All Dressed in White

16

“Organized chaos” was the term often used by Kate Fulton when she was getting her four kids settled for the evening. The three-year-old twins, Ellen and Jared, had finished their bath and were in their pajamas, watching a Barney video in the family room. Tonight was a good night. Their singing along with one of the jingles meant they weren’t fighting.

After several reminders, Jane had finally gone to her room to read before bed. Now that she was ten, she had announced she should be allowed to stay up later than eight o’clock. “All of my friends go to bed later than that,” she had protested. Kate had agreed to consider the request.

Eight-year-old Ryan was her easier one. He always had a sweet and sunny disposition. But he was also the most accident prone as the recently applied cast on his arm attested. He had fallen off his new bike while trying to steer with no hands.

Normally the noise of her household before bedtime would have been oddly comforting. Tonight, though, all she wanted was silence. She had too many other sounds in her head.

Three days ago she had been shocked to receive a phone call from Sandra Pierce. Kate hadn’t heard from her since the second anniversary of Amanda’s disappearance. Then tonight before dinner, Sandra had called again for the third time since, saying that the producer of Under Suspicion was excited about the prospect of featuring Amanda’s case. And then right on the heels, Laurie Moran, the producer, had called to explain what participation in the program would involve.

Sandra had offered to pay for all the expenses, so Kate could bring Bill and the kids. If that didn’t work, she had said, she would pay for a sitter to stay at the house while Kate was away. My mother will be happy to stay with them, Kate had told her, but I’ll accept your offer to pay for a sitter to help.

She got up from the table. The twins had begun to bicker. “Upstairs now, all of you,” she said firmly.

The Home Depot store was conducting its annual inventory. As the manager, Bill was still there and would be until some ungodly hour.

Twenty minutes later, the dishwasher on and her four children settled, Kate sat quietly in the den over a second cup of coffee. If this production did happen, how would she feel down at the Grand Victoria again?

She remembered how out of place she had felt last time. Amanda and Charlotte and Meghan had seemed so sophisticated. So very New York. She had felt like a dowdy housewife next to them.

I’ve loved Bill since I was thirteen years old, she thought. But sometimes I wonder how it would have been if I’d given myself a few years after college to live in New York and date other people, have some breathing room.

She took another sip of coffee.

I never thought I’d go back to Palm Beach, she thought. Five years ago, I committed the worst mistake of my entire life there. No one must ever know. Please, God, she pleaded silently, please don’t let anyone know.