And Baby Makes Three

CHAPTER ONE

‘THE race is nearly over. The two drivers from the Brent Team are neck and neck. Jared Marriot of Team Cannonball seemed bound to win, but he faded and his challenge is over-no, here he is!-catching up with the front two. Has he enough room to pass? Yes, there he goes, streaking ahead of them both, and there’s the chequered flag to say that he’s won.’

Colours flashed across the television screen as the Cannonball car shot over the finishing line, closely followed by the two Brent cars. The camera honed in on Jared Marriot, waving a hand above his head, fist clenched in victory.

‘He did it, Mummy.’ Mike, the little boy on the sofa, was beside himself with glee. ‘He won! I knew he would.’

‘Of course you did, darling,’ Kaye assured her son.

‘He always wins, doesn’t he?’ Mike insisted.

‘Well,’ she said cautiously, ‘not quite always.’

Mike glared indignantly. ‘Yes, he does,’ he insisted. ‘Always.’

Kaye smiled fondly. At five years old, Mike thought he could make the world do as he wanted. Jared Marriot was his hero, which meant that he won every race, even when he didn’t.

They watched as he climbed out of the car to be greeted with wild acclaim from the team, then leapt up onto the podium and sprayed champagne everywhere-the very picture of triumph.

In the interview that followed he was engagingly modest. Yes, he’d had a few unfortunate incidents lately, but the bad times were behind him. He’d won the World Championship three times, and as for this year-well, we’d see. He said the last words with a knowing twinkle in his eye that made everyone laugh with him, not at him.

That was his gift, Kaye thought wistfully. His laughter was an invitation to join him in a merry conspiracy, and it would take a heart of stone to refuse.

Her heart had never been made of stone, not where the young Jared had been concerned. They’d shared one evening, and the sense of being close to him had been intense and beautiful, making her want to be closer yet, and closer.

Was it really his fault that it had all been an illusion? She’d been eighteen-old enough to have some common sense, so she’d told herself in the despair that engulfed her afterwards. She refused to blame him, for if she did so she would lose something she couldn’t bear to lose.

Mike was still burbling happily about his hero.

‘Mum, when can I drive a racing car?’

‘When you’re a lot older than you are now,’ she said firmly.

‘And then I’ll be like Jared?’

‘If you’re crazy enough, yes,’ she teased.

She wondered at his fixation with one man. There were lots of other daredevil racing drivers. Perhaps he’d noticed that Kaye always watched Grand Prix races, eyes following Jared, and that she tensed up if he had an accident.

Or perhaps there was another reason…

Later that night, when she’d seen Mike safely asleep, Kaye returned to the television and switched on the recording she’d made of the race so that she could watch it again later, when she was safely alone. There was Jared in triumph. When the camera homed in on his face she paused the picture and watched it with an aching longing.

This was the man she remembered from nearly six years ago: a little older, affected by the terrible tragedy that had nearly killed him last year, but still basically the wild and wacky character who’d entranced her from the first moment.

She’d been enjoying a gap year before heading for university to develop her talent for languages. It was that very talent that had won her a job with Brent. Car racing took place in many countries, and an employee who could slip easily from one language to another was useful.

That was how she’d met Jared. He’d been in Monza for the Italian Grand Prix, along with Brent’s other driver, a great name in the sport-known as Warrior and self-obsessed. He had a lucky charm-a silver badge worn under his racing gear-and when he’d accidentally left it behind there’d been a crisis, resolved by sending Kaye to Monza.

There she had endured Warrior’s effusive thanks and spent the next day being treated as his multi-lingual servant.

Second driver on the team had been a young man with laughing eyes and film star looks.

‘Jared will be a fine driver when his time comes,’ Warrior loftily declared. ‘He just needs to be a little patient.’

Jared, overhearing, grinned and winked at Kaye. In the race he came within an inch of defeating Warrior, who emerged from his car pale and ill-tempered.

‘He’s not going to forgive you for that,’ Kaye murmured as they all got ready to leave the track.

Jared chuckled. ‘Wait until the next race. Maybe I can give him something else not to forgive. Bye!’

He blew her a kiss and hurried away to join the glamorous model who was waiting for him, which gave Kaye a stab of jealousy. Her own looks were pretty enough, but she knew she couldn’t attract a man who could take his pick from a wide choice.

For a few weeks she watched Jared’s progress through the races, which he won-to Warrior’s ill-concealed fury-and through a few colourful explosions in the tabloids featuring various curvaceous companions.

She sometimes met him briefly in England, between races. He would recognise her from a distance, wave and be gone. Once he bought her a cup of tea in the firm’s canteen and she enjoyed a few dazzling minutes with him, only slightly spoiled when he addressed her by the wrong name.

Clearly she just didn’t have the ‘something’ that made a girl stand out from the crowd. If only she was more rounded.

‘Much too thin,’ she told her reflection in the wardrobe.

‘You count your blessings,’ her grandmother said, just behind her. ‘There’s many a plump girl would say you were lucky.’

Her mother’s parents had raised her since her own parents had died in a road accident eight years before. Their relationship was affectionate, with no more than the normal inter-generational exasperation on both sides.

‘You can wear those tight jeans, which is more than most of them can,’ Gran observed helpfully.

‘Only ’cos I’m shaped like a boy,’ Kaye said in disgust. ‘No ins, no outs, no nothing!’

‘Good. It’ll help you stay out of mischief.’

One by one Jared’s victories mounted: Turkey, Italy, Belgium, Brazil. Between races the press pursued him intently, attracted by the stream of lovelies in his company. One in particular alerted them. Mirella, a model as famed for her colourful life as for her beauty, appeared on his arm more than any other. There were quarrels, reconciliations, even talk of marriage-all of it featured in the headlines. When he won the Japanese Grand Prix, inches ahead of Warrior, Mirella was there to greet him in the pits.

Returning to England, Warrior went into a sulk which ended in him storming into the office one evening as Kaye was about to leave, having worked late. She indicated that Duncan, her boss, was still there, and Warrior headed for Duncan’s office, slamming the door behind him.

At once voices were raised and she listened, fascinated, to the ensuing row. It might be shocking to eavesdrop, but how often could you get entertainment this good?

At last, reluctantly, she headed for the exit, colliding with someone she hadn’t noticed before.

‘Sorry,’ Jared said, steadying her.

‘How long have you been there?’

‘Just a few minutes. I was going to talk to Duncan but-’ he made a face ‘-perhaps another time.’

‘Warrior’s really mad at you for overtaking him when you did,’ she said softly.

‘It was a race. I’m supposed to overtake.’

‘But he’s the number one driver, so you should have let him stay ahead.’

‘In his dreams. Oh, Lord, they’re coming out. Quick!’

He grabbed her hand, whisking her away before she could protest. Not that she wanted to protest. Now she was with him again she knew how she’d longed for this.

The two men emerged and headed for the elevator. Neither of them saw Jared and Kaye, keeping well back.

‘You’re not doing anything tonight, are you?’ he asked when they were safely alone.

It was more an arrogant statement than a question. If he wanted her, how could she possibly be doing anything else? But she was too dazzled by him to see anything wrong with that.

‘Not a thing,’ she assured him.

‘Then let’s get out of here fast.’

She went with him eagerly, terrified lest anything happened to change his mind. A small bar had recently opened across the street, and they took refuge there.

‘Thank heavens I didn’t walk into a scene!’ he said thankfully when they were settled.

‘Don’t tell me you’re afraid.’

‘Of scenes? Sure. I avoid them like the plague.’

‘And they call you the bravest man on the track,’ she teased.

‘Ah, on the track! That’s different. Crashing at two hundred miles an hour, no problem. But raised voices and agitation-’ He shuddered. ‘I just run for it.’

‘You weren’t expected for a day or two,’ she said. ‘We all thought you’d be kept fully occupied by-er-’ She was carefully avoiding Mirella’s name.

‘All right, all right,’ he said, understanding perfectly and grinning. ‘I made a hasty exit. Can we leave it?’

She burst out laughing and his grin became more relaxed.

‘I’m a coward there too,’ he admitted. ‘In fact I’m just a disreputable character, and I can’t think why anyone bothers with me.’

‘Neither can I,’ she declared solemnly. ‘From where I’m sitting, you have absolutely nothing going for you.’

‘I know.’ He sighed. ‘Women turn away from me, and somehow I just have to endure it.’

He was twenty-four, with the lean figure of an athlete and looks that retained the barest hint of boyishness. His dark brown eyes seemed to contain mysterious depths, even when they gleamed with fun, as they did now. Female rejection was something he would never experience and they both knew it.

He was wry, funny, ridiculous, self-mocking, and-most charming of all-he seemed to give her all his attention. Common sense warned her that it meant nothing, was merely something he did with everyone, especially women. But she firmly silenced common sense. Who needed it?

They chatted easily. It was the talk of friends, not lovers, but she was happy. When their eyes met in amused understanding she had a sweet sensation that should have warned her of danger. But she only realised that later. Much, much later. When it was far too late.

‘Driving my first racing car was like reaching heaven,’ he recalled. ‘I was free. I could do what I liked. Mind you, what I liked was usually stupid, and there was trouble afterwards, but it was worth it. I knew I had to drive cars for a living, one way or another.’

‘You could have become a taxi driver,’ she told him, straight-faced.

He struck his head. ‘Hey, I never thought of that! What a chance I missed! All those crashes when I could have been doing something really interesting. Mind you, there’s a snag. In a taxi the passenger is the boss. I can’t stand that. I have to be in charge.’

‘But don’t you get instructions from the team?’

‘They tell me what they want, but I contrive to do it my way. I’m the one in the driving seat and they just have to get used to that.’

Another man might have sounded like a bully. Jared merely came across as a charming lad who would manipulate his own way by one means or another.

A giggle from another part of the bar made them look up to find that he’d been recognised.

‘Oh, no,’ he groaned. ‘Come on.’

Grabbing her again, he whisked her out onto the pavement, suddenly overcome by self-reproach.

‘I’ve got no manners, have I? That’s twice tonight I’ve just hauled you away without asking what you want.’

‘I’m not complaining.’

‘That’s because you’re a sweet, understanding person, but you deserve better than me.’

She suppressed the instinct to say, No, I don’t. Ever. She was in a haze of delight.

‘At least I can offer you something to eat,’ he said. ‘Come-’ He stopped in the act of seizing her hand, groaning. ‘I’m doing it again.’

‘Well, you’d better get on and do it, then, hadn’t you?’ she said, laughing and grasping his hand in her turn. ‘Where are we going?’

‘To my home. No more public places.’

‘Where are you parked?’

‘I live nearby. No driving. Which is just as well because-’ he blinked ‘-I may have had just a little too much wine.’

His home turned out to be a couple of rented rooms, which astonished her by their austerity.

‘I’m hardly ever here,’ he explained as she looked around. ‘Every two weeks there’s a race in a different country. Plus, I’ll soon be moving to another team, which is what I really came to tell Duncan tonight.’

She was facing away from him so he didn’t see the dismay at the news that he was leaving.

‘Right,’ he said breezily. ‘It’s time for me to demonstrate that I have other skills besides acting like a maniac on the track.’

To her surprise he turned out to be a skilled cook.

‘My mother insisted on it,’ he explained. ‘She said women would find me such a turn-off that I’d better learn to fend for myself.’

Again they laughed together, and again happiness pervaded her so that nothing else mattered. Almost nothing else. The knowledge of his imminent departure lay like a threat in her mind, infusing every word and action. Perhaps it caused what happened next.

When they’d finished washing up he said, ‘Bless you for everything. What would I have done without you?’ Then he leaned forward and kissed her lightly.

She couldn’t blame him for the consequences. They were at least as much her doing, perhaps more. Suddenly her arms were about him, her mouth pressing against his, her whole being trembling with delight and anticipation. She sensed the shock that went through him and the next moment his embrace grew more fervent, more thrilling.

They were on the sofa, undressing each other with frantic hands, reaching for the moment they were now both desperate to achieve. She gasped as they became one, but then, suddenly, it was all over. He was pulling away as though desperate to escape. She had a view of his face that she would remember all her days. It was a blank mask, except for the eyes that were full of dismay.

‘We must stop this,’ he gasped. ‘I didn’t mean to-you’re all right, aren’t you?’

She was far from all right. The joy had been snatched from her at the last moment and she wanted to weep, but she forced a smile.

‘Yes, fine,’ she lied. ‘It was just-’

‘I know. I didn’t mean to-I didn’t realise-your first time. But don’t worry, I didn’t-not exactly-’

Had he made love to her fully or not? In her innocence she couldn’t have said, but it was plain that he wanted the answer to be no.

He couldn’t get rid of her fast enough. He called a taxi and paid the fare in advance, but didn’t offer to see her home. His words and manner were perfectly courteous, but it was the perfection of a mask. She wept for the whole journey.

For the next few weeks she had the sensation of seeing life at a distance: the row about Jared’s departure, his last race for Brent, the Brazilian Grand Prix, which he won, making him the World Champion Driver on points.

His picture was everywhere-holding up the trophy, being embraced by Mirella, regarding her with an entranced expression. How different from his shocked eyes as he’d pulled away from herself.

She guessed that it was her inexperience that had dismayed him. It threatened involvement, emotion, scenes-things he avoided like the plague.

Even so she clung to the hope that he would contact her, even if just to say goodbye. But there was no word from him, and by the time she first suspected that she might be pregnant he’d already left without a backward glance.

A visit to his apartment was futile. Already somebody else was living there. E-mail produced only an ‘address invalid’ message. Clearly Cannonball had taken him over completely. In despair she made one last try, getting his mobile phone number from the firm’s records and texting.

I really need to see you. It’s important. Kaye

In five seconds precisely, she received a routine reply.

Thank you for contacting Jared Marriot. This number is now closed, but he thanks you for your good wishes.

On the same day his engagement to Mirella was announced, and she knew her last hope was gone. She had too much pride to force herself onto his attention. She would have his child alone. She didn’t know how she was going to do it, but she’d made up her mind.

Her grandparents were magnificent, insisting that she should live with them. College had to be abandoned, but she stayed on with Brent until she gave birth.

Ethel encouraged her to return to work, but Kaye was swept by the need to be with her baby. So she left Brent and worked at home as a freelance translator. She also enrolled in the Open University, and emerged triumphantly with a degree.

Jared never married Mirella, who simply faded from the scene, to be replaced by many others in quick succession. The papers detailed every one.

Gradually Kaye learned to cope with reminders of the man who’d rejected her. She even named her son Michael, which was Jared’s second name. But that was the only hint of sentimentality that she allowed herself.

At last Mike started school. When she was sure he was settled in happily she decided to return to work full-time. Only half hoping, she contacted Duncan at Brent, and he welcomed her back with open arms.

Jared was long gone from Brent, and was now only mentioned when he won yet another Grand Prix, and then another.

‘Not that things are looking so good for him this year,’ Duncan observed. ‘He was rushed to hospital after a crash just before the season started, and nobody knows why. They say he spun off for no apparent reason. The press have gone mad trying to find out, but there’s a big mystery there somewhere. Luckily it’s working to our advantage, because his reactions seem a bit slower. This season he hasn’t won races that he’d have won before. Now, that’s enough about him. Where did I put that-?’

She got to know the other drivers, especially Hal, a pleasant man, whose wife, Stella, dropped in one day. Through their children, Stella and Kaye immediately established a bond.

It was a contented, even sometimes a happy life. In the dead of night she would creep into Mike’s room to watch her darling son sleeping, and she would know that, whatever trophies came Jared’s way, it was she who was the real winner.

And yet…

The air was filled with shouting, cheers and laughter. The noise surrounded Jared, battering him. But at the same time it came from outer space, taunting, threatening his sanity.

The winner’s podium was his natural place. He turned this way and that, spurting champagne, stretching his mouth in a pretence of a smile, waving at the crowd, struggling to make it all feel natural, as it once had. But the echoing distance seemed to fill him with darkness.

This was his first win in four races, and should have been a triumph-the moment when he recovered everything that had been his before the nightmare. But that was impossible. He might recover much, but not everything.

He forced himself to give the performance of a hero celebrating his victory, secretly thinking, If only they knew!

They knew a little about the accident he’d had just before the start of the season, three months earlier. He’d been testing out Cannonball’s new car when he’d swerved suddenly, overturned, and come to a shuddering halt.

Onlookers had been baffled. There were no barriers on the track, no other driver had been near him and the car was perfect. Nobody knew that Jared had been feeling ill when he started, and had soon been swamped by sickness.

At the hospital he’d been shut away from visitors. The press had speculated on the ‘terrible injuries’ he must have suffered, and cheered him when he’d returned quickly to racing. Nobody suspected the truth.

And nobody must ever suspect, lest he die of shame.

Outwardly he seemed to have it all: just approaching thirty, at the peak of looks ability, health. That was what people thought, and what they must go on thinking.

He headed for the airport as soon as possible. There, booked on the same flight back to England, he found Hal, the driver from the Brent Team that he’d beaten into second place.

‘Sorry,’ he said wryly.

‘Oh, sure-if you had it to do again you’d let me win?’ Hal grinned. ‘I don’t think so.’

He was in his thirties, with an innate good nature that stopped him being hostile to Jared, despite their rivalry. He even managed to say, ‘It’s good to see you back on top form after your recent troubles.’

‘Thanks. They’re in the past,’ Jared said airily. ‘I’m my old self again.’

The words if only echoed in his mind again before he could avoid them.

Stern resolution! Banish those thoughts! Work at it! Be strong!

‘But I’m still behind in the championship,’ he continued with a shrug. ‘The title will probably be yours.’

‘Well, it’ll be nice to go out on a high,’ Hal agreed.

‘You’re really retiring?’

‘This is my last season as a driver. I’ll stay with the team, working behind the scenes, but I can spend more time at home with the wife and kids.’

Jared quickly went blank inside, as he’d trained himself to do at the mention of children.

Damn the illness that had attacked him without warning. Damn every man who could become a father when he himself couldn’t!

Hal had pulled out a small leather folder, flipping it open to reveal a picture of his family.

‘I never go anywhere without this,’ he said proudly. ‘I’m not like you, chased by sexy dollybirds.’

Jared gave a fixed smile, diverting attention by taking the folder and flipping through it. Suddenly he grew still.

‘Who’s that?’ he asked quietly.

‘Who? Oh, her. That’s Kaye. She used to work for Brent, left when she had a baby, and came back a few weeks ago. Stella and I got to know her because her son is the same age as our youngest and they go to the same school.’

‘Her-son?’

‘Yes, little Mike. Look.’ He flipped over some pages. ‘I took these at his birthday party recently.’

There was Kaye, a little older, but still recognisable as the eager girl he’d known way back then. She was sitting with her arms around a little boy who seemed to be consumed with laughter. She too was laughing, as though all happiness was to be found in the child.

‘What about her husband?’ Jared asked.

‘She’s not married. I don’t think she ever was.’ He looked back at the picture, adding, ‘They had the party the day before his fifth birthday. I had to dash off for the Turkish Grand Prix next day. We were on the same plane, remember?’

‘I remember.’ Jared’s voice gave nothing away.

Suddenly he was back in the hospital, horrified at the illness that had attacked him.

‘Mumps?’ he’d said, aghast. ‘That’s a kids’ illness.’

‘Adults can catch it too.’ The doctor sighed. ‘And you’ve got it badly.’

The sight of his face, swollen out of recognition, had horrified him. But worse had been the discovery of the side effects.

‘In a grown man mumps can cause sterility,’ the doctor warned. ‘We’ll do tests to be sure.’

Until the last minute he’d refused to believe that the worst could happen. But the tests showed that it had.

‘Are you telling me,’ Jared asked, appalled, ‘that when I’m with a woman I won’t be able to-?’

‘Your sexual skill will be unimpaired,’ the doctor said clinically. ‘But that’s all. Your sperm count is down to about two or three percent, maybe less, and your chance of fathering a child is virtually nil.’

Hal was flipping through the pictures again. Jared took a quick glance at the one showing Kaye and her son. The day before the flight to Turkey, Hal had said, thus revealing the date of the child’s birthday.

He threw himself back in his seat, staring into space as dates came together in his head. It was surely impossible. Yet the facts danced, shrieking, before him.

The little boy had been born almost exactly nine months after his evening with Kaye.

CHAPTER TWO

HIS dreams were haunted by a face: swollen, stupid, disturbing. Strange sounds came from the mouth. Despair as everything was snatched away, fear at the helplessness, horror as the world crashed around him. The eyes were wide, the mouth crying out with despair.

Himself!

He awoke to find himself sitting up in the darkness, shuddering.

The face was his own. No! Had been his own, he corrected quickly. Not any more. That disgusting, off-putting fool, defenceless in the power of others, had been him for the few brief days while the illness was as its worst, but that was over. His face had returned to normal, but the memory haunted him.

Hurriedly he switched on the light and seized a mirror. Yes, that was Jared Marriot looking back at him, handsome, astute, victorious. Above all, in control. The other was a ghost that he would banish, however long it took.

Growling, he leapt out of bed and headed for the bathroom to get under the shower. He was in fine shape, lean and strong, with a body that women openly desired and other men envied.

But their envy would turn to derision if they knew that he couldn’t do the one thing nature most demanded of a true man: produce the next generation.

Until now his free, self-indulgent life had been enough, and he’d given no thought to becoming a father. But the discovery that he was incapable had changed everything.

Not to care about fathering a child was one thing. Not to be able to was a humiliation.

‘Will anyone be able to tell?’ he’d demanded of the doctor.

By ‘anyone’ he meant women.

‘Not at all,’ the doctor said, understanding him. ‘Everything will be normal, except that you’re sterile.’

He’d put that to the test as soon as his strength returned. There was no shortage of willing ladies, and to his relief his performance was as excellent as it had always been. Nobody knew. Except himself.

The discovery of Mike had been like a light shining in the darkness. If that was his son, as seemed likely, he had a defence against the world’s derision. And he would secure that defence come what may.

Now his mind was working as it did on the racetrack: cool, calm, efficient. Calculate everything to the tiniest degree, allow no distractions, think only of victory. Nothing else.

So the first thing he must do-That was it! Take the first step and the rest would be straightforward.

He stared into the bathroom mirror and Jared Marriot stared back: cool, decided, uncompromising. Unfeeling.

Except for fear.

It was the last day of Mike’s school term, and he was taking part in the pageant. Kaye left work early, determined not to miss a moment. In the car park she paused and smiled up at the sun.

Then she dropped the key, astounded by what she’d glimpsed.

Stooping for it, she told herself to be sensible. Of course Jared wasn’t there. She’d imagined it. And when she rose and looked round there was no sign of him.

I’m going crazy, she told herself. Seeing things.

The pageant took the form of a procession through the grounds of the nursery school. Little Mike, dressed as a cowboy, bowed and waved to the crowd of cheering parents, accepting the spotlight as his by right. Kaye reckoned that Jared’s son simply couldn’t help it.

That was why she’d thought of Jared today, she told herself firmly. There was no need to get hysterical.

But when she collected Mike afterwards he beamed and cried, ‘Mummy, he’s here.’

‘Who’s here, darling?’

‘Jared Marriot.’

Her heart seemed to miss a beat. Were they both floating in fantasy land?

‘There he is,’ Mike said urgently.

She followed his pointing finger, frantically trying to decide how to deal with this. Then she grew still.

Jared was standing only a few feet away, watching her.

He was really here.

No, he couldn’t be.

But he was. How was this happening?

‘Ah, there you are.’

It was Stella, Hal’s wife and her friend, whose son Joey attended this same school.

‘I looked for you before but we were a bit late arriving,’ Stella said. ‘Hal brought a friend-one of the other drivers. Jared, come and meet Kaye.’

As he approached it seemed to her that he moved slowly, coming from a great distance, a ghost who haunted her and then arrived without warning. She waited for the recognition in his face, perhaps even dismay, but there was nothing. As he uttered a courteous greeting there was only unrevealing charm.

She managed to seem equally unaware, shaking his hand, trying not to be too conscious that she was touching him again after so long.

Mike tugged at Jared’s sleeve. ‘I’m Mike,’ he said.

Jared’s smile was friendly. ‘I’m Jared.’

They shook hands, Jared showing as much courtesy as he would have done to an adult. Mike was in seventh heaven.

‘Mike is my son,’ Kaye said.

No reaction. Just a conventional smile and a nod. Clearly the discovery of her child rang no bells in his memory.

‘Ah, there you are,’ came Hal’s voice as he bustled towards them with Joey in tow. ‘They’ve set up a little buffet over there. Let’s go.’

Mike and Joey moved with their eyes fixed upwards on Jared, stumbling a little, so that he reached out and grasped their shoulders good-naturedly.

‘It’s safer this way,’ he said.

He guided them to a bench and sat chatting while the others went to secure soft drinks. Kaye’s mind was in a whirl.

Why had he suddenly turned up now? Had she really seen him before or was that just an incredible coincidence?

‘Jared and Hal get on well, even though they’re on different teams,’ Stella explained. ‘I think he’s lonely because he’s got no family of his own.’

But he has, Kaye thought sadly. He has a son that he doesn’t know about because he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t even remember me, and perhaps that is because he doesn’t want to.

But a surprise was waiting for her. As they returned to the bench she handed Jared a glass of sparkling water, which he raised to her in salute.

‘We’ve met before, haven’t we?’ he said.

Yes, she thought furiously. We’ve met before, and you went all out to charm me, then left me stranded with a child as you danced away to the next woman. Oh, yes, we’ve met before.

But she only said coolly. ‘I didn’t think you’d recognised me.’

‘You worked for Brent,’ he said, making room for her to sit beside him. ‘I gather you’ve rejoined them?’

‘Yes, I left when I had Mike, but I went back recently.’

‘Still translating everything?’

‘Sort of. I run errands for Warrior. He’s part of the management now.’

‘How do you stand him?’

‘Not very easily. He goes on a bit about his “great days” and we all keep a straight face and pretend we don’t know you took the title from him.’

Jared gave a crack of laughter, and for a moment she was back in that other time when he’d seemed to laugh as he breathed, as though the joy of life infused everything.

He was the same man, she thought. The years had merely increased his pleasures and triumphs, making him more himself, more enviable, more confident that he was king of the world. And she knew a flash of resentment so sharp that it took her breath away. How dared he be so unchanged after what he’d done to her?

Her resentment increased when she saw that he was already forgetting her. Mike had demanded his attention, wanting to hear Jared talk about his last race, and then his next.

‘Valencia’s going to be good,’ Jared said. ‘It’s a winding circuit, challenging-chances to overtake.’

Kaye had to admit that he didn’t talk down to Mike, but discussed the track sensibly. In the face of her little boy’s blissful happiness her annoyance faded, just a little.

Soon Hal and his family were ready to leave. Jared rose to depart with them.

‘Nice to see you,’ he said politely to Kaye.

He gave her a nod, ruffled Mike’s hair, and was gone.

‘Mum, you should have asked him to come home with us,’ Mike protested.

‘He arrived with his friends. He has to leave with them,’ she said mechanically.

Her words seemed to echo in a void. The world, so full and vibrant a moment ago, was empty and desolate again.

‘Come along, now,’ she said. ‘Let’s go home and make sure Sam’s all right.’

Her grandparents had planned to attend the pageant, but Sam’s sudden toothache had sent them hurrying to the dentist in alarm. But all was well. Kaye could see that as soon as she reached home.

‘So it wasn’t too bad?’ Kaye said.

‘Bad?’ Ethel echoed scathingly. ‘He’s had the time of his life: couldn’t take his eyes off that pretty nurse.’

‘A man needs his pleasures,’ Sam declared, getting carefully out of his wife’s way.

Kaye especially loved them when they were like this: cracking jokes, chuckling together. It was typical of them that they had always wanted her to call them Sam and Ethel.

‘No need to make us old before our time,’ Sam had said. Which Kaye thought showed some style, considering they were in their seventies.

‘There’s more to love than romance,’ Ethel had told her once. ‘A good laugh matters just as much-well, almost.’ And, watching them, Kaye knew it was true.

Over tea Mike told them all about his wonderful afternoon. They were suitably impressed. Not until the child had gone to bed did Sam say carefully, ‘That is him, isn’t it? Mike’s father?’

The subject was never discussed. They knew, but were discreet.

‘Yes, it’s him.’

‘Did he-you know-say anything?’

‘What would he say? I’ve never been able to tell him, and I don’t think he remembers much.’ Her tone was cool and ironic.

‘Perhaps it’s time he knew?’ Ethel suggested.

‘Force it on him? No, thank you. The night it happened he wasn’t completely sober, and he didn’t really think we went all the way. I wasn’t even sure myself until I found I was pregnant. Can you imagine trying to convince him, begging him to believe me, joining the other hopeless females who go chasing after him?’

Try as she might to speak rationally, the note of bitterness crept into her voice.

‘You really hate him, don’t you?’ Sam said gently.

‘No, I don’t hate him. I’m just angry. Who does he think he is, walking back after years away? Acting like he’s some sort of deity and we’re all supposed to gasp and applaud. I’ve managed very well without him so far, and I’ll manage even better in future.’

‘Aren’t you being a bit hard on Jared?’ Sam asked.

‘Hah! If only you could have seen him. He barely remembered me. Oh, he put on a good performance, but I could tell he was scrabbling around in his memory. I won’t hear from him again and that suits me fine.’

‘Well-time for bed,’ Ethel said.

Kaye bade them goodnight, took a final look at the sleeping Mike, then went downstairs to sit in the garden, gazing up at the moon, wishing with all her heart that she hadn’t met Jared again. His second rejection would be a thousand times harder to take.

Her cell phone rang.

‘It’s me,’ he said. ‘I’m just across the road.’

Answers jangled in her head. Who do you think you are? Go away, I’m finished with you. You’ve got a nerve.

‘I’m just coming,’ she whispered.

The house faced a park. Emerging from the front door, she could see him standing beneath the trees, watching for her. The light of the full moon was just enough to show that he was full of tension, which seemed to ease as she came nearer. At last she saw him smile, and wondered if he was really overwhelmed with relief-or was that just his usual charming act?

Be careful, warned her inner voice. Don’t trust him for a moment.

‘I thought you’d be long gone,’ she said, trying to sound indifferent.

He made a face. ‘Here today and gone tomorrow, that’s me. Most of the time anyway. But sometimes it’s nice to linger and talk about old times. It’s good to see you again. Look what I brought you.’

He held up a bottle of wine, the very same kind they had drunk that other night.

‘You said this was your favourite,’ he reminded her.

‘How did you ever remember that?’ she gasped, touched even against her will.

He grinned. ‘I guess I just-remembered.’

No man had the right to be so charming. It wasn’t fair. But she was on her guard.

‘There’s a bench over there by the pond,’ he said. ‘Let’s sit down. Give me your hand.’

She did so, but reluctantly. Touching him was dangerous.

By moonlight they made their way to the bench and he poured the wine.

‘Sorry they’re only plastic cups,’ he said.

‘Mmm. Delicious.’

‘Let me look at you,’ he said, twisting on the bench and turning her gently with his hands on her shoulders, so that they were facing each other. Leaving his hands there, he studied her, his head on one side, then on the other, smiling, as if to tell her not to be offended.

‘Hmm,’ he said at last. ‘I’m not sure.’

‘Not sure I pass muster?’

‘No, I’m not sure it’s the girl I remember. You’re different.’

‘You don’t remember that girl at all,’ she said with cool irony. ‘You forgot her the next day.’

He made a face. ‘Some women linger longer than others. I recall somethings about her. She was a cheeky imp, always ready with a smart answer.’

‘Oh, that’s me. Definitely. As you’ll find out if you try to get clever.’

‘Ah! And “getting clever” means-?’

‘Anything I want it to mean. I’m like that. Awkward.’

‘Good. That’s how a woman should be. I don’t like the compliant, submissive kind.’

‘Oh, please! Who do you think you’re kidding? The compliant, submissive kind is all you have time for.’

‘No, no-that’s just the public image.’

‘Yeah, right!’

He grinned. ‘I’m not as bad as I’m painted, honestly.’

‘Don’t let your admirers suspect that,’ she said coolly. ‘They like to think you’re worse than you’re painted. If you start coming across as a decent fellow it could cost you a fortune in sponsorships.’

‘Ah, yes, macho is better.’ He struck his forehead. ‘I must try to remember how to do that. I’m sure I’ve got a book about it somewhere.’

‘You probably wrote it.’

‘You see too much,’ he said. ‘I’m afraid of you.’

‘That’s better.’ She struck an attitude, declaiming, ‘Fear is good. Fear is what I like. Fear is constructive.’

He edged away. ‘I’m getting more scared by the minute.’

She raised her plastic cup to him, sipped the wine, then rose and strolled slowly away. She needed to set a distance between them until she was more certain of her control.

She was shocked at herself. She’d meant to be so levelheaded-a responsible citizen and devoted mother, efficient, practical. Part of her was managing that, but the other part was like a dazzled teenager on her first date.

But in some ways he was her first date-then and now. Over the years she’d been out with other men, but nothing had come of it because no man could touch her heart.

Then this one man had had come bursting out of the shadows, reminding her of how easily he’d conquered that very heart once, and how fatal it would be to let him do it again.

She must play him cleverly; drawing him close for Mike’s sake, but protecting her inner self. An excitement was rising in her, but she beat it down. Control. Common sense.

Right! She had it now.

‘Stop just there,’ he called.

She did so, half turning to find him leaning back on the bench, enjoying the view.

‘You’re definitely not her,’ he said. ‘She was a skinny little thing, no curves. Now, you-’

‘The odd curve or two,’ she agreed. ‘I owe that to Mike. There’s nothing like having a baby to make you go in and out.’

Now, she thought, he would ask about Mike. Surely it must occur to him to wonder-especially about the name? But, if so, he was keeping it to himself.

‘Then I reckon I have to give in and admit that it’s really you,’ he said.

‘Disappointed?’ she asked.

‘No,’ he said softly, and suddenly the humour was gone from his voice, and from his eyes, leaving only intensity. Just one word, but the world had changed.

‘Come back,’ he said, taking her hand and leading her back to the bench. ‘No, wait-you’re cold.’

‘I’m fine,’ she said, although she was beginning to feel the breeze.

‘No, you’re not. Here.’ Removing his jacket, he slipped it around her shoulders and gave her a brief squeeze. ‘Shall we find somewhere indoors?’

‘No,’ she said quickly. ‘It’s nice out here. I come here sometimes to enjoy the peace.’

‘I expect Mike likes to play here with other kids.’

‘Not really. He enjoys noisy games, where he can shout at the top of his voice.’

‘Ah, yes. I remember that feeling.’

She thought of the clamour that had always been part of his life-not just engines, but people. He was a natural talker, and liked to surround himself with folk who had plenty to say. It was almost as though he feared the silence.

But now she saw him leaning back, his face raised to the sky, eyes closed, his expression suggesting deep satisfaction-like a man enjoying a rare pleasure.

He opened his eyes.

‘It’s beautiful,’ he said softly. ‘Usually I don’t get anything like this.’

‘Yes, your life has always been noisy.’

Did she only imagine that he gave a faint shudder?

‘Noise, noise, noise,’ he murmured. ‘Once I was fine with it. Now it seems to beat on me. I’ve even thought-sometimes-what am I doing? There’s got to be more to life.’

‘You mean give up racing and do something else?’

‘Well, I could always be a cab driver,’ he said significantly.

So he did remember that evening-right down to a daft little joke they’d exchanged.

‘You’d be a rotten cab driver. Everything would have to be done your way.’

‘Of course,’ he said, theatrically lofty, ‘because I’m always right.’

‘Yes, I do remember that much about you,’ she agreed. ‘It’s how you always win.’

‘I don’t always win,’ he murmured.

He spoke so quietly that she wondered if she’d been meant to hear at all.

‘You do according to Mike,’ she said. ‘He’s your biggest fan. Thank you for being so nice to him.’

‘He’s a great kid. You must be very proud of him.’

‘Yes, I am.’

Now he would ask her about Mike-who had fathered him, what had happened in her life since that night. But he said nothing, and she stared, becoming increasingly puzzled.

But perhaps it wasn’t so surprising that Jared couldn’t see that Mike was his. There was no likeness. Jared’s hair and eyes were both dark, his face lean and tense. Mike’s hair was fair, his eyes blue, his face chubby. Their only resemblance lay in the hint of wickedness in their eyes. But how could he see that?

‘Perhaps we should be going back,’ he said, and she wondered at the note of unease in his voice.

‘Yes, I mustn’t be away too long.’

Slowly they made their way back along the path that led to the street. What should she do next? she wondered. This might be her one chance to tell him about Mike. Shouldn’t she take it, risking his indifference? Or, worse than indifference, hostility. But at least then she would know where she stood.

She took a deep breath. ‘The fact is-’ She stopped suddenly, staring ahead.

‘What’s the matter?’ he asked.

‘There.’ She pointed through the trees to where they could just see her home across the road. ‘The light’s come on in Mike’s bedroom. He gets bad dreams sometimes. I’d better go and see if he’s all right.’

He came too, following her into the house just as Sam was climbing the stairs with a glass of milk.

‘Is he all right?’ Kaye asked.

‘I think so. We heard him calling in his sleep and went in. He says he’s just thirsty.’

‘He won’t ever admit to having bad dreams,’ Kaye sighed.

‘He probably thinks they’re for wimps,’ Jared said.

They all looked up as Mike came flying out onto the landing, glaring down the stairs at them, astounded at the sight of Jared.

‘I’m not having nightmares,’ he cried. ‘I’m not, I’m not.’

‘All right, all right,’ Jared said easily. ‘If you say so.’

He moved a few steps up, meeting Mike who had descended far enough to glare at him.

‘I’m not.’

‘Then you’re luckier than I am,’ Jared said, sitting on the stairs as though this was the most natural thing in the world. ‘Boy, you should see some of my dreams. Real nightmares.’

‘You?’ Mike stared, not really believing what he’d just heard.

‘Sure. Sit down.’ He moved over so that Mike could settle beside him. Down below the others kept silent, watching and holding their breaths.

‘Sometimes my job’s dangerous,’ Jared said. ‘That can be the most fun, but you need to find a way of coping. Dreams can help.’

‘Help?’

‘You relive it in your sleep, and sometimes you wake up knowing that you’ve been through the worst. Or at least knowing what you should do.’

‘I don’t do dangerous things,’ Mike protested. ‘But I-’ He stopped cautiously.

‘But you still have the odd shouting match with yourself when you’re asleep? We all do sometimes.’ Jared’s tone became confiding. ‘It happened to me a lot when I was a kid, because I began to understand that I couldn’t always make the world do what I wanted.’

‘But the world does everything you want now,’ Mike said.

‘Mmm, sometimes. Now and then you have to compromise. For instance, I’m planning to take your mother out tomorrow night, but she hasn’t agreed yet so I’m counting on you to help the negotiations.’

‘Mum!’ Mike squeaked, outraged.

‘Yes, darling.’

‘Why didn’t you say yes?’

‘Because I haven’t been asked yet,’ she said, glaring at Jared.

‘Oh, did I forget that detail?’ he asked innocently. ‘I can’t think why.’

‘I can,’ she said, torn between indignation and amusement. ‘It was the quickest way of making me dance to your tune.’

‘Yeah, that must have been it,’ he mused. ‘Well, how about it, Mike? Do I have your permission?’

‘What about my permission?’ Kaye demanded.

‘I’ll leave this to you,’ Jared told Mike with a wink.

Mike nodded. ‘Don’t worry. She’ll be there. Promise.’

‘When the two of you have finished telling me what to do…’ Kaye observed.

Neither of them took any notice of her. They were too busy shaking hands.

‘I think you should go back to bed now,’ she told Mike.

‘Promise,’ he demanded.

‘Now, look-’

‘Promise or I won’t go back to bed.’

She glanced up at Jared. ‘Then I’ll have to-but only to please Mike.’

‘That’s understood,’ he said solemnly.

‘Bed,’ Ethel commanded Mike.

He nodded and put his hand in hers. Having got his own way he was as docile as a lamb.

Kaye showed Jared to the door.

‘Sorry to do it like that,’ he said, ‘but I need to get you to myself. We have a lot to talk about.’

She nodded. ‘Yes, we do.’

‘I’ll call for you tomorrow night, at seven.’

‘Good. Then you’ll be in time to help me put Mike to bed. He’d never forgive us if you didn’t.’

‘That’s what I hoped,’ he said quietly.

He touched her face with gentle fingertips. Then he was gone, walking away through the park.

Kaye almost closed the front door, but kept it open just a crack while she watched him vanish into the darkness. One question had been answered. A hundred more still remained. But the sudden peace and contentment in her heart were overwhelming.

Later that night, in his hotel room, Jared threw himself on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying to come to terms with the evening. In one way it had been just as he expected. In another it had been a stunning surprise.

He’d known Kaye would be changed, but he’d been unprepared for what he’d found: a woman with sad eyes and a way of withdrawing into herself without warning. She retained the wit of her younger days, but she was no longer light-hearted. Instead there was an air of haunting mystery that had never been there before.

His fault? Almost certainly. He must find out and comfort her, if she would let him. Perhaps her barricades were there to exclude him most of all? And could he blame her? No. He must accept the blame as his own.

Another new experience.

But the biggest shock had been Mike. Sitting on the stairs, reaching out to the child by sharing things they had in common, realising that they were one in mind and perhaps in heart-nothing in his life had prepared him for that. If this dazzling little boy turned out not to be his he would be bitterly disappointed.

But he had no fear of that.

From his pocket he took a small photograph of a pretty girl with a rounded face, fair hair and blue eyes. It was his own mother, taken when she was young.

In Jared’s mind Mike appeared beside the girl. He gave a sigh of satisfaction. The same face. No doubt of it.

Now he knew what he’d come to find out, and the way ahead was as clear as a racetrack, with the chequered flag in sight.

CHAPTER THREE

NEXT day he texted.

Glad rags tonight. J.

She texted back.

Shame. I was going to try out a new helmet. K.

His message came back.

Me too. J.

By seven o’clock she was ready, in a dress of deep blue that brought out the depths of her eyes, and her hair had been arranged in a clever combination of elegant and casual. Hell would freeze over before she let Jared suspect she’d taken trouble about her appearance. Even though she had.

‘You’ll knock his eyes out,’ Ethel said with satisfaction. ‘He’ll wonder how he stayed away from you for so long.’

‘That’s not the idea,’ Kaye protested untruthfully.

‘Isn’t it? You’re not human, then.’

‘It’s for Mike’s sake. He needs his father and I’m going to make sure they get to know each other. Nothing more.’

Ethel nodded wisely. ‘Well done, darling. You keep telling yourself that.’

The doorbell rang before she could think of a reply.

‘I’m not late, am I?’ Jared asked, smiling.

‘Bang on time.’

‘Mum, is that him?’ Mike’s voice came from upstairs and his face could be seen through the banisters.

‘Right here,’ Jared called, bounding up the stairs.

Their voices dropped. Mike seemed to be doing most of the talking. Kaye just heard, ‘She doesn’t like-’ and Jared’s reply, ‘I’ll remember that.’ Plainly Mike was giving his instructions and Jared was taking mental notes.

At last Jared said, ‘I’d better go now.’

‘Yes-don’t keep her waiting,’ Mike advised solemnly. ‘She gets mad.’

‘Oi, cheeky!’ Kaye called up the stairs, and was rewarded with two male guffaws.

‘Goodnight, Mike,’ she said, climbing the stairs to reach him. ‘Go to bed, go to sleep, and stop organising my life.’

‘That’s the trouble with women,’ Jared confided to the child. ‘They need us to organise them, but they won’t admit it.’

Mike nodded. They shook hands.

‘Bed,’ Kaye said firmly, kissing him.

‘Night.’ He kissed her and vanished into his room, from whence came the sound of giggling.

‘Let’s go before I get into any more trouble,’ Jared said hurriedly.

Outside, he had a taxi waiting to take them to a restaurant whose plain exterior belied the luxury within. A waiter led them to a table in a discreet corner and hovered to take their order for aperitifs. Jared consulted her taste, giving the matter his whole attention-as he did everything in life, Kaye realised.

Disconcertingly, it served to antagonise her again, as she recalled a hundred newspaper tales of glamorous women he’d escorted, wining and dining them just like this, while she’d been left alone, struggling to raise the son he neither knew about nor wanted to know about.

When the waiter had departed Jared leaned back in his seat, grinning.

‘I need this drink,’ he said. ‘Mike doesn’t let you get away with anything, does he?’

‘I’m sorry if he made you nervous,’ Kaye said.

‘I reckon he’s always going to make people nervous, because he seems to get one step ahead. What a great kid!’

‘Yes, he is,’ she said eagerly.

Tonight she must tell him that he had a son. If he rejected that, she would manage somehow. After all, rejection was what she was used to. But Jared seemed drawn to the child, and perhaps Mike could really have a father. Only he mattered.

To prepare the ground, she continued, ‘The teachers tell me he’s advanced for his age. He’s only five, but he’s already starting to read and write. He’s good at drawing, a dab hand on a computer, and he’s got this great outgoing personality. I envy him that.’

‘Don’t you have an outgoing personality?’ he asked with a touch of surprise.

‘Not really. Sometimes yes; sometimes no. My wary side can take over. But he doesn’t seem to have a wary side.’

‘Tell me about it.’ Jared grinned.

‘He’s got no sense of fear. It makes me want to protect him, but then he gets so cross.’

He nodded. ‘I can imagine. I’ve always been the same. In fact I-’

‘What is it?’ she asked, for he seemed suddenly uneasy.

‘Last night-I should apologise, shouldn’t I?’

‘What for?’

‘Well-Mike-’

‘But you were wonderful with Mike. You told him just what he needed to hear. If his hero has bad dreams too then it isn’t sissy, is it? Why would you apologise for that?’

‘Thanks-I’m glad if I helped. But-well-’ He was floundering. He seldom apologised to anyone about anything, unless it was the kind of light-hearted ‘sorry’ he’d give Hal after a race. But this apology mattered. Mike mattered. She mattered.

‘I did rather take him over, didn’t I?’ he managed to say at last. ‘You’re his mother, but I didn’t give you a chance. Why are you smiling?’

‘At how easily fooled you are,’ she said in delight.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Jared, you didn’t take Mike over. He took you over.’

He stared. ‘Yes, I guess he did at that.’

‘What he wants he just goes for. You, me, Sam and Ethel, the kids at school, even the teachers sometimes. We all end up dancing to his tune.’

Jared gave a rueful grin. ‘I guess I just fell into line. That’s all right-as long as you weren’t upset.’

She shook her head. ‘You made him happy, and that’s all I care about.’

‘All?’ he asked casually, not looking at her.

‘I’m a parent. My baby comes first. It goes with the territory.’ The moment had come. She took a deep breath and added quietly, ‘I guess you know why I’m saying that.’

She half expected him to flinch away, play dumb, but she had underestimated him. He met her eyes, defenceless. ‘It’s true, then? He’s mine?’

‘Yes,’ she said simply.

‘Mine-my son.’

Although he must have suspected the truth it still seemed to bewilder him. He repeated the words in a daze, as though trying to understand them.

‘My child-’ he whispered. ‘He’s my child-mine.’

Suddenly he dropped his head into his hands. Across the narrow table Kaye could see him shaking and was strangely invaded by pity.

‘Jared,’ she murmured, reaching out to him. ‘It’s all right.’

As soon as he felt the touch of her fingers he seized them in a terrible grip, not raising his head but shaking it from side to side like a man in a state of confusion. She reached out her other hand, caressing what little she could see of his face.

‘It’s all right,’ she repeated. She wasn’t quite sure what she meant by the words, except to convey a message of warmth and reassurance.

‘It’s not all right,’ he groaned, raising his head. ‘How could I have been such a fool? When we parted that night I was sure that I’d been careful-but that was just me being stupid and ignorant. You were so young and innocent-a virgin-and I couldn’t face my own guilt. I told myself you’d get in touch if anything went wrong, and when you didn’t I thought all was well. Kaye, why didn’t you tell me? Did you hate me?’

‘No, of course not. I tried to contact you, but by the time I suspected I was pregnant you’d left the firm and you weren’t easy to get in touch with. It was like a wall had come down around you. I sent a text to your cell phone and got back a message saying, ‘Thank you for contacting Jared Marriot. This number is now closed, but he thanks you for your good wishes.”

Jared closed his eyes, as though seeking refuge from the terrible truth, or perhaps from himself. Kaye, still holding his hand, gave it a little squeeze.

‘I think that was Mirella,’ he said. ‘We were getting close, but she tried to manipulate me even closer. I broke it off because she went too far, tried to keep people away, but I never realised how far she’d gone. But it’s still my fault. I should have contacted you. I should have-’

‘Hush,’ she said gently. ‘It’s long ago. We were both younger-’

‘And I was stupid and selfish. Why did you let me get away with it? You might have sued me for support-showed me up for the world to jeer at-’

‘But they wouldn’t have jeered at you,’ she said wryly. ‘Just me, for being rejected.’

‘I didn’t reject you,’ he said with soft violence. ‘Call me immature, irresponsible, half-witted-’

‘If you really want me to,’ she said with a slight smile. ‘Anything you say.’

‘I deserve it. I deserve everything bad you could say or do.’ He checked himself and sighed. ‘But that wouldn’t help, would it? I’m floundering around, not facing things, just as I did then. You’re the one who’s had all the problems.’

‘And all the happiness,’ she reminded him. ‘I’ve had five years of watching Mike grow, learn to walk and talk, discovering how bright he is. You’ve missed all that. I reckon I’m the lucky one.’

‘But you were left to raise him without any help from me. I wasn’t there when you gave birth. I’ve never been there when it mattered. Don’t make it easy for me, Kaye. Even with Sam and Ethel you must have been lonely.’

‘Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no.’

‘Any-particular friends?’

She guessed he was angling to find out about boyfriends, but she wasn’t going to make it that easy for him.

‘They come and go,’ she said vaguely. ‘I don’t tend to lay out the welcome mat.’

‘No, I can imagine. But I still don’t understand why you didn’t pursue me and make me face my responsibilities.’

‘I was afraid you wouldn’t believe me. Or you might have pressured me to end the pregnancy-’

‘Would you have done that?’

How could he dare to ask that? she wondered. She could never have destroyed the child that she carried, but especially not his child-the child of a man who’d touched her heart, even though their time together had been brief. What had happened to her that night had stayed a part of her-not just in her pregnancy, but in the way her spirit had clung to him ever since. But clearly this was something he couldn’t or wouldn’t understand. Her antagonism flared again.

‘No,’ she said quietly. ‘I wouldn’t have done that.’

‘Are you angry with me for asking?’

‘A bit. You see-’

‘There are a million things I still have to learn,’ he said, winning her sympathy again with his understanding. ‘I’m going to have to let you lead the way along this path. That is, if you want to?’

‘I want to,’ she whispered.

‘Every step of the way-wherever it leads. And that’s what we don’t know. Do you remember how I was? Always cock-a-hoop, sure I knew everything.’

‘Yes, I remember that,’ she said tenderly.

He grimaced. ‘And then things happen that take you by surprise.’

‘But perhaps you shouldn’t be surprised,’ she pointed out lightly. ‘The life you’ve led-Mike probably isn’t the only one. Careful!’

His glass had slipped from his hand and smashed onto the floor. Waiters hurried over to clear up the broken glass and replace the wine.

‘Sorry about that,’ he said tensely when there was peace again. ‘There aren’t any others. I’d have known. No other girl would have let me get away with it as you did.’ He saw her faint frown and hastened to add, ‘You think you’re one of a crowd? You’re wrong. You’re special. I knew it even then, but-’

‘But things were different then, weren’t they?’ she asked gently.

‘What do you mean by that?’ he asked quickly.

‘Nothing,’ she said, puzzled by a hint of sharpness in his voice.

‘You must have meant something. Different how?’

‘We were different people. The years have changed us, made us grow up. You were only twenty-four, and most lads of that age aren’t ready for responsibility.’

Did she only imagine that he relaxed, as though with relief?

‘Yes, I was just a kid in those days,’ he said. ‘There was a lot I wasn’t ready for.’

His face was wary, uncertain, as though he feared that every step might be the one that destroyed his dreams. She’d never seen such a look from him before.

‘We still have a thousand things to talk about,’ he said. ‘But not here and now. I want to be alone with you for a long time, with no interruptions.’

‘Yes,’ she said quietly. She knew a sense of relief. She’d sensed, as he had, that this wasn’t the moment to go any further. ‘Time without interruptions isn’t easy to come by if you’re a racing driver.’

‘Right. A different country every two weeks or so. Tomorrow I leave for Spain. Hell! But when I come back you’ll still be here, won’t you?’ His voice was tense again.

‘Yes, I’ll be here.’ A thought struck her. ‘Are you on the early flight tomorrow?’

‘Yes.’

‘Then it’s time you were home and in bed.’

‘Bullying me, huh?’

‘No, I’m just thinking of Mike. If you’re not at your best and don’t win the race I’ll have a lot of explaining to do. Come along. Get going.’

‘Yes, nanny!’ he said with teasing obedience. ‘You sound like my mother. The night before my first Grand Prix she ordered me to bed as though I was five.’

‘I guess she understood you well. Come along.’

He’d said he liked to be in charge at all times, but he seemed happy enough to follow her lead now.

In the taxi, he said, ‘Suddenly I don’t want to go to Spain.’

‘Oh, yes, you do,’ she said lightly. ‘Racing comes first.’

He grimaced. ‘Does it? Well, if you say so. What’s that smile for?’

‘I’ve just realised what a problem I’m going to have over the next few days. My team is Brent, but secretly I’ll be rooting for you.’

‘Promise me that’s true.’

‘I promise,’ she said softly.

‘And when I return we’ll meet up on the first day?’

‘Are you kidding? Mike would never forgive me if we didn’t.’

‘I’m not talking about Mike now.’

As the taxi drew up outside her home she prevented him coming with her to the door.

‘Go home,’ she said. ‘Get some sleep.’

‘Whatever you say.’ He kissed her cheek.

‘Goodnight,’ she said. And fled.

Mike was sleeping when she looked in on him, and she quietly retreated to her own room. It had been a good evening. Jared had accepted his son more easily than she’d dared to hope, and she could feel him reaching out to herself.

Yet she was pervaded by a sense of alarm. She’d told him that the years had changed them, making them different people, and it was true. They had both become more mature-especially Jared. But there was another change in herself.

When she looked back on the girl she’d been then-openhearted, open-armed, ready to love and embrace the world-she could hardly believe that she was the same person.

She’d borne a child to a man who’d simply brushed her aside, and it had changed her beyond recognition. Now she was suspicious, where once she’d been trusting, withdrawn where she’d been eager. The girl who’d once been filled with hope had learned to expect the worst.

Her own reaction to Jared’s return had surprised and worried her. She hadn’t rushed into his arms, she reassured herself, but she’d brushed hard-won caution aside far too easily.

A warning voice was sounding in her head.

Beware. Hold back. He wants his child, but does he want you? Don’t throw away the painful lessons you’ve learned just because he smiles at you.

She looked out of the window at the park where they had walked the night before, as though she might find some kind of answer in its depths. But there was only the darkness, the soft rustling of the trees, and no answer in the whole universe.

When she arrived at work next morning, the owner of Brent, Mr Salcombe, was waiting for her, his face dark and angry.

‘What did you think you were doing?’ he snapped.

‘When?’

‘Last night. You were seen with Jared Marriott, with your heads very close together. Cannonball would give anything to learn the secret of our new gearbox, and now I suppose they know everything.’

The mere thought of being with Jared and wasting time discussing gearboxes was so outrageous that she had to choke back a laugh.

‘Very funny,’ her boss snapped. ‘I won’t tolerate disloyalty. Clear your desk and go.’

‘But-’

‘Go!’

It was all over that fast. Within an hour she was outside the building, minus a job. She texted Jared, telling him what had happened, and awaited his reply.

It didn’t come.

She sent another text, worded more urgently.

Silence.

Nightmares danced about her. It was happening again. He’d simply chosen to disappear.

She could have laughed at her own stupidity in ever believing in him. She’d feared that he might try to seduce her to get close to Mike, but he wasn’t even bothering with that.

Sam and Ethel looked up in alarm as she stormed home.

‘That’s it,’ she said. ‘I can forget any sentimental ideas I may have had.’

Briefly she described what had happened.

‘And when I try to contact him he’s just vanished again,’ she finished. ‘So now I know.’

‘You’re too ready to look on the dark side,’ Sam insisted.

‘Well, maybe the dark side is safer. I knew that before. I should have stuck to it.’

‘But he won’t just dump you if he wants to stay in touch with Mike,’ Ethel pointed out.

‘Oh, he wants his son, all right. But there are lawyers for that.’

At the word ‘lawyers’ she sensed a frisson go through her grandparents.

‘What is it?’

‘Just before you came home there was phone call from a firm of lawyers,’ Ethel said. ‘They asked for your e-mail address. Oh, dear!’

‘Well, at least I’ve been warned,’ Kaye said through gritted teeth. ‘Let’s have a look.’

The e-mail was already there, its message conveyed in plain, uncompromising terms.

Mr. Marriot is employing us to handle details of the financial situation between him and yourself concerning his son. He proposes a monthly fee for future support, and a lump sum to cover the previous five years. The amounts he suggests are-

‘Wow!’ Sam breathed, reading over her shoulder. ‘That is one helluva lot of money.’

‘Of course it is,’ Kaye said bitterly. ‘In return he expects to get Mike without trouble. His son is his property, you see, and he doesn’t want me to make difficulties. Oh, boy, is he in for a shock!’

Her voice sounded controlled, but inwardly she was screaming. She’d believed him. She’d even come to the verge of trusting him-a notable journey for her. And all the time this had been the underlying truth.

Her phone rang. She snatched it up, ready to unleash her bitterness on Jared, but she heard an unfamiliar female voice.

‘Ms Linton? I’m calling from Team Cannonball. I was given your number by Mr Marriot. We urgently need to hire someone who can speak several languages, and he says you would be ideal.’

‘Mr Marriot-said that?’

‘He praised you in the highest terms, and he seemed to think you might be available.’

‘I-well, I don’t have a job at the moment.’

‘Excellent. Everyone is in Spain for the Grand Prix, and Mr Vanner, our managing director, would like to meet you. Can you travel today?’

‘Yes-yes.’

‘Splendid! I’ll arrange your tickets and accommodation.’

She hung up, leaving Kaye in a whirl. Now she had no idea what to think. With one hand Jared seemed to push her away; with the other he invited her in. Hope was flowering anew. But she couldn’t believe it. She didn’t want to believe it. Trust was too dangerous.

The phone rang. This time it was him.

‘I told them you were the best,’ he said, adding as an afterthought, ‘Spanish is one of your languages, isn’t it?’

‘Luckily, yes.’

‘Phew. That was a near thing. We’ll meet up later today.’

‘Jared-wait-’

‘We’ll talk tonight,’ he said, and hung up with a speed that might have led a suspicious person to think he was avoiding certain subjects. As for whether Kaye actually was that suspicious person, even she was no longer sure.

‘You see-you were wrong,’ Ethel said. ‘He’s not dumping you. Don’t judge people so quickly.’

‘Is that what I am? Judgemental?’

‘It’s not your fault, but you’re too ready to expect the worst, and the worst doesn’t always happen. Try to keep a more open mind, otherwise you could spoil your own life.’

Kaye kissed her. ‘Bless you. I’ll try to remember.’

The two of them, and Mike, came to the airport with her. Mike was sulking at not being allowed to come too, but at the last minute he relented and pressed a drawing into her hand.

‘I did it for him,’ he said. ‘Promise to give it to him.’

‘I promise, darling.’

‘Will passengers for Valencia please-?’

A round of kisses and she was on her way. During the flight she studied the sketch, which showed a racing car with a helmeted driver waving both hands above his head. It was childish, but skilled for his age, and she looked forward to Jared’s reaction.

Her own feelings were in a state of confusion. Only a few hours ago he’d seemed to have turned his back on her, inspiring in her a resentment that had been almost hatred. But then he’d persuaded his team to employ her and bring her to his side. On the telephone his voice had been friendly, but with an undercurrent of tension that kept her caution alive.

She must cling to that caution, she warned herself. Her heart might urge her to yield, but it was her mind that ruled these days. She wondered who would meet her at the airport. Not Jared himself. He would be far too busy preparing for the race.

But he was there, waiting as she came though Customs, and when he saw her he waved his hands above his head exactly as he did when he won a race-and as the sketch showed. But of course, sang the voice in her heart, refusing to be silenced a moment longer. Of course he’d come for her himself-just as secretly she had always known that he would.

But joy must wait just a little longer. There was a man with him who turned out to be Mr Vanner, the boss. Too impress him, Kaye put on a show, talking to officials in perfect Spanish, and she saw him relax and nod.

‘OK, I’m satisfied,’ he said. ‘We’ll talk money later. Now I’ll be off. I’m sure you two don’t need me.’

‘You bet we don’t,’ Jared murmured in her ear as he led her to a taxi.

As soon as the car started her pulled her into his arms. Years had passed since their last real kiss, and now she knew she’d longed for this from the first moment of his return. The feel of his lips against hers was like returning to life after a long sleep, and the life she rediscovered was glorious. There were so many things they must still discuss, but none of them mattered beside what was happening to her now, and the new person she was becoming.

All too soon they reached the hotel, returning reluctantly to the real world. They must climb out, speaking and acting normally until Kaye had been shown to her room and the door had closed on the porter.

He took a step forward. ‘I was so afraid you wouldn’t come.’

‘I can’t believe this happened,’ she murmured. ‘Those lawyers-money-’

‘But of course. I should have been supporting the two of you already, so it’s only right to make up for it.’

‘I wish you’d told me that earlier. I thought-’

He stared. ‘Thought what?’

‘All that talk of money-’ She took a deep breath and said in a shaking voice, ‘I didn’t think I’d see you again.’

‘You thought I was trying to buy you off?’ he said, aghast. ‘Just claiming my fatherly rights and keeping you at a distance? How could you-?’ But he checked himself with a groan. ‘No, of course you thought that. It’s my fault for being so clumsy. I did it all in a rush-calling the lawyers from the airport as I was getting ready to board. I should have told you first. Kaye, I swear to you, this isn’t about money.’

She gave him a long, heart-searching look, knowing that at last it had come: the moment for which she’d waited years. ‘Isn’t it?’ she murmured. ‘You may have to convince me.’

A faint, self-mocking smile illuminated his face as he reached for her, whispering, ‘I think I’ll enjoy doing that.’ His hands became more possessive as he drew her closer. ‘Let me show you what it really is about.’

CHAPTER FOUR

AFTERWARDS she slept in his arms in a state of peace that she hadn’t known for years. She’d made love not only with her body, but with her heart and soul-something she had never thought to do. But it had felt right. The wariness and mistrust had released her, like bonds falling away, and suddenly everything about being with Jared felt right.

Waking, she lay curled up against him, trying to remember how things had been earlier that same day, when she’d believed he’d rejected her again. Now she seemed to have stepped into another universe.

‘What’s that sigh for?’ he asked.

‘I was just thinking about the way things happen. You just can’t plan for anything, can you? When I woke up this morning I worked for Brent. Then I go in, get fired, and now I’m working for Cannonball.’

‘It’s fate,’ he said. ‘That’s what it is.’

‘It must be-otherwise it would be scary to think what a big part chance plays in life. Who could have predicted that someone would see us together and tell Salcombe that I must be passing on secrets?’

His head turned slightly, and she looked up to find him regarding her with wry humour.

‘What is it?’ she asked, as some inkling of the incredible truth began to dawn on her. ‘Jared, what did you do?’

‘Let’s just say I don’t believe in leaving things to chance.’

‘You-are you telling me-?’

‘Actually, I’m trying not to tell you, because I’m not ready to die,’ he said, looking warily at her face.

‘You fixed it,’ she breathed.

‘I arranged for someone to pass certain information on to Salcombe.’

‘And got me fired?’

‘It was necessary.’

‘Why? I could have given in my notice.’

‘That would have taken weeks. I wanted you today.’

‘You scheming, manipulative, devious, conniving-’

‘I prefer Machiavellian. It’s more dignified. Hey, don’t hit me.’

Laughing, he dodged her flying hands, which were slapping him nineteen to the dozen.

‘I should do more than hit you,’ she seethed. ‘How dare you simply organise my life to suit yourself, without asking what I wanted?’

‘But it’s simpler that way,’ he declared, with an air of innocence that made her fight back her own laughter. ‘You might not have wanted the same as I wanted, and then what would I have done?’

‘Backed off? Given up?’

‘Oh, no, I never do that,’ he said solemnly. ‘If I want something, I take it. Always in charge. Always in the driving seat. That’s me.’

There was mischief in his eyes, but also a warning. This was how he was. Take it or leave it. He would use any means to get what he wanted. Only yesterday she would have taken warning from that, and blamed him. But in this new world where she found herself she only saw that what he wanted was herself.

Overjoyed, she ignored the warning and threw herself back into his arms.

That night was the happiest of her life.

Next morning she awoke to find herself alone, Jared having slipped back to his own room. The press was out in force, and they would have to be careful. After breakfast with the team her day would be spent at the track.

They met briefly going down the stairs, and she seized the chance to show him Mike’s picture.

‘I meant to give it to you as soon as we met,’ she said. ‘But-er-’

‘But we got distracted,’ he supplied wryly. ‘Hey, this is great.’

‘I told you he was an artist.’

‘As well as a computer genius. What a kid. Just a minute.’

He whipped out his cell phone, dialled, and a moment later his face lit up.

‘Mike? Great to talk to you. That picture-wonderful. Did you really do it yourself? I can’t believe it.’

He went on in this way for five minutes, while Mike squealed his pleasure so loud that Kaye heard it.

‘I’ll hand you over to your mum now,’ Jared said at last. ‘But don’t keep her long. We have to get to the track.’

She could have hugged Jared for the way he’d accepted Mike right from the start. He was going to be a wonderful father. She felt that her happiness was surely too great to be real. But it was real. That was the best of all.

Now all his thoughts were of the race, but it was enough to be near him, knowing that he wanted her there. She made herself useful to Mr Vanner in the background, not wanting to distract Jared from the coming danger.

There were three vital days. First came the practice sessions, when the drivers could study the track, making notes about bends and straights, where it was good to overtake, where overtaking should be avoided at all costs. Following that there would be work done on the cars so that they could perform at their best on that particular track, and next day came the qualifying sessions, when the drivers raced around the circuit-the fastest being awarded ‘pole position’ at the front of the starting grid.

In Team Cannonball there were a few nerves. As the current world champion Jared was expected to get pole position, but on the last race he’d lost it to Hal. He’d won that race, but nobody was going to feel at ease until he’d qualified at the front. Least of all Jared himself.

But everything went well. In practice he stormed ahead, his qualifying lap was fastest, and he achieved pole position. On the night before the race he retired early, blissfully happy.

‘Tomorrow’s going to be a good day,’ he murmured sleepily.

‘Just be careful,’ she urged. ‘Please be careful.’

‘Careful? That’s not what it’s about.’

‘But Jared-Jared-?’

He was already asleep.

He didn’t know what she was talking about, she realised. Caution? What was that? The risks he took were calculated to the extreme degree, and as far as he was concerned that was all that mattered.

But now she was living in a different world, one that shrieked DANGER when he got into the car.

She tried to be reasonable. Everything was safer now. Drivers crashed, but got out of their cars and walked away. It was a long time since anyone had been killed.

She thought of the last few years, when she’d watched a hundred Grand Prix on television, feeling only the calm interest of one who knew the industry from the inside. Jared had never been hers, and the feeling of distance had protected her from fear.

But now everything was different. With every hour she was growing closer to him, perhaps loving him, and was devastated at the thought of his death. She turned and lay beside him, trying to see his sleeping face but not quite managing it. He was oblivious to her, lost in the only world that would matter to him for the next few hours. She leaned over and kissed him, just managing to touch his ear.

‘Come back to me,’ she whispered. ‘And to Mike. Don’t leave him, whatever you do. He couldn’t bear it now-any more than I could.’

Then she turned over, knowing there was no more to say. She wouldn’t mention the subject tomorrow, because the worst thing she could do was nag him before a race.

In the event her worries seemed groundless. Jared held the lead from start to finish. At first Kaye held her breath, her heart pounding, but Jared’s mastery soon became so clear that she was able to relax until he crossed the finishing line.

She rejoiced in his victory, but what warmed her heart most was the fact that he took the first opportunity to call Mike, and talked to him for ten minutes before handing the phone to Kaye.

‘Now we’ll have a month without travelling,’ Jared said as they lay together that night.

He was referring to the fact that the next race, in two weeks’ time, was at Silverstone, in England, and she hastened to say, ‘You know what Mike’s going to want, don’t you?’

‘Yes. He’d never forgive either of us if he didn’t get a visit to Silverstone. I’ll fix it. I want to get to know him well before we say anything.’

‘Tell him who you are, you mean? You could tell him now. He’s such a fan of yours that he’ll be thrilled.’

‘He’s a fan of the driver. I want him to be a fan of the father. Please, Kaye, humour me in this.’ His eyes suddenly held a mysteriously distant look. ‘It’s important.’

‘Of course,’ she said. ‘We’ll tell him together when the time comes.’

It was another reason for happiness. She hadn’t expected such insight from Jared.

As before, he fell asleep first-which must be natural, she realised, in a man who lived though his senses. She guessed that recent events had brought about the first hint of a change, and the discovery of his son had made him think seriously for the first time in his life. But he was still ruled by instinctive reactions.

And so am I, she mused. How many times have we made love? And did I take precautions? It never crossed my mind any more than it seems to have crossed his. And if I become pregnant again? Is that what I secretly want? Is it what he secretly wants? Is he hoping I won’t notice that we aren’t being careful?

A faint, daring smile illuminated her face.

Fine, she thought. Then I won’t notice.

And might it not be best like this? Perhaps there was something to be said for trusting Fate to show you the way.

On the journey home next day he could talk of nothing but how much he was looking forward to being with Mike in the school holidays.

A funfair had arrived in the local park and Jared seized his chance. An evening spent with thrill rides, dodgems, big wheel and rollercoaster was exactly what the two daredevils needed to bond with each other.

Sam and Ethel came too, but went off in a different direction.

‘The stalls are quite exciting enough for us,’ Ethel said. ‘See you later.’

Kaye never forgot that first ride on the rollercoaster-climbing slowly up into the sky, the moment at the very top with nothing between them and the heavens, then the headlong plunge. It was like her life now, she thought. Glorious heights, the descents, then climbing again, and finally coming to rest.

‘Again,’ Mike demanded when they landed.

‘Aren’t you scared?’ she demanded.

His puzzled look answered her. What on earth did ‘scared’ mean?

She went up three more times, then persuaded her crazy menfolk to get out and head for the hoopla stall. But after a few throws Mike was determined to return to the rollercoaster.

‘If you don’t like it, Mummy, you don’t need to come,’ he said kindly.

‘That’s very nice of you, darling.’

Suddenly Mike threw his arms around her. ‘I don’t want you to be scared or upset.’

‘As long as you’re safe I’ll be fine.’

They drew back, smiling into each other’s eyes in perfect understanding. For a moment they both forgot about Jared, watching them with the gentle, quizzical expression of a man who’d just made a stunning discovery.

The moment passed quickly. A boy of five could only allow himself to be soppy for a brief time. As if to make up for it, Mike seized Jared’s hand in both his, hauling him away. Jared threw Kaye a helpless look and allowed himself to be commandeered.

‘I’ll bet Jared was exactly like that at his age,’ Ethel said from behind Kaye, where she and Sam had just appeared.

‘I’m sure of it,’ Kaye agreed. ‘He’s still like it now.’

They had secured the front of the rollercoaster, and from this distance she could just see them as they peaked and began the drop, yelling with delight, Jared’s arms protectively around his son. As they slowed to a stop she could see an argument going on, which Jared ended by lifting Mike determinedly out.

‘Time for home,’ he said, when he’d greeted Sam and Ethel. ‘You may not be knackered, but I am. Off with you, you monster. I’m going to take your mother to dinner.’

Mike was offended-not at being called a monster, which he thought perfectly proper, but at the suggestion that he should go home. But Sam yawned dramatically, and gave Jared a thumbs-up sign which made Kaye chuckle.

‘Where are we having dinner?’ she asked as they wandered away.

‘My apartment,’ he said, slipping an arm around her shoulders. ‘It’s not far.’

She was fascinated to see where he lived now-if it was any different from before.

It was an expensive apartment, yet with the same feeling of austerity and aloneness.

There was one photograph on the sideboard that caught her attention. It showed a young woman in a bridal gown, gazing up into the eyes of her groom.

‘That’s my parents on their wedding day,’ Jared said, ‘taken just outside the church.’

‘So that’s where Mike gets his face from,’ she murmured. ‘No wonder you were so sure from the start.’

‘One look at him and I knew we were family,’ he agreed. ‘I only wish my parents were still alive to see him.’

She looked closer. The bride’s left hand was on her groom’s arm, giving Kaye a clear view of a large engagement ring.

‘They were so proud of that ring,’ Jared said, grinning. ‘My dad couldn’t really afford it, but he said nothing was too good for her. She told me it took him months to pay for it. When she died he took it off her finger, gave it to me, and told me to be very careful who I gave it to. “It’s got to be the right one,” he said, “and I want to look her over first.” Every time the press linked my name with a dolly girl he’d say, “You’re not getting daft ideas about that one, I hope?”’ He sighed, looking at her. ‘It’s a pity he died three years ago.’

She held her breath, wondering if his next words would be, He’d have liked you. But she was fated not to know. A knock at the door announced the arrival of supper.

‘I took the precaution of ordering from the take away down the street,’ he said.

The moment slipped past. If he’d been going to speak of marriage before, she knew he wouldn’t do it now. But he’d come so close, so soon. She would have to be content with that.

Talk turned to money. The lawyers had been in touch again, and Jared wanted to finalise the arrangements.

‘I’ve booked an appointment for us tomorrow, so that we can sign things,’ he said.

‘Really? Thanks for telling me.’

‘Well, you know me and my controlling nature. And this way you’re protected. If I vanish you can sue me for every penny.’

‘Must you talk about money?’ she complained.

‘You’re right. Other things are far more interesting.’

After that the meal was finished quickly, and there was the warmth, the darkness, and the sweet feeling of coming home.

At work Mr Vanner was pleased with her, the pay was good, and life slipped into a pleasant phase. Jared didn’t hint again at marriage, but he arranged for them to be together as often as possible, culminating in the British Grand Prix. Both Brent and Cannonball had built their factories in the English Midlands, to be near the Silverstone track, so for once working on the race didn’t involve lengthy travel.

At Jared’s insistence Kaye was allowed to bring Mike for a visit to the pits, where he was treated as a celebrity. Nobody asked about his connection with Jared. Nobody needed to.

Jared drove the fastest practice lap. Second fastest were the two Brent drivers-Hal, and a newcomer called Gary who was tipped for great things. He had a mighty good opinion of himself and regarded Jared with jealousy.

‘Watch out for him,’ Kaye murmured. ‘He’s a nasty piece of work.’

‘Hmm. A bit like Warrior,’ Jared agreed. ‘Don’t worry.’

In the event he won the race without trouble, with Gary doing no more than glower.

At the party that followed, Mr Vanner murmured to Kaye, ‘We’re all feeling relief right now. You know Jared did badly in a lot of races at the start of the season? He fell behind on points, but recently he’s been winning again, and his points are building back up. Another couple of wins and he’ll regain the lead.’

There was no doubt now that Sam and Ethel were supporting them all the way. Twice they invited Jared to dinner, treating him as one of the family with a lack of caution that actually made Kaye feel awkward.

Soon, she knew, they would have to make decisions about Mike, about themselves and each other, but she was too wise to force the moment.

Then, one evening, there was a strange incident.

They were in his home, cooking together, laughing over the fact that he was the better cook.

‘I remember this from before,’ she said. ‘You told me how your mother had taught you to cook. I’m expecting great things of this meal.’

Her expectations were fulfilled. He pulled out all the stops and fed her superbly.

‘At least let me make the coffee,’ she begged as they finished, and he agreed.

As she made the coffee she suddenly remembered something. The day they had met again she’d thought she saw him in the school car park and had meant to ask him about it. But with so much happening it had slipped her mind.

She must remember to ask him soon, she thought, and they would laugh together. Perhaps tonight. She glanced into the other room, and was in time to see him go to a drawer, take out a small box, extract from it his mother’s ring and slip it into his pocket.

In a flash all thoughts of the car park were abandoned. He was going to propose, she thought, trying not to be overcome by excitement. The road they had been travelling together would reach its glorious destination.

As she took in the coffee, Jared’s phone rang.

‘Guess who?’ he said. ‘Mike, what a surprise!’

He gave Mike a good ten minutes before ringing off.

‘He’s never lost for something to say,’ he observed. ‘What a boy!’

‘Yes, I envy other mothers whose children aren’t so gorgeous,’ she agreed. ‘I want a dozen more, all like him. Jared? Is something the matter?’

‘What?’

‘You drew a sharp breath. Are you in pain?’

‘Yes, I’ve got a bit of a headache. It came on suddenly. It happens to me sometimes and-and once they start I must go to bed.’

‘I’ll stay and look after you.’

‘No, I need to be alone. I’ll call you.’

His voice was strained and his face dreadfully pale. She hurried to leave, since that was what he wanted, but it hurt that a gap had opened up again between them. For some reason need made him turn away from her, not towards her.

It was several days before she saw him again. During that time he texted her frequently, but didn’t call.

‘I hope he’s better soon,’ Mr Vanner said worriedly. ‘We’re flying to Germany in a couple of days.’

But his brow cleared next morning when Jared appeared, fully recovered, pleasant and smiling. It might all never have happened.

Kaye couldn’t forget how she’d been relegated to the outside, yet Jared seemed intent on making it up to her-often clasping her hand out of sight of the others, and smiling at her in a way that reminded her of the world they shared.

In Germany he achieved the fastest time in the qualifying laps, securing pole position for himself, and beating Gary into second place on the grid.

That night they dined alone and quietly. When they went to bed he didn’t try to make love, but slept with his hand on her, as though afraid she would vanish.

Next day the race went well. Jared led all the way, outwitting all attempts to overtake him until the very last bend, when a sudden frisson went through the team watching on screen. Gary was trying to edge past in a highly dangerous manner.

‘He’s going to make Jared crash,’ one of the Cannonball team said furiously. ‘Trying to force him into that wall if he doesn’t give way.’ He seized the microphone and barked into it. ‘Let him pass, man. It’s not worth dying for.’

But Jared either didn’t hear or was in another universe. He drove on, not wavering, refusing to budge, until Gary gave up and fell behind again. A few moments later Jared shot over the line, to the deafening cheers of the crowd and the roars of his team.

‘I’ll swear that man isn’t afraid of anything,’ Mr Vanner muttered. ‘Did you ever see anything like that?’

Kaye couldn’t answer. The violence of her own feelings terrified her. Jared’s icy courage, his obstinate refusal to yield, might have cost him his life. Knowing that, he hadn’t flinched. Now that it was over the truth hit her hard, and her heart was thundering.

She stayed quiet during the evening’s celebrations. At dinner the television was on, showing a re-run of the race, with the commentator going berserk at the finish.

‘Nerves of ice, nerves of steel. Can anything scare Jared Marriot?’

‘For the love of heaven!’ Jared exclaimed, embarrassed but grinning. ‘It was nothing. I didn’t even see him.’

This was greeted by disbelieving jeers, under cover of which Jared slipped away. Kaye went with him, and in the night that followed the distance between them shrank to nothing and she was almost content again.

Almost. The fear would be with her as long as she loved him. Which meant it would be with her always.

In the early hours she propped herself up on her elbow, regarding him tenderly as he slept. Now there was no need for words, except for those in her heart.

You gave it all back to me, she told him silently. Not just love, but trust and contentment, the confidence that I can feel safe in the world because it’s a place where good things happen. I thought I’d lost it again recently, but you weren’t well. That’s all it was. If only I could tell you what you mean to me-a thousand times more than you meant before. Because now I can see into your heart and know that it belongs to me, and to our son. Last time I saw only emptiness there, but now-oh, my darling, now-Oh, heavens, why am I crying when I’m so happy?

She laid her face against his chest, listening to the soft beat of his heart, knowing that at last she’d come home to the place where she belonged-the only place in the world that mattered. Softly she ran her fingertips over him, half fearing, half hoping to awaken him.

‘I love you,’ she said aloud. ‘I’ve loved you for years, but I didn’t dare admit it to myself. Now I can, and soon-oh, please, soon-I can admit it to you.’

He made a sound, and she looked up to find his face turned towards her, eyes still closed, lips very slightly parted. She smiled, laying a gentle kiss on them.

‘But not yet,’ she told him. ‘You’re not quite ready, are you? It’s all there inside, but we’re both waiting for the right moment. When will it come? That’s a mystery, but we can be patient.’ She smiled in self-mockery. ‘I’m very good at waiting.’

She kissed him again, preparing to slide down in the bed and snuggle up to him. But suddenly he gave a long, sighing moan, then another. His head began to twist from side to side and the sound grew deeper, more intense and painful.

‘Hush, darling,’ she said, giving him a little shake. ‘Wake up. I’m here.’

But his eyes didn’t open, and she could tell that she hadn’t reached him. The noise became softer, less anguished. Perhaps the bad moment was passing and it would be better to let him sleep. She watched him anxiously, trying to decide.

‘No,’ he groaned. ‘No, no-I can’t bear it-’

‘Darling-’ She tried to take him in her arms but he thrust her away, beginning to writhe.

‘It isn’t me-it can’t be-it isn’t me. No-no-no!’

His voice became a roar. His arms were flailing dementedly and she had to dodge them to get close to him.

‘Wake up,’ she cried. ‘Wake up!’

But it seemed as though he couldn’t wake. Whatever the hellish place deep in inside him, he was trapped in it, screaming for release but unable to find it.

‘Jared,’ she cried, shaking him. ‘I’m here-look at me. I’m going to make it all right.’

‘It’ll never be all right,’ he growled, but still his eyes were closed and she couldn’t tell if he knew she was there. ‘Some things can’t be put right. Nothing will ever be right again-never-never-’

‘Yes, it will,’ she urged. ‘We can make it right as long as we’re together. Wake up, darling, please.’

With a loud cry he sat up sharply in bed, eyes wide and staring, his entire body shaking violently. Appalled, Kaye kept hold of him, knowing that this was no ordinary nightmare. But when she tried to draw him close he thrust her away.

‘Who the hell are you?’ he shouted. ‘Get out-get out! Don’t touch me!’

‘Jared, it’s me-Kaye.’ Hurriedly she switched on the light, which seemed to work.

As he returned to reality he seemed to collapse, then threw himself back on the bed.

‘Do you know who I am?’ she asked, sitting beside him.

He stared at her from dead eyes. ‘Yes. It’s all right. I’m awake now. I’m sorry if I hit you.’

‘You didn’t know what you were doing. It must have been a terrible dream. You were shouting such things.’

‘What?’ he asked tensely. ‘What was I shouting?’

‘You kept saying, “It isn’t me.” I don’t understand.’

He gave a grunt. ‘Oh, that again. It’s because I was ill-face swelled up-and looking into the mirror was terrible.’

‘You mean that crash you had at the start of the season? You injured your face?’

He seemed to hesitate. ‘Not exactly. I crashed because I was ill, and I looked so dreadful I couldn’t endure the sight of myself. It made me realise that one day I’ll be old and ugly.’

‘Old, but never ugly,’ she assured him.

‘Oh, yes, it’s there-waiting at the end of the road.’

‘Tell me all about it.’

‘I don’t want to dwell on it. It’s not a pleasant memory.’

‘But if you keep it hidden inside you, perhaps that’s why you have nightmares. If you told me about it, perhaps it would go away.’

‘Nothing will make it go away,’ he said hoarsely.

But she wouldn’t accept that. Taking him in her arms, she said fiercely, ‘Tell me! We’ll fight it together.’

‘Are you strong enough to fight my demons?’ he whispered.

‘What demons?’ she asked. ‘You’re recovered now. The demons were sent packing.’

‘Yes-yes, of course.’

‘And as long as we’re together I’m strong enough for anything. Look.’ She clasped his hand. ‘Did you ever feel such strength?’

He surveyed the delicate hand that lay in his and gave a wry smile.

‘No, I don’t think I ever did,’ he said. ‘It’s awesome.’ He closed his fingers over hers. ‘I guess you’ll keep me safe.’

Nobody who knew Jared only superficially, which meant everyone else in the world, would have believed he’d ever say such a thing.

She could feel violent tremors going through him, almost as though he was weeping, and her arms tightened protectively about him.

She was moving her hands as she spoke, caressing him softly, teasingly, trying to distract him from his misery. She felt him grow still, as though he couldn’t believe what was happening, then gradually the life seemed to be restored to his ravaged body. She enticed him more, luring him on to respond, until he did, moving his hands in an exploration that was almost tentative, then growing in confidence, until at last he cast diffidence aside and raised himself up to look down directly into her face.

He must have seen something there that he needed, for the next moment he was making love to her with full force. Kaye sighed with satisfaction. It had worked. She’d released him from his fears as only she could do. Her smile was one of triumph, melting into pleasure as he took possession of her with a vigour that was almost ferocity and which thrilled her.

‘Go to sleep now,’ she murmured. ‘Everything’s going to be all right.’

She believed it. Falling asleep in his arms, she thought that a new dawn had arrived for them.

CHAPTER FIVE

SHE awoke an hour later and lay with her eyes closed, relishing this new joy, then reaching across the bed for him.

But he wasn’t lying there. Opening her eyes, she found him sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to her.

That wasn’t part of the dream.

‘Hello,’ she said.

He turned quickly and smiled. ‘Are you all right?’ he asked.

‘Shouldn’t I be asking you that? You were in a bad way.’

He rolled over to lie beside her. ‘I want you to tell me something.’

He wanted her to say she loved him, she thought.

‘Yes? What?’

‘When I was shouting in my sleep, did I say anything particular?’

‘Only what I told you before,’ she said, coming down to earth. ‘You kept saying “It isn’t me.”’

‘Nothing else?’

‘Not that I remember.’

‘Are you sure?’ he asked, sounding tense.

‘Quite sure. Why? What are you afraid you said?’

He gave an awkward laugh. ‘Don’t be silly.’

She tried to lighten the atmosphere with a tiny joke. ‘You didn’t mention other women, I promise.’

He rose to the occasion, meeting her mood. ‘Well, that’s a relief.’

She managed a small laugh. ‘So your terrible secret is still a secret.’

His smile faded. She could have sworn a tremor went through him, and it flickered across her mind that perhaps he really did have another woman.

Suddenly the winds were howling again. Such a betrayal would destroy her. She’d opened her heart to him a second time, but there could be no other chances.

But he instantly replied, ‘Don’t say that. There’s nobody but you. I love you. There-I’ve said it.’ He flung the words out like an accusation.

She touched his face. ‘You’ve been fighting it, haven’t you?’

‘I suppose I have,’ he growled.

The fear passed. What could possibly go wrong now? It was time to risk everything on the throw of the dice.

‘I saw you with your mother’s ring,’ she said. ‘I even dared to hope you were going to give it to me. But then you got that headache.’

He raised one crooked eyebrow. ‘Are you proposing to me?’

‘I guess I am.’

She’d struck the right note, enticing him without pressure. Now his good humour and self-confidence were venturing back. ‘The truth is you don’t want me,’ he observed. ‘You just want the ring.’

‘Well, it’s quite a ring. As soon as I saw it I knew it had to be mine-plus-well, plus anything else that went with it.’

‘So that’s what I am? An extra tagged on like a supermarket special offer?’

‘That’s putting it very well. In time I’ll probably exchange you for vouchers.’

‘What do I get in return?’ he wanted to know.

‘All my love, now and for ever. Of course you’ve always had that-you just didn’t know it. Come to think of it, I didn’t really know it myself for a long time.’

‘I warn you, I’ll try your patience.’

‘Don’t worry. You always have. I’ve learned to cope.’

Grinning, he kissed her. But then humour faded, and there were no more words for a while.

So now it seemed that they were engaged, she mused later. Possibly the strangest proposal ever.

As they prepared to leave Jared said, ‘Can we keep this our secret for a while? There are a lot of things to be settled before the world knows.’

Mike, she thought. He must be told everything first.

‘Of course,’ she agreed.

Unusually, the next race-in Hungary-was only a week away, leaving little time for personal life. But after that there was a three-week gap, which would be their chance to think of themselves.

It would have been lovely to celebrate their engagement with another baby, and as they flew back to England from Germany she allowed herself to hope that a faint sign would turn out to be significant.

She remembered how quickly she’d become pregnant last time. One brief encounter and within two weeks she’d had the first hint. It might happen that way again, and this time she would have the pleasure of telling Jared and seeing his happiness.

But the hint turned out to be a false alarm, leaving her disappointed.

Still, I’m older now, she reassured herself. It won’t happen so quickly. We’ll get there. Be patient.

The trouble was that she didn’t want to be patient. She wanted the joy of going through a pregnancy with Jared at her side. It would happen. She promised herself that.

On the flight to Hungary she sat next to Mr Vanner, taking notes, concentrating on work.

‘I can’t tell you how I’m looking forward to three weeks after this without any races,’ he sighed.

Smiling, she nodded. She too was looking forward to those three weeks.

For the first two days everything went as they’d hoped. Jared achieved the fastest practice time, and the fastest qualifying time, beating Gary into second place on the grid.

‘Just wait until we race tomorrow,’ she heard Gary mutter. ‘Then you’ll see.’

‘Oh, leave it,’ she told him, pausing as she gathered her things.

The great hangar was emptying fast, and she hurried to leave.

‘Well, bless my soul-look who it is.’

Looking up, Kaye saw a face she recognised.

‘Hello, Tony. What brings you here?’

Tony Williams was a journalist whom she’d sometimes met, hanging around, trying to sniff out a good story, preferably a scandal. He was pleasant enough, but she was always on her guard.

‘Just seeing if there was anything interesting going on,’ he said airily.

‘Well, there isn’t.’

‘Not so sure about that. There’s a rumour going around about a certain person who had a mysterious spell in hospital a few months ago. It was a private hospital, nobody was allowed near, and no questions could be asked.’

Jared had already told her a little about this, but nothing would make her satisfy the journalist’s curiosity, so she merely shrugged.

‘It just makes you wonder,’ Tony continued, ‘why the nature of that illness is being kept so determinedly secret.’

‘Possibly because it’s nobody else’s business,’ she flashed.

‘That’s understandable. Especially if it was mumps.’

Jared hadn’t given his illness a name, had merely spoken of his swollen face. With a monumental effort of will she froze her expression and kept quiet.

‘You know what mumps does to a man, don’t you?’ Tony went on. ‘It makes him sterile. Oh, he can still take a woman to bed, give her a good time, but nothing comes of it. She doesn’t have to fear getting pregnant because he’s useless.’

‘Rubbish,’ she managed to say.

‘It’s not. I knew a man once who had it happen to him. He’d been quite a Romeo in his day, so he went round looking up old girlfriends, hoping to find that he was already a father. It makes you wonder what he told those girls.’ He struck an attitude. ‘Hiya, honey, nice to see you again. Did you by any chance have my kid? No? Oh, well, on to the next one.”

She fought to keep her smile in place, knowing that he was watching her for any reaction.

‘Sorry, Tony, but you’re dreaming.’

‘How would you know? You’re not denying that he’s Mike’s father, are you? Everyone knows that Jared turned up suddenly, and you have to wonder why?’

‘No, what you have to do is jump to a lot of glib conclusions. Jared’s an honest man. He’d never do what you’re suggesting. Vanish, if you know what’s good for you.’

‘Oh, come on, Kaye. It all fits. There’s a great story here, and we’d pay a good price for it. All you have to do is- Hey, that hurt!’

‘It was meant to. Get out, and if you print one word of this I’ll make you sorry you were born.’

‘So much for a free press-ow!’

‘Now will you go?’ she demanded.

‘Frankly, Jared has my sympathy. I can see you’re going to make him pay. All right, all right-I’m going.’

He vanished, leaving her alone, staring ahead, her mind filled with flashing, screaming images.

She would have given anything to be able to disbelieve this, but every instinct in her recognised it as the truth.

The time she’d seen Jared watching her in the car park; his sudden arrival at the pageant. Those weren’t accidents. He’d come to find her-no, he’d come to find Mike. As Mike’s mother, she was no more than a necessary extra, and Jared had done what he had to in order to secure them both.

That was all there was to it.

She forced herself to move. Outside, everyone was gathering, ready to go for a meal. Jared smiled when he saw her, the perfect picture of a man happy in love. You would believe it if you didn’t know the truth.

‘I won’t join you for the meal,’ she said. ‘I want an early night.’

‘Me too,’ Jared said.

‘No, I think Mr Vanner needs a chat with you,’ she said quickly. ‘I’ll see you later.’

‘Are you all right?’ he asked, frowning as he glanced at her face.

‘Yes, I’m fine. Bye.’

She fled-hoping that he wouldn’t follow her, because she desperately needed to be alone to sort this out, but irrationally disappointed when he didn’t insist. He would get deep into talk about the coming race and forget her existence until she was useful again.

She took a taxi, meaning to go to the hotel, but suddenly she couldn’t bear to be enclosed by walls and she made the driver stop near a park. She would wander and try to cope with the way her world had collapsed. With all her heart she longed to deny it, but everything fitted too well. She’d been a fool. The man who always demanded his own way had made use of her.

The light was fading. She turned her steps towards the hotel, wondering what she was going to do when she saw Jared. Tell him? Ask him?

Not now, she thought. Don’t distract him the night before a race. I’ll go to bed and he’ll find me ‘asleep’. Tomorrow-when he’s won-maybe-

But as she reached the corridor Jared’s door opened, to reveal him, frowning.

‘Where have you been?’ he demanded.

‘Just-for a walk.’

‘A strange way to take an early night. I was worried about you. I dashed back to make sure you were all right, but you weren’t here.’

‘I needed to be alone for a while.’

He stood back to let her in, closing the door with a firmness that reminded her uncomfortably of a prison door slamming. This was a man she didn’t know, with a tight face and hard, suspicious eyes.

‘Alone?’ he repeated.

‘Yes. Alone.’

‘What about Tony Williams?’

‘What?’

‘He’s been seen around here, trying to rake up dirt about me. Are you saying you haven’t spoken to him?’

Totally stunned, she stared at him as the world disintegrated for the second time that day.

‘Answer me, Kaye. Have you been talking to that man or not? I want to know.’

‘And I’ll tell you,’ she said, in a voice that was so quiet it was dangerous. ‘But not if you speak to me like that. I will not be interrogated like a suspect-do you understand?’

Good resolutions were forgotten as her temper flared. It was a shock to find that Jared could provoke her like this, but something in his attitude had brought rage screaming to the surface.

‘Do you understand?’ she repeated.

‘Yes, I think I understand. Evidently you have something to tell me.’

‘Tony Williams came to see me at the track, spreading stories, dropping hints. I told him to leave. When he didn’t I insisted. He was rubbing his face when he left.’

‘You hit him?’

‘Twice. I didn’t mean to, but he was saying things about you that I couldn’t bear. Now I’m going to bed.’

‘What things?’

She took a long breath. ‘Now isn’t the time,’ she said at last.

‘Kaye, what did-?’

‘Goodnight, Jared.’

‘No!’ He seized her arm as she tried to pass. ‘We can’t leave it like this.’

‘We can, because I don’t want to talk tonight.’

‘Do you think you can just walk out on me like this? Do you think I’ll allow it?’

‘I’m not asking you to allow anything. I don’t need your permission. Just for once you’re not in charge, Jared.’

He flinched as though she’d struck him over the heart, and when she turned away he didn’t try to stop her. She ran to her own room, slammed her fists against the wall and stayed there, motionless, for a time she couldn’t count.

As last she pulled away and went to sit in a chair by the window. Outwardly she was calm, but inside she was sobbing.

There was a knock at her door. ‘Please let me in.’

‘Go away.’

‘No. I’ll stay here all night if I have to.’

Wearily she unlocked the door, immediately returning to the chair and sitting facing away from him.

He entered quietly, coming over and dropping to one knee beside her chair.

‘Forgive me,’ he murmured. ‘I should never have spoken to you like that.’

He pressed his face against her. She could feel his warmth, but he still felt a million miles away. She didn’t move.

After waiting for her to enclose his head in her hands he drew back, understanding the silent message.

‘Tell me,’ he murmured. ‘I have to know everything.’

‘All right.’ She sighed. ‘Tony Williams came to the pits today. I think he was waiting to get me alone. He told me about the mumps and how it could have left you sterile. He said he knew someone who’d gone looking up old girlfriends, hoping to find that he was already a father.’ She gave a bleak laugh. ‘Who could imagine that?’

He flinched, rising to his feet, needing to get away from the blast of hostility that came from her, cursing himself for stupidity and blindness.

‘You never told me the name of your illness, but it was mumps, wasn’t it?’

‘Yes.’

‘And it left you sterile?’

‘Yes.’ His voice was almost inaudible.

‘That day you turned up suddenly, it wasn’t an accident, was it?’

‘No.’

‘How long had you known about Mike?’

‘Only a short time. Hal showed me a picture of his family and you were in it. He told me about Mike and I realised-’

‘That he was your son.’

‘I thought he could be. Hal mentioned his birthday party, and the date told me he’d been born nine months after we were together.’

‘You remembered the date that well? Oh, but of course-it was three days after the race in Japan, so naturally you’d remember. How convenient.’

He winced at her coldly ironic tone.

‘I’ve never known you like this before. It isn’t you.’

She rose and confronted him, meeting his eyes directly. ‘How would you know, Jared? You have no idea who the real me is. All you know is the compliant me, ready to do or be anything you want because when you’re there she can’t think straight. But this is me too-a woman who doesn’t like being taken for a fool.’

‘I didn’t-’

‘Don’t lie to me. Why did you suddenly turn up after years when you hadn’t shown any curiosity?’

‘I had no idea that I’d left you pregnant.’

‘And of course you couldn’t go back to find all the girls you’d snapped your fingers at-even if you could remember them all.’

‘I told you I thought I’d stopped in time, and then I never heard from you-but it was my fault. I was careless.’

‘And then you heard about Mike and you realised that everything might not be over. You even spied on me. That day in the school car park, I thought I imagined that I saw you-but you were there, watching me.’

‘I wanted to be sure I’d got the right person,’ he groaned.

‘Why didn’t you tell me the truth?’ she asked desperately.

‘Do you imagine I could have?’

‘Yes! Perhaps not at first, but later. It’s what you’d have done if we’d been as close as I thought we were. But I see now that we weren’t. All this time you’ve been playing a clever game to pull me in, so that you can use me to claim your property. I have something you want, and you worked out how to get it. That’s what you always do. Remember telling me that?’

‘That may have been true once,’ he said. ‘And I won’t deny that Mike is my best chance of being a father, and that’s why I approached you at first. But only at first. Kaye, for pity’s sake, don’t you remember how things were between us from the moment we met again?’

‘No!’ she cried in pain. ‘I only remember how you made me think they were. But it was all lies. Everything was lies. Even when-’

She stopped, choked by her tears.

‘I swear it wasn’t,’ he said passionately. ‘When I said I loved you I was telling the truth. When we met again, I never dreamed it would be like this between us. I thought it was all over, but then I knew it was you I wanted. Not just for Mike, but because you’re the one. I love you. I’ve never said it before-not meaning it, anyway. With the others it was just a form of showbiz, but with you it’s real.’

With all her soul she longed to believe him. But his betrayal of her trust was a torture that she couldn’t get past.

‘I don’t believe you,’ she said stubbornly. ‘This is just part of the act.’

‘Don’t say that!’ he cried. ‘I know I should have told you the truth before. All this time I’ve been trying to find the right moment, and I nearly managed it, but then you said you wanted more children and I backed off because I was scared.’

‘You? Scared? Don’t make me laugh.’

‘Scared. Terrified. You can’t imagine. When you said that I saw myself as I must look to a woman now: useless, half-crippled, empty. Not a real man. Of course you want more children. You’re a mother, with a mother’s instinct, and you want a man who can help you fulfil that instinct. But I can’t.’ His voice rose in anguish. ‘Don’t you understand that?’

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘That’s not what you said then.’

‘Nothing would matter if you’d told me the truth, because we would have been so close that I wouldn’t have cared about anything else. But you kept apart with your secret, and now I don’t know who you are.’

As if from a great distance she saw a terrible look on his face: blank, despairing, helpless.

Why, she thought desperately, didn’t his words affect her? Why didn’t her love cause her heart to melt for him? But she felt as though a cage had slammed shut, trapping her inside. She was blind and deaf to his suffering, knowing only one thing: he had lied to her, tricked her. In her present bitter state, it seemed that never for one moment had he been honest with her. And that meant there was only a wilderness between them.

She began to walk back and forth, arms folded across her chest as though to protect herself from something, seeking a way out of the misery that engulfed her. But there was no way.

‘So many things have suddenly become clear,’ she said. ‘When you had that nightmare you asked what you’d said in your sleep. You kept insisting. I didn’t understand, but you were afraid you’d given away the secret, weren’t you?’

Dumbly, he nodded.

‘It was always there,’ she continued. ‘Behind every thought or word or action. Always you were having to keep the important part of yourself to one side, never letting me suspect it. In the end it became you. The real you. And I never guessed.’

She rubbed her hand over her eyes. ‘I think you should go now.’

‘How can I leave things like this?’

‘I don’t think either of us has a choice. We can’t settle anything tonight, and you have a heavy day tomorrow. You’ve got to win that race.’

He stared at her. Did she really think he cared about that?

‘Kaye-’

‘Please go.’ She opened the door and stood beside it until he walked past into the corridor. But at the last moment he stopped and tried to reach for her.

‘Kaye, please-’

‘Goodnight, Jared.’

He was facing a closed door.

Her dread, as she went to the track next morning, was that Tony Williams might be there. She couldn’t see him, but for safety’s sake she maintained a normal air-talking, smiling, working as usual.

Jared did the same, speaking to her politely about some meaningless subject before heading for the car. As he walked his heart was beating with tension, for he knew that something was badly wrong.

In the past one of his strengths had been his clarity of vision, as though the mere act of racing gave his eyes a new sharpness-not physical, but springing from the inner conviction that here he was king. The outside world vanished and the only reality was the track ahead, leading him on to inevitable victory.

But now that clarity had gone, leaving only confusion. Where was he-and why? The engineer spoke on his radio.

‘Time to move. Good luck.’

Suddenly he couldn’t think of the words to say, so he raised his fist in a gesture of agreement. First the warm-up lap. Useful. It would give his mind a chance to clear. Functioning on automatic, he went round the track until he reached the start again, and then settled in pole position.

What was Kaye doing at this moment? Watching him, as she always did? Or standing back, rejecting him in her heart as well as her mind? He tried to thrust her away. This was his world and he must concentrate. But it was desolate without her, and the track ahead was still vague.

A yell. The moment had come. The five hanging lights went out, and they were off. From the corner of his eye he could see Gary, trying to edge ahead by the first bend. His rival was still in a sulphurous temper-something which once would have delighted him, for he liked nothing better than a challenge.

But now he was assailed by weariness and a crashing sense of failure. He took the first bend, managing to keep his lead. His mirror showed Gary falling in behind him, coming too close.

One lap, then two. All would be well if only he could pull himself together, but his head was pounding. There was Gary, coming up beside him, still too close.

‘Watch out for him!’ The message came shrieking over his radio. ‘He doesn’t care what he does.’

It was true. Gary was trying to intimidate him. Jared moved, but he was too late. The cars collided and he felt himself swept up to a great height before turning over and over and landing with a crash that blotted out the world.

He was totally alone. All around him stretched a wilderness-bleak, empty of all human life.

Until this moment he hadn’t known what true isolation was, only that he hated it. Always he’d surrounded himself by people who talked and laughed, assured him that life was a reckless game. Now he was lost in the silence, and he was terrified.

Nothing had worked out as he’d expected. His plan had been to approach Kaye, claim Mike, then share the child with her. That way he would have a stake in the future without having to give too much of himself. He would win her confidence, set up a financial trust, then get to work on Mike, ensuring that the child’s loyalty would always be his.

He’d even toyed with the idea of marrying her as a way of securing his property, but he’d left that idea in limbo. Marriage would involve a degree of honesty and explanation that he’d rather do without. Better to wait and see how things worked out.

But their meeting had changed everything. Kaye was still partly the impish girl he remembered, yet now she was many other things, and a thousand times more enchanting. It might be her few extra years’ maturity, or perhaps the sadness of her experience, bearing a child without the father’s support, sacrificing her career. She must often have felt abandoned, but instead of making her bitter it had given her an edge-a sweet, ironic knowingness that had mystified and captivated him in equal measure.

It shamed him to recall how he’d toyed with the idea of a cold-blooded marriage. His reactions in life were as swift as in a race, and in almost no time he’d known he wanted her, body, heart and soul. Not just for Mike. For herself.

That was when he’d known he had real problems.

He’d known he must tell her everything, but with a cowardice he’d never suspected he’d put it off and put it off. Once he’d nearly made it, slipping his mother’s ring into his pocket in readiness. But then she’d begun to talk about more children and he’d backed off, vowing to find a more suitable time.

He’d been fooling himself. There would never be a good time, and by delaying he’d left her to hear it from another source-the worst thing that could have happened. Her chilly contempt had shattered him.

Suddenly he’d found himself facing a situation he didn’t know how to deal with-one he couldn’t talk his way out of or shunt aside by winning a race. Now his feelings were real and terrible, and he must confront them. If only he knew how.

There was only one person who might be able to show him the way, but she was the person he’d hurt most of all, and the freezing contempt with which she’d ordered him off had stunned him.

But now she seemed to be there with him, and what he saw in her eyes was not contempt, but heartbreak. For him she’d ventured out from behind her defences, daring to trust again and grow close because she loved him. He’d betrayed that trust and smashed her to the ground.

With all his heart he longed to seek her forgiveness and make things right, but that would never be possible. A man who couldn’t forgive himself had no right to ask forgiveness of the one he’d injured, and that was the burden he must carry from now on.

Now he almost hoped she wouldn’t be there when he opened his eyes.

But she was, sitting with her head buried in her hands as though engulfed by despair.

CHAPTER SIX

FOR an hour she’d sat by the bed, wanting to be the first thing Jared saw. Anger and bitterness had drained from her, obliterated by horror at his accident, for which she blamed herself. If only he would awake she would make it right, promise him a new start. All would still be well.

At last the strain overcame her and she buried her head in her hands. When she looked up he was watching her.

‘Jared,’ she whispered eagerly.

His gaze seemed to be fixed on her, but there was nothing in his eyes. She leaned forward, making sure he could see her.

‘Jared.’

‘Where am I?’

‘In a hospital near the racetrack. They brought you here, and it’s looking good. At least you’re back with us.’

‘I’ve had crashes before. No need to make a fuss. What happened to the race? Is it over?’

‘Yes, Gary won. He’s been here, doing the self-reproach thing for driving you off the track.’

‘He didn’t. I just lost concentration. No big deal.’

‘But it was my fault too. I know that. I’m so sorry.’

He looked blank. ‘About what?’

‘Last night. I should have calmed things down, and we could have talked later. If you knew how I blame myself for letting it turn into a row.’

‘Did we have a row?’ he asked, frowning.

‘Don’t you remember?’

‘All I remember about last night is an almighty headache.’ He closed his eyes. ‘And I’ve still got it.’

‘I’m here if you need me.’

He frowned. ‘Better if you get the plane home tonight, or Mike will worry. I’ll see you in England.’

His eyes closed. It was like the slamming of a door.

He didn’t want her, she realised. As for last night-had he really forgotten, or was that simply another way of rejecting her? It was natural for his memory to be clouded, but she was full of dread.

Knowing Mike would be watching the race in England, she’d called him earlier, trying to sound reassuring. Now she called him again with a cheerful tale of Jared’s recovery.

‘Is he coming home?’

‘Not tonight, but I’m coming.’

‘So he’s really, really all right?’

‘Yes, I promise you. I’d stay here if he wasn’t.’

And if he wanted me, she thought sadly.

Later that night, at home with the family, she watched the item on the news.

‘Luckily it’s not serious,’ the commentator declared, ‘and Jared Marriot is expected back tomorrow.’

‘Can we go to the airport?’ Mike asked eagerly.

‘No, darling. He’ll want to go straight home and rest.’

She was afraid he would argue, but perhaps some note of strain in her voice held him silent. He was a perceptive child.

For the next few days she had no direct contact with Jared. He called Mike, who would eagerly relate every conversation to her, and she had to be satisfied with that, plus what she heard from Mr Vanner at work. At last Jared texted her, asking her to come to his apartment that evening.

He greeted her with a kiss-not passionate like others they’d shared in the past, but a peck on the cheek.

‘We need to talk,’ he said quietly, sitting her down. ‘I wasn’t ready before. Thank you for being patient with me.’

‘Mr Vanner says you’re going to start driving again. Are you sure you’re well enough?’

‘Yes, I was only shaken up, and I’m over that.’

‘Jared, please can we forget the things we said that night? I can’t forgive myself for quarrelling with you and endangering you-’

‘But you didn’t,’ he said pleasantly ‘I crashed in the race because I got headachy and confused.’

He paused, and she had the sense that he was bracing himself for a great effort. She longed to tell him not to worry, that all would be well, but the words wouldn’t come. A barrier lay between them-partly her making, partly his.

‘We never really had a chance to discuss what you found out about me,’ he said at last. ‘It’s true. I’m sterile.’

‘But is that certain? Can they really be so sure after just one night?’

He grimaced. ‘The doctor tried to soften the blow a little. He said there was a minute chance that I might be able to father a child-’

‘How minute?’

‘Two or three percent. Even if that’s true-and frankly I don’t believe it-I’d be a fool to rely on it. Better to face reality now. For practical purposes, I’m dead. I should have told you at the start but I lost my nerve. I’m sorry about that, and I’m sorry you found out the way you did. I know that no words can make it right, but for what it’s worth I apologise.’

‘There’s no need. I reacted badly. I lost my temper and I shouldn’t have-’

‘Why not? What happened was my fault. I forced that scene on you, although you tried to avoid it.’

‘But-’

‘Please!’ He held up a hand to silence her, still keeping his distance. ‘I’ve had a lot of time to think,’ he said quietly. ‘That’s something I haven’t done much of in my life, but I see somethings clearly now. You can’t live as I have without hurting people. You were right in everything you said-’

‘Jared, please-’

‘No, let me finish before my courage runs out.’ He gave a bitter laugh. ‘I find I don’t have as much of that as I thought. Another discovery. Boy, I’m really learning things about myself. None of them pleasant.’

Kaye closed her eyes. It hurt her unbearably to hear him condemn himself. She could have saved him from this if she’d been a little kinder. Now she wanted to reach out and comfort him, but he wouldn’t let her. That hurt more than anything.

‘I should have been honest with you from the start,’ he continued. ‘I wasn’t, because I only thought of what I wanted. That’s the ugly truth. I wanted my son, as though it was only my decision and you had no rights. I treated you like a pawn in my plans. How’s that for arrogance? I never gave a thought to how much I could hurt you, but then I didn’t think I could hurt you. Then, when we met, things changed. I wanted you again and-no, you don’t want to hear that. You don’t believe it, and perhaps if I was you I wouldn’t believe it either.’

He gave a faint, self-mocking laugh.

‘I’m not good at this empathy business-getting into other people’s heads and seeing how things look to them. But you’ve shown me how I look to you, and it isn’t nice. Don’t worry. I’m not going to bother you with any of that stuff again.’

‘Does that mean you’re leaving us?’ she asked in horror. ‘Going away from Mike?’

‘No, I still want to be his father, but I promise to leave you in peace. I’ll support you both, of course. The financial arrangements will stay in place, and the money will increase every year. All I ask is that you let me have some contact with him. Apart from that, I’ll keep my distance.’

‘Mike won’t like that at all,’ she said, her voice shaking. ‘He won’t want you to keep your distance-especially when he knows who you are.’

‘I hope we’ll grow close, but I want you to know that I’ll never take advantage of that. You’re the boss. You make the big decisions. I’ll fit in with whatever you say.’

‘Putting me in the driving seat?’ she said, trying desperately to lighten the mood. ‘That’s your place and yours alone, remember?’

‘Yeah, well, maybe a guy who keeps taking the wrong road shouldn’t be in the driving seat,’ he said wryly. Suddenly he covered his eyes with his hand, and spoke in a strained voice that might have been on the edge of tears. ‘Leave it, Kaye. There’s nothing more to say. I’ll make the arrangements and then get out of your way.’

With all her heart she longed to tell him that she loved him, beg him to give their love another chance. But was it love? Could she be sure? Was this perhaps his way of claiming his share of Mike without commitment? Would he welcome her love or regard it as a nuisance?

The struggle that lay ahead of her now demanded clever strategy. She must be as subtle as that great driver Jared Marriot on a winning streak. And then perhaps she too would crossing the finishing line first.

‘All right,’ she said calmly. ‘We’ll do it however you wish. But we have some decisions to take together. How and when are we going to tell Mike, and when can he come and see you race?’

There were seven races left, but only the next two were in Europe. The ones after that were at a huge distance, and taking Mike wouldn’t be practical.

‘As your son he’s entitled to the privilege,’ Kaye persisted. ‘It’ll mean the world to him. The Belgian Grand Prix is the best choice. It’s the last race before school starts.’

‘All right,’ he said uncertainly, as though her brisk tone had taken him by surprise. ‘You seem on top of everything. I’ll leave you to make the arrangements.’

She gathered her things, the very picture of an efficient administrator.

‘Then I’ll be going. I’m glad we got matters settled. It’ll be so much better for Mike, and that’s all that matters, isn’t it? Goodbye.’

As he heard her go downstairs Jared turned the light off and stood by the window, watching her go through the smallest crack in the curtain. She might turn, and she must not be allowed to see him standing there lest she guess that his eyes followed her as obsessively as his thoughts.

He’d fought to seem cool tonight, but it had been hard. Something deep inside him still cried out to her, but he resisted it. A protective shield, developed over years of facing and surviving danger, had kept him safe. And he would make sure that it always did.

For his own sake, but mostly for her. He must set her free and never hurt her again.

She had reached the end of the street. Now she was turning, raising her head to look up at his window, but he’d stepped well back in the darkness, where she couldn’t see him.

It was better that way.

Mike was over the moon at the news that he was to go to the Belgian Grand Prix. The arrangement was that the three of them should fly out the day before.

‘Thank you for being so understanding,’ Kaye said to Mr Vanner.

He grinned. ‘We’re all hoping. Whatever keeps Jared happy is good for the team.’

So it was an open secret. Smiles and warm looks came from the others, and she could see that what her boss said was true. They were all hoping that things would come right between her and Jared. There was even a hint that some of them were taking bets on it.

And it would never happen.

Sam and Ethel too were over the moon.

‘I think Mike already knows,’ Ethel whispered.

‘You told him?’

‘I didn’t have to. The bond is there, and he’s begun to feel it. Look at the way Jared keeps in touch, calling him almost every day. The truth won’t come as a surprise. It’s what Mike’s hoping for.’

Kaye made the Belgian bookings, assigning separate hotel rooms to herself and Jared. When the day came everyone wished her luck as she set off.

On the plane Mike sat by the window with Jared next to him, deep in conversation. Occasionally one of them would appeal to her, but she tried not to intrude. This was their time.

If things had been different the next few days would have been a dream of family delight. For practice and qualifying Mike was watching in the stands, and when Jared won the race Mike and Kaye were so close to the podium that they were sprayed with champagne.

Later, in Jared’s room, they feasted-just the three of them. Suddenly Mike looked at Jared, then at Kaye, then back to Jared.

‘Are you my dad?’ he asked.

Kaye held her breath. How would he deal with this approach?

Jared met his son’s eyes. ‘If you want me to be,’ he answered quietly.

She relaxed. He’d done it perfectly.

With bouncing, shrieks and hugs, Mike indicated that this was just what he wanted. Kaye realised that Ethel was right. He’d suspected and longed for it to be confirmed. Now he was in seventh heaven. His family was complete. He had the father he wanted. Everything in his little world was wonderful.

‘Are you going to get married?’ he asked eagerly.

‘No, darling,’ Kaye said. ‘We’re just going to go on being friends. The only change will be that you’ll have a father, and you’ll see lots of him.’

‘But-’ He frowned, trying to take this in. ‘You two-you go together-yes you do.’

‘Yes, we do,’ Jared agreed. ‘We’re very fond of each other and, like your Mum says, we’re good friends. We don’t have to be married. We have you, and that’s all we need.’

‘But I want you.’

‘And I want you. You’re my son, and we’ll always have each other, whether we live in the same house or not.’

‘But-’

‘Not now. Let’s talk about it another time. Tonight we just celebrate. Look, I’ve got something for you.’ He produced a box from a drawer. ‘You had a birthday recently. I missed that, so this is a belated present, and I’ll never miss any more.’

‘It’s a cell phone,’ Mike breathed.

‘Your mother says your reading and writing are coming along really well, so we can text as well as call. Let me show you.’

Mike was an apt pupil, who needed to be shown things only once.

It was the best gift Jared could have given him, Kaye thought. But there was more to come. With a flourish Jared produced another gift-the most recent version of a game called Champion. It was played with dice and counters, and Mike eagerly undertook the task of instructing the other two.

Kaye joined in, saying and doing everything that would make the little boy happy, but part of her was standing aside, aching at the thought of how it might have been. Jared grew easier with Mike all the time, because somewhere deep inside him was a natural father eagerly making his way out, and it was a delight to see it emerge into the sunlight.

What a family they might have made if they could have been together always. But Jared would not agree, because he couldn’t forgive her for their quarrel. In her initial rage she’d rejected him, and he’d turned that rejection back against her, unforgiving.

Now, for Mike’s sake, she must smile and pretend that all was well. She would do whatever she had to, but inside she was divided between pleasure at her child’s happiness and anger at Jared because it could have been so much better.

At last Mike began to nod off. Together they put him to bed and murmured goodnight to his sleeping form.

‘He fought sleep to the last minute,’ Jared said as they slipped out and closed the door. He was grinning.

‘That’s what they all do,’ Kaye said. ‘You’ll soon find out.’

‘I’m looking forward to it.’

‘So am I.’

She took a deep breath. With so much at stake it was worth one final effort.

‘Jared, listen to me. This is urgent. I’ve been wondering if Mike has maybe seen things more clearly than we have. He’s right that we belong together. I don’t mean marriage, but I think it would be good for him if-if we lived under the same roof. It doesn’t have to be a close relationship, if you don’t want it, but let us be your home base-the place you come back to between trips abroad-so that Mike always knows he’ll see you soon.’

But he was already shaking his head.

‘It couldn’t work. I’ve done you too much harm.’

‘I told you that didn’t matter,’ she protested.

‘I think it does, and you know it does. Whatever feeling there was between us, I’ve ruined it. Kaye, don’t try to be kind to me. I betrayed your trust. I let you think everything was on the level while all the time-well, you understand. I damaged you, and I always will if I stay around you. I’ve come to see that it’s the way I’m made. I can’t change it, but I can back off to protect you.’

‘Is that it?’ she cried. ‘Or do you blame me for the way I found out and the things I said? Do you hate for knowing the truth you tried to hide-?’

‘No,’ he said, almost violently. ‘The only person I blame for anything is myself. Kaye, I’m doing this for you. I beg you to try to understand that. You’re young-you’ll meet another man who’ll treat you properly and give you more children.’

‘That doesn’t matter-’

‘You think it doesn’t now, but later it will. I’ve seen you and Mike together. You’re a fantastic mother, and that’s an instinct you’ll need to satisfy more than once. With me you never could. Don’t you understand that? I’m no good for you and I never will be. In time you’ll come to hate me.’

‘Don’t tell me how I think and feel,’ she said angrily. ‘That’s for me to say.’

‘All right, I’ll tell you something else. The day you found out that I hadn’t been honest with you everything changed for you-as though a dark cloud had come over the world. Didn’t it?’

‘Jared-’

‘Didn’t it?’ He was holding her shoulders and now he shook them slightly. ‘Didn’t it?’

‘Yes-all right, yes. These last few years I’ve found it so hard to rely on people, and when you returned I kept my distance because I was being careful. But you overcame that and I found I could love you. I didn’t want to, but it was as though the years had rolled back. Things I thought I could never feel again-closeness, confidence, belief in life and people-’

She stopped, hurt to the heart by the despairing resignation on his face.

‘You felt those things again,’ he said sadly, ‘and then I destroyed them-again. And I always would. I won’t let that happen. I’ve hurt you enough. I won’t hurt you any more. From now on I’ll live on the fringes of your life-just close enough to be a father to Mike, but not close enough to harm you.’

‘You don’t know what you’re talking about,’ she said desperately. She was losing him again. She didn’t want him on the fringes of her life. She wanted him at the centre, in her heart.

‘I know what I have to do-for both our sakes, for Mike’s sake. You won’t lose, Kaye. I’ll see to that.’

She would lose everything, she thought, and he would never understand.

‘You know nothing about what I’ll lose,’ she said bitterly. ‘Let’s have the truth, Jared. You’re not doing this for me, but yourself. You don’t love me, and you don’t want to be encumbered by me.’

‘Don’t be stupid,’ he raged. ‘Of course I love you. I love you more than I can bear. Why can’t you-?’

The door opened and Mike stood there, looking worried.

‘Are you mad at each other?’ he asked.

‘Of course not,’ Jared said with forced brightness.

Kaye was filled with inspiration.

‘Well, actually, I am a bit annoyed at your father,’ she said, managing a smile. ‘We’ve been playing Champion again, and I think he’s cheating. Fancy that!’

‘But he doesn’t need to cheat,’ Mike said indignantly. ‘He always wins everything he does.’

‘Only because he cheats,’ Kaye said, with a fair assumption of teasing indignation.

‘I do not,’ Jared returned, understanding what she was doing and falling in with it.

‘You certainly do,’ she insisted.

‘Don’t.’

‘Do.’

‘Don’t.’

‘Do.’

Relieved, Mike gurgled with delight as they squared up to each other, glaring with just the right amount of comic aggression.

‘You’ve done me an injustice,’ Jared declared.

‘I don’t think so.’

‘I know so.’

‘Oh, yeah?’ he demanded. ‘Yeah!’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah!’

They met each other’s eyes, each sending a silent message of pain and farewell, so different from the laughing performance they were giving the child.

‘I think I’d better give in,’ Jared said. ‘Your mother’s a very determined lady.’ He winked at his son. ‘I’ll bet you could teach me a thing or two about that game,’ he said, ‘but now it’s time you were back in bed.’ He gave Mike a hug. ‘See you tomorrow. Goodnight, you two.’

He was gone before Kaye could say anything. She heard his footsteps going down the corridor, and his door closing.

Looking back, she could see how that evening had set the pattern. After their return to England any contact they had was all for Mike. On the night before he went back to school Jared called him, and next morning there was a text wishing him good luck.

A week later there was the Italian Grand Prix.

‘Please, Mum,’ Mike begged.

‘No, darling. It’s too soon after the start of term. I want you to concentrate on school.’

Even so, she thought she might have yielded if Jared had asked them to be there. But he hadn’t.

‘I blew it,’ she told Ethel. ‘You were right about me. I am judgemental. Otherwise we could have sorted it out quietly, he might not have had that crash, and then things would have been all right. But a curtain has come down in his mind and I can’t get past it. Perhaps because he doesn’t really want me to.’

‘Or maybe fate still has a nice surprise for you?’ Ethel suggested.

‘I don’t think that’s going to happen. Life doesn’t work that way.’

But she was wrong.

She discovered just how wrong she was on the night before the race. At first she couldn’t take it in. The implications of what had happened were so tremendous that she could only sit and stare at the wall until Ethel came in, wanting to know what was up.

Kaye told her.

‘Get going,’ Ethel said at once. ‘Call a taxi, go to the airport, catch the first plane you can.’

Dazed, she obeyed. In the early hours she was on her way to Italy, looking out of the aeroplane window at the darkness. So many nights she’d stared into that darkness in tearful despair, as much for Jared as for herself. Now she knew hope again-but with it the fear that hope might once more betray her.

‘Please,’ she whispered. ‘Please-one more chance-for his sake-please.’

Nobody knew she was coming, and at the airport she queued for a taxi and gave the address of the track.

She arrived at the same time as several members of the team, who recognised her and steered her through Security.

‘We thought you weren’t coming to this one,’ someone said.

‘Something’s happened. Where’s Jared?’

She found him in the garage, inspecting the car with his race engineer and a few mechanics. He looked up, amazed at her entrance and at the determined look on her face.

‘Is something wrong with Mike?’ he asked.

‘No, he’s fine. This isn’t about Mike. It’s about us. In fact, it’s about this.’ She held up a small plastic strip. ‘Do you know what this is? It’s a pregnancy test, and it’s positive. I’m pregnant.’

‘You-you can’t be.’

‘Don’t tell me what I can or can’t be. I know that I am. I’ve suspected it for a few days and last night I did this test. It’s positive.’

‘Kaye-’

‘Two or three percent, eh? Well, sometimes the numbers come up, and this time they have.’ Keenly aware of the fascinated crowd gathering around them, she raised her voice. ‘That’s twice you’ve made me pregnant, and this time you’re not going to escape.’

She was watching his face, seeing every fleeting feeling from disbelief to incredulous joy.

‘Kaye-’ he whispered. ‘Kaye-don’t say it unless you’re sure-I beg you-’

She moved closer, murmuring so that only he could hear.

‘That doctor told you there was still a tiny chance. Well, the chance was on our side.’

Suddenly inspiration came to her. Now she knew what she must do. Jared had suffered in his masculine pride, and now it was in her power to give it all back to him. If she did nothing else she would do this for him.

She raised her voice again, so that the crowd could hear and understand that this was a man who still had everything-could father a child, could hold his head up among other men.

‘I’m pregnant, Jared. It didn’t take you long, did it? Just a few weeks and here we go again. Well, this time you have to make an honest woman of me. Or I’m going to make an honest man of you. Whichever is the easier.’

Cheers and applause from the mechanics. She dropped her voice again.

‘I won’t take no for an answer. I know you don’t love me, but-’

‘Don’t be so damned ridiculous,’ he roared. ‘Of course I love you. I’m mad about you. How could you be blind enough not to know that?’

‘Well, I didn’t,’ she yelled back. ‘You’ve kept it a mighty secret.’

‘Nonsense. I’ve given myself away at every turn. Everyone else knows I’m crazy about you. Why don’t you?’

‘Maybe because you didn’t want me to know?’ she accused.

‘You are one infuriating woman!’

‘I need to be to put up with you. I never know where I am.’

‘Then let’s settle it,’ he growled, and yanked her into his arms.

More cheers and applause, but neither of them heard, so totally absorbed were they in enjoying each other as they had thought never to do again. It was like being kissed for the first time, and yet being kissed by a man whose kisses she knew with every fibre of her being, and wanted to know for their rest of her life.

When they became aware of the joyful audience Jared pulled her aside into a tiny room.

‘Are you sure?’ he said urgently.

‘Quite sure. You read that strip.’

‘I don’t mean that. Are you sure I won’t harm you if-?’

‘If you marry me? You’re going to marry me. Haven’t you understood that yet? You’re mine. I claim possession. No argument. Now I’m in the driving seat-my foot on the accelerator, my hands on the wheel.’

‘We go wherever you say,’ he agreed.

‘Think you can live with that?’

‘I think it sounds wonderful,’ he said fervently, discovering to his own surprise that he meant it.

He could have trusted no other woman in the world like this. But she knew everything about him: the best-his strengths, his determination, the power of his heart-and the worst-his weaknesses, the things he feared, the things he couldn’t say and relied on her to know without words.

That knowledge gave her power over him, and he was content to have it so.

‘Love, honour and obey,’ he said, smiling faintly.

‘Think you can manage all three?’ she challenged.

‘I guess I’ll have to.’

‘Let’s call Mike.’

‘Yes, let’s. Then we’ll talk to Sam and Ethel-ask them to start looking for a house big enough for all five of us.’

She gave him a joyful kiss, and made the call. From outside came cries of ‘Why are we waiting?’ and they went out to be smothered with cheers and embraces.

It was time for the race. Jared took off around the track, driving the race of his life, and when he sped triumphantly across the finishing line he knew that his family were with him, as now they would always be.

For the first time in years he was not alone, and he would never be alone again. It was his greatest victory.