All I Did Was Shoot My Man

44

Two blocks from my house, at nearly one in the morning, my cell phone hit a dour note.

“Hello?” I said as if I didn’t know the caller.

“I read about you in the newspaper today.”

“We all get our fifteen minutes,” I said.

“That’s okay if it’s not the last minutes of your life.”

“They were from Eastern Europe,” I told Hush, “serious as a motherfucker.”

“You want me to get involved?”

“Hold that thought.”

The apartment was dark and silent when I got in. The only light I saw came from the three bullet holes in Shelly’s wall.

Her door was open and she was asleep, a paperback book lying next to her on the bed. I flipped the wall switch and moved back into the hall. That’s when I noticed the faint glow coming from the little front room.

Tatyana was curled at the far corner of the sofa, reading a huge tome.

I walked in and she looked up, a little drowsy-eyed.

“What you readin’?” I asked.

She tilted the book up so I could read the dust cover: Historical Aspects of Globalization.

“Okay, I’ll bite. How old is globalization?” I asked.

“Ever since there was a river with people on, either side,” she said, revealing a much older soul than she seemed.

“What side are you on, Tatyana?”

The smile my question elicited was clear evidence why I feared for Dimitri’s heart, both physical and metaphysical.

“He came for me when I was in trouble,” she said. “He used everything he had and never blamed me for what I am. He did that once here and then again when I went away.”

I took the space next to her on the sofa.

“You know I don’t make judgments on people, right?” I said.

“How could you?”

“People like us don’t get to say what we think very often. What we know is too close to the bone for that.”

“This is true.” She closed the book.

“So when I tell you that there have probably been quite a few men who have come for you, saved you, that wouldn’t be a lie now would it?”

“I have always looked for powerful men like you and your wife’s son — Twill. Powerful men are what a woman needs — that’s what I believed.”

“And now?” I asked.

“Dimitri loves me.”

“Yeah.”

“Before I met him I thought that love was like money, that even it was money. I give you and you give me. But then I take away from D and he comes for me anyway. He wasn’t strong enough or rich enough but there he was. He looked so silly in his cargo pants and white T-shirt that I almost laughed when I saw him. It was like seeing a silly magic creature from a child’s book.”

“And what does all that mean for my son?”

“I will stay until the magic is gone.”

My cell phone sounded, punctuating her hard truth.

“Excuse me,” I said, rising to my feet. I was tired, very much so.

“Hello?” I said out in the hallway that led to the foyer of our large prewar apartment.

“Have you found Harry or my daughter, Mr. McGill?” Zella Grisham asked.

“I already told you that I got the names of the people that adopted your baby.”

“I want to see them.”

“I know you do. But the law does not recognize the relationship and so I need to go talk to them before I try to put you together.”

“Then talk to them.”

“First I have to get Rutgers off your ass and the cops off mine.”

“I don’t care about them.”

“So then you’re lucky I do. And as long as I have you on the phone can you tell me something?”

“What?”

“Your ex-friend, Minnie Lesser, what kind of woman was she?”

“I don’t want to talk about her,” Zella said.

“You want me to find Harry and then you’re gonna tie my hands?”

“What does she have to do with him?”

“Neither one testified at your trial. That puts them together in more than just the bed.”

“She was just a girl like me,” Zella said. “Nothing special.”

“What did she do for work?”

“She was a secretary.”

“What kind of secretary?”

“I don’t remember. She worked in a midtown office. Before that she was a temp. That’s how I met her. She temped at my law office. I was the one who introduced her to Harry. We all had dinner one night.”

“Was she bent?”

“What do you mean?”

“She seem like the women in prison with you? Like she would steal from her employers?”

“She and my boyfriend cheated on me.”

A rumbling voice sounded in the background over the line.

“Hold on,” Zella said.

A moment later a man’s voice addressed me.

“LT,” Johnny Nightly said.

“Hey, Johnny,” I said, looking at my watch. It was way past two in the morning. That math said more than any male braggadocio.

“What happened at your place the other day?”

I told him.

“Is this some other case?” he asked.

“No. It’s straight up Rutgers. You should pull up stakes and take her someplace that I never heard of before.”

“That bad?”

“They broke down my front door, man. I came closer to death than I ever have.”

Lovely and sylph-like, Tatyana sat on the sofa next to her big book. She was pensive and somber.

“Tell me something, Tatyana.”

“Yes, Leonid?”

I stopped for a moment, a little stunned to hear my first name coming from her lips.

“You said ‘my wife’s son.’ ” I continued the question. “What did you mean by that?”

“It is obvious that Dimitri is your only, how do you say, your only blood child in this house.”

No outsider had ever spoken about it before. I had lived a whole life telling my children that they were mine. Living a lie you begin to think that everyone is fooled but maybe, I thought, the only fool was me.

Tatyana stood up and kissed me on the cheek.

“Good night,” she said.

Watching her leave, I began to think that maybe she would be all right and that Dimitri would too.

By the time I was back in the foyer Taty was gone and Katrina’s snoring could once again be heard throughout the lower quarters of the apartment. I imagined that she had turned in her sleep, ushering forth the heavy breathing.

Instead of joining her I dragged a hickory chair into the front hall and sat there, leaning against the wall, napping and standing guard in turns.