Alfred Hitchcock’s A Hangman’s Dozen

Preface

As you know, I have long been a student of the criminal method; and I have been told recently, by certain well-informed persons, that the crime rate in this country is beyond belief.

On the face of it, this is an inexact statement and one which might force me to seek other employment. However, I can assure you that the crime rate may be much greater than the local and national law enforcement agencies believe. The reason for this sad state of affairs, you see, is due to the fact that no one can properly enter the perfect crime into the body of the statistical quotient.

It is because the perfect crime goes unsung that I have decided to write this little essay for your enlightenment and edification. I have great respect for crime and the people involved with it, and such being the case, I deplore the careless crime. It has no finesse, no sense of balance, no feeling of accomplishment.

If one is to undertake a “job,” it is well to remember that it should be done well. I remember reading that the first recorded crime was the murder of a young man by his brother. The brother did a poor job of it, his act was soon known to one and all, and he received his just deserts. Therefore, one should consider all possibilities. Over the years, in my line of endeavor, I have had the pleasure of viewing many criminal types: embezzlers, pickpockets, assassins, and oh! so many more. These gentlemen — and gentlewomen — have led me into a unique way of life. I have made their crimes pay... for me... but I have always cherished in my bosom the wish to emulate them in their chosen profession.

At last, I can report that I have done so; I have committed a perfect crime. Without fear of contradiction, one can state that one wishes to be the best in one’s field — and in that profession which operates outside the laws of our society, the perfect crime is the ultimate. The perfect crime is the royal flush, the hole in one, the home run in the ninth with bases loaded.

I planned for many years, worked ceaselessly to perfect myself, to establish a reputation without blemish, all this bearing on that one act, that one great moment. At last I achieved my goal, at last I...

At this point in my little essay it was my intention to illustrate through personal experience how very difficult it is for one to commit such an act — the hardships and dangers one must face when one sets foot on this most difficult of roads — but, unfortunate to relate, my attorney informs me that any such illustration on my part would be tantamount to a confession. The local district attorney is a great follower of my modest writings.

I fear, therefore, that I must halt further discussion on this subject; but since we have come so far together, I hope you will do me the pleasure of continuing through the following pages. I can assure you a shudderingly good time.

Alfred Hitchcock