Antiphon

Chapter 19

Luc

Frannie straightens Riley’s legs and sits next to her friends on my bed. “Are they gonna be okay?”

“Yeah. It’ll take a little while for them to come around. Demon possession can knock the Hell out of you.”

“You can just jump into other people’s bodies whenever you want?”

I nearly gag thinking about it, but then I remember being in Frannie-how incredible it was. “If they’re tagged for Heaven they’re off limits, but otherwise, yeah. It’s usually pretty uncomfortable. It’s cramped. and sort of sticky and slimy.”

“How does it work? Are you, like, both in there at the same time?”

“Pretty much. It takes a very strong mortal to hold his own against a demon who is trying to control him, so it’s usually like the mortal’s not even there, aside from taking up space. But it’s not always like that.” I think about dancing with Frannie again and feel a tingle work through me, making me shudder.

She looks at Taylor and Riley on the bed. “Will they remember anything about Belias and Avaira?”

“Probably not. When a mortal is possessed it’s almost like they go dormant. They won’t remember, and it’s probably best if they don’t know what happened.”

She stands up, meanders over, and wraps her arms around me. “How did you know?”

And that’s the problem. I didn’t until it was almost too late. I shake my head. “My sixth sense was buzzing when we got out of the car. It never occurred to me that Belias and Avaira would resort to possession. I figured when you left with Taylor and Riley, Belias would make a move to follow and I could take him down. But as soon as you pulled out of the parking lot, the buzz stopped. I’m embarrassed to say it took me a few minutes to figure it out, and, when I did, it was almost too late. I knew which direction you went. and then I remembered the quarry. Belias was there that night.”

“What does he want with me?”

“The same thing I did.” My heart aches. I know how hard this is for her to hear. But she needs to understand that they won’t give up until she’s tagged-one way or the other. “They’ll keep coming for you.”

She stiffens. “I hate this. Why is this happening to me?”

I hold her tighter. “I don’t know,” I say, wishing I did.

She sighs and presses her face into my chest. “So it’s always going to be like this.” A tear slips over her lashes, and I wipe it away. “I just want a normal life.”

I want to hold her and tell her it’s all going to be okay, but I’m not going to lie to Frannie anymore. “I think you gave up normal when you fell for a demon.” And maybe an angel. The thought sits like a stone in my core, weighing me down. I kiss the top of her head and sigh, “But I don’t see them stopping until they have you.”

“There’s nothing we can do?”

“We can try running, but I’m not sure there’s anywhere we could go that they wouldn’t find us.”

Her expression is suddenly determined. “I’m going to live my life. Otherwise what’s the point of fighting? I may as well just let them tag me now.”

I pull her closer, wishing it could be that easy. “There’s your Sway, Frannie.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your Sway. If it’s strong enough to change me, you should at least be able to use it to defend yourself.”

“How does it work?”

“That’s something you’ll have to figure out for yourself, but once you learn to control it, it should be some protection.”

She looks up at me, and I see the fear and trepidation in her eyes. “What was Belias gonna do?”

“Belias is a creature of lust, an incubus, so his technique usually involves seduction and soul sucking. But that’s only with mortals who are already tagged-I think.” I remember my conversation with Belias under Frannie’s tree. “He did say the rules were changing. ” I feel her shudder in my arms.

“This sucks,” she says, looking back at Riley and Taylor on the bed.

And just then, Taylor’s eyes snap open. Taylor gasps and sits up. “What the hell.?”

“Hey, Tay,” Frannie says, walking over and sitting next to her. Riley groans and opens her eyes, still looking groggy.

“What’s going on?” Taylor checks her clothes and looks around suspiciously.

“Just hanging out,” I say with a little push.

Riley sits up, still dazed.

“Hey, Ry. How you feeling?” Frannie says.

“Like shit,” she answers.

Taylor swings around and stares at me. “Where the hell are we?”

“Welcome to my humble abode,” I say through a smile with another push. “Don’t you remember coming up?”

Her eyes glaze over a little. “Maybe. ”

“You want another beer?” I head for the fridge.

“No!” Riley practically shouts, rubbing her forehead.

We get Taylor and Riley loaded into Riley’s car, which Frannie and I circled back to retrieve, and watch as they pull out. I look around and sigh in relief, thinking about how close that was-for all of us. I loop my arm protectively around Frannie as I steer her back up the stairs to my apartment. Once inside, she latches all the deadbolts and locks while I throw up a field, my own infernal deterrent. Then she drapes herself over me, and I feel my heart speed up. She’s still shaking a little. or is that me? I’m not sure. “You okay?” I whisper in her ear.

She presses into me. “I am now,” she says. Then she’s looking up at me with curious eyes. “So, what you said earlier. about being able to be in other people’s bodies. ”

“Yeah. ”

“I was kind of wondering. could you. you know, do that with me?”

I look at the floor, feeling more than a little guilty, and watch the toe of my boot scuff at one of the filthy linoleum daisies. “I have.”

I’m surprised when I look up and find her smiling. “When?”

“Just before I first kissed you.”

“You mean before I first kissed you.”

I crack a wide smile. “Actually, I kissed you first. You just slept through it.”

She laughs. “Could you do it again? I mean the thing where you’re inside me. I promise I’ll stay awake.”

My heart takes off. But as I fantasize about slipping through Frannie’s lips, being in there with her again, I realize that I might not be able to do it anymore. Things are changing fast. “I’m not sure.”

She stretches up onto her tiptoes and kisses me, then gazes into my depths and whispers, “Try.”

I kiss her again, pulling her to me as tightly as I can, and as her lips part, I let my essence flow through them. I’m surprised again at how effortless it feels-because she’s inviting me in, I’m sure. I feel that same overwhelming rush of sensations I felt the first time, many of which I now have names for. Love, for sure, but also joy, hope, and pure awe for her sheer beauty. She’s more beautiful on the inside, and that’s saying something. We dance-and I’m in Heaven.

I leave just enough of myself behind to control my body, and as I hold her on the outside, I caress her on the inside, drinking in her gasps and moans as I explore her, inside and out. I feel her body’s physical reaction-not to mention my own. Before I know it, we’re on the bed, shirts on the floor, and it takes everything I have to stop. My heart aches as I reluctantly pull my essence back, and I’m left with that same feeling of being empty and alone in my human shell.

She sits up on the bed and huffs. “Why’d you stop?”

“A knowing act of lust with a demon will earn you a one-way ticket straight to the Abyss. I’m sure of it. We can’t do this until I know it’s safe for you.”

“They. you. you’re taking everything. My life. everything. This is all I want. Just this one thing. Please? You’re almost human.”

“I don’t know that. It seems to be the direction I’m headed. and I really want to. obviously.” God, how I want to. “But just the fact that I can still do. that,” I shudder, “means it’s not safe yet.”

She flings herself back into the pillows and blows her unruly tresses out of her face. “This bites.”

I shift up onto my elbow and kiss her. “You’re the only one who’s ever known who I am, who I’m not, and who I want to be. And somehow you love me anyway. I’m not taking any chances with you, Frannie.”

She rolls on her side and gazes into my eyes. A wicked little smile just curls the corners of her pouting lips. “That was amazing,” she says, tracing the lines of my cheekbone with the tip of her index finger and making me shudder. Then her smile widens. “Probably better than sex anyway.”

I smile back, dying to prove her wrong. It was amazing. Mind-blowing, actually. But I can’t imagine sex with Frannie would be anything less. “How much do you remember?”

Her smile widens and she trails a finger down my chest to the button of my jeans. “All of it.”

I can’t stop my own smile. “Interesting.”

Her finger trails along my stomach at the waistband of my jeans, driving me insane, and I’m right on the edge of diving back into her when she says, “Where is Hell, anyway?”

I almost laugh. “At the core.”

She looks into my face, surprised. “Of the Earth?”

“Yep.”

“So all those kids digging to China are in for one hell of a surprise.”

“Literally,” I chuckle.

“How did you get there? Did someone like you come after you?”

“No. I’m a creature of Hell.” I shoot a sideways glance at her, not sure how she’ll take that, but she just looks thoughtful.

“What do you mean?”

“Demons are created in Hell. We were never human.”

“I don’t get how that works.”

“We’re born from sin. My sin is pride, just like the original-King Lucifer. My name is a dead giveaway. Only creatures of pride are arrogant enough to take His name.”

Her eyes shift to her hand on my chest. “Would it be really weird if I said I think I kinda knew all along?”

I smile. “Yes.”

Her eyes flit to mine and away. She opens her mouth to say something then closes it again.

My smile widens. I lift her chin with a finger and fix her in my gaze. “What?”

She blushes and her face pulls into an embarrassed grimace. “Nothing,” she says, lowering her lashes.

“It’s obviously something.”

“I want to feel your horns,” she blurts without looking at me.

I grimace. “Why?”

She rolls with her back to me. “Forget it. It’s stupid.”

I roll her back and shift onto my elbows above her. “You’re not going to run screaming from the room?”

She lifts her eyes to mine, then lifts her head and kisses me. “After what you just did? What do you think?”

I close my eyes and push off my human shell and shudder when I feel Frannie’s fingers running slowly through my hair. There’s a tremble in her touch as she traces one finger around the base of my left horn, then up to the tip and back. I feel both of her hands wrap around them as she pulls me down into a kiss, and they vanish as I sink back into her.

When I pull back, I stare down into those sapphire eyes looking for any sign of fear or disgust, but all I see is love. I still can’t believe that look is directed at me.

“Will they try that again. with Taylor and Riley, I mean?”

I sigh and trail my finger down her nose, over her lips, down her chin and along her neck, stopping short of that insanely hot red bra. “Probably not. They know we’ll be looking for it.”

“What are we gonna do?”

I roll off her and shake my head. “I don’t know. My sixth sense is slipping. This is dangerous, Frannie. I can’t see them coming like I used to. I’m not sure I can protect you anymore.”

She smiles. “I need another cross, and I think you need a talisman. Something to ward off evil spirits.”

“And just where am I going to get this talisman?”

If I didn’t know better, I’d swear her eyes were glowing. She sits up and turns her back to me, undoing the clasp of her bra and sliding it off. As I watch, I feel things. stirring. and it’s taking every ounce of restraint I can muster not to jump her right this second. She pulls a pillow in front of her and turns back, her hair spilling across one side of her face. She tosses her bra to me with a sinful grin that would put any demon to shame.

“Your talisman,” she says.

“If you think this is going to ward off evil spirits,” I say, holding it up, “then you don’t know much about evil spirits.” I look at her and work to control my breathing. “You have no idea what you’re doing to me.” Truth is, I have no idea what she’s doing to me either. This is completely uncharted territory. But, whatever it is, I think I like it.

Still grinning wickedly, she says, “I’m not sorry.”

But then I see it. The answer. I hesitate for just a second, letting my eyes eat Frannie alive, before hanging her bra on my headboard and tossing her shirt to her. “As much as it pains me to say it, you have to get dressed. Gabriel has something we need.”

Frannie

“I’m not going to let him tag me,” I say on the way to Gabriel’s house.

“I wish you would. That’d be the surest way. But there are other things that might be almost as good.”

“Like what?”

“Being a Dominion, he’s privy to information I’m not. He’s also got power I can only dream of.”

I think about our kiss-how it made me feel-and raise my hand to my lips and sigh.

“What’s going on with you two?” Luc’s voice is soft, but with an edge.

“Nothing.” I think.

“You’re a terrible liar.”

“I’m not-” lying, I start to say. But I am. ’Cause there is something going on. I just have no idea what it is. “I kissed him.”

Luc slams on the brakes, skidding to the side of the road. “You what?”

“I kissed him.”

He just stares at me, rage storming in his eyes. “When?”

“Before us-mostly,” I say.

“Mostly? What’s mostly?”

And his rage triggers my own. “You know what? It’s none of your business. At least he wasn’t nearly naked in my goddamn bed! And I’m still not convinced you weren’t doing Avaira!”

His jaw clenches and his eyes narrow. “Did he kiss you back?”

I slide down in the seat and cross my arms tight across my chest to keep from hitting him. “I told you, it’s none of your business.”

“Well this is just rich,” he says, his voice acid, “not only are you bringing down demons, but Dominions too.” He pulls back up onto the road and stares blindly out the windshield. “So, do you want him? Because whatever you want, you can pretty much have, what with the whole Sway thing.”

I glare at him. “Just take me home.”

I keep my arms wrapped tightly around me. The ache in my chest threatens to dissolve into angry tears, but I force myself not to cry. I won’t give him the satisfaction.

He pulls over on the side of the road again and just sits there, staring straight ahead-forever.

“I can walk from here,” I finally say, reaching for the door handle.

“Stop.” His hand darts out and grasps my wrist.

I jerk my arm away. “Let go!” But when I turn to look at him, his face is soft and his eyes are deep.

“Frannie, please try to remember that I’m new at this. I’ve still got feelings-emotions-raging through me that I can’t even begin to identify. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with them. I didn’t mean what I said. I’m sorry.”

I fight against the tears again. I really want to be mad at him. I want to hate him, ’cause it feels safer than loving him.

I tug on the door handle. “Too late.” I step out of the car, but before I get ten feet, he’s there, wrapping his arms around me from behind.

“Let go of me!”

A passing car slows and pulls onto the shoulder just as I pull Luc’s arm off me and throw him over my shoulder onto the ground. A tall, skinny man about my dad’s age gets out and looks at me with wide eyes. “Do you need help, miss?”

I look down at Luc, and, for a second, I’m madder, ’cause he’s laughing.

“You think it’s funny?” I sneer. But then I realize how ridiculous we must look, and there’s no stopping the stupid smile that pulls at my lips.

“Miss?” the guy says, taking a cautious step toward us.

Luc pulls himself off the ground as I break into an uncontrollable giggle. He looks at the guy. “We’re fine. ” his gaze shifts back to me, “I think.”

I can’t stop laughing, but I nod.

The guy doesn’t look sure, so I work really hard to stop giggling. “Thank you, but I’m okay.”

He eyes Luc warily. “If you’re sure.”

I clear my throat and try to look serious. “I’m sure.”

As he climbs back in his car and pulls away, I feel Luc’s arms snake around my waist and pull my body into his. “Are you done beating me up?” Luc says into my hair, and I can hear the smile in his voice.

“Maybe.” I spin in his arms and wipe a smudge of dirt off his cheek. “Are you done pissing me off?”

He grins. “Maybe.”

He grabs my hand and tows me back to the car. But as we pull away, something he said hits me hard, like a fist to the gut, and I feel suddenly sick.

“Do you think I cheated?”

He loops his arm over my shoulders. “What?”

“You just said I could pretty much have whatever I wanted. Did I make you love me?”

He turns and looks into my eyes, a bemused smile on his perfect lips. “You did.”

“No, I mean did I make you love me. Like, you didn’t really want to but my. influence-this Sway thing or whatever it is that Gabe thinks I can do-like, made you.”

“That’s irrelevant.”

“Not to me.”

“Frannie, what matters is that what I feel is real and genuine. I wouldn’t want to go back to what I was. How I got here doesn’t matter, just that I’m here.”

“That’s just stupid. That’s like saying I beat you in poker ’cause I stacked the deck, but you’re glad I have all your money.”

“If you took my money and bought me paradise with it, I would be glad you had it. And that’s what you’ve done.” He reaches for me and draws me to his shoulder. I shove him away and look out the window as he pulls back out into the road. I feel his eyes on me, but I can’t look at him, knowing what I’ve done. I’ve given a whole new meaning to the term “mind games.” But more, in some selfish little corner of my mind, I hate that he didn’t fall in love with me. He was pushed. He doesn’t love me for me. He loves me ’cause he had no choice.

Luc

Frannie’s sitting on the arm of a chair, staring out the window, and Gabriel is sitting on his couch looking at me like I’m nuts. “The Shield only works for angels and some mortals. Last I looked, dude, you’re no angel.”

“What do you mean, ‘some mortals’?”

“Well, Adam and Lilith were the first we tried it on, and you know how well that went. But there have been others where it’s worked.” He shrugs. “Go figure.”

“You mean Eve-Adam and Eve,” Frannie says to the window.

Gabriel cocks half a smile. “You’re right, it didn’t work on Eve either, but Lilith was Adam’s first wife.”

She turns and looks at him, then at me, as if hoping I’ll confirm that Gabriel has lost his mind. I shake my head. “Long story.” Then I turn back to Gabriel. “Why didn’t the Shield work on Frannie?”

Gabriel glares at me. “It did. Until you showed up.”

“Oh.”

“What didn’t work on me? What’s this Shield?”

Gabriel answers. “It’s essentially a shield against detection by evil. It hides you from all things infernal.”

Hope sparks in her eyes. “Could it hide me from angels too?”

A sad smile flits across Gabriel’s lips. “No.”

She looks dejected again as she asks, “Why didn’t it work on me?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes it partially works. It only takes one demon who’s particularly sensitive to you, for any reason. ” He shoots a glance at me.

She looks at me, uncertainty in her eyes. “So you’re saying, even with this Shield, Luc found me anyway.”

“Looks that way,” Gabriel says, but her eyes stay locked on mine.

I nod reassuringly at her and smile. She’s so afraid she manipulated me into loving her. It hurts that she can’t see how much more it is now. How big it is. It may have been her Sway that started the ball rolling, but the way she makes me feel. that’s not her Sway. It’s just her.

Her gaze shifts to Gabriel. “Try it on me again.”

“You’re still under the protection of the Shield. I think that’s why Lucifer is the only one who’s found you so far.”

I frown. “And Belias and Avaira.”

Gabriel’s eyes shoot to me. “What are you talking about?”

“Your radar sucks. They’ve been here for a few weeks.”

His surprise turns to antipathy. “You should have told me, but I’m sure Belias found you, loser. You’re like an infernal lightning rod. You’re still bound to them, and that psychic thread will be hard to sever.”

I can think of one way to sever it right now. “Which brings me back to my original request.”

Gabriel eyes me warily. “I’ve never heard of anyone trying it on a demon. I’m thinking this isn’t such a great idea.”

“But I’m not a demon anymore, remember?”

“In body, you may be becoming mortal, but in essence you’re still theirs-a creature of the Underworld.”

I know he’s right, because I couldn’t have done what I did with Frannie earlier otherwise. “If no one’s tried it on a demon, how can you be sure it won’t work on me? What’s the risk?”

“The risk. well, let’s see. There’s the risk of death. Forces of light-especially forces this powerful-tend to kill forces of evil. Even if it didn’t kill you, it could alter you in ways I can’t even guess at.”

Frannie stands and steps toward me, her eyes full of concern. “Is somebody gonna tell me what’s going on?”

Gabriel looks at her with a sardonic smile. “Lucifer is asking for a miracle.”

She rolls her eyes. “Aren’t we all? But, really. ”

I can’t help the smile. “He’s serious. That’s exactly what I’m asking for.”

“A miracle,” she says, as if waiting for the punch line.

“Yep.”

That obviously wasn’t the answer she was hoping for. “Great.”

Gabriel laces his fingers in hers and stares into her palm. “The Shield of Light makes angels invisible to detection by forces of evil. Angels can protect a mortal under their Shield when it doesn’t work directly on the mortal. That’s part of the reason I’m here-to shield you.” He looks up at her and she holds his eyes with hers.

Chocolate.

Jealousy bubbles up and I choke it back-for her sake. “Your radar sucks and your Shield must be defective too. I smelled you coming a mile away,” I smirk.

Gabriel’s eyes stay locked on Frannie’s. “I let you detect me. Hoping to scare you off.”

A bark of a laugh escapes my chest. “As if!”

“So, what is this Shield? What would Luc have to do?” Frannie asks.

Gabriel pulls his eyes away from Frannie and shoots a cynical look at me. “Grow a halo.”

She rolls her eyes again. “Be serious.”

We both look at her, dead serious.

“Great,” she says again.

Gabriel eyes me skeptically. “It will only work on a pure heart with the purest intentions.”

Frannie cracks a smile. “I could have told you that wouldn’t work on me.”

Gabriel is still staring at me. “It would be dangerous to try on a mortal tagged for Hell, and I think you’re a few steps beyond that.”

“So. it could kill him?” she says, her smile gone.

“Yes.”

“Then he’s not doing it.”

I look at Frannie, who now is looking at me with wide eyes, a little shell-shocked. My intentions are pure, I know that. My only intention is to save her from a fate she doesn’t deserve. But my heart? I’m not so sure. If it’s pure, Frannie made it that way. “What do I have to do? How does it work?” I ask, knowing I have to try. If I can’t protect Frannie, I’m useless. Worse than useless. I’m a liability-a beacon for the Underworld.

Gabriel eyes Frannie, probably weighing how she would react if something happened to me at his hands. Fury, vengeance. all sins.

“Gabriel, this is my decision. Not hers,” I say, drawing his attention back to me.

His eyes pull away from her and focus on me as he nods.

“Hold up,” Frannie says, fiery incredulity all across her face, but fear in her eyes. “You’re serious that he could die?”

Concern passes briefly over Gabriel’s features. He can’t lie.

“That’s a risk, because he’s still tethered to Hell.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s a creature of the Underworld, no matter what he’s becoming. His life force is spawned from Hell, and he’ll always be connected.”

I feel my insides boil as my disgust for what I am starts to feed on me. I can’t look at her. I can’t handle seeing that same disgust for me mirrored in her eyes.

But when she doesn’t respond, I glance in her direction. She looks me in the eye and her expression turns cold. “I don’t think you should do this, Luc. Not for me. Because I don’t love you. I don’t want you anymore.”

And even though I know she’s lying, the crushing pain in my chest is almost incapacitating. “You don’t mean that.”

“I do. I don’t want someone who loves me ’cause he has to. I want someone who loves me for me.” I feel my heart go dead in my chest as she turns to Gabriel. “What needs to happen for you to tag me?”

“You need to forgive yourself.”

For the briefest of instants, pain twists her face, but, just as quickly, she smoothes it away. “Forgive myself. for Matt, you mean.”

“Yes,” Gabriel replies with a sad smile.

Everything in me wants her to be safe-wants Gabriel to protect her. But what I’d never tell her is that, once she’s tagged for Heaven, I’m certain things between us will change. Gabriel said it: no matter what I’m becoming, I’m a creature of Hell. Frannie’s life, and her priorities, will change once she’s tagged for Heaven. She won’t want me or need me for long. But she’ll be safe.

“Do it, Frannie,” I say and turn away. Because, despite my best intention, the pain in my words rang clear.

It’s silent for a long moment, and when I turn back, Frannie looks unsure. Lost.

Finally, Gabriel speaks. “As much as I hate to say it, this is the wrong reason. You will forgive yourself eventually, and when that happens, you’ll be tagged for Heaven. It’s not something you can force, even for him.” He spits the last word, and his face twists into something less than angelic.

She looks at me and a tear slips down her cheek. She flings herself into my arms and nearly squeezes the life out of me. “Luc, don’t do this. We’ll figure something else out.” I can feel her heart thrumming against my chest.

I pull back, kiss her, and look at Gabriel. “Let’s do it.”

“Stop! No!” she yells, squeezing tighter and burying her face in my chest.

“Frannie,” Gabriel says in a sweet, soft melody, “Lucifer is right. If you insist on being together we have to try this.”

Frannie pulls her face out of my chest and looks up at him. He’s glowing again-what a show-off. But it seems to work, because her grip on me loosens. But then I feel her hands on my face, and I can’t resist as she pulls me into a kiss.

Gabriel steps in front of me. “Take off your shirt.”

I pull it over my head and Frannie takes it from me, hugging it to her face. He lifts his hand to my forehead, and I notice it’s wet. Then I’m burning hotter than the Lake of Fire.

Holy water.

Of course this damned Shield of Light would involve holy water. These holier-than-thou types can’t seem to accomplish anything without it. I hold my breath-more difficult now than it used to be-and screw my eyes shut against the pain. I feel the skin on my forehead blister and peel where Gabriel marks the circle there. When his hand moves to my chest and leaves a bubbling red handprint over my heart, I hear the groan escape my throat, and it’s all I can do to keep from pulling away from his touch and doubling over. I grimace, because I know Gabriel’s enjoying this.

Stop being such a goddamn baby and suck it up. This is what you wanted.

I grit my teeth and am acutely aware of Frannie sobbing, piercing my heart, as she holds my hand in a death grip. Gabriel says some words in an ancient language, but I don’t hear them. I don’t hear anything but Frannie. She’s all that matters.

And then she’s in my arms, kissing the raw skin on my chest. I open my eyes and she looks up, tears streaming down her face.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispers through her tears.

My pain is lost in her face. I wrap my arms around her and smile. “Why would you say something stupid like that?”

I feel her exhale sharply, the last of her sobs, as she reaches up to touch my blistered forehead. “You’re okay?”

“Never better.”

I take my shirt from her hand and shudder as her finger trails over the welts on my chest. I slide it on and take her hand, pulling her to the door. “We’ve got one more stop.”

Frannie

Grandpa sits across his coffee table from us, in the loveseat, his elbows on his knees, his pipe forgotten in his hand. He looks a little pale, and, for a second, I’m afraid we gave him a heart attack. He glares at Luc, sitting next to me on the couch. “A demon,” he repeats for the sixth time. At first he laughed and told us to stop pulling his leg. He’s not laughing now.

Luc holds Grandpa’s gaze without wavering. “I was. I’m not totally sure what I am now.”

“Human,” I say. “You’re turning human.”

Luc shoots me a wary smile.

“How does that work?” Grandpa’s voice doesn’t boom. He sounds uncharacteristically weak.

“Frannie’s. special,” Luc says.

Now Grandpa’s voice does boom. “I know that! That doesn’t explain anything. Why are ya here?”

“I beg your pardon, sir, but it explains everything. Frannie has special talents. Power that is invaluable to the Underworld. I came to claim her soul for Hell, but her power is changing me.”

Grandpa jumps off of the couch. “Get away from her! Frannie, get over here.” He lunges toward us and grabs my arm, pulling me off the couch and around the coffee table. He tucks me under his arm protectively.

“Grandpa, please. Just listen to us.”

“I’m hearin’ ya loud and clear,” he says, glaring at Luc. “Get the hell back to where ya came from. Ya can’t have Frannie.”

“He doesn’t want me!” I blurt and then blush and smile at Luc. “Well, not like that, anyway.”

Luc smiles back, but then his expression becomes grave. “Sir, I really need your help.”

There’s venom I’ve never heard in Grandpa’s voice. “You want me to help you drag my granddaughter to Hell?”

“No, I want you to help me tag her soul for Heaven.”

I hear my breath catch, and I squirm out from under Grandpa’s arm. “You shit! You said you wanted Grandpa to help hide us.”

“You need to figure out how to forgive yourself Frannie. I think your grandfather’s the best person to help you do that. This Shield might work, but if it doesn’t, Gabriel’s the only one who can keep you safe. He loves you, Frannie, and he’s got some pull with the Big Guy. He may be able to keep things reasonable for you.”

“I want my life, goddamit!”

“What are ya all talking about?” Grandpa looks a mix of frightened confusion.

“Frannie’s soul can’t be tagged for Hell if it’s already tagged for Heaven. But Frannie can’t be tagged for Heaven unless she forgives herself for M-”

“Stop!” I scream. “Just stop! This isn’t what I want!”

“But it’s what you need,” Luc says, gazing deep into my eyes.

“Go to Hell!”

“I will, but I’m not taking you with me.”

I’m a huge ball of frustrated anger. I want to kill him for stabbing me in the back. “Get out!”

“Frannie?” In my rage, I’d forgotten Grandpa was here. “Talk to me.”

I look at him, and everything is lost in a flood of tears. I hug him and hold on for dear life. He sits on the loveseat, bringing me with him, and I lay my head on his shoulder and cry for what feels like forever. When I lift my head and look around, Luc is gone.

“What did he mean, Frannie? About forgiving yourself?”

The tears well up again, and my throat chokes off. I can’t say it, can I? Not to Grandpa. ’Cause if he hates me, it would kill me. But when I look in his eyes and see all his wisdom. “I killed Matt, Grandpa.”

He doesn’t say anything, but as the tears start to fall again, he pulls me to his chest in a bear hug and I feel safer than I have in ten years. I sink into him, exhausted. When I wake up, he’s still holding me. And then we talk. and I tell him everything.

He doesn’t say anything for a really long time, and I’m sure I’ve ruined everything. Now that he knows what a terrible person I am, things will never be the same. But then he looks me hard in the eye. “Sounds like you’ve been luggin’ this load of horse manure around for a long time.”

He hates me. I knew it. I feel my chest cave in, like my heart just collapsed.

“Listen, Frannie. I wasn’t there and I don’t know what happened, but I do know this heart,” he pats my back, “and it’s a good one. If what ya say is true, it was just a terrible accident.”

I shake my head hard, like maybe I can throw off the guilt. “But I was so mad. I. hated him.”

“I’m pretty sure ya couldn’t hate anything if ya tried, Frannie. Ya don’t have it in ya. Sounds to me like what happened just happened. Nobody’s fault.”

But he’s wrong. It was my fault.

“Everybody’s got their own crap they carry around with them. I know that firsthand. After your grandma died. ” He trails off, shaking his head. He squeezes my shoulders a little tighter. “It’s human nature to blame ourselves when bad stuff happens-to think about what we coulda done so things woulda turned out different.”

I see the guilt on his face and it kills me. “What happened to Grandma wasn’t your fault, Grandpa.” It was mine. I should have tried harder to make Mom come over.

“But that doesn’t mean it ain’t gonna feel that way.” He pulls his arm from around my shoulders and grasps my hand. “You and Matt were closer than most. I don’t know what happened in that tree, but no matter what it was, you weren’t gonna come out of it okay. But there comes a time when ya gotta see it for what it was: an accident.”

I feel the hard ball of cold terror I’ve carried in my chest for the last ten years soften a little around the edges. Part of what he’s saying is true. I didn’t mean to kill Matt. So maybe I’m not a monster.

But that doesn’t make it any less my fault.

I tuck into his side and sit there for hours more.