Another One Goes Tonight

3

His phone sounded. Even after years of using mobiles, Diamond disliked them going off unexpectedly, much preferring the old days when he could leave the office knowing no one could reach him. This time it was Bath Police and for once it was a message he wanted to hear. The emergency control room at Portishead had supplied the phone number of the caller who had spotted the naked man.

He noted it on the palm of his hand.

“And while you’re on,” he said to the civilian operator, “I’m going to need a printout of all the exchanges between our own control room and Delta Three from the time they came on duty to the moment of the crash.”

“I’ll need to speak to my supervisor about that,” she said.

“Please do-now-and be sure to tell her that this is urgently required by Professional Standards, and not just me.”

Back at the accident site, the wrecked car had already been driven away for examination by the police collision unit and the last of the oil was being hosed from the road surface. It wouldn’t be long before Beckford Gardens was open to traffic again. The only evidence of the crash would be the broken wall and the inevitable tributes of cut flowers.

He caught up with Ingeborg first. “It’s frustrating,” she said. “People want to help, but no one saw what happened.”

Keith Halliwell joined them and it was obvious from his expression that he too had nothing useful to report.

Diamond told them about the footpath down to the lido. “Could be unrelated, a complete red herring,” he said, “but I’m wondering if our naked man came up from there after an early morning dip.”

Instead of cooing in admiration, Ingeborg said, “Does it matter? He’s a side issue. He may not even exist.”

“How do you work that out?” Halliwell said.

“A nuisance call. They get them all the time.”

“You’re starting to sound like John Leaman.”

“It’s been a depressing morning. Look, whatever you think about that stupid call, it wasn’t directly responsible for the crash. The blame for that lies squarely with the driver of the police car or the old man on the trike.”

“Hang on a minute. What if no one was to blame?” Halliwell said. “What if a tyre burst or the brakes failed? Let’s keep an open mind.”

“And you’re starting to sound like Dessie.” She held up her hands. “Okay, that was a bit sweeping.”

Halliwell said, “So we all agree to follow up any lead we can get?”

Diamond had been content to let this little spat play out. Now he showed them the number on his hand.

“Go for it, guv,” Halliwell said. “Let’s find out if it was genuine.”

Ingeborg gave a nod and said no more.

Diamond pressed the numbers and waited.

A man’s voice gave a guarded, “Yes?”

Diamond explained who he was.

“Police? It’s about time. I called you over three hours ago.”

“You made the emergency call, sir?”

“Why? Do you doubt me?” The guarded voice now became aggressive. “I’ve heard that response times are a disgrace but this must be a record. What time is it now?”

Scarcely believing what he was hearing, Diamond said, “Maybe you’re not aware there was a fatal accident up the road.”

“Of course I am. I couldn’t help hearing it, but an emergency is an emergency. Your job is to get here as soon as possible.”

Everyone had their own ideas on Diamond’s job this morning. “Could I have your name and address?”

“Don’t you know already?”

“When an emergency call is received, we’re more concerned with the situation and where it’s happening than who the informant is.”

“And now you want to know? Heaven help us. Well, I’m Cedric Bellerby and it’s obvious where I live, in Beckford Gardens.”

“Which number, Mr. Bellerby?”

“Bellerby Lodge, the one with the flagpole. Where are you speaking from? You can probably see it from where you are.”

He spotted the Union Jack fluttering high above the rooftops towards the Hampton Row end. He must have walked past without noticing. A fine detective he was.

“I can now. As you’re at home, we’ll come and see you.”

“Now that the horse has bolted.”

Diamond acted as if he hadn’t heard. In his time he’d locked horns with bigger beasts than Cedric Bellerby. “Be with you in two or three minutes and if you can run to a coffee-or three-we’ll be grateful. It’s been one of those mornings.” He ended the call before there was any comeback.

So all three arrived on the doorstep of Bellerby Lodge, a modest-sized bungalow considering its owner’s air of importance. When the man appeared, he, also, was modest-sized except for a black moustache you could have fitted to the hose of a vacuum cleaner. He looked the visitors up and down before allowing them in.

The interesting thing about the front room was two pairs of binoculars on the windowsill. Otherwise it was the conventional three-piece suite, bookcase, TV and fitted carpet. “You said something about coffee,” their host told them, “but this won’t take more than a couple of minutes if all you want to hear about is the degenerate with no clothes. He’s long since made his escape.”

“We’ll have the coffee first, then,” Diamond said cheerfully. “Mine is white with two sugars and the others like it black without.”

Outfoxed, Bellerby sighed, shook his head and disappeared to the kitchen. Diamond immediately picked up a pair of binoculars and tried them. They weren’t cheap goods. He trained them on the site of the collision more than a hundred yards away and got a sharp image of Dessie, clipboard in hand, taking paces across the road.

He passed the glasses to Ingeborg to have a try. She held them to her eyes for a few seconds before handing them to Halliwell.

The sound of a throat being cleared heralded Bellerby’s arrival with the tray.

“Put them down, Keith,” Diamond said. To Bellerby he added, “He can’t keep his hands to himself. Always fidgeting with things. Are you a birdwatcher, sir?”

“I have them for the magnificent view.”

“Of your neighbours?”

He screwed up his face in disapproval. “The valley, from the back of the house.”

“But you keep them here, on the windowsill?”

“Not usually. I was observing the goings-on after the car crash.”

“And did you see the naked man through the binoculars?”

“That was earlier.”

“Before dawn?”

“I’m an early riser.”

The coffee was handed round. Halliwell had replaced the binoculars on the windowsill.

“Your 999 call was timed at six-fourteen,” Diamond said. “Not much light, was there?”

“One set of glasses is for night vision.”

“Really? What do you study after dark?”

“Wildlife mostly. Foxes, badgers, deer.”

“And naked men?”

Bellerby glared back. “It’s never happened before. That’s why it was such a shock.”

“Take us back to when you first caught sight of this offensive spectacle. Where were you-in here?”

“The back bedroom.”

“With the wonderful view?”

“Yes.”

“May we see?”

He clicked his tongue. “I thought this was just routine, following up on my call.”

“We’re investigating what you saw, Mr. Bellerby, and what happened after. Do you live alone?”

“What’s that got to do with it?”

“If there’s a lady in the back bedroom, she may not welcome three strangers coming in.”

“My wife and I separated years ago.”

Diamond thought of a comment but chose not to make it. “That’s all right, then. Lead the way, would you? We won’t spill our coffee on the carpet.”

Bellerby tried to make a stand. “I don’t see the need.”

“But I do. We want to know all about this emergency.” He took a couple of steps towards the doorway and there was a momentary stand-off. “Don’t even think about obstructing us. It won’t go down well.”

The moustache twitched but its owner backed down, as Diamond had calculated. They were led into a room that may have been built as a bedroom but had no bed. It was better described as an observatory. In front of a large picture window were two cameras on tripods and a telescope mounted on a revolving dais with a seat that also rotated, like a gun position on a warship.

“Well equipped.”

“It’s my hobby.”

Diamond stepped up to the window and the view was every bit as spectacular as Bellerby had claimed. The houses along here had been built at the top of the escarpment overlooking the river and with the naked eye you could see much of northern Bath, the tiers of crescents rising to the dark green of Lansdown on the opposite side.

“Stunning. You had an eye to the location when you moved here.”

“It was a factor, yes.”

“And you didn’t expect to look out on a buck-naked man? Neither would I. Very off-putting. Where was he when you first spotted him?”

“Down there to your right,” Bellerby said after some hesitation.

“Down where?”

He pointed.

“The Georgian lido?” You wouldn’t have guessed Diamond spoke with the authority of a man who had been reminded of its existence less than an hour ago. “They’re spending millions of lottery money refurbishing it, aren’t they? It will surely become a tourist attraction-the oldest open-air swimming pool in Britain, I was told. I daresay the naked man had sneaked in for an early morning dip.”

Bellerby said nothing.

“Rather him than me,” Diamond went on. “Too damn cold this time of year. Crazy people do it all the year round. I worked in London years ago and they used to break the ice on the Serpentine to have their daily swim. Is he one of your neighbours?”

“I’ve no idea,” Bellerby said, tight-lipped.

“You’d know if he was. With that powerful telescope you must have got a good sight of him and all his particulars.”

“I wasn’t using the telescope at the time.”

“I forgot. You had the night-vision binoculars. The image wouldn’t have been so sharp. Have you seen him before-or any other secret bathers?”

“No.”

“Still, it could become a regular thing. You don’t want that sort of how-d’ye-do going on in this beautiful valley. Is there local opposition to what’s happening to the old lido?”

After a long pause, as if aware he was being drawn into dangerous territory, Bellerby said, “Some of us aren’t overjoyed.”

“I’m with you there,” Diamond said. “Trippers, people hiring the place for parties, booze, loud music and God knows what else going on in your own back yard. It’s sure to be a pain. But if you try and stop it now, you’re up against the great and the good of the city. There’s a trust and all this money being invested.”

Bellerby started backtracking. “I don’t know why you’re making an issue of this.”

“Because I need to understand why a naked man was a full-blown emergency. Some people might treat him as a laugh, or at worst a blot on the landscape. You called 999 and asked for the police.”

“It was the proper thing to do. Gross indecency. There are laws about that.”

“Against people exposing themselves? Yes, indeed.”

“He could be a sex maniac.”

“That’s an expression I haven’t heard for years.”

“A pervert, then. A danger to the public.”

“A 999 call?”

“How else am I supposed to report it? You know very well that calling the local police station is no help at all in an emergency. This was going on while I was watching. In a short time he’d be away.”

Diamond controlled his contempt. This was the justification that put impossible strains on the emergency service. People didn’t trust the first line of help, be it police or general medical practice, to react effectively to their small crises. In a society where so much of life is controlled by the touch of a button they felt entitled to instant action. And then they complained when the response times got longer and longer.

“Where exactly was he when you first spotted him?”

“Down by the pool. It was flagrant nudity.”

“Was he alone at the time?”

“He appeared to be. That doesn’t excuse it.”

“No one’s excusing it, Mr. Bellerby. What happened next?”

“He left the lido and started up the footpath. That was when I called 999.”

“And then?”

“I continued to observe him so that when the police arrived I could say exactly where he was.”

“Sensible.” This buffoon had to be humoured to tell his story in full.

“I followed his progress all the way up the footpath towards Hampton Row.”

“Still without his kit on?”

He cleared his throat. “By then he’d put on some sort of tracksuit.”

This was getting more and more farcical. “He’d dressed before leaving the lido?”

“Yes. I kept him in my sights as long as possible.”

“And when he reached Hampton Row you dashed into the front room to see where he went. Is that right?”

“I wouldn’t say ‘dashed.’ I was perfectly calm.”

“Put it this way: you moved directly there. Did he come into view?”

“No. Unfortunately there’s a bend in the road. I can’t see Hampton Row from here. That’s where the footpath comes out. I expected he would turn this way, but it seems he didn’t. I can only imagine he lives in one of the terraced houses along there.”

Ingeborg, who had listened with admirable self-control, said, “Or he could have turned up Rockliffe Avenue.”

“I think not. I can see that turn from here. Well, from my front gate.”

“So you went outside?” Diamond said.

“To meet the police-as I expected. I told them to come here.”

“But the incident wasn’t here. It was down at the lido.”

“Quite true. But if they were going to make an arrest, they’d have to do it up here. He was already climbing the hill when I made the call.”

There was a plodding logic in this, but Diamond had long since lost any sympathy he may have had. Somehow, he had to rein himself in, because this absurd little man could still have vital information. “Think carefully, Mr. Bellerby. What happened next?”

“There was a fearful bang-”

“Before that,” Diamond cut him short. “We’re here about the events leading up to the crash. Did you hear the approach of the police car? Were they using their siren?”

“I believe not. I would remember, wouldn’t I?”

A question impossible for Diamond to answer. “I’ll take that as no. How about their beacon lights?”

“Yes, I saw them flashing, I’m certain. The thought went through my head that this must be the police car answering my call, and then there was the screech of brakes and that almighty bang and the lights weren’t flashing any longer.”

“You heard the crash but didn’t actually see it?”

He nodded. “I was too far off.”

“By your front gate?”

“I told you.”

“How long for?”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t timing myself.”

“Ten minutes?”

“About that.”

“This is important,” Diamond said. “I know the crash is strongest in your memory but during the ten-minute wait did anyone else come by?”

Bellerby frowned and then fingered the moustache as if it might aid his thought process. “Yes, there was someone, an elderly man on a tricycle.”

“Before the crash? This could be helpful. Which way did he come?”

“From the Hampton Row direction. It was still quite dark but I made sure I got a sight of him in case he was the naked man. I’m certain he wasn’t. He was definitely older and dressed differently as well, in a jacket and deerstalker hat. Heaven only knows where he’d been or where he was going.”

Finally something useful.

Diamond pressed for more details. “Was he travelling fast?”

“Not at all. The tricycle must have had some kind of motor, because he wasn’t pedalling, but you could have kept up at a quick walk. His steering wasn’t the best, either. He was wandering off course as if he wasn’t used to riding the thing.”

“Did he have lights?”

“I’m sure he did, front and back, the sort that wink intermittently.”

“Did he see you as he went by?”

“He was too busy trying to stay in control. I don’t think he noticed me at all.”

“But you definitely saw him before the car crash? How long before?”

“Not long.”

“I need a more precise answer than that.”

“Three or four minutes, at least. I assume he got through before it happened.”

“You’re wrong about that,” Diamond said. “An elderly man was found a short time ago, unconscious.”

“Oh my word. Nobody said.”

“He and his tricycle were thrown high up on to the embankment.”

“Shocking.”

“You say you didn’t recognise him?”

“It was almost dark and I didn’t get a proper look at his face, but I can’t recollect anyone from round here riding a tricycle. Poor fellow. Will he recover?”

A fatuous question. Diamond glanced at his colleagues. “We’ve heard enough for now, I think.”

On the drive back to Keynsham, where Bath CID was now inconveniently housed, Halliwell spoke for all of them. “What a toerag. He doesn’t get it, does he? Because he made that stupid bloody call, Aaron Green was killed and two others are in intensive care.”

“People like him have no idea of consequences,” Ingeborg said. “They’re so wrapped up in themselves they don’t think of the risks each time there’s a call-out.”

“I can’t make out why he got so uptight about a nude bather,” Halliwell said. “It’s obvious he’s some kind of perv himself with his telescope and binoculars. Studying wildlife, for Christ’s sake.”

“There’s more to it,” Diamond said. “He has an agenda. He’d like to stop the lido project. Did you see the glint in his eyes when I talked about parties and loud music? Any mud he can throw their way, he will.”

“Is that all it was about?”

“It’s no help to him if he’s the only one who sees the naked flesh. He wants maximum publicity, so he calls 999.”

“After the guy has got dressed and left the place. Pointless.”

“No,” Diamond said. “He had a point. He wanted our lot involved, to get it on record. He could write to the papers or go on local radio and say the lido is being used for nude bathing and the police were called and unless something is done about it, they’ll soon be having sex parties and orgies.”

“How do I join?” Halliwell said.

Ingeborg rolled her eyes.

“His coffee was rubbish, too,” Diamond said. “Let’s stop off at the Verona.”

In Keynsham police centre, Georgina, the ACC, had told everyone she wished to speak to Diamond the instant he returned. He took a relaxed view and stretched the instant to almost an hour. It had been a long morning.

“This mysterious man on a tricycle,” she said when he finally went upstairs and reported. “Who is he?”

“‘Who was he?’ may be the right question.”

“No, no. I’m getting regular updates from the resuscitation bay. He’s clinging on to life.”

He perked up. “He survived my CPR?”

“Your prompt action may have saved his life. If he does come through this, he’ll owe you a debt of gratitude.”

“I don’t want anyone owing me anything, thanks.”

“Don’t be so modest, Peter. I gather you found him on a piece of wasteland where nobody else had thought to check.”

“They would have got round to it,” he said. “Pure chance on my part. I was thinking a fox or a deer may have jumped down and caused the crash. There’s an iron fence all the way along the top of the bank, so that’s unlikely.”

“Getting back to my earlier question, what do we know about him?”

“Very little. My working theory is that he caused the crash. A witness says he was riding unsteadily.”

“Someone saw?”

“No, ma’am. They only saw the old man going in that direction.”

“Did they know him?”

“No.”

“Wasn’t he carrying any form of identity?”

“I was too busy pounding his chest to go through his pockets.”

“The hospital doesn’t seem to have found anything.”

“He’s a Sherlock Holmes impersonator, going by what he was wearing,” he said. “Someone will know. People like him get noticed.”

“The worst of it is that this brings a serious new dimension to your investigation,” Georgina said. “Deeply alarming.”

“You’re wishing I hadn’t found him?”

“I’m happy for his sake, not for ours. It was bad enough that one of our officers lost his life. With a member of the public critically injured it’s almost certain to be referred to the Independent Police Complaints Commission.”

“Does that mean I’m free to return to normal duties?”

“Quite the reverse. You must devote every minute of your time to finding out what really happened. We’re going to find ourselves under scrutiny. At the earliest opportunity you must get a statement from the driver.”

“Difficult. He’s dead.”

She dismissed her mistake with an impatient, angry sigh. “The other one, then.”

“Lew Morgan is still in intensive care.”

“I know. I called the hospital in the last twenty minutes. But at some stage he’ll be able to talk.”

“We can hope.”

“See that you’re the first in. Did you meet the collision investigator?”

“Dessie? Yes.”

“Make sure he’s on side. We don’t want conflicting versions.”

“That’s unlikely to happen. Dessie is dealing with the mechanical stuff, recording everything. Scene plans, vehicle components, that sort of thing. He’s very young.”

She saw danger in the last remark. “Don’t underrate him. I have it on good authority that he misses nothing.”

Diamond thought of the crashed tricycle and its rider lying unnoticed for three hours but kept the thought to himself.

“He’s a civilian, of course,” Georgina added, “so don’t be tempted to pull rank with him. He’s with the top forensic road collision investigation company and they have the highest opinion of him.”

“We’ll sort things out between us,” he said.

“What will you do next?”

“Depends.”

“Depends on what?”

“How soon Lew Morgan is fit to talk.”