And Only to Deceive

27

I excused myself from my friends, telling them that I wanted to be alone, and shot out of Renoir's studio. They followed me to the door, obviously concerned, and I could hear Cécile calling for me to come back as I ran down the rue Saint-Georges, pulling my cape close around me. Although I did not know precisely where I was, I remembered Renoir's saying that the Opéra was only a short distance from him. When I reached the rue La Fayette, I asked the first person I saw which way to turn and soon found myself in front of the grand building. Seeking refuge under its curved arches, I leaned against the wall, my chest heaving from exertion. My heart pounded so forcefully that I could hear the blood rushing in my ears, and I felt as if I would faint. I knew that something had gone deeply, deeply wrong. I opened my reticule and pulled out two pictures from it: the first my portrait of Philip; the second the one for which Renoir had searched.

Clearly Philip could not have sent my wedding picture to England with Mr. Prescott if he had left it in Renoir's possession. Renoir certainly had no cause to deceive me in the matter; if anything, it made perfect sense that the photograph remained with him when Philip left for Africa. It would have taken Renoir longer to paint the portrait than the brief time my husband had spent in Paris on his fateful trip. And what of Andrew? I had no idea that he'd returned to Paris only a few weeks ago; he had not mentioned it to me. The timing would mean that he'd left England soon after I refused his proposal. Perhaps he had traveled in an effort to mend his broken heart. Regardless, it appeared that Andrew must have taken the picture from the studio after Renoir showed it to him. How else could it have come back to England? But what could have motivated Andrew to do such a thing? Surely not petty revenge after my rejection.

Worrying about why Andrew had done it troubled me, but not nearly as much as what it might imply about Philip's current status. My confidence in finding my husband alive began to ebb, and as I felt it drift away, tears streamed down my face. Realizing that I looked rather conspicuous, I decided to keep walking; I did not want Cécile or any of my friends to find me just yet. Most of all I did not want to return to the Meurice, where I was certain to see the Palmers.

I headed away from the Opéra, keeping my head down lest I see anyone who might recognize me, and walked as quickly as I could all the way to the Cité, where I sought refuge at Sainte-Chapelle. The day not being especially bright, there were few tourists inside the church; the stained glass could not be viewed at its best under a cloud-filled sky. I sat on a bench facing the southern wall with its glorious windows, not particularly caring what I saw. Confident that no one would search for me here, I dropped my head into my hands and sobbed quietly.

The sun began to set, and as my surroundings grew increasingly dark, I felt comforted by the absence of light in the medieval chapel. Too soon an elderly man approached me and told me the hour had come for the building to close. Seeing my swollen face and red-rimmed eyes, he suggested that I move to Notre-Dame, where I would find only the choir closed to visitors. I took his advice and spent an immensely soothing length of time in the nave of the magnificent cathedral. My mind somewhat cleared, I decided to walk the length of the Cité to the Pont-Neuf, my favorite of Paris's many bridges.

I stopped near the center of the bridge as it approached the Right Bank and relished the commanding view I had of the Louvre. The moon's brightness as it slipped out from behind a cloud shocked my eyes after the easy candlelight of Notre-Dame, and I considered returning to the cathedral. Before I could make up my mind, I heard a man's voice calling my name. I turned around, startled, and was utterly astonished to see Colin Hargreaves striding toward me.

"Emily!" he cried, grabbing both of my arms. "What are you thinking, standing here by yourself in the middle of the night?"

"Good evening, Mr. Hargreaves. It's quite delightful to see you, too," I quipped. "It is hardly the middle of the night. I don't think it's later than eight o'clock."

"It's already dark, so the hour is irrelevant. Have you no regard for your safety?"

"At present, no, I do not. I thank you for your kind inquiry." I turned my face from him and looked back at the river.

"Thank God I happened upon you. What on earth are you doing? You've been crying. Pray, tell me what is the matter. Have your friends abandoned you?" He placed his gloved hand gently on my cheek; the sensation was so comforting that I did not ask him to remove it.

"Quite the contrary, I assure you. They are most likely mad with worry after my hasty departure," I said, trying to smile. "So much has happened today."

He put a hand to my lips and pulled me close to him. "My poor girl. There is no need to discuss it if you would rather not." I let my head rest against his chest in a most inappropriate fashion. He said nothing further until I pulled away from him.

"Thank you for solacing my wretchedness. Truly, I have had a most disturbing day."

"Can you trust me with your worries?" he asked, his voice deep. I tilted my head and looked into his dark eyes. A funny choice of words, I thought. Can I trust him? Not knowing the answer to that question, I remained silent.

"I do not want to pressure you into a confidence, Emily. You are too dear to me." This revelation should have startled me, but I found that it did not; in fact, it seemed completely natural. I met his gaze and parted my lips to speak. Before I could utter a sound, he embraced me and began kissing me with an urgency I had never before felt. Despite myself, I relaxed in his arms, returning his kisses at least as passionately as he bestowed them on me. Soon I touched his hair and tried to pull him closer to me, as if that were even possible. Then, all at once, I thought of Philip. I pushed Colin away from me and slapped him soundly on the cheek, aware of the unfairness of my action even as I did it. He did not flinch.

"I deserve that," he said calmly, looking me straight in the face. "But I am afraid that I cannot apologize to you. Kissing you is, without a doubt, the most ungentlemanly thing I have ever done. However, to beg your forgiveness would be completely dishonest, because, given the same opportunity, I would do it again."

"How could you do that when you know Philip may be alive?" I cried, trying unsuccessfully to slow my breath to a normal rate of respiration.

"I would never have done such a thing if I thought there were even the slimmest hope of such a possibility. You know that, Emily. He was my best friend."

"I do not know what to think," I said, my head spinning. The only thing of which I felt certain was the intense anger inspired by the man standing across from me.

"I shall not pretend to know all that is troubling you at the moment, although I think I have a fairly good idea. I can only offer clarification of my own actions. I am very much in love with you, Emily," he said huskily, raising my chin in an attempt to force me to look at him. "I have been since I had the good fortune to escort you home from Café Anglais during your last visit to Paris. I adore the fact that you have so willingly shed the restrictive mantle of your upbringing, and love absolutely the woman you have become. I want to argue about Homer with you, help you learn Greek, take you to see Ephesus."

"And what do you expect me to say to that?" I asked, finally able to meet his eyes.

"I expect nothing. Forgive me if I have offended you. I would never want to bring you any discomfort."

"That is precisely what you have succeeded in doing, Mr. Hargreaves," I said, my heart pounding. "I have never sought love from you, and your conduct tonight has ensured that my feelings on the subject shall never be any different. Would you be so kind as to hail a cab for me? I should like to return to my rooms." He did as I asked immediately and helped me up to my seat.

"Know that you can call on me at any time if you are in trouble. I could not live with myself if anything happened to you, Emily."

"I hope I should have better sense than to put my trust in you ever again, Mr. Hargreaves."

Much to my chagrin, he kissed my hand very sweetly, looking intensely into my eyes the entire time. I had nothing to say.

I did not return to the Meurice but instead directed the driver to take me to Cécile's house. As the cab took me across the river to the Left Bank, I could not stop thinking about what had transpired between Colin and myself on the Pont-Neuf. Try though I did to redirect my thoughts, my mind remained full of the memory of his body pressed against mine. It horrified me that a man whom I believed to have played a significant role in the disappearance, if not demise, of my husband could elicit such a physical response from me. I shuddered, wondering if our encounter had been an attempt by Colin to distract me from my purpose. The cab approached Cécile's grand house on the boulevard Saint-Germain, where my friend opened the door for me herself. I was thankful she had remained home for the evening, and after she scolded me violently for running off so thoughtlessly, she embraced me and sat me down next to her in the blue drawing room.

"I don't think I've ever seen you so flushed, Kallista. I know that my reprimand cannot have affected you so greatly. Pray, what is going on?"

"Oh, Cécile, it's just the photograph-" I stopped.

"You don't fool me for one second, chérie. It's been hours since you left Renoir's studio." She narrowed her eyes and scrutinized me. "Have you been alone this whole time?"

"Yes. No. I saw Mr. Hargreaves briefly and do not wish to discuss it."

Knowing Cécile and her seemingly clairvoyant ability to detect clandestine romantic interludes, I felt certain that she knew exactly why my face had turned red. I sighed, resigned to the fact that I had little hope of escaping from a conversation during which I would be coaxed into revealing every detail of my encounter with Colin.

"Ah." Cécile looked at me knowingly. "We shall discuss it later. Do not think that I shall forget; Monsieur Hargreaves fascinates me. But for the moment I am infinitely more concerned with your reasons for rushing out of Renoir's. It is obvious, of course, that your missionary friend is not all that he appeared to be."

"Clearly not." I walked over to a dainty eighteenth-century desk and seated myself in its matching chair. "I think the time has come to consider very carefully what is going on. There are two problems before us: the first being the question of Philip. Is he alive or dead?" I did not look up as I said this. Despite having spent a great deal of time that afternoon trying to come to terms with the probability that my dear husband was in fact dead, I had failed miserably. "Second is the issue of the forgeries and thefts from the British Museum."

"I fear this discussion calls for very strong coffee," Cécile said, ringing for a servant. I frowned. "I realize that you despise it, but it will fortify you."

"I suppose," I replied, pulling a piece of paper from the desk's drawer. "I shall take notes. Let us begin with the question of Philip."

"What evidence do we have that suggests he is alive?"

"The letter Arthur received, the rumor Ivy heard, and the story Mr. Prescott told when he delivered the photograph to me. Obviously we cannot precisely trust Mr. Prescott. Philip did not give him that picture."

"No. If anything, your good friend Andrew did," said Cécile, directing her footman to place a large coffee tray on a table near her. I added an extravagant amount of cream and sugar to the hot brew she gave me, the end result being almost drinkable.

"I find it difficult to believe that he would do such a thing, but I must admit to the possibility," I said. "I cannot imagine what would motivate him."

"Did he have any other reason for desiring to go to Africa?" Cécile asked. "He certainly agreed quickly to making the trip. Could he have been too short on funds to go on safari this year? Perhaps he hoped to combine purposes, knowing that if he went to find Philip, you without question would insist on paying his way."

"I suppose it is possible. But doesn't it seem an extraordinary thing to do? I had already told him I would pay for everything."

"He could have set the plan in motion before you told him, or he wanted to ensure that you wouldn't change your mind."

"Maybe he thought that my getting the picture in such a circumstance would put my mind at ease during what he knew would be a difficult trip. He may be reasonably confident that Philip is alive, and hoped to reassure me."

"From what you have told me, it appears that Andrew is the type of man who likes drama and extravagance, so your explanation could be true. But it does seem unlikely."

"I am going to wire the Anglican Church Missionary Society immediately, asking for more information on Mr. Prescott. Whatever the explanation, Andrew has not been truthful."

We sat quietly for several minutes before Cécile interrupted the silence. "I am afraid that I do not trust Andrew much at this point, Kallista," she stated flatly, shaking her head.

"Nor do I, and I do not wish to travel into Africa with a man whose motives are not perfectly clear." The knowledge that Andrew had so deliberately deceived me hurt me deeply. I hardly knew what to think. "I don't want to abandon Philip, but I cannot depart for Africa until I know why Andrew has lied to me."

"Of course not, chérie. But for now there is nothing to do for Philip. And do you not find it strange that you have been thrust into the center of two mysterious situations? Perhaps they are connected," Cécile suggested.

"It is possible," I admitted.

"Perhaps solving one question will lead toward the answer to the other." Cécile fed a small biscuit to Caesar, who swallowed it before Brutus could attempt to steal the treat. Brutus begged for one of his own, but she refused him, doling out what she believed to be a small measure of justice against the dog's namesake.

"There may be some sense in that, Cécile. At any rate, you are right that we cannot prove anything about Philip as long as I am in Paris." I crumpled the piece of paper that I had filled with random scribbles and placed a clean one in its place. "I think we must determine from whom Philip purchased his stolen artifacts. That person may also have directed Mr. Attewater to make the copies."

"You must try to get more information out of this Attewater character."

"He's in London. I shall send him a letter, but I do not expect him to give much assistance. He has made it perfectly clear that he will not reveal his contacts."

"It is understandable, I suppose. His discretion ensures his commissions as much as his talent does," Cécile said. "Have you any other ideas?"

"I believe Colin to be involved." I shared with Cécile my theory that Philip had decided to stop his involvement while Colin had insisted on continuing. She did not take to my hypothesis as readily as Ivy had.

"It is, of course, possible. We have no evidence to the contrary." Cécile shrugged and then smiled. "Perhaps it is time for you to expand your own collection of antiquities. I should hate to waste all those fascinating contacts I made in the black market. Could you lure Philip's contact to you?"

"Yes, but if Colin is at the heart of all this, he shall recognize me and protect his own identity."

"True. Well, I shall have to do it myself. About what piece do you think I should inquire?" Cécile asked, looking rather pleased with herself.

I realized immediately that she had never intended to allow me to rob her of the pleasure of returning to the nefarious world of illegal antiquity trading. I envied her the adventure and wished that I could conjure up something equally interesting to undertake myself.

"What would you say to an entire panel of the Elgin Marbles?" I asked, a wide smile spreading across my face. "You're very rich, Cécile. No one would doubt your ability to pay for it. And such a purchase surely would attract the attention of whoever runs the whole show, don't you think?"

"Is it too much?"

"No. Mr. Attewater told me that he began the project once but never completed it. It sounded as if the money had fallen through."

"Money would be no object here." Cécile clapped her hands and the little dogs leapt to her lap. "I rather like the idea. Where do you think I should put the piece? It would be quite large, I suppose."

"You shan't actually get it, Cécile," I scolded, knowing full well she was teasing me. "You must find out who could acquire such a thing for you and then insist on meeting with the man himself; no underling can be trusted to handle such a transaction. Once the appointment is set, all we shall have to do is wait for our man to show himself for the thief he is."

14 APRIL 1888

HÔTEL CONTINENTAL, PARIS

Never before so willingly left Africa earlier than planned. There is so much I must do before my marriage-so much work to finish-do not know how I shall ever accomplish it. Saw Fournier today; excellent talk with him, although have not yet forgiven him for owning the discus thrower. Offered me little help on my latest quest. Thought of marrying K within two months put me in such a generous frame of mind that I let him have a fragment of an Etruscan frieze without countering his offer. Monsieur LeBlanc very disappointed I did not drive up the price.

Have found my wedding gift for K. It is more simple, perhaps, than what she may expect: a brooch of ivory flowers, delicately carved. To my mind it captures her elegant innocence, and I hope she prefers it to something more ostentatious. Lord knows she will have enough of that sort of thing once my mother's jewellery is sent to her. To date, our relationship has been less personal than I hope it will be in the future; another diamond necklace would only be more of the same.