Always Watching

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

For the next week, the police stepped up their patrol, and Kevin spent every night at my house. We didn’t know if it was Joseph, whose body still hadn’t been identified, or maybe even Daniel, or another member who might be angry at me, but someone was keeping an eye on me. For what purpose, we still didn’t know. If Joseph hadn’t died in the fire, he had to be hiding somewhere. He would’ve been identified at any hotel, so I began to consider that Aaron might’ve had a safe house somewhere. There had also been a day’s lapse between when I was attacked and when Joseph set fire to the commune. Where was he during that time? The police had already spoken with Joy, who didn’t know of any other properties.

I thought about Levi. He was one of the original members and had been a guardian at the old site. Could he know something? I thought back to my talk with him at the marina. I’d suspected his anger and bitterness toward Aaron had something to do with his drug use and possible eviction, but there might be something else there. It was obvious that he’d known more than he was saying.

I mentioned my suspicions to the police, who informed me that they had already spoken with Levi after the fire as part of their investigation, but that their interview hadn’t revealed any additional information. I decided to try myself.

Kevin thought it was a bad idea for me to talk to Levi alone and wanted to go with me. I agreed, and we were supposed to go the next afternoon, but then he got stuck at work. I paced my house, thinking. Every day was a lost day. If Joseph or Daniel were hiding somewhere, I was in danger. I already knew someone was watching me—what was their next plan? Then there was the other thought, the one that I couldn’t voice to Kevin, could barely voice to myself. What if Lisa had been taken somewhere before they came to Shawnigan? She could still be there.

I left Kevin a quick message at work, telling him I’d keep my cell with me the whole time, and drove up to Shawnigan.

When I stopped to tell Robbie what I was doing, Steve Phillips was there—Robbie and he were going fishing. We sat outside in the sun on an old log picnic table that Robbie had built, a fine dusting of dry fir needles our only tablecloth, while I explained my plan.

“I know he’s hiding something.”

Robbie said, “He still might not say anything—he was always a bit of a coward.” He paused, looking down for a moment, then said, “Guess it doesn’t matter now.” He turned to Steve. “Remember that fight you busted up?”

He nodded. “You put up a good struggle. Always wondered who the other guy was.”

“Levi, he owed a dealer some money. They were outside the back door fighting. I pulled the dealer off him. Then we went at it, while Levi ran like hell. By the time you got out there, the dealer had split too.”

Something clicked. I said, “Is that how Levi got that scar on his arm?”

“No, he had that for years—one of the horses bit him at the commune. He was always sneaking into the barn. He had a pot stash hidden in there.”

Steve said, “Why’d you cover for him?”

Robbie shrugged. “I was young and dumb—still thought cops were the enemy.” He drained the last of his coffee. “Let’s go fishing.”

After I said good-bye to the men and promised to call them as soon as I was finished talking to Levi, I drove around the lake. I caught Levi just as he was opening his office door. He startled when he heard my footsteps, then relaxed when he saw who it was. “Jesus, you scared the crap out of me.”

“May I come in?”

He must’ve picked up on the serious tone of my voice because his usual goofy grin disappeared as he said, “Sure, sure.” He opened the door, ushered me inside. “Have a seat.”

I remained standing while he sat behind the desk. I studied him, taking note of the bloodshot eyes, the dark circles.

He said, “You okay? I heard what happened out there with Aaron and everything. Then the fire, and your daughter.” He shook his head. “What a mess.”

I said, “Yes, it is. That’s why I’m here. I was wondering if Aaron ever mentioned anything about a safe house. Maybe somewhere he went that no one else knew about?”

He shook his head. “Aaron and I weren’t buddies, you know. It’s not like he confided in me about commune stuff.”

“You knew things, Levi.” We held eyes. “You saw things.”

“I told you, I didn’t know anything about Aaron’s plans. I told the police the same thing. And I sure as heck don’t know where Joseph is now.”

He was angry, which could be an attempt to cover his guilt, but I suspected he was telling the truth. About this anyway.

“You do know about something that happened in the barn at the old site, though, don’t you?”

“Oh yeah, like what?” His tone was casual, but he’d started to tap one of his pens again. A nervous tic he wasn’t even aware he had.

“Aaron forced me into a barrel and buried me. To torture me.”

Levi dropped the pen onto his desk. It rolled off. Neither of us moved to pick it up.

I said, “I was terrified, so terrified I’d blocked it out for years. But when I was at Mary’s, I remembered. And I remembered something else too.”

He rolled his chair back, leaned on the windowsill, trying to look calm and nonchalant, but his hands were tense as they gripped the arms. “What’s that?”

“There was someone else in the barn that day at the commune. I saw a shadow pass by the door. It was you. You scared the birds.”

When Robbie had said how Levi got his scar, it had all come clear. I’d just assumed it had been the birds that blocked the light for a moment, but now I realized it was Levi—he hadn’t wanted to be caught with the marijuana.

Now I expected more anger, defensiveness, and denial from Levi, anything but what I got. He brought his chair down hard, his eyes filling with tears. Then a nod, and another. His body saying, There, yes, I did it. It’s out now.

He said, “I was in the loft, and I saw what Aaron was doing to you down in the field—then you running to the barn. I wanted to help, but I was scared of what Aaron would do if he found out I’d been stealing some of the pot.”

The thought of him watching and listening to me scream for help, but just biding his time so he could sneak out of the barn, made me want to reach across the table and slap him, but I was so furious I couldn’t move.

“So you just left me there?”

“I waited outside until Aaron left, and then you walked out, so I thought you were okay. I thought you’d tell people after, like your mom or something.”

He paused, looking at me expectantly. Was he actually trying to justify his actions by blaming me? I waited him out in silence.

“I’m really sorry,” Levi said. “I’ve felt bad about it for years.”

He felt bad about it? He watched a man attack me, then carry me into a room, where he nearly killed me, something so traumatic that I’d blocked my memories for decades, and he felt bad. Another wave of rage made me clench my hands.

He shrugged. “You didn’t say anything about it to anyone, so I figured maybe you didn’t want anyone to know.”

What else had he kept to himself all these years? Then I remembered what Steve had said, that Levi had seen a woman with Finn, and a dark feeling unfurled in my stomach. I didn’t want to be there anymore, didn’t want to hear what Levi had to say, but I couldn’t stop the words. “Why did you retract your statement to the police after Finn died? You told them you saw a woman.”

“Your mother, she was dancing with Finn, and she took him into the woods….”

I could see it now, remembering how she loved the little children, making daisy chains for their hair, then picking them up and singing as she twirled them around. I imagined her wandering off, in one of her foggy states, stoned out of her mind, showing the small boy a path and forgetting that she’d set him down.

Levi was still talking. “She never came back with him. I told the cops when they were questioning everyone. Aaron pulled me aside, told me I had to keep it to myself.” He added, “Robbie knew—I told him at the commune.”

Another piece of the puzzle snapped into place: Robbie’s real reason for distancing himself from Levi, why he hadn’t turned him in after the fight.

How did I ever think Levi fun and affable? Now I saw him for what he really was. An insecure kid who snuck around and stole drugs.

Robbie was right. Levi was a coward.

I turned and started to walk away.

He said, “Where are you going?” Sounding scared, like he wanted to keep the conversation going. “I’m sorry. I know I should’ve done more.”

I didn’t answer, just kept walking.