, give her my love."

"Why don't you go and see her?"

"Shooting season. Got a big house party. Can't get away."

Poor Agatha, thought Bill again. I hope she isn't too lonely.

Agatha was taking a brisk walk along the pier ten days after the murder when she saw the tall, slim figure of the colonel in front her and quickened her steps to catch up with him.

"Fine morning," said Agatha. It had turned quite mild for mid-winter, one of those milky grey days when all colour seemed to have been bleached out of the sea and the sky, and even the sea-gulls were silent.

"Morning, Agatha," said the colonel. "All set for the dance tonight? More our style."

He pointed to a poster advertising OLD-TYME DANCING. "Yes, we've all got new gowns to dazzle you," said Agatha. "Colonel, why do none of you ever talk about that dreadful murder?"

"Not the sort of thing one talks about," said the colonel. "Nasty business. Best forgotten."

"You went to Francie, didn't you?"

"My liver had been playing up and my quack couldn't seem to come up with anything sensible. Kept telling me to stop drinking. May as well be dead in that case. Went to Francie. She gave me some powders. Haven't had any trouble since."

Agatha thought that as the colonel did not drink very much, and had probably received a bad health scare to slow down his drinking, it was probably due to that rather than Francie's powders that he hadn't had any more trouble.

"What did you make of her? Francie, I mean."

"All right. I'd expected a lot of mumbo-jumbo. But she seemed a sensible sort of woman. I'm surprised her daughter's moved in and set up in business so quickly."

"She has?"

"Yes, there was a small ad in the local paper this morning."

Agatha's detective curiosity was roused again. "That is odd."

"I don't think it's odd," said the colonel. "Tasteless, maybe. I think she's cashing in on the publicity about her mother's death."

"I wonder if people will go to her," mused Agatha.

"Bound to. There was also a bit in the local paper about Francie's cures, saying there was a lot to be said for old-fashioned herbal medicine."

"That's what she used? Herbs?"

"Or grass."

"Grass?"

"Grass. Pot. Hash. We had a lady who was resident at the Garden--she's dead now, poor old thing. She was subject to fits of depression and so she went to Francie, who gave her something. Well, after that, whenever she had taken some of what Francie had prescribed, she used to get all giggly and silly. I've seen the effects of pot and I thought Francie had given her something with hash in it."

"Didn't you report it?"

"Old lady had terminal cancer. I thought, if it keeps her happy, so be it."

"And yet you went to her yourself?"

"She seemed to be all right generally. Mary was plagued with warts and she cured those, things like that. I had high blood pressure once, everything seemed to outrage me--politics, modern youth, you name it. I went on a diet and decided not to worry about anything, interfere in anything, just look after myself. Worked a treat. That's why I let things like this murder alone."

"Did you know Daisy's husband?"

"Met him once. Gloomy sort of fellow."

"What did he die of?"

"Lung cancer. Sixty-cigarettes-a-day man."

Agatha, who had been fighting with the craving for a cigarette, felt the longing for one sharply increase. Odd that the minute she heard something awful about the effects of cigarettes, the longing for one should hit her. Maybe that's why the cigarette manufacturers didn't balk at putting grim warnings on cigarette packets. They probably knew that at the heart of every addict, there's a death wish.

"You've done wonders with the ladies' appearance." The colonel strolled on with Agatha at his side. He seemed happy to change the subject. "Daisy's looking really pretty."

"Thinking of getting married?" teased Agatha.

"What me? By George, no! Once was enough."

"Wasn't it happy?"

"Wonder if those chaps have caught any fish?" The colonel waved his stick at men fishing at the end of the pier. So the subject of his marriage was closed.

As they turned back and walked towards the hotel, Agatha stumbled and he tucked her arm in his. "Better hang on to me," he said. "Don't want you twisting an ankle before this evening. You should wear flats."

"I always like a bit of a heel," said Agatha. She looked towards the hotel. There was a flash at one of the windows. Could be binoculars, thought Agatha. I wonder whose room that is.

When they went into the warmth of the hotel, to the Victorian hush of the hotel with its thick carpets, thick curtains and solid walls, Agatha felt all her old restlessness coming back. She went up to her room and unwound the scarf from her head. There was not enough hair covering the hitherto bald patches. She shook the bottle. Only a little left.

She could kill two birds with one stone. She could go along and have a look at this Janine and see what she was like and also see if she had any of her mother's hair lotion left. She didn't want to use up the last little bit in case it turned out that Janine didn't have any and that last bit must be kept for analyses.

She brushed her hair and decided there was no longer any reason to wear a scarf.

Agatha called in at the dining-room on her way out to tell the others she would be skipping lunch. The waistband of her skirt felt comfortably loose for the first time in months and she did not want to sabotage her figure with one of the hotel's massive lunches.

"Where are you going?" asked Mary.

"I'm going to see Francie Juddle's daughter."

They all stared at her. "Why?" asked Jennifer.

"It's my hair. Remember I had these bald patches? Francie gave me some hair tonic and it worked a treat. I'm going to see if she has any of her mother's stuff left."

Agatha turned away and said over her shoulder, "If she's such a witch, she may even be able to rouse the spirits of the dead to tell me who murdered her mother."

There was a sudden stillness behind her, but she went on her way. They probably all thought her visit was bad form.